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Old 14th March 2009, 15:54   #3526
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Originally Posted by GTO View Post
What brands will look like post-recession!
post recession, how will team-bhp's logo look like?
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no offense meant, just fun.
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Old 14th March 2009, 17:50   #3527
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We could change the Tagline to 'Hypermiling the Indian Automotive Scene'

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Old 17th March 2009, 19:35   #3528
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Got this in an email today -

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' sardarji complains again.

'Well, we have them, and you could have', the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies 'But we didn't use it'. The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.

'But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $100.' 'That's right,' says the sardarji, 'I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well,' the Sardarji replies, 'she was here, and you could have.'

Last edited by aah78 : 1st April 2009 at 04:02. Reason: Tags removed. Run through Notepad before Copy-Pasting.
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Old 17th March 2009, 21:42   #3529
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Received today in my mobile.

Two terrorists were having a discussion in a bar. A local guy walks in and asks them, what the discussion's about?

Terrorist: we are planning to kill 14 crore indians and a donkey?

Guy: why a donkey?

Terrorist to another terrorist: see i told u know, nobody in India will care about human life.
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Old 17th March 2009, 22:07   #3530
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And Then the fight started

Nicked this one off another forum i visit regularly:
Very apt for the married folks ..

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
& And then the fight started ...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy
****. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast
as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security offic e.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 160 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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Old 17th March 2009, 22:30   #3531
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Sorry -you are condored
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Old 18th March 2009, 16:53   #3532
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when did BMW launched this.
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Old 18th March 2009, 17:01   #3533
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Originally Posted by karankapoor View Post
when did BMW launched this.
cost cutting, environment friendly, sign of the times, zero emissions and the economic recession makes you do things you dont want to do!

things to come in future!
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Old 18th March 2009, 17:06   #3534
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Originally Posted by karankapoor View Post
when did BMW launched this.
Looks like a poor PS job to me!
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Old 18th March 2009, 17:20   #3535
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Originally Posted by karankapoor View Post
when did BMW launched this.
Oh boy! BMW's latest - the 4LD - 4-leg drive - offering for taking on the Indian Himalayas. I think Tanveer posted a debadged hairy model of this in his travelogue!
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Old 19th March 2009, 00:27   #3536
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Originally Posted by Parm View Post
cost cutting, environment friendly, sign of the times, zero emissions and the economic recession makes you do things you dont want to do!

things to come in future!
well i dont think it has zero emissions .it has emissions in all states of matter . liquid ,solid and gas.

it is also said that 'zarrurat padne par gadhe ko bhi baap banana padta hai'.here they have made only made a vehicle out of a donkey
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Old 27th March 2009, 14:34   #3537
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I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Thiruvananthapuram. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Kerala. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am a jolly gay . Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top.That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon, Yours and only yours Kutty

Last edited by narayan : 27th March 2009 at 14:37.
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Old 30th March 2009, 18:49   #3538
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Corporate views on a Baby's delivery

The different views in the Corporate world on a Baby's delivery…

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) On-site Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. (time tracker…)

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. (ratings, Customer Satisfaction Index…)

And lastly...

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
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Old 31st March 2009, 22:37   #3539
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Had a nice laugh today morning reading this.
Old memories from TBHP

Marketing Head Ferrari
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Old 1st April 2009, 01:41   #3540
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Got this in my inbox today.

Due to recession, I sacked my Girlfriend (part of my cost cutting efforts) I need new one, so pass on this information to your female friends...please this is urgent (only females)

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below:

Designation: Junior girl friend (trainee)

Experience: Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)

Other requirements: Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fights if required.

Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross (Monthly):
• 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
• bike rides each duration 1 hour
• trips to National Highways
• 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Iskcon Temple
• Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
• Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
• 2 movies per month (on weekends)
• Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Please NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friends, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume thru email or post.

Photo must be in attachment to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photos will be rejected.
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