Ahoy! woman aboard!!

woman.on.top · 3rd May 2010, 13:08

I discovered wheels rather ungracefully and in an unladylike fashion, sometime around 10, when I sneaked a ride on my brothers' bicycle. I fell on my face and scraped the skin off my elbows. Not to mention earning the annoyance and the angry moo-terings of the buffalo I 'ran' into.....my sneakapades continued and resulted in the bicycle being rendered, ummm, almost unrecognizable and unmentionable. My tenacious D note however, continued to play, if offkey, and every attempt to master the art of wheeling around resulted in a rather very predictable outcome....disaster. My mother held her head in her hands and lamented the tragedy of having a daughter who would rather ride a bike and climb trees than play with dolls. Well, I did play with dolls though....but let me not digress.

I persevered against all odds and stubbornly hung on to the thought that one day I will drive yet.....a car...something on wheels....powered.....if boys can do it, why cant I...and so on and so forth. My brothers made no bones to tell me what they thought of females driving per se and me, in particular. They laughed,sniggered, snapped, yelled, screamed, whacked me on the side of the head but the pneumatic pressure inside my brain didnt waver and the sundry nuts and bolts didnt fall out....I wasn't going to cow down and be afraid. Well, the fact was, I realised later, others were more terrified when I got on the road and behind a wheel. My dad had the greatest patience with me especially when I looked straight ahead and 'aimed' the jeep straight at the road but it decided to go left....or right....depending on its mood and proportional to the number of people on that side of the road. In time, he fell from his pedestal too and gave up on me. I didnt.

Then I got married and my now ex-husband reluctantly agreed to my demands to 'try' out the new 800. You would think it would be a cakewalk driving an 800 on an empty airstrip. Think again and unlearn. For some reason, the 800 wouldnt stay in a straight line and hurtled down the strip at alarming speeds....all on its own. Well, with a little help from my right foot maybe. I didnt realise it until I had to do something, anything, to save us from ramming into the perimeter wall of the airstrip. Before I knew it, my right foot came off the accelerator and slammed on the pedal next to it. The one they call the brake pedal. The car screeched to a halt just before the tarmac ended and the grass began and I had an epiphany. The car was not in control. I was. I had suddenly discovered the driving force behind the car. From that day onwards, the car went where I wanted it to, when I wanted it to without much resistance.

Thus empowered by that act of stopping a thing 20 times my weight with one foot, I began the journey, destination unknown, of engaging and changing gears , over-heating engines, trips to the garage alone, traffic challans, road rage, dents and bends, changing flat tyres and dhaba food. I also learnt to swear like a rapper. I didnt understand the workings of an internal combustion engine. I still don't. Now you stop sniggering and go wipe that engine oil smut off your nose. Your mommy's going to crank your carburettor and stall your engine for good, mind you. Much better.

So where was I? Yes, I peered and blinked and tried hard to figure out things under the bonnet but my bee just didnt buzz. I got it in grabs and snatches....piston, engine block, brake pads, A-Pillar, C-pillar ( why did they skip the B?) and all the terms and jargon that people spout from their exhausts. Ooops, I mean their mouths, without misfiring or missing a gear. And I drove around in several cities, including sadda Dilli and did cross country north to south and back and forth. I managed to drive a luna, a kinetic honda, a rickshaw, a huge tipper truck on a test track, a power tiller ( those things are scary,man) an old fiat, a zen, palio.....

And then life took some unexpected twists and turns, far from the idyllic sunset-lit smooth highways you are thinking of. Through all that rough ride, I drove myself and my car without an oil change or filter check. I just kept driving, changing gears as required, hoping the fuel holds and the tyres run on....Then I saw another car pull up alongside. Our souls met across the dust of the drive and before I could change from 1st gear to 2nd, we had come out of the rough and onto the smooth highway with Atif Aslam singing " Yeh Doorie" on the stereo and us holding hands across the front seats.....He made me a collection of 12 seasons of Top Gear, each cover personally designed and bar coded with my name! My internal combustion engine misfired happily. We drove off into the sunset with the 'Just Married' placard on our car in January this year.

He is my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my travel companion and an avid motorhead too. Not a day would go by when we don't drool and grunt orgasmically over some beauty on wheels and he doesn't send me some link from Team BHP. He is the reason I am here.

I like WRC. He likes F1 and GP races. I'm a Ferrari Fan whereas he's a Lambo lover. We both love travelling, photography, food exploration, music, driving trips and walking off the beaten path.

So if this posting of mine and the next 25 make it through the moderator's eye as being suitable enough,you will see me here from time to time, posting questions and comments which might make you snigger and guffaw perhaps at times. Please, juvenile delinquents don't impress me much and chauvinism backfires and sets my nitro goin.... I am in this forum because I feel there is a value proposition for me in the collective wisdom and experience of all motorheads here. Having said that, I am not here to get under the bonnet and spot-weld to amuse anyone. I am here because I love cars. There is something about them that is fascinating and irresistible. Simple enough, aight? And while I'm at it, it wont hurt to learn some too. Maybe I will someday be able to figure why they have an A-pillar and a C-pillar but not a B-pillar. Until then, hey guys, I'm in on this ride too!!!!

ifly · 3rd May 2010, 13:24

Very amusing and interestingly put. Love the part where you mention "My internal combustion engine misfired happily"

And I hope I make it thru 'til 25 posts and make it as well

akshaymahajan · 3rd May 2010, 13:34

That was one hell of an introduction. Welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay.
And am sorry to be the one to break it to you, there is a B-pillar. Its the one between the two right/left side windows.

planet_rocker · 3rd May 2010, 13:36

Superb intro woman.on.top or should i say WOT (Wide.Open.Throttle)?

something tells me - this thread will have a lot of views and lots of welcome messages

How about pics of the green FIAT Palio 1.2?

Alter_Ego · 3rd May 2010, 13:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by woman.on.top

We drove off into the sunset with the 'Just Married' placard on our car in January this year.

Damn!! Late again

Anyways welcome to t-bhp.

By the way whats ur hubby's handle.

jayanth_yk · 3rd May 2010, 13:42

Welcome aboard. Beautifully articulated note from your Introductory Combustion Engine

MX6 · 3rd May 2010, 13:42

That's a very long intro. What did you exactly mean when you stated air-strip? Were you really on some runway?

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 3rd May 2010, 13:45

The one who err... hitched to you.. is he a member here?

iron · 3rd May 2010, 13:48

There is a B pillar
behind the front seat on both sides.

Great Intro
. Welcome to the forum

phamilyman · 3rd May 2010, 14:02

What an Intro :-)

Welcome aboard!

PS: At this rate - this thread is going to get highest number of views:replies ratio
PPS: All you need to do is reply every couple of hours to the welcome responses - within a couple of days you should be over the 25 post barrier :-)

woman.on.top · 3rd May 2010, 14:03

Thanks guys for the warm welcome

I'm happy to be here!

Akshay, why are you sorry man? Thanks to you, i found the missing B-pillar. See?? First day first lesson.

MX6, I meant an airstrip where the big flying machines land and take off from and yupppp, I really was on that runway, no kidding.

My hubby's handle is vikramrsharma and palio pics on the way as soon as my connection lets me upload em. Thanks again, everybody. Drive to live!!

Lalvaz · 3rd May 2010, 14:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by planet_rocker

How about pics of the green FIAT Palio 1.2?

@Planet_rocker - I understand the Palio bit, how did you figure out that shes got a Green 1.2 Palio though?

@Woman on Top - Excellent intro, nice to see more women on board. Wish you many miles of safe driving.

shuvc · 3rd May 2010, 14:09

Welcome on board !

What a rivetting intro. Hope you write a lot more ! Enjoyed it as much as Sam's posts - and in T-BHP, as you should know by now, that means a lot !

SPIKE ARRESTOR · 3rd May 2010, 14:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by planet_rocker

Superb intro woman.on.top or should i say WOT (Wide.Open.Throttle)?

something tells me - this thread will have a lot of views and lots of welcome messages

How about pics of the green FIAT Palio 1.2?

Planet rocker

. Welcome aboard.

Spike

akshaymahajan · 3rd May 2010, 14:14

@Lalvaz: Check out the picture in her profile.
@others: My introduction got like 5 replies.

3rd May 2010, 13:08	#1
woman.on.top Newbie Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 6 Thanked: 0 Times	Ahoy! woman aboard!! I discovered wheels rather ungracefully and in an unladylike fashion, sometime around 10, when I sneaked a ride on my brothers' bicycle. I fell on my face and scraped the skin off my elbows. Not to mention earning the annoyance and the angry moo-terings of the buffalo I 'ran' into.....my sneakapades continued and resulted in the bicycle being rendered, ummm, almost unrecognizable and unmentionable. My tenacious D note however, continued to play, if offkey, and every attempt to master the art of wheeling around resulted in a rather very predictable outcome....disaster. My mother held her head in her hands and lamented the tragedy of having a daughter who would rather ride a bike and climb trees than play with dolls. Well, I did play with dolls though....but let me not digress. I persevered against all odds and stubbornly hung on to the thought that one day I will drive yet.....a car...something on wheels....powered.....if boys can do it, why cant I...and so on and so forth. My brothers made no bones to tell me what they thought of females driving per se and me, in particular. They laughed,sniggered, snapped, yelled, screamed, whacked me on the side of the head but the pneumatic pressure inside my brain didnt waver and the sundry nuts and bolts didnt fall out....I wasn't going to cow down and be afraid. Well, the fact was, I realised later, others were more terrified when I got on the road and behind a wheel. My dad had the greatest patience with me especially when I looked straight ahead and 'aimed' the jeep straight at the road but it decided to go left....or right....depending on its mood and proportional to the number of people on that side of the road. In time, he fell from his pedestal too and gave up on me. I didnt. Then I got married and my now ex-husband reluctantly agreed to my demands to 'try' out the new 800. You would think it would be a cakewalk driving an 800 on an empty airstrip. Think again and unlearn. For some reason, the 800 wouldnt stay in a straight line and hurtled down the strip at alarming speeds....all on its own. Well, with a little help from my right foot maybe. I didnt realise it until I had to do something, anything, to save us from ramming into the perimeter wall of the airstrip. Before I knew it, my right foot came off the accelerator and slammed on the pedal next to it. The one they call the brake pedal. The car screeched to a halt just before the tarmac ended and the grass began and I had an epiphany. The car was not in control. I was. I had suddenly discovered the driving force behind the car. From that day onwards, the car went where I wanted it to, when I wanted it to without much resistance. Thus empowered by that act of stopping a thing 20 times my weight with one foot, I began the journey, destination unknown, of engaging and changing gears , over-heating engines, trips to the garage alone, traffic challans, road rage, dents and bends, changing flat tyres and dhaba food. I also learnt to swear like a rapper. I didnt understand the workings of an internal combustion engine. I still don't. Now you stop sniggering and go wipe that engine oil smut off your nose. Your mommy's going to crank your carburettor and stall your engine for good, mind you. Much better. So where was I? Yes, I peered and blinked and tried hard to figure out things under the bonnet but my bee just didnt buzz. I got it in grabs and snatches....piston, engine block, brake pads, A-Pillar, C-pillar ( why did they skip the B?) and all the terms and jargon that people spout from their exhausts. Ooops, I mean their mouths, without misfiring or missing a gear. And I drove around in several cities, including sadda Dilli and did cross country north to south and back and forth. I managed to drive a luna, a kinetic honda, a rickshaw, a huge tipper truck on a test track, a power tiller ( those things are scary,man) an old fiat, a zen, palio..... And then life took some unexpected twists and turns, far from the idyllic sunset-lit smooth highways you are thinking of. Through all that rough ride, I drove myself and my car without an oil change or filter check. I just kept driving, changing gears as required, hoping the fuel holds and the tyres run on....Then I saw another car pull up alongside. Our souls met across the dust of the drive and before I could change from 1st gear to 2nd, we had come out of the rough and onto the smooth highway with Atif Aslam singing " Yeh Doorie" on the stereo and us holding hands across the front seats.....He made me a collection of 12 seasons of Top Gear, each cover personally designed and bar coded with my name! My internal combustion engine misfired happily. We drove off into the sunset with the 'Just Married' placard on our car in January this year. He is my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my travel companion and an avid motorhead too. Not a day would go by when we don't drool and grunt orgasmically over some beauty on wheels and he doesn't send me some link from Team BHP. He is the reason I am here. I like WRC. He likes F1 and GP races. I'm a Ferrari Fan whereas he's a Lambo lover. We both love travelling, photography, food exploration, music, driving trips and walking off the beaten path. So if this posting of mine and the next 25 make it through the moderator's eye as being suitable enough,you will see me here from time to time, posting questions and comments which might make you snigger and guffaw perhaps at times. Please, juvenile delinquents don't impress me much and chauvinism backfires and sets my nitro goin.... I am in this forum because I feel there is a value proposition for me in the collective wisdom and experience of all motorheads here. Having said that, I am not here to get under the bonnet and spot-weld to amuse anyone. I am here because I love cars. There is something about them that is fascinating and irresistible. Simple enough, aight? And while I'm at it, it wont hurt to learn some too. Maybe I will someday be able to figure why they have an A-pillar and a C-pillar but not a B-pillar. Until then, hey guys, I'm in on this ride too!!!!
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:24	#2
ifly BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Kolkata Posts: 37 Thanked: 272 Times	Very amusing and interestingly put. Love the part where you mention "My internal combustion engine misfired happily" And I hope I make it thru 'til 25 posts and make it as well
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:34	#3
akshaymahajan BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Delhi Posts: 597 Thanked: 449 Times	That was one hell of an introduction. Welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay. And am sorry to be the one to break it to you, there is a B-pillar. Its the one between the two right/left side windows. Last edited by akshaymahajan : 3rd May 2010 at 13:36.
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:36	#4
planet_rocker Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Bong-land Posts: 2,323 Thanked: 426 Times	Superb intro woman.on.top or should i say WOT (Wide.Open.Throttle)? something tells me - this thread will have a lot of views and lots of welcome messages How about pics of the green FIAT Palio 1.2? Last edited by planet_rocker : 3rd May 2010 at 13:38.
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:42	#6
jayanth_yk BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 314 Thanked: 2 Times	Welcome aboard. Beautifully articulated note from your Introductory Combustion Engine
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:42	#7
MX6 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: City of seven islands. Posts: 2,877 Thanked: 231 Times	That's a very long intro. What did you exactly mean when you stated air-strip? Were you really on some runway?
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:45	#8
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,522 Thanked: 752 Times	The one who err... hitched to you.. is he a member here?
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 13:48	#9
iron BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Bombay Posts: 260 Thanked: 55 Times View My Garage	There is a B pillar behind the front seat on both sides. Great Intro . Welcome to the forum
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 14:02	#10
phamilyman Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Gurgaon Posts: 5,968 Thanked: 4,642 Times	What an Intro :-) Welcome aboard! PS: At this rate - this thread is going to get highest number of views:replies ratio PPS: All you need to do is reply every couple of hours to the welcome responses - within a couple of days you should be over the 25 post barrier :-)
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 14:03	#11
woman.on.top Newbie Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 6 Thanked: 0 Times	Thanks guys for the warm welcome I'm happy to be here! Akshay, why are you sorry man? Thanks to you, i found the missing B-pillar. See?? First day first lesson. MX6, I meant an airstrip where the big flying machines land and take off from and yupppp, I really was on that runway, no kidding. My hubby's handle is vikramrsharma and palio pics on the way as soon as my connection lets me upload em. Thanks again, everybody. Drive to live!!
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 14:09	#13
shuvc Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kolkata Posts: 2,913 Thanked: 352 Times View My Garage	Welcome on board ! What a rivetting intro. Hope you write a lot more ! Enjoyed it as much as Sam's posts - and in T-BHP, as you should know by now, that means a lot !
	() Thanks

3rd May 2010, 14:14	#15
akshaymahajan BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Delhi Posts: 597 Thanked: 449 Times	@Lalvaz: Check out the picture in her profile. @others: My introduction got like 5 replies.
	() Thanks