A woman brought a very limp duck into a Veterinary Surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the Vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, Your Duck is Dead--passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the Vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The Vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador dog. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The Vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The Vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The Vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" She cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The Vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it is now $150." !!
One guy went to a zoo. There on the main gate he saw people curiosly purchasing peeled peanuts. He asked the hawker behind so much of sale. The hawker said that there is an interesting monkey inside for whom people are purchasing these peanuts for.
Curiously this guy also bought peanuts for 2 rupees and went inside to check the monkey out.
He saw the 'special' monkey inside a cage. That man gave him one piece of peeled peanuts. The moneky without any hesisation took it, put it in his rectum, pulled it out, crushed it off and ate the peanuts.
The man gave him another peanut and the monkey did the same.
Surprised and feeling insulted, the man called the caretaker to know the reason behind this act.
The caretaker said, "Sir it is not your fault. Few months ago one gentleman like you came and fed dates to the monkey. The monkey had the dates but the seeds never came out. He is so much worried since then that he always measures the seeds before eating".
Last edited by Speed Pujari : 9th October 2010 at 23:04.
I hope Santa Banta Jokes are allowed. If not, please delete this
Santa - Mere pass gadi hai, paisa hai, bank balance hai, banglaw hai.....Tere pass kya hai
Banta - Mere pass bhi gadi hai, paisa hai, bank balance hai, banglaw hai.
Santa - Abe to Maa kiske pass hai.
Yes Santa-Banta jokes are definitely allowed. But lets call them Mr. Santa and Mr. Banta (without using their surname), so that we don't offend people from any particular community.
A warning though - don't repeat any Santa-Banta jokes, or you'll be Condored !