The Official Joke thread

Urban_Nomad · 23rd August 2011, 14:58

Boy asks a girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Girl - 6 apples

Boy - you can only eat one apple, coz when you begin eating the 2nd apple, your stomach is not empty.

Girl - Wow what a clever joke. I ll tell this to my friend.

Next day, the girl meets her friend and starts:

Girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Friend - 10 apples

Girl - Kya yaar. 6 bolti to mast joke sunaati.

Scorcher · 23rd August 2011, 23:41

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."

The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!"

anilisanil · 24th August 2011, 13:15

Got this as a forward:

Saif in his new avatar.

Scorcher · 24th August 2011, 14:00

Wife writes a letter to her husband who is abroad on a short term assignment

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I just missed our bikes though...they are safe.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. XX

PS: I am enclosing a picture of this minor crash for you so you don't get worried. See below
.
.
.

Scorcher · 24th August 2011, 19:09

After nearly forty years in practice, a gynecologist decided to retire to pursue his first love, auto mechanics.

He enrolled at the local community college and worked very hard, but worried that he was too old to compete with his younger classmates.

Sure enough, on the final exam the other students finished in about two hours, while it took him the full four hours allocated. Afterwards, as he washed up, he asked his teacher about his grade.

“I gave you a score of 150 points out of 100 possible,??? said the teacher. “What? How can that be????

“Well, I gave you 50 points for disassembling the engine perfectly, another 50 points for reassembling the engine perfectly, and an additional 50 points for doing the whole damn job through the exhaust!!!

IronH4WK · 24th August 2011, 20:45

A dog was following Santa Singh... Santa Singh started laughing hysterically... A passer-by asked him why is he so happy Santa Singh said "ha ha, I have Airtel connection... but still Hutch network is following me"

dhanushs · 25th August 2011, 02:07

Need a better mate?

prateekm · 25th August 2011, 08:40

This is the best FAIL video on Youtube. This guy, talking about UID numbers and knows nothing about it, starts saying things like:

1) SIM Card data is transferred to battery.
2) Cloud computing gets disturbed due to rains

Watch more here. Start watching from 13:00:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGODP7IawoI

Sheel · 25th August 2011, 10:05

Girl to a boy : What is your name?
Boy : Black Lion

Girl : How can anyone be named like this?
Boy : (chucking) Kalu Singh.

Boy : What is your name?
Girl : Soft underwear

Boy : What

Girl : Komal Chaddha

Source - Khuswant Singh's jokes

___________________________________

Cockroach's last words to a guy who's about to kill him.....

"You're just jealous that I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can."

Source - WWW

Fordmanchau · 25th August 2011, 11:46

Teacher: Tell your dad`s full name in English.
Boy: Its Mr.FLY GO
Teacher: Are you trying to be funny?
Boy: No, his name in hindi is Makkhi JA

Recompose · 25th August 2011, 13:27

Answer in one word - Apne kiye pe paani pherna?

Flush.

creative420 · 25th August 2011, 17:42

Teacher: Kahaan the itne din?

Student: Madam! Bimaar tha! Bird Flu ho gaya tha!

Teacher: Hain? Mujhe kya bewakoof bana rahe ho? Bird-flu toh birds ko hota hai!

Student: Arre! Har roz aap mujhe murga jo banate ho!

Recompose · 25th August 2011, 17:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorcher

A businessman walked into a New York City bank

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post218490

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post103078

I would say your version is better - more global outlook

.

But one thing that has remained consistent is the IQ of the bank officer who granted the loan repeatedly and never learnt his lesson. No wonder the state of the American economy...

pnredkar · 26th August 2011, 09:34

Recompose: Hilarious interpretation

If you have been following this thread long enough, the part that you have quoted is good enough to give the entire text. Similar to the joke about people shouting a number and going

.

Condor: where art thou?

Scorcher · 26th August 2011, 20:25

Amazing, Mind-blowing, Breath-taking levels of knowledge!

Vishwabandhu Gupta talks senseless - YouTube

23rd August 2011, 14:58	#5011
Urban_Nomad Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Delhi Posts: 1,631 Thanked: 2,391 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Boy asks a girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach? Girl - 6 apples Boy - you can only eat one apple, coz when you begin eating the 2nd apple, your stomach is not empty. Girl - Wow what a clever joke. I ll tell this to my friend. Next day, the girl meets her friend and starts: Girl - How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach? Friend - 10 apples Girl - Kya yaar. 6 bolti to mast joke sunaati.

23rd August 2011, 23:41	#5012
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,922 Thanked: 7,182 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator." The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!" The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce. The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night. It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly. The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!"

24th August 2011, 13:15	#5013
anilisanil Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Pune Posts: 1,420 Thanked: 291 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Got this as a forward: Saif in his new avatar.

24th August 2011, 14:00	#5014
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,922 Thanked: 7,182 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Wife writes a letter to her husband who is abroad on a short term assignment To my darling husband, Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I just missed our bikes though...they are safe. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XX PS: I am enclosing a picture of this minor crash for you so you don't get worried. See below . . .

24th August 2011, 19:09	#5015
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,922 Thanked: 7,182 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread After nearly forty years in practice, a gynecologist decided to retire to pursue his first love, auto mechanics. He enrolled at the local community college and worked very hard, but worried that he was too old to compete with his younger classmates. Sure enough, on the final exam the other students finished in about two hours, while it took him the full four hours allocated. Afterwards, as he washed up, he asked his teacher about his grade. “I gave you a score of 150 points out of 100 possible,??? said the teacher. “What? How can that be???? “Well, I gave you 50 points for disassembling the engine perfectly, another 50 points for reassembling the engine perfectly, and an additional 50 points for doing the whole damn job through the exhaust!!!

24th August 2011, 20:45	#5016
IronH4WK Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 3,468 Thanked: 4,153 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread A dog was following Santa Singh... Santa Singh started laughing hysterically... A passer-by asked him why is he so happy Santa Singh said "ha ha, I have Airtel connection... but still Hutch network is following me"

25th August 2011, 02:07	#5017
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,440 Thanked: 11,491 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Need a better mate?

25th August 2011, 10:05	#5019
Sheel Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Purnea (Bihar) Posts: 9,999 Thanked: 15,133 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Girl to a boy : What is your name? Boy : Black Lion Girl : How can anyone be named like this? Boy : (chucking) Kalu Singh. Boy : What is your name? Girl : Soft underwear Boy : What Girl : Komal Chaddha Source - Khuswant Singh's jokes ___________________________________ Cockroach's last words to a guy who's about to kill him..... "You're just jealous that I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can." Source - WWW

25th August 2011, 11:46	#5020
Fordmanchau Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 1,666 Thanked: 341 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Teacher: Tell your dad`s full name in English. Boy: Its Mr.FLY GO Teacher: Are you trying to be funny? Boy: No, his name in hindi is Makkhi JA

25th August 2011, 13:27	#5021
Recompose BHPian Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Home Posts: 180 Thanked: 106 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Answer in one word - Apne kiye pe paani pherna? Flush.

25th August 2011, 17:42	#5022
creative420 BHPian Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 580 Thanked: 743 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Teacher: Kahaan the itne din? Student: Madam! Bimaar tha! Bird Flu ho gaya tha! Teacher: Hain? Mujhe kya bewakoof bana rahe ho? Bird-flu toh birds ko hota hai! Student: Arre! Har roz aap mujhe murga jo banate ho!

26th August 2011, 09:34	#5024
pnredkar BHPian Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 167 Thanked: 364 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Recompose: Hilarious interpretation If you have been following this thread long enough, the part that you have quoted is good enough to give the entire text. Similar to the joke about people shouting a number and going . Condor: where art thou?

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