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Saw it on another forum.

Job at the FBI:
The FBI had an opening for an assassin and after all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with fake bullets' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"

"It's called the door!" lol:

What a transport.....

From diesel car owners to petrol car owners -"Aaj khush to bahut hoge tum":D

English translation will ruin the joke but still - "You must be laughing your bottoms off today". Its a famous dialogue from Amitabh Bachchan's movie.

To quote another famous bollywood line in response to that: "Ye to hona hi tha".
Translated: This was bound to happen.

By the way, your translation takes too many liberties. "Aaj khush... " literally translates to "You must be very happy today"

And you know what is even funnier?
Even for this hike, there'll be a queue to save, how much(?)

Literal translation would have been plain for the folks who don't speak/understand Hindi. Hell my translation isn't exactly a writer material but still I couldn't resist. :)

Saw it on twitter.

HEATED gold is ornament
BEATEN Copper is wire
COMPRESSED carbon is diamond
AND
HEATED, BEATEN & COMPRESSED man is called a HUSBAND

Hahahaha :-



One more :-

So is this what they mean by the sideways rocking action like a boat in Hyundai cars? lol: lol:





P.s. No bonus points for guessing the movie! :-P

LOL, remember in the movie, When they were showing the speedo, going above 200 and needle broke down :D

Came across this on FB.

---------------------------------------

Results of Work Pressure...
_______________ *_____
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys..!
_______________ *___
Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants . And as I finished..
I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..!
_______________ *_____
Once I was on a call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, “Why is she not attending the weekly status call?”
_______________ *_____
I don’t login to facebook, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home…thinking it will be blocked any way. Till I realize – I am at home..!
_______________ *_____
Yeah sometimes it does happen to me too..
keeping hands in front of tap waiting for water todrop by itself is very frequent with me. I just forget we have to turn on and off the tap….
_______________ *_____
Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying, "Ok bye…in case of any issues will call u back"
_______________ *_____
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin !
_______________ *_____
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab….pharmacist * asked whether I want 250mg or500mg….. I replied 256mb….thank god he didn’t notice..!
_______________ *____
And I – after a hectic week, went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the Theatre Screen…
_______________ *____

Continuing the work pressure jokes is this SMS joke.
Height of Corporate Pressure:
An employee went to toilet. He sat on the seat and noticed this written on the door:
"Had you put the same pressure at work, company's targets would have been achieved today"

We are contemplating changing the sofa in the living room.

My wife wants to buy something that is in tune with the rest of the furniture. So it will have be wooden and with a straight back.

I need some nice vaastu/ feng shui guy who can convince her that what is needed is a comfortable lazy boy.
Also convince her that the husband must spend at-least 3-4 hours lying down in its comfortable agony watching boring Discovery Turbo.
While she spends some time in the kitchen preparing simple dishes like chicken 65 and french fries.
Doing so will result in immense satisfaction and joy for her. Her poor husband will have to adjust and agree to this immobile life of just lying down and watching TV.

Has anyone tried this approach with success?

Came across this info when I was going through Motor Insurance advice guide for UK :D