The Official Joke thread

rsjaurr · 16th January 2007, 19:02

This year's "Not My Job" award.

And winner is.........

Mushroom!!!!!!

shebz7 · 16th January 2007, 21:07

ONLY IN BRITAIN

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub
for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian
curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture
nd watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British
thing of all?

Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and!!!!!
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
>>ambulance.
>>
>> Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the
>>way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while
>>healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
>>
>> Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large
>>fries, and a DIET coke.
>>
>> Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the
>>pens to the counters.
>>
>> Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on
>>the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
>>
>> Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls
>>and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
>>didn't want to talk to in the first place.
>>
>> Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of
>>a skating rink.
>>
>> NOT TO MENTION...
>>
>> 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their
>>tongue.
>> 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
>> shirts.
>> 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
>>screwdrivers.
>> 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree
>>while the fairy lights were plugged in.
>> 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
>>decorations were chocolate.
>> British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after *****er
>>pulling accidents.
>> 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys
>>pulled out of the soles of their feet.
>> 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a
>>lit cigarette in their mouth.
>> A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years
>>after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
>> 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of
>>Control Scalextric cars.
>>
>> And finally.........
>>
>> In 2000 eight Brits *****ed their skull whilst throwing up into
>>the toilet.
>>

PS: If ppl frm Britain think its offensive, mods delete d post.....

Sam Kapasi · 19th January 2007, 19:25

Speaking of the British, Here's more news from there.

v1p3r · 24th January 2007, 19:15

Car Wars: Hilarious!!!

Aditya · 26th January 2007, 07:15

Came across this truck at Bombay Central yesterday morning.

What are you thinking?

normally_crazy · 26th January 2007, 11:03

Hey Addy , Hope a certain Ms P wasnt driving that

iraghava · 26th January 2007, 12:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by normally_crazy

Hey Addy , Hope a certain Ms P wasnt driving that

Oh Man that's really mad!! Do they supply Ms P lookalike chicks? I would be very interested

iraghava · 26th January 2007, 12:34

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan

"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room was very quiet. Finally, Larry, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked the instructor.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

************************************************** *********

Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth!

This particular genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"

Immediately the genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

aZa · 26th January 2007, 13:58

Hilarious stuff V1p3r!!!!

Wheres your head at?

elf · 26th January 2007, 14:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aditya

Came across this truck at Bombay Central yesterday morning.

What are you thinking?

'Zorabian Chicks' is a chicken farm owned by the Zorabians who have also produced a very lovely daughter & a restaurant called 'Gondola' at Pali Market in Bandra.

The name's ostensibly very tongue-in-cheek, considering the fact that the aforementioned lovely daughter is also their chief spokesperson...

elf · 27th January 2007, 19:25

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So!"

"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"

"It evens itself out, each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

sreenivass · 27th January 2007, 19:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by elf

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So!"

"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"

"It evens itself out, each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

a really funny one elf.

Sam Kapasi · 27th January 2007, 21:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by elf

'Zorabian Chicks' ...tongue-in-cheek, considering the fact that the aforementioned lovely daughter is also their chief spokesperson...

I'd like to add that I think the name existed before she did. God bless her but It's just that all these chicken pieces keep coming to mind and it's WRONG to think like that.

Perizaad is really lovely

.

Anyways, here's another newpaper clip:

Steeroid · 27th January 2007, 22:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by iraghava

Immediately the genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

Nice one! Reminds me of this:

Three friends - a Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde were stranded on a desert island after their speedboat overturned.

After months together, the sea washes up a lamp and the girls try the 'rub the lamp trick' and the Genie appears.

3 wishes are granted and as usual the two others are faster on the uptake and quickly wish themselves back home in civilization. The wishes are promptly granted and the girls are back with their families.

So the Genie taps his feet and asks the Blonde "Well ? You gotta finish before I can become free, y'know?"

And the Blonde opens her mouth for the first time "Gee I feel kinda lonely. I wish my friends were with me......"

Rehaan · 27th January 2007, 23:04

This was in another thread....

Quote:

Originally Posted by V1p3r

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudra Sen

Sorry, I can't make it this time. A huge investment is coming up soon.

Which camera are you buying?

cya
R

16th January 2007, 21:07	#1697
shebz7 Newbie Join Date: May 2006 Location: Surat Posts: 22 Thanked: 0 Times	Only In Britain ONLY IN BRITAIN Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture nd watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign. Oh and!!!!! Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an >>ambulance. >> >> Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the >>way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while >>healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. >> >> Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large >>fries, and a DIET coke. >> >> Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the >>pens to the counters. >> >> Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on >>the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. >> >> Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls >>and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we >>didn't want to talk to in the first place. >> >> Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of >>a skating rink. >> >> NOT TO MENTION... >> >> 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their >>tongue. >> 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new >> shirts. >> 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of >>screwdrivers. >> 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree >>while the fairy lights were plugged in. >> 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas >>decorations were chocolate. >> British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after ***er >>pulling accidents. >> 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys >>pulled out of the soles of their feet. >> 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a >>lit cigarette in their mouth. >> A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years >>after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. >> 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of >>Control Scalextric cars. >> >> And finally......... >> >> In 2000 eight Brits ***ed their skull whilst throwing up into >>the toilet. >> PS: If ppl frm Britain think its offensive, mods delete d post.....

26th January 2007, 07:15	#1700
Aditya Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai Posts: 17,801 Thanked: 76,768 Times View My Garage	Have a laugh! Came across this truck at Bombay Central yesterday morning. What are you thinking?

27th January 2007, 19:25	#1706
elf BANNED Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,039 Thanked: 13 Times View My Garage	Blow your own Gun...? In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So!" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out, each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

16th January 2007, 19:02	#1696
rsjaurr BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Batala Posts: 777 Thanked: 28 Times	This year's "Not My Job" award. And winner is......... Mushroom!!!!!!

19th January 2007, 19:25	#1698
Sam Kapasi Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Mumbai (but wat Posts: 6,997 Thanked: 2,378 Times View My Garage	Speaking of the British, Here's more news from there.

24th January 2007, 19:15	#1699
v1p3r Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR / DXB / LON Posts: 5,334 Thanked: 6,896 Times View My Garage	Car Wars: Hilarious!!!

26th January 2007, 11:03	#1701
normally_crazy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mumbai Posts: 4,369 Thanked: 528 Times View My Garage	Hey Addy , Hope a certain Ms P wasnt driving that

26th January 2007, 12:34	#1703
iraghava Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Bhaiyyaland Posts: 8,033 Thanked: 265 Times View My Garage	The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, Larry, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" ************************************************ ******* Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth! This particular genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" Immediately the genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

26th January 2007, 13:58	#1704
aZa Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noida / Delhi Posts: 1,595 Thanked: 21 Times View My Garage	Hilarious stuff V1p3r!!!! Wheres your head at?