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Old 26th February 2020, 20:59   #1
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Default What if a foodie reviewed Indian car brands

All opinions are personal, and meant for entertainment, with no malicious intent whatsoever. Hope readers take it in the right spirit and don't find it hurtful since its completely unintentional.
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Toyota
toast and cornflakes that you find in a complimentary breakfast buffet. Bland, but won't upset your stomach if you eat the same thing for breakfast everyday of the year. Morover, you are glad that they allow as many refills as you like for free, but you don't know they already deducted a hefty amount for the same in your room bill.

VW/skoda
continental cuisine served served in decent ambience in a 2/3 star hotel - hit or miss. Some of them just ok, but majority of the dishes are good. Signature/chef's special are always good. Some of the exotic seasonal dishes are so popular, you need reservations.

Maruti
street food served on paper plates. Some taste excellent, some have overambitious coriander garnish dominating everything underneath, some are just hype and nothing else. Sometimes the cooks overreach and try gourmet dishes, but owing to the higher price, they never get served beyond one day. But almost everyone who passes by, buys a quick bite - its cheap, and you can stand or sit on the pavement as you please, whilst you eat. One lomofen tablet the next morning is all it costs you, for an upset stomach if the guy adds too much mirchi and lemon. If you go complain the next day regarding questionable hygiene, the vendor smirks at you "20 rupai mein tere ko vada pav bhi chahiye, aur saath mein hand-sanitizer bhi ? chal chal bajoo mein hat, agle customer ki raasta mat rok"

Fiat
that small hole-in-a-wall restaurant which no one has heard of, and rarely anyone goes to. There are no ads in the media, not even a proper well lit signboard. Morover, the waiters are lazy and the chef isn't good at garnishing the dishes. The menu is very short. But those who know, know. The ingredients are fresh, taste is excellent and portions are big. However, the few loyal customers who regularly go there, sometimes find the restaurant closed because the staff felt lazy that day or the chef was having a cold.

Hyundai
that new Chinese restaurant which opened at the street corner, and offered reasonable taste at not so expensive rates. Stole many of the street food vendors' customers, by serving "Indianised" versions of Chinese food by omitting oyster sauce and adding paneer, garam masala and dhania. Morover, treated erstwhile street food customers to proper chairs,tables and porcelain plates. Despite the greed kicking in, and prices getting jacked up, still enjoys considerable patronage.

Merc/BMW/Audi/Porsche
5 star hotel restaurant, serving haute couture gourmet dishes at eye watering prices in excellent ambience, with live music in the background. Most of the menu tastes excellent, however, some of the dishes are surprisingly bland. USP = ridiculously small portions, because they "couldn't find plates in india that matched international sizes". Customers rarely complain, because most of them come there to take selfies and post on social media to make everyone know they are in the 5 star restaurant, rather than actually enjoy the taste. 1% of the customers actually order the right dishes and enjoy it to the point of licking their plates clean.

Mahindra
The typical punjabi dhaba on the highway. Serves large portions, however, plating and finesse are not their forte. Open 24x7 and always has customers coming and going. You can laze yourself to sleep on the charpai/cot while waiting for chotu to serve your plate; however, have to yell "chotu idhar paani maar" at times, to get your glass of water refilled. Nevertheless, there is an endless supply of raw onions, chilli and lemons. Of late, inorder to appeal to the upmarket customers, they now have family rooms with tables and chairs and also have expanded their menu from just rotis, parathas, dal and chicken, to adding pasta and noodles.

Ford
started off as a hole-in-the-wall 'fiat' restaurant, but better marketing and signboards. Enthusiastic waiters and loyal customers. But then, decided to expand rapidly and ended up expanding the menu uncontrollably, compromising ingredients and quality. Serves samosa chat, cheeseburgers and thali meals from the same kitchen. Now, has gotten into a deal with punjabi dhabas, to serve paratha's and roti's as well.

Tata
the properly indian "saravana bhavan" serving clean idli, dosa, vada in the morning, and a staple banana leaf meal for lunch. The meal has 27 side dishes which all taste good, but many times the rice that is served is under or overcooked without consistency. Frustrating, after getting the side dishes so right.

Last edited by venkyhere : 26th February 2020 at 21:22.
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Old 26th February 2020, 21:07   #2
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What about Honda. :
I think it's one of those premium restaurants which served awesome food once upon a time but it starting overcharging customers and didn't focus on improving quality of food and service and therefore it's in doldrums right now.

Mitsubishi:
Serves Japanese cuisine but has very few restaurants and not many people have been exposed to this type of cuisine.

Force motors:
I'm reminded of modified tempo Travellers turned into food trucks serving kathi rolls, burgers and other fast food.

Last edited by Storm2.0 : 26th February 2020 at 21:09.
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Old 26th February 2020, 21:25   #3
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Default re: What if a foodie reviewed Indian car brands

Quote:
Originally Posted by venkyhere View Post
Fiat
that small hole-in-a-wall restaurant which no one has heard of, and rarely anyone goes to. There are no ads in the media, not even a proper well lit signboard. Morover, the waiters are lazy and the chef isn't good at garnishing the dishes. The menu is very short. But those who know, know. The ingredients are fresh, taste is excellent and portions are big. However, the few loyal customers who regularly go there, sometimes find the restaurant closed because the staff felt lazy that day or the chef was having a cold.
Brilliant! Just too good.

Made my day sir!

Kia
Its the premium version of the Chinese restaurant. Better chairs, an awning on the footpath and takes payment via UPI and cards attracting a client base that others thought would not be keen on such a restaurant.

Last edited by blackwasp : 26th February 2020 at 21:39.
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Old 26th February 2020, 21:33   #4
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Hindustan Motors - The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel - arrived in style, everyone around died, fond memories, perennially requires maintenance but oh! the food, it's delectable Indian cuisine from all over, satisfying every palate in some way.
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Old 26th February 2020, 22:23   #5
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Default re: What if a foodie reviewed Indian car brands

Quote:
Originally Posted by venkyhere View Post

Fiat
that small hole-in-a-wall restaurant which no one has heard of, and rarely anyone goes to. There are no ads in the media, not even a proper well lit signboard. Morover, the waiters are lazy and the chef isn't good at garnishing the dishes. The menu is very short. But those who know, know. The ingredients are fresh, taste is excellent and portions are big. However, the few loyal customers who regularly go there, sometimes find the restaurant closed because the staff felt lazy that day or the chef was having a cold.
As a person who drives a Fiat every day for the past 5 years I can say there is no better way of putting it. I would like to add a few more words to your description.
" One fine day when you go there to eat you find the restaurant closed. You don't give up, you go again the next day and then the nearby shop owner tells you that they are permanently closed because they couldn't pay rent for that hole in the wall. You still won't give up, you drive to the next district the next day where they have another restaurant because you can't forget that taste and you have to have it. "
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Old 27th February 2020, 00:11   #6
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Teambhp-ians never fail to amaze me with their innovative thinking, excellent writing and a humor which is very likeable!!!

Excellent thought process and execution!
Loved every bit of what is written!

Since I am "obsesssedbyfiat" and drive a Ford for past almost a decade I can completely relate to what they have been described as!! Especially the Punjabi tadka part for Ford.

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 27th February 2020, 01:49   #7
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MG India
A swanky new restaurant that has just opened up in a crowded market area. It has good ambience, OTT interiors, waiters in kadak ironed uniforms are given tabs to take orders and all their crockery has their branding. They are trying their level best to gain attention of everyone by giving loads of offers and promo codes. Customers are lining up outside the venue and waiting time is over 45 mins. Everything is great but the innocent owner forgot to make a kitchen in his restaurant, so he tells his waiters to get food from the baju wala thela and serve it in the restaurant's branded plates.
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Old 27th February 2020, 06:53   #8
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Brilliant post as usual Venky.

Renault : Exotic flavors that the didn't suit the Indian palette for the most part until they made CrÍpes taste like a dosa.

Honda: Started serving gourmet food and ended up with an expensive Maruti menu.
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Old 27th February 2020, 09:05   #9
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Nissan

The expensive/chain franchise that's popular abroad but failed in India. Then tried to have terrible iterations of Indian food in their menu, only to slip even further.

Force

I can only think of Hyderabad's old Irani cafes. The old guard is like my gone and the current recipe is just a sad version of the past (Mercedes engine in this case) and no enthusiasm for the chef's or the owners to start something new.

Chevy

The once popular Frankie stall that nobody had any problem with. Just that they didn't change with times and shut shop without a fight even when the customers were pretty neutral.


SsangYong

The expensive gourmet dish that a big chain just launched, saying that's the start attraction but found no takers. I can only think of the Korean food tests at 5 star hotels over the weekends that many give a miss.


Volvo

That premium-affordable restaurant you'd take your girlfriend to. The foods great and continental. The owner's Chinese and has a noodles store in the street corner but is really not going to saying it out loud. Everyone's happy.

Last edited by vb-san : 27th February 2020 at 09:42. Reason: Typo corrected
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Old 27th February 2020, 09:20   #10
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PSA INDIA : Intended to have French cuisine restaurant but exploring Asian delicacies to offer but acquired by Italian-American food chain
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Old 27th February 2020, 09:37   #11
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Superb post.

Citroen India
There is a marketing buzz all around the town about the new restaurant. It promises a swanky 3 course meal. It has even promised a tiffin service with multiple cuisines. People are all excited and ride to the restaurant using google maps only to find a barren piece of land with description of how to pronounce the restaurant name in 32 different languages.

MG India
The newest restaurant on the block which has come out with a Michelin star level dish. Everyone is going gaga over it and there is a queue till next block just to have a taste of the dish.
One diner feels the fire in stomach after having the meal. The diner blames himself for having the Biryani last night and expresses full confidence in cooking skills of the restaurant. Other diners who are not so aligned get sued by the restaurant.

Last edited by vb-san : 27th February 2020 at 09:40. Reason: MG India - India was repeated; corrected
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Old 27th February 2020, 09:38   #12
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Oh my my! What a pleasant surprise for the morning. Can totally imagine the set-up in my head for all Brands and agree with the feeling I have experienced at the brands I have owned.

Sure to make my day! (and for a lot of other TeamBHPians)
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Old 27th February 2020, 10:05   #13
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An excellent way to start my Thursday.

With a huge pile of work coming my way, I am sure these cuisines that I have been served fresh in the morning will keep me energized for the entire day
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Old 27th February 2020, 10:11   #14
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Wow. What a way to start the morning. This is excellent. Thanks a lot. What about Standard, HM etc.
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Old 27th February 2020, 10:22   #15
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Nice one. My contribution:

MG India

A fancy door opens up to an up-market cafe with the London Street theme. You are made to believe as if the Queen is a frequent customer.

You order of English breakfast is served. Generous portions and fancy plating make you overlook the tacky plate the breakfast is served on. In your first bite you get that MSG (ajinomoto) undertone. You have been so brainwashed by the experience so far that you say to yourself "thats how English breakfast is supposed to be, stupid" and you gulp on believing this is the best breakfast you ever had.
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