The Official Joke thread

speed kills · 6th September 2011, 13:38

Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.

mayankk · 6th September 2011, 21:50

From a friends facebook status....Mission impossible is hilarious!

Movies in Hyderabadi and hindi

Iron Man = Istri Wala
Bad Boys = Galeez Potte
Bad Boys 2 = Do Galeez Potte
... super Man = Kiraak Aadmi
Spy Kids = Jasoos Potte
Final Destination = Akhri Manzil
Die Another Day = Kal Marjaa
Mummy Returns = Amma Wapas
Aagye
Mission Impossible = Ye nai
hosakta bhai
Mission impossible 2 = Phir se
bolrau ye nai hosakta bhai
Titanic = Baigan ki kashti
Anaconda = Adamkhor saanp
Three idiots = Teen Hauley
Ghajini = Takla liya badla

Scorcher · 7th September 2011, 09:01

What would you do if you drove out in your supercar and got an irresistible offer on a mattress from the Walmart?

ajmat · 7th September 2011, 09:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorcher

What would you do if you drove out in your supercar and got an irresistible offer on a mattress from the Walmart?

Probably a subtle message for the hot date that took out with that car!

driverace · 7th September 2011, 11:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorcher

What would you do if you drove out in your supercar and got an irresistible offer on a mattress from the Walmart?

I would chain it to the exhaust pipe, and drag it home.
(like they show in the commercial for that inflatable sofa-bed-recliner-or what is that thing?)

One from me:

Without ME it would just be AWESO!

dre@ms · 7th September 2011, 16:58

No offense and viewer discretion needed since it contains SPOILERS of recently released movie Bodyguard starring Salman.

1) Salman Khan can fly
2) One Bodyguard = 10 regular guards
3) If Salman Khan puts a hot iron on your *** and burns it in the night, you can sleep peacefully and can put your *** in front of the table fan next day for it to become ok
4) Salman Khan can not recognise the voice of the person with whom he is 24x7, when she talks to him over the phone
5) If somebody throws mud in the eyes of Salman Khan when HE is standing in water, Salman will not wash his face in water but will close the eyes and kill the goons by hearing their voices
6) Kareena Kapoor can dodge Salman Khan's blows better than the professional gundas
7) Raj Babbar can cover the distance in 15 minutes what Salman Khan will take minimum 4hrs and 30 minutes to cover
8) Salman Khan can automatically heal himself in about 6 hours when he gets shot in the arm - by only sitting on a bench in railway station
9) TTE tells random pessengers sitting in the railway station to board a train because it is the last one
10) Salman Khan does not know how to put blackberry phone on silent mode
11) Salman Khan can not recognise that the girl he has married is not the same as the one he was talking over the phone even after more than 5 years
12) If Salman Khan joins his hands and shakes his head from side to side, it means yes
13) Salman Khan can throw a "foreman helmet" with such a velocity that it hits a person who flies and falls a long way ahead breaking a crate
14) Gushing water has the power to tear down Salman Khan's shirt by systematically ripping off each button from top to bottom
15) Salman Khan can have a tailor stitch a uniform in one night (starting time after midnight)
16) Salman Khan can kill as many persons as he wants to as a bodyguard. Police will not mind it
17) If Salman Khan is in a disco and a gun fight breaks out, everybody will run out (including the owners) and no one will call the police

Fordmanchau · 7th September 2011, 21:48

Continuing with the Salman Khan theme, found this on facebook .

Demotion of Salman Khan
2009-Wanted=IPS
2010-Dabangg=Inspector
2011=BodyGuard
Upcoming Film
2012:securityGuard
2013=WatchMan
2014=Liftman
Kamaal karte hai pandeyji.!!

MARCUS_520i · 8th September 2011, 10:32

This one's a killer, unless it's been posted before! :P

A boy is working on his family's farm.

He has an accident with one of those big harvesting machines.

His left arm, left leg and left ear are torn off!

His parents rush him to the hospital, and after hours and hours and hours of surgery, the doctors come to his parents and say...

"Your son will be all right."

driverace · 8th September 2011, 11:15

There is a thin line between "Thanks" and "Like"!

(Aah, scratch that- they are the same..)

(EDIT: Damn- they are not)

(EDIT1: Ya, they are!)

Click one the like button if you agree!

Ace.

P.S. There is a thin line between "Like" and "Agree".. andd "Thanks"

sam_boy · 8th September 2011, 12:23

Yesterday night around 10 PM I went to the medicine store near by to buy some medicines for my baby and in the store I found a 10 year old boy at the desk ( might be he was the in charge of the store as his dad was having dinner) and there comes one stud with a funky T-shirt and a pair of rapchik jeans, and below is the conversation between them:

Stud: Do you have ipills ?
Boy: Yes.
Stud: Does it work ? ( to the 10 year old boy !!!)
Boy: Yes, it is one of the fast moving product.
Stud: Give me one strap.
Boy: One tablet is enough, one pack contains one tablet. ( He knows for sure)
Stud: So this is 48 Hrs rite !!! ( He trusts a 10 yr old boy for the answer)
Boy: No .. This is for 72 hours !!!
Stud: Ohh good .. I heard there is something for 48 hours ?
Boy: Thinking !!!
Boy: There are but those do not work. Take this.
Stud pays the money and goes Vrrrrrrrrr !!!

After 1 minute.

Sam_Boy: Do you have alerid syrup for 1 yr old baby ?
Boy: Let me ask Appa !!!!

creative420 · 8th September 2011, 14:18

I think it's nothing but a joke. Watch it. Share it.

Hitler Plans to watch Salman Khan's BodyGuard [ parody ] - YouTube

!

IronH4WK · 8th September 2011, 14:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by MARCUS_520i

This one's a killer, unless it's been posted before! :P

A boy is working on his family's farm.

He has an accident with one of those big harvesting machines.

His left arm, left leg and left ear are torn off!

His parents rush him to the hospital, and after hours and hours and hours of surgery, the doctors come to his parents and say...

"Your son will be all right."

hehe.. nice one. took me a while to figure that out

padikpanther · 8th September 2011, 14:47

We are not the only ones who hate a long working week!!!

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W.. Th.. F..

Jayabusa · 8th September 2011, 15:40

If Parle buys Cadbury's Bournville, it will be called Ville Parle.

------------------------------------------------------------

There exists a place at every corner of this world where almost all friends recommend the other one to visit

And that place is commonly known as 'bhaad'

:P.

---------------------------------------------------

Bachelor: I don't want to marry 'coz, I'm afraid of all women...!

Married man: Get married soon, then you will be afraid of only one woman and start loving the rest....

---------------------------------------------------

Santa to Banta after job interview: Everything went fine till the time they asked me to show my testimonials. I guess I showed them the wrong things!

Fordmanchau · 8th September 2011, 16:12

^^ @jayabusa, liked the first and 2nd one

.

Here is one for all those people on the forum whose posts were misinterpreted/misunderstood.

" You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you."

6th September 2011, 13:38	#5056
speed kills BHPian Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Cochin Posts: 709 Thanked: 2,288 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.

6th September 2011, 21:50	#5057
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,148 Thanked: 8,168 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread From a friends facebook status....Mission impossible is hilarious! Movies in Hyderabadi and hindi Iron Man = Istri Wala Bad Boys = Galeez Potte Bad Boys 2 = Do Galeez Potte ... super Man = Kiraak Aadmi Spy Kids = Jasoos Potte Final Destination = Akhri Manzil Die Another Day = Kal Marjaa Mummy Returns = Amma Wapas Aagye Mission Impossible = Ye nai hosakta bhai Mission impossible 2 = Phir se bolrau ye nai hosakta bhai Titanic = Baigan ki kashti Anaconda = Adamkhor saanp Three idiots = Teen Hauley Ghajini = Takla liya badla

7th September 2011, 09:01	#5058
Scorcher Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Trivandrum, KL Posts: 4,918 Thanked: 7,124 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread What would you do if you drove out in your supercar and got an irresistible offer on a mattress from the Walmart? Attached Thumbnails

7th September 2011, 16:58	#5061
dre@ms BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MADRAS Posts: 638 Thanked: 206 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread No offense and viewer discretion needed since it contains SPOILERS of recently released movie Bodyguard starring Salman. 1) Salman Khan can fly 2) One Bodyguard = 10 regular guards 3) If Salman Khan puts a hot iron on your * and burns it in the night, you can sleep peacefully and can put your * in front of the table fan next day for it to become ok 4) Salman Khan can not recognise the voice of the person with whom he is 24x7, when she talks to him over the phone 5) If somebody throws mud in the eyes of Salman Khan when HE is standing in water, Salman will not wash his face in water but will close the eyes and kill the goons by hearing their voices 6) Kareena Kapoor can dodge Salman Khan's blows better than the professional gundas 7) Raj Babbar can cover the distance in 15 minutes what Salman Khan will take minimum 4hrs and 30 minutes to cover 8) Salman Khan can automatically heal himself in about 6 hours when he gets shot in the arm - by only sitting on a bench in railway station 9) TTE tells random pessengers sitting in the railway station to board a train because it is the last one 10) Salman Khan does not know how to put blackberry phone on silent mode 11) Salman Khan can not recognise that the girl he has married is not the same as the one he was talking over the phone even after more than 5 years 12) If Salman Khan joins his hands and shakes his head from side to side, it means yes 13) Salman Khan can throw a "foreman helmet" with such a velocity that it hits a person who flies and falls a long way ahead breaking a crate 14) Gushing water has the power to tear down Salman Khan's shirt by systematically ripping off each button from top to bottom 15) Salman Khan can have a tailor stitch a uniform in one night (starting time after midnight) 16) Salman Khan can kill as many persons as he wants to as a bodyguard. Police will not mind it 17) If Salman Khan is in a disco and a gun fight breaks out, everybody will run out (including the owners) and no one will call the police

7th September 2011, 21:48	#5062
Fordmanchau Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 1,666 Thanked: 340 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Continuing with the Salman Khan theme, found this on facebook . Demotion of Salman Khan 2009-Wanted=IPS 2010-Dabangg=Inspector 2011=BodyGuard Upcoming Film 2012:securityGuard 2013=WatchMan 2014=Liftman Kamaal karte hai pandeyji.!!

8th September 2011, 10:32	#5063
MARCUS_520i BHPian Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 524 Thanked: 166 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread This one's a killer, unless it's been posted before! :P A boy is working on his family's farm. He has an accident with one of those big harvesting machines. His left arm, left leg and left ear are torn off! His parents rush him to the hospital, and after hours and hours and hours of surgery, the doctors come to his parents and say... "Your son will be all right."

8th September 2011, 11:15	#5064
driverace BHPian Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Pune Posts: 413 Thanked: 173 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread There is a thin line between "Thanks" and "Like"! (Aah, scratch that- they are the same..) (EDIT: Damn- they are not) (EDIT1: Ya, they are!) Click one the like button if you agree! Ace. P.S. There is a thin line between "Like" and "Agree".. andd "Thanks"

8th September 2011, 12:23	#5065
sam_boy BHPian Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: OD10 -> KA-01 Posts: 225 Thanked: 147 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Yesterday night around 10 PM I went to the medicine store near by to buy some medicines for my baby and in the store I found a 10 year old boy at the desk ( might be he was the in charge of the store as his dad was having dinner) and there comes one stud with a funky T-shirt and a pair of rapchik jeans, and below is the conversation between them: Stud: Do you have ipills ? Boy: Yes. Stud: Does it work ? ( to the 10 year old boy !!!) Boy: Yes, it is one of the fast moving product. Stud: Give me one strap. Boy: One tablet is enough, one pack contains one tablet. ( He knows for sure) Stud: So this is 48 Hrs rite !!! ( He trusts a 10 yr old boy for the answer) Boy: No .. This is for 72 hours !!! Stud: Ohh good .. I heard there is something for 48 hours ? Boy: Thinking !!! Boy: There are but those do not work. Take this. Stud pays the money and goes Vrrrrrrrrr !!! After 1 minute. Sam_Boy: Do you have alerid syrup for 1 yr old baby ? Boy: Let me ask Appa !!!!

8th September 2011, 14:47	#5068
padikpanther BHPian Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Pune Posts: 98 Thanked: 105 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread We are not the only ones who hate a long working week!!! After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W.. Th.. F..

8th September 2011, 15:40	#5069
Jayabusa Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Mumbai Posts: 2,448 Thanked: 69 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread If Parle buys Cadbury's Bournville, it will be called Ville Parle. ------------------------------------------------------------ There exists a place at every corner of this world where almost all friends recommend the other one to visit And that place is commonly known as 'bhaad' :P. --------------------------------------------------- Bachelor: I don't want to marry 'coz, I'm afraid of all women...! Married man: Get married soon, then you will be afraid of only one woman and start loving the rest.... --------------------------------------------------- Santa to Banta after job interview: Everything went fine till the time they asked me to show my testimonials. I guess I showed them the wrong things! Last edited by Jayabusa : 8th September 2011 at 15:54.

8th September 2011, 16:12	#5070
Fordmanchau Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 1,666 Thanked: 340 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^ @jayabusa, liked the first and 2nd one. Here is one for all those people on the forum whose posts were misinterpreted/misunderstood. " You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you."