[Sacrosanct]

What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped "insufficient funds", I won't know whether that refers to mine or the Bank's.

[BenjiRoss]

Originally Posted by Sacrosanct

What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped "insufficient funds", I won't know whether that refers to mine or the Bank's.

Now that is one genuine funny!

[deep_bang]

Originally Posted by condor

@discobiscuit,
@ 5c a can for re-cycling, you will need to have 4280 cans before you get that $214.

If you are getting 4280 cans of beer for $1000 (23c a can !!) I guess one will definitely drink that much beer.

Or - are you talking of the price of empty (beer) cans (at 23c a can) ?

i have seen a Keystone beer for about $11 for 30 cans. That makes it about 36c for each one. For a cheaper beer, with bulk purchase 23c might just be possible .

[bblost]

A fairy tale:

One day, long, long ago there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch. But this was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.


The End.

Copied From: AskMen.com - A Fairy Tale - Askmen.com

[Steeroid]

Law & Order...
On a visit to Malawi , at the airport Mr Mbeki is met by the country's Minister of Harbours. All of a sudden Mr Mbeki realizes that this is absurd, this country has no harbours as it is landlocked. He is very puzzled and decides to find out what the story is. At the official state banquet later that night, he leans over to the president and asks: 'Mr President why do you have a Minister of Harbours when you don't have any harbours?' The president looks Mr Mbeki straight in the eye and says: 'Well, you know that may be true Mr Mbeki, but I was just as puzzled at why you have a Minister of Law and Order?'

Good night:
Around the world
HOLLAND: Goeden nagt
AUSTRALIE: Night Mate
USA : Goodnite
DUITSLAND: Släfin si wöl

SOUTH AFRICA :
Are the doors locked, are the windows closed?
Did you pull in the car and activate the alarm?
Are the Rotweilers on their post?
Sleep tight, don't worry, Eskom will switch off the lights!

[iraghava]

A farmer got pulled over by state trooper Jon for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, trooper Jon got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?”

Trooper Jon stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they are—I never heard of circle flies.”

So the farmer said, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found, circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper said, “Oh,” and went back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stopped and said, "Hey, wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?"

“Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ***.”

Trooper Jon said, "Well, that’s a good thing," and went back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer said, "Hard to fool them flies though."

[vinit.merchant]

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE !!

In the Year 5008, yes not 2008 but 5008, a little girl asked her father - "Dad who were stock brokers?"

Dad replied, "Some 3000 years ago these were human like creatures, they were so many and suddenly some kind of environmental change happened, their fossils are found with some numbers with graphs, marking 21000 and then 9000. Scientist interpret differently ,some says it may be temperature changes , some says it may be density of the gas they use to inhale for living dropped below 9000 from 21000.Nobody has a clear view on why they slowly became extinct "


A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.

The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman."
The next child, a little boy said: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

And so it went until one little boy said: "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club."

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, "No, he's really a Business Development Director at Lehman Brothers, but I'm just too embarrassed to tell anyone."

[johnda]

May have been posted before:

A priest was driving back to his quarter, which was at the end of a long empty stretch of about 10kms, He soon opened a bottle of wine covered in a paper bag and took big swigs, sang with the radio, tapping away on the Steering wheel... Unusually that day there was a sherif on the road who flagged him to stop. on reaching the car he saw the paper bag and smelled the wine. He asked "father have you been drinking" Ofcourse not son, it's just water. The Cop asked if he could have the bottle, and taking a sip said "Hey! father it is wine!" with an astonished grin the priest said "Oh! The Good Lord has done it again"

[Guite]

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the calm and balmy night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to sleep.

Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you......you damn mosquito.

[sammyboy]

hee hee everytime I see condor's name as the last person to post on the joke thread I make it a point to see who's been "Condored" .
Brings a smile to my face everytime.

[Tejas@perioimpl]

Near the end of their racing careers, a Ford and a Chevrolet made a pact. The first one to reach racing heaven would let the other know if heaven even had car racing.

As luck would have it, the Chevrolet was demolished in a fiery wreck. A few days later, it revealed itself to the Ford in a vision. "I have some good news and some bad news," the Chevy told the Ford. "The good news is that heaven is crazy about auto racing. They have everything here--NASCAR, Indy cars, Formula 1, you name it."

"So what's the bad news?" the Ford asked the deceased Chevrolet.

"The bad news is that you've won the pole position for next Saturday's race."

[lamborghini]

Got this in an email:



A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:


Have you any grounds? -
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand Does either of you have a real grudge? -
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'

[bblost]

>lamborghini
Beware of the Condor

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post216882

[condor]

bblost : >lamborghini ... Beware of the Condor

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifting-gears/2439-official-joke-thread-75.html#post216882

@Lambo, how could you do this ?!

: Search Before You Post !

[SirAlec]

A Gujju in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. He kept repeating - Hari Om Hari Om Hari Om.
When the ambulance pulled into his home drive-way, his wife came out and screamed out to the paramedics:
'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?', they
replied 'Because he kept saying hurry home! Hurry home!'