Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
When an Indian minister went to the America he was impressed with the developments made by this counter parts there. he went to one of their homes' and seeing how well it was made and how big it was he enquired
"how did you do this" his counter part said
" look out of the window, what do you see?"
" this huge bridge?" said our minister
" yes, 10%" was the reply.
2 yrs later the American visited India and came to our ministers' house and after seeing how massive it was he asked
"Now how the heck did you get this?"
"look out of the window, what do you see?"
"err... NOTHING" said the foreign minister
"100% ha ha" came the reply.
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are
chatting about their relationships and decide to surprise their men
that night; all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos
and a mask over their eyes to see what kind of a response they get
from their men.
After a few days they meet again.....
The engaged girlfriend said: 'When my boyfriend came home, he found me
in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and the mask.' He said, 'You are
the woman of my life, I love you.' 'We made love all night long!'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! I met him in his office. I was wearing
the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes, and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just made love wildly
all night long.'
Then the married one said: 'I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for
the night, I got myself ready in the leather bodice, super stilettos
and mask. My husband came in from work, fell in his mangy Lazyboy,
grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages)
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP, so time to shut UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? U . . . P
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into
the limo, and He doesn't travel light, the driver notices
that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,
'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me
drive at the Vatican , and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd
never gone to work that morning.
'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God,
I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes Back to his motorcycle, and gets on
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a
limo going a hundred and five.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'He's got the Pope as a chauffeur!'
Last edited by Rehaan : 7th November 2008 at 17:34.
A doctor, an architect and a politician were discussing whose profession was the oldest. The Doctor said that his was the oldest since God performed the first surgery while getting Eve from Adam's rib. The Architect said his was still older since God while creating the world made it out of Chaos.
'Yes' said the politician, 'but who do you think made the chaos?'
@Johnda, was the minister's name Laloo, any chance
Hey Condor, sorry about that, i jus heard it last weekend so put it up, didn't know that LALU had rights to this incident 3 yrs ago,(posted in June 05) maybe that's enough time for 'another' minister to build a house instead of a bridge.