Team-BHP > Shifting gears > Et Cetera

Search this Thread
Old 11th August 2009, 23:54   #3781
Senior - BHPian
hillram's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hyderabad
Posts: 2,942
Thanked: 1,318 Times

Software wedding invitation is hilarious.
hillram is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 13:55   #3782
Senior - BHPian
pramodkumar's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Gods own country
Posts: 2,298
Thanked: 2,118 Times

Blog (source: rediff) article where two scientists have invented a plane that will run on solar energy…they claim it will work in night as well
by Purushottam Abuj on Jun 30, 2009 01:38 PM | Hide replies
Actually Government should use the geographical advantage of we being on the opposite side of USA.
We should dig a through hole from the center earth which will connect India and USA, so we can put wire through it.
So in India's day time sun light and solar energy can be given to USA and they can give us the same in their day time.
Also we can fit an train through it so that we dont have to use planes for travelling.

Similarly Finland and New Zealand can be connected using a vertical angular hole.
The best part is if we drop something from Finland it will automatically come down to New Zealand due to gravity, so lot of energy
can be saved which we lose in transportation and travelling.
This saved energy can then be stored in everyday pencil cells and can be sold at Rs 14 each. This additional revenue can then be
used to educate the people and the children of farmers so that they will have earning sons and they will not sucide.
Re: Suggestion
by SUNDEEB NAIR on Jun 30, 2009 01:50 PM
Brilliantest idea ever spelt. But when digging hole from India to US, we should take care when digging at the end, otherwise the excavators & engineers, laborers etc. will fall out of the earth into space.
I differ reg. pricing pencil cells at Rs.14/-, due to inflation, drought the price should be raised to like 14.50
Re: Suggestion
by venky iyer on Jun 30, 2009 01:48 PM
mr purshottam ur definately a mahapurush,i must recommend you to padma bhushan nd vidya bhushan awards for u
Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 01:46 PM
Making hole in earth is not a good idea. We can just break sun into 4-5 parts and fit one part above India, one above US, one above Finlad and one above New Zealand.
Re: Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 01:48 PM
Sanjoy, I have already nominated him for Noble prize. Please don't forget to watch India TV tonight ;-)
Re: Re: Suggestion
by manoj lakhanpal on Jun 30, 2009 01:57 PM
This is realy a grt idea guys.. one more thing we are missing.. How Bhart Ratan Purush (Honai wallai) can forget to utilize MOON.. We need to workout to utilize moon light in night rather than digging our motherland.. ..
Re: Re: Re: Suggestion
by Purushottam Abuj on Jun 30, 2009 02:01 PM
Yes I agree as Moon glows in the night it means surely it is having some sort of energy,
My suggestion is Next time when we launch chandrayan, connect some wire to its end and then send to earth. So the energy can directly reach from Moon to Sriharikotta.
By the way, dont forget to another wire for Earthing, becoz I am not sure if Moonthing works
Re: Suggestion
by Gaurav Kaul on Jun 30, 2009 01:55 PM
thank god you posted this here and not on a foreign website.otherwise all indians would be branded mental patients ....
Re: Suggestion
by Ungli on Jun 30, 2009 01:52 PM
what an idea sirji,
Re: Suggestion
by chin chu on Jun 30, 2009 01:59 PM
and what if all the kids playing the hole fall into it? Like it does happen everywhere around these days..pahle borewell me girte the..abhi isme girenge. he he
Re: Re: Suggestion
by Rajnish Singh on Jun 30, 2009 02:02 PM
Ismein girenge to US pahunch jaayenge....
Re: Re: Re: Suggestion
by chin chu on Jun 30, 2009 02:08 PM
and dont forget the garib janta who goes out every morning with LOTA PANI to do the daily pooing stuff..what if somebody does it in the hole? US will get a taste of India..

I nearly fell of my chair when i read this

Last edited by pramodkumar : 12th August 2009 at 13:56.
pramodkumar is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 14:08   #3783
Senior - BHPian
pramodkumar's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Gods own country
Posts: 2,298
Thanked: 2,118 Times

Woh kaun thi
Husband Aur Wife Hotel Me Gaye Tabhi 1 Lady Ne
Hello Kiya,
Wife- Koun Thi Wo?
Hus-Tum Dimag Kharab Mat Karo, Main Pehle Hi Pareshan Hu Ki Woh Bhi Yehi Puchegi

wife hit her husband with frying pan
Husband: What was that for...?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week
and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.
Message of the year
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life...!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"
Husband wife mein ladai ho gayi
Husband wife mein ladai ho gayi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya ,
Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kya hai"
Husb:Mai dair se aoonga, tum kha kar so jana:
Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai, police station me complain dijiyee.
Man:Kya karon, khushi k mare kuch samajh nahin aa raha
Why did u shoot ur wife ?
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.
How women call their husband in first 6 years
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O jee.
Yr 3. Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O bunty k pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho ya main aaon?
Wife to husband:- kash aap sms hotay
Wife: Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay, Main aap ko save karti,
Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti, Main her haftay tumhe change karta
Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye:-(
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo:-)
1 horror movie dekhi
Husband:rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age
kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife:Kaun si movie thi?
Husband:Apni shadi ki
pramodkumar is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 15:30   #3784
mav2000's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 605
Thanked: 306 Times

Holy mother of god....this was by far one of the funniest things I have read in a long time...but the beauty of this is that nobody will correct this dude...everyone will encourage him....

Last edited by Technocrat : 13th August 2009 at 14:00. Reason: Please avoid quoting an entire post especially when its on same page, thanks
mav2000 is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 17:27   #3785
Senior - BHPian
pramodkumar's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Gods own country
Posts: 2,298
Thanked: 2,118 Times

Originally Posted by mav2000 View Post
Holy mother of god....this was by far one of the funniest things I have read in a long time...but the beauty of this is that nobody will correct this dude...everyone will encourage him....

Eat This, By far the most funny i read

Hard Drive weight increasing?
pramodkumar is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 18:23   #3786
dev_kudle's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Pune
Posts: 65
Thanked: 24 Times

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year
old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about
that, Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story.
I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But,
one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella
instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near
a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He
raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM!
The lion drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone el! se must have
shot that lion."

"Exactly"... Said the Doc.
dev_kudle is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 19:59   #3787
Senior - BHPian
sammyboy's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ggn/Dehradun
Posts: 1,838
Thanked: 507 Times

nice one Dev but an old one.
Already posted here :
sammyboy is offline  
Old 12th August 2009, 23:53   #3788
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: zxc
Posts: 3,393
Thanked: 722 Times

Now! this was a very famous incident that took place sometime in Jan in Blogosphere. Some blogger criticized Barkha Dutt of NDTV who in turn furiously threaten the Blogger CK for legal action against him. But it backfired and the whole Blog community wrote against NDTV and Barkha Dutt.

This one by on of the blogger called Falstaf. I am sure many have read it.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Further Adventures of Hark! DaButt

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, on the sprawling planet of Massomedia, there lived a princess named Hark! DaButt. Hark! DaButt was the heir to the throne of the kingdom of Enditivy, as well as being an accomplished trumpet blower and a follower of the TRPsichorean muse. All the people of the kingdom loved their princess who they thought was beautiful and brave and so very clever.

Well, almost all. One small, indomitable group of galling citizens continued to hold out against Hark! DaButt's considerable charm. This rebel group, who called themselves 'globbers' and feared only the Skype falling on their heads, were always criticizing the princess, claiming she was hysterical, unprofessional and generally insensitive. These accusations hurt the princess deeply. Many a night did she spend shedding inky tears into her crocodile skin pillow. It wasn't that she thought the criticisms were valid (how could they be? She was a Princess, with Chelpark Blue blood in her veins - she could do nothing wrong), nor that she was an insecure, vengeful little minx who couldn't take criticism. It was just that she felt these criticisms were an affront to the dignity of Enditivy, and therefore had to be punished.

One day, when Her Shrillness was out playing in the garden, she spotted a globber lurking in the shrubbery. Quick as a newsflash, she had the globber captured by her guards, and brought him before the High Council. When the High Council told her that no, she couldn't have his head cut off (only her cousin, the Red Queen, could use that head line), she proceeded to whine and pout until the poor globber agreed to issue a public apology for the things he'd said about her and promised never to say anything bad about her again. This made Hark! DaButt very happy because:

a) bringing a months old comment out of total obscurity and making it a source of renewed outrage was obviously the best way to silence criticism

b) going to the trouble of hauling a globber before the High Council for some throwaway comment was a sure way of saying that the globbers were inconsequential people to whom she, Hark! DaButt, paid no attention

c) wording the apology in proper legal terms would make it obvious to every one that the globber's apology was sincerely meant; no one could possibly imagine that she had forced it out of him

d) by striking out against one globber she had effectively silenced their entire community, who would never again dare to criticize her, because the prospect of having to issue an official apology if they were caught would really, really scare them

e) using the resources of her vast kingdom to pick on one poor defenseless globber was a classy act that was sure to make people admire her all the more

(Did I mention that Hark! DaButt was a little delusional?)

In any case, the globber apologised, the princess went back to blowing her own trumpet, and the kingdom of Enditivy moved on, like a slow dinosaur with Hark! DaButt as its pea-sized brain.

The End.
Entirely Voluntary Notice (No, really!)
This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to person or persons living or dead is purely coincidental. In particular, this story has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with a certain TV channel's treatment of a certain blogger. I, Falstaff, have always admired said TV channel for the diligence with which it manages to stay just within the law and its courageous defiance of anything resembling taste. Further, I have absolutely no criticism to offer of their star reporter, a woman I have always respected for her...for her....errr...a woman I have always respected.

(falstaff's Blog)
SirAlec is offline  
Old 13th August 2009, 11:19   #3789
Team-BHP Support
bblost's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Hyderabad
Posts: 10,792
Thanked: 13,336 Times

What is the difference between 1 used tire and 365 used condoms?

the former may be a good year, the latter IS a great year.
bblost is offline  
Old 13th August 2009, 12:10   #3790
Senior - BHPian
safari_lover's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Bengaluru / Bagdal
Posts: 1,113
Thanked: 603 Times

@bblost, LOL, nice one!

@SirAlec, I didn't know of that incident and the aftermath. That just shows the channel's hypocrisy. Thanks for sharing it.

Last edited by safari_lover : 13th August 2009 at 12:14.
safari_lover is offline  
Old 13th August 2009, 15:04   #3791
neoranjit's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chennai
Posts: 588
Thanked: 195 Times

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Men = Donkeys + earn money

Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Women = Donkeys + spend

Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
neoranjit is offline  
Old 14th August 2009, 16:27   #3792
windsurfer's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dundee, UK
Posts: 513
Thanked: 25 Times
Few mail forwards

Boy was telling the story to his IT friends and trying to explain the Importance of domain knowledge....

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

....Mothers know!!

Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you......

__________________________________________________ ______________________________________

Poor Billy is dating a rich girl and has no idea what to give her for her birthday, (as she has everything) as he tells of his dilema to his friend, his friend suggests that he tatoo her name on his sex organ.

Billy goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the man her name is Wendy. When finished he looks down and sees. . "W Y" and says "Hey I said her name was Wendy" Man says "Don't worry shake it." . . .

He does, . . and voila!- Wendy.
He ties a ribbon on it and presents it to his girl. . . she is so happy that she invites him on a Carribean cruise.
While in port at Jamaica in a disco he goes to the bathroom. While at the urinal a tall Jamaican stands next to him glances down sees "W Y" and says "W Y, huh?" Billy says oh! its my girlfriend's name, look (shakes it. . . Wendy) Jamaican says: "Ah good show man, Wendy, very nice."

Billy looks at the Jamaican and notices his organ also says "W Y".
Billy says: "Hey, wait a minute, yours says Wendy too?"
"Ah no man. Mine says "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day."

__________________________________________________ ________________________________________

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14.. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
windsurfer is offline  
Old 14th August 2009, 16:54   #3793
Senior - BHPian
n_aditya's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Namma Bengaluru
Posts: 5,244
Thanked: 2,926 Times

Q : What are the tiny little dots around the nipple for?

A : It's braille for "suck here" !!!

(Mod's please delete if offensive).

Got the below ones in an email. I hope I'm not reposting.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough for another one."

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
n_aditya is offline  
Old 18th August 2009, 23:22   #3794
Senior - BHPian
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Delhi
Posts: 4,876
Thanked: 7,763 Times


Tata= Failure in Indian Automotive Technology=Fiat

Therefore, Tata=Fiat.
sidindica is offline  
Old 23rd August 2009, 01:23   #3795
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: thane
Posts: 741
Thanked: 5 Times

santa is punished for doing mIscheif in class.
teacher canes him on his bum.
santa comes home,removes his chaddi,turns around in front of the mirror and says" SAALI NE MAAR MAAR KE DO TUKDE KAR DIYE "
shantyrocks is offline  

Most Viewed
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Copyright ©2000 - 2023,
Proudly powered by E2E Networks