[speedzak]

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf.
Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.


''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''


''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

[carzy]

Originally Posted by SumitB

Recently I came across a few amazing pictures of desperate students trying their hands at questions which they had no clue about. Some were old but a few were simply unbeatable!

That was bloody hilarious!!!!! Damn

[kuttapan]

Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four'

'Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.''

You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy 'Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.

'The Englishmen replies angrily, 'You idiot ! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!'

'Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.'
**************************************************
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You idiot!'

The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner.'

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You bloody idiot!!!'

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger
and frustration at this crime, but I will not have
any more of these outbursts from you or I shall
charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded,
'For fifteen years I lived next door to that idiot.
and every time I asked to borrow a darned spanner,
he said he didn't have one!'
*********
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.

After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, 'Why do you keep looking in your pocket?'

The man replies, 'I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home.'

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat.

After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the guests asked

'Why, that's my Speaking Clock' the man replied.

'How does it work?'

'I'll show you', the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, 'For, god's sake,
you fool, it's twenty to two in the morning!!'

************************************************** *********

[bblost]

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office where she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

from: askmen.com

[condor]

@kuttappan, 2 down, 2 to go before we make this one a 'Quattro' posting ? :-)

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/67106-post160.html

[carzy]

Sardar and his dog
-----------------

No offence meant to any Sardars or their pets

A sardar is walking around the park with 4 lovely labradors. While enjoying his brisk walk he meets an enthusiast who's real happy seeing the dogs.

Guy: Papaji, you've got wonderful dogs. What are their names ji??
Sardar: Yeh Jaspreet singh, tey woh manpreet singh, beach wala hai kawaljeet singh aur yeh akhri hai sunpreet singh.

The guy's a bit confused and flustered but manages to regain his senses....

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

Guy: Waah kya naam hain paapaji, tey aapka naam kya hai??

Paapaji: I'm Tommy!

[speedzak]

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt.
When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

[ramki067]

@speedzak... this is hilarious...

[hrag]

Not sure if these should be in the fuel price thread or the joke thread. Got these in a mail.

Some more on the same topic

[tsk1979]

Note from mod: Right now we will leave these in joke thread, in future we will move them to the fuel price thread

[nishantgandhi]

Got these in email. Quite funny indeed!

[Nikhilb2008]

Someone who was really upset with Hamilton after the Canadian GP !!

[khan_sultan]

Friends,

Found this advt in carwale.com. [http://www.carwale.com/used/CarDetails-car-D80855.html]

-----------------------------
Used Mercedes, 1997, White Color, 66,000 kms, Rs: 6,00,000.

Accessories:
Shilpa Setty's Car (Manual Transmission)

Am wondering - is 'Shilpa Shetty' the accessory and if the manual transmission is for the car or....
---------------------------------
PS: for sure it is a 'well travelled' car. I think it must be '69'-K kms driven rather than 66k as mentioned in the advt.

[condor]

Father's Day, as 'celebrated' on FM 94.3, Radio One, Bangalore :

The program last night was called "Who's your daddy night".

RJ's kept saying "Who's your daddy", and kept asking listeners to call in and dedicate their fav songs to their dad's.


Am I missing something here ?
Conception of a Question: Who's Your Daddy? (washingtonpost.com)

[toiingg]

Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer..

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're -scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

Regards,
Banta