[speedzak]

Elephant and ZooKeeper!

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgot his watch. He searches for someone who could give him the time. He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. "Excuse me, sir," says the young man "Do you know what time it is?"
The zoo keeper reaches under the elephant, grabs his ***** and starts playing with them.
"Mmmmm, it is about 3:00," the zoo keeper responds.
The young man looks at him in awe, "How did you know that?" The zoo keeper looks back at the man, "I looked at the clock on the wall right behind you."

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Little Johnny the Conductor

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train as his father cooked dinner. Little Johnny stopped the train and said, ''All you damn idiots who want to get off, get the hell off. All those who want to get on, get the hell on!''
''Little Johnny!'' exclaimed his father. ''I can't believe you are using that language! You should be ashamed of yourself! I want you to go to your room and don't come back until you have thought about what you've done!''
So Little Johnny goes to his room and comes back an hour or so later.
He resumes playing with his train, only this time when he stops it he says, ''All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you may now get off, and those who want to get on, you may now also get on. And as for those of you who have a problem with the hour delay, talk to the idiot in the kitchen!''

Note from Support - I hope you are aware that offensive language are not allowed. Please go through the rules again.
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Memory Loss!

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years... chatting, and enjoying each other''s friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don''t be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. . .What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't."
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?"

[Superleggera]

Got this a a Fwd:


A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned
to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though
initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were
tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the
lower.
At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am,
I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into
the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we
pretend that we're married?"
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.
And she said.
.
.
.
.
.
"Then get up and take it yourself"!!

got this one on stumble
here's the link
Advertising war between BMW @ AUDI

Note from Support - I hope you are aware that offensive pictures are not allowed. Please go through the rules again.

[condor]

@Ripper, this is a repeat here. Unable to search since it's only images.

[revvedup]

What a Pic ! ROFLMAO

[nishantgandhi]

A Blonde's Diary - too hilarious

[maddy42]

Dont use your mobile while driving

[neoranjit]

Times Of India, this morning, Chennai Edition

[jat]

Hot Manila: Driving in Manila

PHILIPPINE DRIVING RULES : Philippines : Gov.Ph : Forum

Well, to be honest, those guys haven't driven in India. They would surely miss the cows, buffaloes etc of India.


Edit: If you want to know more, search for "Driving in Manila Phillipine"

Note from Support: No expletives please.

[maddy42]

Ladki waale Ladke ka haath kab maangthe hain?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jab Ladke ka Haath tak jaathe hain

[Eddy]

????? What was this ? Could not understand only :(

[iceman91]

its in hindi.. it means "when does a guy ask for a girls hand in marriage? ans: when he is tired of using his own..(to you know do what)"

[AvinashKeezh]

Originally Posted by maddy42

Ladki waale Ladke ka haath kab maangthe hain?
.
.
.
Jab Ladke ka Haath tak jaathe hain

I think the hindi usage is not correct here ....

[eclectix 1st]

Got this in a mail forward

BHAI KA RESUME

Name: Pakya Bhai Supariwala


Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)


Education:
- B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
- M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.


Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:
- Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990 - Aug 1991
- Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
- Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent No. 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987 - July1990
- Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
- Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections

Honors and Achievements:
- Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
- Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
- Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar and U.P.
- Strong hold on Govt. and NGOs.
- Specialized in extortion, illegal construction business and fake academic degree supply.

References:
- Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
- Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
- Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

[Eddy]

Originally Posted by iceman91

its in hindi.. it means "when does a guy ask for a girls hand in marriage? ans: when he is tired of using his own..(to you know do what)"

Ah, I get the drift now. Thanks. But the hindi usage was incorrect. Should have been:

Ladke wale ladki ka haath kab maangte hai ?