The Official Joke thread

PapaBravo · 5th July 2013, 14:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

Call me slow, but what are we looking at here?
apart from the miata on a rolling road, presumably.

Its a Rear Wheel Drive.

KiloAlpha · 5th July 2013, 14:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by PapaBravo

Disaster.

Poor Miata.

Attachment 1106121

Now I am waiting for a video of what happened next.

Arch-Angel · 5th July 2013, 14:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by PapaBravo

Disaster.

Poor Miata.

Attachment 1106121

As long as such geniuses exist, service centres of manufacturers will always have business

.

mayankk · 5th July 2013, 15:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by PapaBravo

Its a Rear Wheel Drive.

Yeah. Do call me slow.....

saket77 · 6th July 2013, 17:43

My first post in this thread! Good that its about engines...

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic...
.
.
.
.
"TRY TO DO IT WHEN THE ENGINE IS RUNNING".

Guite · 6th July 2013, 18:40

You are hereby "Condored". To find out more go back lots of pages :-)

vivekiny2k · 7th July 2013, 07:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

Better than that.
By a bit.

Edit : it's a sugar cube......

Then it should be C12H22O11

mayankk · 7th July 2013, 09:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivekiny2k

Then it should be C12H22O11

I was wondering when a fellow science grad was going to get here.. ....

IronH4WK · 7th July 2013, 10:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

I was wondering when a fellow science grad was going to get here.. ....

Now I get it!!

Never was a chemistry fan

vivriti · 8th July 2013, 13:32

Just read in a resale forum on FB. Somebody is looking for a 'Branded ipod' .

mohansrides · 8th July 2013, 16:48

My apologies for posting this here. But, this section has the most viewers and I think we all deserve some levity in our lives.

Though the context of this article is car ownership in the US, I think we will appreciate the automotive humor.

This list is from a show that I think a lot of us listened to at some point in our lives. The article brought a smile to my lips when I read it a decade ago....I came across it again today and it made my dreary afternoon just a wee bit better.

I guarantee that each of you will be clutching your stomachs by the end of it.

Enjoy!!

http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-4

http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-9

http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-8

http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-7

http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-5

salman_ferrari · 8th July 2013, 18:20

I'm assuming that this car was pre-owned but nevertheless 42 lakhs in repair??

Arch-Angel · 10th July 2013, 10:39

Well, thats a first. 42L in repairs is so crazy a figure that itll take me weeks to digest that amount. I can understand her plight though, inflated bills are common amongst the A.S.S

.

Humorous Epitaphs:

I told you I was sick.

Here lies Walter Dudley.
He found out too late,
Dobermans aren't cuddly.

Here lies Bill Boller
He got ran over by
A steam roller
(This tombstone is very tall and narrow as if to match the victim)

Mary Lass
Missed the brake and hit the gas

Jim Migg
Would like for you to dig

I was Fred
Now I'm dead

Mary Aster
Should have j-walked a little faster

C. Dracula
1236
1458
1527
1703
1823
1995

Here lies my wife,
I bid her goodbye.
She rests in peace
And now so do I.

Here lies Vlad the Impaler
He bit off more than he could chew

Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy
He will rise again

Here I lie
And no wonder I'm dead,
For the wheel of a semi
Went over my head.

Here lies Lester More.
4 shots with a .44
No Les, no more ...

Here lies Frank
Dead by gun
Caught in bed

By another's husband
Mary Mary quite contrary
how does your garden grow?
Quite well I bet
since it's well fed
by your body down below.

Here lies the Father of 29
There would have been more
but he didn't have time

First a cough
Carried me off
Then in a coffin
They carried me off

Here lies my wife
In Earthy mould
Who when she lived
Did naught but scold
Good friends go softly
In your walking
Lest she should wake
And rise up talking

He got a fishbone in his throat
Which made him sing
an angel's note

Here lies the Popular,
Kevin O'Tool.
He thought it was Cool,
To Smoke at School.

Here lies Johnny Yeast
"Pardon me for not rising."

Here Lies
Ron D. Vous
He met with death.
Gil A. Teen
A Tisket
A Casket
His Head is in
the Basket

Here lies Kelly
We buried him today
He lived the life of Riley
When Riley was away

Bob took time from work
By bourbon required
Then he took to the road
Now he's semi-retired

Once I wasn't
Then I was
Now I ain't again

Here lies Bill
He always lied
And he always will
He lied once too often
And now he lies still

When your razor is dull
But you need a shave
Think of the man
Who lies in this grave

It does my heart a world of good
To see you in a box of wood

In loving memory
from your grieving widow...
You slept with them all..
Now sleep with this

Any day above ground
Is a good day

A few from the Haunted Mansion at Disney World

REST IN PEACE COUSIN HUET
we all know you didn't do it

HERE LIES GOOD OLD FRED
a great big rock fell on his head

DEAR DEPARTED BROTHER DAVE
he chased a bear into a cave

HERE LIES DEAR OLD BROTHER TOR
He couldn't take it anymore

kingofmyworld · 11th July 2013, 03:21

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.
Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

mayankk · 11th July 2013, 10:43

"Kitna deti hai?"

6th July 2013, 17:43	#7895
saket77 Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Ranchi Posts: 4,395 Thanked: 12,009 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread My first post in this thread! Good that its about engines... A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work?" The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic... . . . . "TRY TO DO IT WHEN THE ENGINE IS RUNNING".

6th July 2013, 18:40	#7896
Guite BHPian Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Noida, NCR Posts: 733 Thanked: 630 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread You are hereby "Condored". To find out more go back lots of pages :-)

8th July 2013, 13:32	#7900
vivriti BHPian Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 250 Thanked: 80 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Just read in a resale forum on FB. Somebody is looking for a 'Branded ipod' .

8th July 2013, 16:48	#7901
mohansrides BANNED Join Date: May 2013 Location: Mumbai Posts: 524 Thanked: 4,076 Times	Some humor My apologies for posting this here. But, this section has the most viewers and I think we all deserve some levity in our lives. Though the context of this article is car ownership in the US, I think we will appreciate the automotive humor. This list is from a show that I think a lot of us listened to at some point in our lives. The article brought a smile to my lips when I read it a decade ago....I came across it again today and it made my dreary afternoon just a wee bit better. I guarantee that each of you will be clutching your stomachs by the end of it. Enjoy!! http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-4 http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-9 http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-8 http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-7 http://www.cartalk.com/content/whats...r-millennium-5

8th July 2013, 18:20	#7902
salman_ferrari BHPian Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Chennai Posts: 105 Thanked: 31 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread I'm assuming that this car was pre-owned but nevertheless 42 lakhs in repair?? Attached Thumbnails

10th July 2013, 10:39	#7903
Arch-Angel BHPian Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Chn(Atrocity) Posts: 553 Thanked: 285 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Well, thats a first. 42L in repairs is so crazy a figure that itll take me weeks to digest that amount. I can understand her plight though, inflated bills are common amongst the A.S.S . Humorous Epitaphs: I told you I was sick. Here lies Walter Dudley. He found out too late, Dobermans aren't cuddly. Here lies Bill Boller He got ran over by A steam roller (This tombstone is very tall and narrow as if to match the victim) Mary Lass Missed the brake and hit the gas Jim Migg Would like for you to dig I was Fred Now I'm dead Mary Aster Should have j-walked a little faster C. Dracula 1236 1458 1527 1703 1823 1995 Here lies my wife, I bid her goodbye. She rests in peace And now so do I. Here lies Vlad the Impaler He bit off more than he could chew Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy He will rise again Here I lie And no wonder I'm dead, For the wheel of a semi Went over my head. Here lies Lester More. 4 shots with a .44 No Les, no more ... Here lies Frank Dead by gun Caught in bed By another's husband Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow? Quite well I bet since it's well fed by your body down below. Here lies the Father of 29 There would have been more but he didn't have time First a cough Carried me off Then in a coffin They carried me off Here lies my wife In Earthy mould Who when she lived Did naught but scold Good friends go softly In your walking Lest she should wake And rise up talking He got a fishbone in his throat Which made him sing an angel's note Here lies the Popular, Kevin O'Tool. He thought it was Cool, To Smoke at School. Here lies Johnny Yeast "Pardon me for not rising." Here Lies Ron D. Vous He met with death. Gil A. Teen A Tisket A Casket His Head is in the Basket Here lies Kelly We buried him today He lived the life of Riley When Riley was away Bob took time from work By bourbon required Then he took to the road Now he's semi-retired Once I wasn't Then I was Now I ain't again Here lies Bill He always lied And he always will He lied once too often And now he lies still When your razor is dull But you need a shave Think of the man Who lies in this grave It does my heart a world of good To see you in a box of wood In loving memory from your grieving widow... You slept with them all.. Now sleep with this Any day above ground Is a good day A few from the Haunted Mansion at Disney World REST IN PEACE COUSIN HUET we all know you didn't do it HERE LIES GOOD OLD FRED a great big rock fell on his head DEAR DEPARTED BROTHER DAVE he chased a bear into a cave HERE LIES DEAR OLD BROTHER TOR He couldn't take it anymore

11th July 2013, 03:21	#7904
kingofmyworld BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Hyderabad / pensylvania. Posts: 816 Thanked: 536 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day. Wife: “Windows frozen.” Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.” Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

11th July 2013, 10:43	#7905
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,148 Thanked: 8,168 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread "Kitna deti hai?" Attached Thumbnails