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Old 24th March 2018, 01:02   #9931
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Everyone travels by plane, legends book a cab.

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Old 1st April 2018, 09:51   #9932
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A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''

The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''

''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''

''Yeah, he's my dad.''

''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''

The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''

''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''

The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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Old 8th April 2018, 10:06   #9933
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A rear engined 'Volvo'
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Old 10th April 2018, 08:07   #9934
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One meme from my side. In the light of the ball tampering incident.
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Old 14th April 2018, 16:42   #9935
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Default Satire - Traffic rules for driving on the wrong side of the road

Office of the Frustrated Motorists of Bangalore
Middle of Nagwara Junction
Bangalore - 560045
14th April 2018

Do No 435/16/346A/FMB/2018-16

Dear Sirs

The Motorists Community of Bangalore is considering an amendment to the Motor Vehicles Act to provide guidance for vehicles driving on the wrong side of the road. It is recognised that in Bangalore the number of vehicles driving on the wrong side of the road have exceeded the number of vehicles driving on the right side of the road. It is therefore in the public interest that clear rules are formulated in this regard.

The draft rules titled "The Bangalore Motor Vehicles (Wrong Side ) Rules 2018 " are hereby being released for public comment & consultation. It has been reported to this office that your forum represents drivers who are (mostly) driving on the right side of the road. We are therefore seeking your opinion on these draft rules so that they may be considered before the final Rules are framed and enacted.

Please submit your final comments to this office on or before 13th May, 2018. Please circumscribe your envelope "Team-BHP Infraction"


-sd-

Assistant Deputy Chief Officer (Acting)
Office of the Frustrated Motorists of Bangalore

Last edited by Secretariat : 14th April 2018 at 21:32.
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Old 14th April 2018, 17:10   #9936
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Default Satire - Traffic rules for driving on the wrong side of the road

The Bangalore Motor Vehicles (Wrong Side) Rules 2018
DRAFT

CHAPTER 1


1. Short title, extent and commencement
(1) These rules may be called the Bangalore Motor Vehicles (Wrong Side) Rules, 2018.
(2) They shall extend only to the city of Bangalore, Karnataka.
(3) They shall come into force on the First day of May, 2018.
2. Need for these Rules
(1) It is recognised that in the city of Bangalore more people drive on the wrong side of the road than on the right side of the road.

(2) The current Motor Vehicles Act is silent on the rules governing driving on the wrong side of the road.

(3) It is therefore considered expedient in the public interest to frame clear rules to guide motorists to drive correctly on the wrong side of the road.

CHAPTER 2

3. Definition of Lanes
(1) The left most lane on any road is exclusively meant for 2 wheelers coming in the opposite direction.

(2) The second and third lanes are exclusively reserved for traffic going in the forward direction.

(3) The right extreme lane (often erroneously called as the fast lane) is meant for
a. Four wheelers coming on the wrong side of the road
b. Two wheelers who are preparing to dart into the opposing side of the road
c. Trucks and buses who have broken down and are denoted by some leaves placed on their rear
d. Yellow board taxis who have had a puncture and whose tires are being replaced
(4) It is expressly clarified that no matter how wide the road is , these four lane rules shall apply.

(5) When a vehicle is parked in the left most lane, right of way on the second lane is for the 2 wheeler coming in the wrong direction.

(6) These definition of lanes cater also to single carriageways where they will apply head on , on both sides.

CHAPTER 3

4. Rules regarding Lights
(1) Any vehicle coming on the wrong side of the road must have their headlamps in high beam. It is preferable that high powered lights are fitted so that oncoming drivers can be blinded as effectively as possible.
(2) It is optional for such vehicles to have their hazard warning lights on.
5. Rules regarding turn indicators
(1) Vehicles coming on the wrong side of the road should not use their turn indicators at all . (Note that Rule 4 (2) encourages them to be used as hazard warning lights).
(2) Any vehicle signalling with their turn indicator is liable to face a penalty of a maximum of Rs 1000 or simple imprisonment not exceeding six months , or both.

CHAPTER 4

6. Special Rules for Two Wheelers
(1) There must be at least 3 people riding on the two wheeler. If any of the riders are less than 12 years of age, the minimum number of riders shall be 4.
(2) The driver shall carry his helmet on the arm. Under no circumstances shall he wear it on his head. Only ISI mark helmets are allowed.
(3) The driver shall speak into the mobile phone for the entire duration of driving on the wrong side of the road. He shall not use the left hand to hold the phone and instead cradle the phone between his neck and the head with the head tilted at a minimum of 35 degrees from the vertical.

CHAPTER 5

7. Rules at Traffic Junctions
(1) Traffic lights shall have the following meaning for vehicles coming on the wrong direction of the road
a. Red means Go
b. Amber means Go
c. Green means Go
(2) At any traffic junction vehicles coming from the wrong side of the road may either continue on the wrong side of the road or change to the opposite side. Such change can be executed at any time while crossing the junction and shall have right of way.

CHAPTER 6

8. Service lanes
(1) For sake of abundant clarity it is hereby reiterated that these Rules are applicable to service lanes to National & State Highways as well. Motorists are encouraged to avail of this facility and drive on the wrong side of service lanes.

(2) It is recognised that all service lanes have either craters of a minimum dimension of 3ft by 2 ft by 4 ft or a lake of equal dimensions. Therefore the lane rules stated in 3 above do not apply to service lanes and any vehicle can occupy any lane.

Chapter 7

9. U Turns
(1) Vehicles coming on the wrong side of the road are permitted to do a U turn anywhere and at any point in time. This provision is to enable them to do an instant U turn at the sight of a Traffic Cop in the distance. Vehicles coming on the right side of the road must give way for those taking U turns.

(2) A minimum of 6 points must be executed while performing a U turn. 3 point U turns are not permitted.
(3) All vehicles coming on the wrong side may, at any time, cross the divider and move on to the right side . Both 2 wheelers and 4 wheelers are allowed to climb the divider and cross over for this purpose. Vehicles coming on the right side shall patiently wait while this maneuver is completed.
(4) Vehicles coming on the right side of the road shall not honk while maneuvers described in (1) , (2) and (3) above are being carried out. If they do provisions of Chapter 8 relating to Road Rage shall apply.

CHAPTER 8

10. Road Rage
(1) In recognition of the extreme stress faced by drivers coming on the wrong side of the road, it is allowed that they freely curse those coming on the right side of the road.
(2) In accordance with Karnataka Promotion of Local Language Act, such cursing is permitted only in Kannada.
(3) Drivers of vehicles coming on the right side of the road shall keep their mouths firmly shut and enjoy the colourful insults, especially on the questions of their parentage and the status of the female members of their family. If they open their mouth they shall be liable to face a penalty of a maximum of Rs 1000 or simple imprisonment not exceeding six months , or both.

CHAPTER 9

11. Pedestrians
(1) Pedestrians are expected to look both sides before crossing the road. If they only look right, and are run over by a two wheeler coming on the wrong side, then there is no liability on the two wheeler and it is entirely the fault of the pedestrian.

(2) Pedestrians are required to move only sideways while walking on a road. This is to enable them to look both right and left , to ensure that they sight vehicles coming on the wrong side of the road early.

(3) Pedestrians are required to do the 360 degree head rotate while they are shuffling sideways along the edge of the road. The sequence and purpose of the rotation is described below
- First right to check vehicles coming on the right side of the road.
- Then down to avoid the crater, lake, fallen board having 136 photographs of politicians looking like constipated owls, egestion output of various animals, etc.
- Then left to check vehicles coming on the wrong side of the road.
- Then up to avoid being entangled by electrical / cable TV wires.

CHAPTER 10

12. Monitoring and Penalties

(1) Traffic policemen shall be deployed at strategic locations to check on compliance with the said rules. They shall be deployed in teams of 2 - one facing the right side of the road and one facing the wrong side of the road to effectively catch offenders.

(2) The maximum fine for offences under this rule is Rs 1000. This can be compounded by a discrete folded note of Rs 100 slipped unobtrusively (amount increases to Rs 200 at monthends to ensure no loss of lifestyle to public servants in the difficult last week of the month) .

Last edited by Secretariat : 14th April 2018 at 21:51.
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Old 21st April 2018, 16:23   #9937
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Check out the last line in the "Desired Skills" section
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Old 21st April 2018, 16:53   #9938
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretariat View Post
[center][center][u][b]The Bangalore Motor Vehicles (Wrong Side) Rules ....
I have heard of hubbies howlers. These may be classified as 'Roadies Howlers'. Absolutely hilarious, hats-off to you for conjuring/compiling the above 'rules'
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Old 25th April 2018, 11:58   #9939
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AMG Power View Post
Check out the last line in the "Desired Skills" section
Team-BHP.com would put Kumbakarna to shame??

That is what I am able to read with our forum's watermark on the image, But I got the joke
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Old 25th April 2018, 19:31   #9940
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Dude 1 took lift from his friend Dude 2. Soon they approached a red light. Dude 2 just kept going through it.
Dude 1 (shocked): "Yaar, tune red light jump kar di?" (Dude, you jumped a red light?)
Dude 2: "Yaar, hum sher hain. Yeh mamooli red light hamein kya rokegi !!" (Man, I am a lion. How can this puny red light stop me!")

Dude 1 wisely decides to never take a lift from Dude 2 again.
Few days later, Dude 1 gets to know that Dude 2 had a serious road accident and is hospitalized. He goes to the hospital to meet him.

Dude 1: "Kaise hua accident ? Zaroor tune red light jump ki hogi." (How did the accident happen? You must have been jumping a red light again)
Dude 2: "Nahin yaar. Meri to green thi." (No man, the light was green)
Dude 1: "To fir?" (Then?)
Dude 2: "Is baar sher doosri taraf se aa raha tha". (This time there was a lion coming from the other side)
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Old 2nd May 2018, 10:07   #9941
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A hilariously written classifieds ad of a '99 Corolla recently went viral - link.
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Old 7th May 2018, 14:36   #9942
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This one is epic -

Paying tribute to the practical wisdom of Punelite elite class

Open parking, hot summer and three salutes to this super brain, who uses the windshield areas to get rid of moisture and insects on the stored grains. Simple Desi Jugaad that gives peace of mind (birds, theft and dust).

Courtesy : FB
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Old 12th May 2018, 21:23   #9943
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Default Re: The Official Joke thread

saw these and thought of sharing.
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Old 14th May 2018, 11:17   #9944
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Home of a true petrol head !!!
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Old 25th May 2018, 03:42   #9945
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Almost fell off my chair....
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