The Official Joke thread

Irish · 16th January 2012, 12:30

England invented 20-20 cricket,
And we invented 3 day Test Match !

Cheers!
Irish

mayankk · 16th January 2012, 12:30

from stumble upon....

vsh · 16th January 2012, 13:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by _raVan_

And Ajmat is the one responsible for coining the word "condored"

and now i am using the verb "condor" in my day-today conversations. its an official word for me now

sammyboy · 16th January 2012, 13:51

Got this as a SMS forward :

Tring Tring
Bhajji: Hello
Yuvraj : Oye match dekha (hey did you see the match)
Bhajji : haan (yeah) - ha ha ha ha ha ha
Yuvraj: ha ha ha ha ha
Bhajji : ha ha ha ha
Yuvraj : Ok bye

Corny but made me smile

dhanushs · 16th January 2012, 16:28

Harry Potter, now in Kerala!

The Official Joke thread-harry-potter.jpg

dhanushs · 17th January 2012, 10:07

Some school time jokes!. Found the 1st one rather amusing!

The Official Joke thread-school-jokes.jpg

P.S: With condoring at its peak, I hope I'm not condored.

bluevolt · 17th January 2012, 10:41

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

________________________

Wife- Its my bad luck that I married you, otherwise lots of smart boys were interested in me.

.
.
.
.
.

Husband- Of course they must be smart, thats why they escaped from you.

Irish · 17th January 2012, 11:51

Dhoni is banned just for wasting 10-15 minutes.
But he should be awarded, because he saved 2.5 days also.

Cheers!
Irish

Oxy · 17th January 2012, 13:17

NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES:

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time.

Unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its goals.

Attached is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.

Extended Task Code List Code - Explanation:

5000 Surfing the Net
5001 Reading/Writing Social Email
5002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #5004)
5003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E- Mail
5004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E- Mail
5005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail
5316 Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while Coworker Is Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Is Not Interested in Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates Me
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack
5500 Filling Out Time Sheet
5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Myself
5504 Sleeping
5510 Feeling Bored
5600 Bellyaching about Lousy Job (see code #5610)
5601 Bellyaching about Low Pay (see code #5610)
5602 Bellyaching about Long Hours (see code #5610)
5603 Bellyaching about Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323)
5604 Bellyaching about Boss (see code #5610)
5605 Bellyaching about Personal Problems
5610 Searching for a New Job
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bellyaching
5701 Not Actually Present at Job
5702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking it Easy while Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distant Personal Calls
6206 Gossiping
6207 Planning a Social Event
6210 Feeling Sorry for Myself
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy My Job
6223 Pretending I Like My Coworkers
6224 Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6601 Running my Own Business on Company Time
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6604 Planning a Vacation on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring at Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Trip to the Bathroom (at least 10 min.)
7400 Talking with Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking with Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking with Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking with Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking with Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking with House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking with Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking with Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7420 Using 900 Area Code
7425 Talking with Mother on Phone (also see code #7400)
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid Me in a Work Activity

RajaTaurus · 17th January 2012, 13:52

Hey Indian Cricket Fans...!!!!!!
I am Dhonimbir Dravidulkarman
and
I am singing this song for all of you.
You all...
From today forget Dhanush's song and,
sing this song
and do flash-mob
in every city of India.. Okay?

Here I go…..

Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. (Da is for men as to Di is for girl or women).
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
Distance-u-laa….. Ball-u.. Ball-u…, Ball-u … Color-u… White-u…..
Aussie Bowling…… Fast-u…. Fast-u…, First-u…. Ball Out-u……
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
Hmmmmm…
My-e Bowling…. Slow-u…. Slow-u……, they are…. not-u... Out-u.
My-e Fielding…. sloppy …. Sloppy….., they are….. veri... Happy…
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
Handla Glass-u, Glass la Scotch-u, Bank-la full-a… Cash-u…...
Match-u Loss-u….., IPL Come-u….., Life Top-u Gear-u…
Money, Money…….., Lot of money…., Give me Iyepee.. Yell-u…!
Fans-u… Fans-u……., Stupid Fans-u……, you have no brains-u……!
God I yam Enjoying Now-u…….., They are crying, how-u?
This song for the fans-u…., you have no choice-u…..
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da….
You dontu readu this songu... You mustu singu... To gettu Real Efectu... Okayaa.???

- Author - Myself.

gt_bhp · 17th January 2012, 14:42

Loved the lyrics you've written, very apt!

Anand123 · 17th January 2012, 15:27

Its better to follow safety measures from cycle-days itself

kablu · 17th January 2012, 15:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by RajaTaurus

Hey Indian Cricket Fans...!!!!!!
I am Dhonimbir Dravidulkarman
and
I am singing this song for all of you.
You all...
===============
- Author - Myself.

. Sir, I actually spilled coffee all over my desk and LOL. My colleagues rushed to my place. Just now, I explained what happened and they too had a hearty laugh reading your Kolaveri - Cricket version.enjoyed thoroughly.Though I hate the original Kolaveri song, I love this version

myavu · 17th January 2012, 15:32

Overambitious!

Cheers!

Irish · 17th January 2012, 16:30

MODS: Please remove this post if you find it vulgar.

General Freaky and his soldiers

The soldiers had been in the field for two weeks and hadn't had showers or been able to change their clothes.

Then one day General Freaky came along and said, "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?"

All the men shouted, "Tell us the good news, tell us the good news."

General Freaky smiled and said, "Men, the good news is that today we're going to change our underwear."

All the men cheered...

Then General Freaky said, "Now the bad news. Smith, you change with Jones. Jackson, you change with Thomson ... "

Cheers!
Irish

16th January 2012, 12:30	#6256
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 652 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread England invented 20-20 cricket, And we invented 3 day Test Match ! Cheers! Irish

16th January 2012, 12:30	#6257
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,148 Thanked: 8,168 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread from stumble upon.... Attached Images

16th January 2012, 13:51	#6259
sammyboy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ggn/Dehradun Posts: 1,842 Thanked: 521 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Got this as a SMS forward : Tring Tring Bhajji: Hello Yuvraj : Oye match dekha (hey did you see the match) Bhajji : haan (yeah) - ha ha ha ha ha ha Yuvraj: ha ha ha ha ha Bhajji : ha ha ha ha Yuvraj : Ok bye Corny but made me smile

16th January 2012, 16:28	#6260
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,282 Thanked: 10,180 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Harry Potter, now in Kerala!

17th January 2012, 10:07	#6261
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,282 Thanked: 10,180 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Some school time jokes!. Found the 1st one rather amusing! P.S: With condoring at its peak, I hope I'm not condored. Last edited by bblost : 17th January 2012 at 13:36. Reason: Duplicate has been removed.

17th January 2012, 10:41	#6262
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,274 Thanked: 3,474 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money. Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend. ________________________ Wife- Its my bad luck that I married you, otherwise lots of smart boys were interested in me. . . . . . Husband- Of course they must be smart, thats why they escaped from you.

17th January 2012, 11:51	#6263
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 652 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Dhoni is banned just for wasting 10-15 minutes. But he should be awarded, because he saved 2.5 days also. Cheers! Irish

17th January 2012, 13:17	#6264
Oxy BHPian Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Bangalore Posts: 224 Thanked: 500 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time. Unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its goals. Attached is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter. Extended Task Code List Code - Explanation: 5000 Surfing the Net 5001 Reading/Writing Social Email 5002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #5004) 5003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E- Mail 5004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E- Mail 5005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail 5316 Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while Coworker Is Not Present 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Is Not Interested in Learning 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates Me 5481 Buying Snack 5482 Eating Snack 5500 Filling Out Time Sheet 5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen 5503 Scratching Myself 5504 Sleeping 5510 Feeling Bored 5600 Bellyaching about Lousy Job (see code #5610) 5601 Bellyaching about Low Pay (see code #5610) 5602 Bellyaching about Long Hours (see code #5610) 5603 Bellyaching about Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323) 5604 Bellyaching about Boss (see code #5610) 5605 Bellyaching about Personal Problems 5610 Searching for a New Job 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bellyaching 5701 Not Actually Present at Job 5702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu 6102 Ordering Out 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive 6104 Taking it Easy while Digesting Food 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit 6201 Stealing Company Goods 6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distant Personal Calls 6206 Gossiping 6207 Planning a Social Event 6210 Feeling Sorry for Myself 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss is Watching 6222 Pretending to Enjoy My Job 6223 Pretending I Like My Coworkers 6224 Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing 6601 Running my Own Business on Company Time 6602 Complaining 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time 6604 Planning a Vacation on Company Time 6611 Staring Into Space 6612 Staring at Computer Screen 6615 Transcendental Meditation 7281 Extended Trip to the Bathroom (at least 10 min.) 7400 Talking with Lawyer on Phone 7401 Talking with Plumber on Phone 7402 Talking with Dentist on Phone 7403 Talking with Doctor on Phone 7404 Talking with Masseuse on Phone 7405 Talking with House Painter on Phone 7406 Talking with Personal Therapist on Phone 7419 Talking with Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone 7420 Using 900 Area Code 7425 Talking with Mother on Phone (also see code #7400) 7931 Asking Coworker to Aid Me in a Work Activity Last edited by Oxy : 17th January 2012 at 13:26.

17th January 2012, 13:52	#6265
RajaTaurus Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Tenkasi, TN Posts: 1,119 Thanked: 473 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Hey Indian Cricket Fans...!!!!!! I am Dhonimbir Dravidulkarman and I am singing this song for all of you. You all... From today forget Dhanush's song and, sing this song and do flash-mob in every city of India.. Okay? Here I go….. Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. (Da is for men as to Di is for girl or women). Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. Distance-u-laa….. Ball-u.. Ball-u…, Ball-u … Color-u… White-u….. Aussie Bowling…… Fast-u…. Fast-u…, First-u…. Ball Out-u…… Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. Hmmmmm… My-e Bowling…. Slow-u…. Slow-u……, they are…. not-u... Out-u. My-e Fielding…. sloppy …. Sloppy….., they are….. veri... Happy… Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. Handla Glass-u, Glass la Scotch-u, Bank-la full-a… Cash-u…... Match-u Loss-u….., IPL Come-u….., Life Top-u Gear-u… Money, Money…….., Lot of money…., Give me Iyepee.. Yell-u…! Fans-u… Fans-u……., Stupid Fans-u……, you have no brains-u……! God I yam Enjoying Now-u…….., They are crying, how-u? This song for the fans-u…., you have no choice-u….. Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. Why This Kolaveri Kolaveri Kolaveri Da…. You dontu readu this songu... You mustu singu... To gettu Real Efectu... Okayaa.??? - Author - Myself.

17th January 2012, 14:42	#6266
gt_bhp BHPian Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Bangalore Posts: 122 Thanked: 11 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Loved the lyrics you've written, very apt!

17th January 2012, 15:27	#6267
Anand123 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: KL-01 Posts: 2,297 Thanked: 5,225 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Its better to follow safety measures from cycle-days itself Attached Thumbnails

17th January 2012, 15:32	#6269
myavu Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Delhi - Kochi Posts: 1,503 Thanked: 1,710 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Overambitious! Cheers!

17th January 2012, 16:30	#6270
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 652 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread MODS: Please remove this post if you find it vulgar. General Freaky and his soldiers The soldiers had been in the field for two weeks and hadn't had showers or been able to change their clothes. Then one day General Freaky came along and said, "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?" All the men shouted, "Tell us the good news, tell us the good news." General Freaky smiled and said, "Men, the good news is that today we're going to change our underwear." All the men cheered... Then General Freaky said, "Now the bad news. Smith, you change with Jones. Jackson, you change with Thomson ... " Cheers! Irish