[faustus77]

Hi everybody.
Here is a link from the Economic Times dated 19/12/2012.

Citings
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
DR RICHARD CARLSON


Often, we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. A stranger, for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified in our anger. We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind. Many of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on rather than simply let it go.
Why not, instead, simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere else? Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our own sense of well-being and avoid taking other people’s problems personally.
There are many similar, ‘small-stuff’ examples that occur every day in our lives. Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism, or do the lion’s share of the work, it pays enormous dividends if we learn not to worry about little things… Once you begin noticing yourself interrupting others, you’ll see that this insidious tendency is nothing more than an innocent habit that has become invisible to you. This is good news because it means that all you really have to do is to begin catching yourself when you forget. Remind yourself (before a conversation begins, if possible) to be patient and wait.

I wonder how many of us would be able to practice what the above piece preaches.
Regards

[rakchow]

Hey,no offense to anyone,I was childish but this not the US where people can hope someone to care,i just don't want to see loss of life or limb and people buying their freedom out.

Steven Spielberg dealt with road rage in his maiden directorial venture Duel [1971]. There were only two main characters in this action-thriller: a gentleman driving his car and a crazy truck driver [we don't see his face in the movie]. This movie portrays road rage and it's repercussions. From this movie, one can learn a few tips on how to avoid it.

[VLOCT]

The only cure I know for Road Rage - Avoid it at all costs, even to the point of ending up with an abused ego.

And absolutely avoid using your vehicle as the road rage weapon.

Reason:

60 mph (~100kph) = 88 feet per second (~27 metres per second). THINK ABOUT THIS.

Do you trust yourself to make the right decisions, under rage, in the distance the vehicle has travelled in the blink of an eye? It's simply not humany possible, EVEN WHEN STONE SOBER. Only fate or luck was on your side if you survived such an incident.

Now a safe and healthy competition is good for the soul, no doubt. But do it, if possible, on a track or a great road with little or no traffic with your well maintained vehicle.

Smile and Live.

[adimicra]

I had an incident recently.
I was waiting at the parking toll exit of a shopping mall when one middle-aged lady (in 40's) banged her BMW X5 into my car.
I was shocked, then got down and asked her whats the matter? Obviously, I was not in a happy mood. And then I looked at the damage.there was a sizable dent on the hatch door below the number plate and paint got peeled off as well plus one or 2 minor scratches on the bumper. When I asked her what about the damages, she got down, had a look and said that those damages are not made by her. I really got super pissed off and I shouted...She shouted back calling me a liar and we created quite a scene.
At one point, I seriously felt like banging her taking car by taking reverse in the parking exit. But then I thought that it would not bother her a bit...rather it could cause more pain for me.Meanwhile, other people in the queue started honking..SO I decided to move on and talk outside.
Once I was outside, I indicated her to stop the car but she accelerated as fast as possible but I was able to catch her..n asked her to stop once more. This time, she stopped.
I was super pissed off mainly because instead of apologizing she is calling me a liar...but there was absolutely no regrets from her. After sometime, I felt like beating a dead horse and moved on after some more heated arguments.
I am sure I did not handle the situation well but I wonder what I could have done. Please advise

[SDP]

Originally Posted by adimicra

I had an incident recently.

Sorry to hear about the incident. Hope the insurance takes care of it and brings back the vehicle to its original shape soon.

....but I wonder what I could have done. Please advise

How about calming saying to her "I feel sorry for you that although your family can afford a X5, they could not afford basic schooling for you where they teach how to own up your mistakes and say sorry." ?

On second thoughts, even if delivered with absolute calm, this statement could be taken as an insult and could lead to more road-rage. I give up.

[yogibear007]

Originally Posted by adimicra

I am sure I did not handle the situation well but I wonder what I could have done. Please advise

The situation was handled perfectly well. You could have avoided the second encounter after seeing the attitude through the initial one itself but then you could have gone on thinking that it could have been done a better way. So whatever has happened, ultimately the good sense prevailed and you came through quite OK.
I think the only way this can be prevented is to keep your self always on the right side of the rule books and go on with your daily activities. Agree that there would be heart burns, but then they won't be prevented either in case you take the agitated way too. Right? So, well done and carry on .

[ghodlur]

Originally Posted by adimicra

I am sure I did not handle the situation well but I wonder what I could have done. Please advise

Sorry to hear about the damage to your car. I dont know if the advise is extreme, but you shouldnt have budged from the spot until the lady apologises and pays for the damage. I hope you would have clicked the lady's pic and of the car she was driving. File a case or put it on the traffic facebook (if Hyd has it).
The incessant honking would have infact helped you in getting your point to the lady (should I keep referring to her as lady after what she's done?).
If you want to forget and move on, then you have accepted that this can happen again with you and anyone.

[adimicra]

Thanks for your response.

I am still thinking about the incident...and it still leaves me dumbstruck.
I have had my share of incidents in the last 10 years....but never ever this kind of thing happened to me. I wonder how can someone hit my car which is stationary and then bluntly deny the damage cause and then call me a liar.

@ghodlur, I think your advise is wrong. The reason I moved out of the parking lot was bcoz I did not want to cause further discomfort to others for no fault of theirs. Otherwise, what's the difference between me and this lady? I remembered how angry I get when two people stop their cars in the middle of the road and argue/fight.
I think I put across my point.
When she could not get away the second time and had to stop, she was definitely perturbed. Actually, she did budge a little bit and kind of agreed that it was her fault but she still claimed that I was lieing and the damage to the car was not caused by her.
Did she really believe I was lieing? Otherwise, she was really smart and may be experienced...I could not have thought of reacting in this way.

@SDP, I dont think that would have worked given her attitude.

@yogibear007, I too think the 2nd incident could have been avoided...but I could not quite digest the fact that someone hits my stationary car, damages it and then shouts at me calling a liar.

Sometimes, I feel I should have taught her a lesson by damamging her car as well..but that would not have made any difference to her..she will ask one of her servants/driver to get it repaired and the bill amount would be negligible to her family.

What I have realized over the years is that this super rich people behave as badly as the local goons, bhais,politicians. Who knows, she could be daughter/wife of some big shot businessman or politician and thinks that she can get away with anything.

Also, if some moron hits your car, you can't do anything unless the other guy accepts to pay for damages which I believe is the rarest thing to happen in India. Of course, you can try to take 'panga' and force the issue but you never know what you are getting into. Once, I had an incident where a biker hit my car from back and I asked him to pay for the damage. I said you can't leave unless you pay...He said OK and then made a phone call...in no time, 2-3 guys came on bikes and I was surrounded.
Best you can hope is an apology.

[ghodlur]

Originally Posted by adimicra

@ghodlur, I think your advise is wrong. The reason I moved out of the parking lot was bcoz I did not want to cause further discomfort to others for no fault of theirs. Otherwise, what's the difference between me and this lady?

Maybe I am wrong. But had the lady accepted her fault, I would have appreciated you moving out of the parking and discussed outside. Then it would have been a truly gentleman-lady talk.
Surely there must have been witness to this rear ending. Just keep yourself in the lady's shoes and imagine whether the other person would have reacted similarly and moved outside. Sometimes retracting in a situation doesnt help. I may be wrong again here.

[saket77]

My car was banged last week. It was a clear cut case of the other driver's fault, which in fact the other driver accepted, since that doctor hit a traffic metal barricade which 'flew' & hit my car. I asked him to compensate for the loss, which he agreed and gave me his phone number telling me that he will make good the loss I suffer after claiming my insurance.

Suddenly some of his relatives come to the spot, apparently to help him out and starts arguing with me with an insane logic! He denied any compensation to be paid by their side and said that 'we are not responsible for all vehicles travelling on the road' I simply told him that if he is trying to help his relative then the thing is that we already have had a gentleman's talk and I am not filing a complaint. If you don't want to create more troubles for your relative, don't argue needlessly. And then he felt humiliated and did not utter too much.

I will be getting my car and the final bill probably today after the repair. Will give him a call and see if the other guy keeps his words.

[adimicra]

Originally Posted by ghodlur

Maybe I am wrong. But had the lady accepted her fault, I would have appreciated you moving out of the parking and discussed outside. Then it would have been a truly gentleman-lady talk.
Surely there must have been witness to this rear ending. Just keep yourself in the lady's shoes and imagine whether the other person would have reacted similarly and moved outside. Sometimes retracting in a situation doesnt help. I may be wrong again here.

She kind of accepted her fault but she was not ready to accept the damage was caused by her.

So, you are saying that I should have created a bigger scene.
There were witnesses and they were called as well. But her point was not that she did not bang her car into mine. She accpeted that she banged.

Her point was as follows -
When we got out of the car to check the damage, the bumpers were touching. But there was some gap between the nose of her car and my hatch door. What had happened was the nose had hit my car causing dent and then recoiled (bumper being elastic?). Her confidence was to be seen to have believed.

What would I have done staying there for any longer?

[Dry Ice]

Originally Posted by adimicra

She kind of accepted her fault but she was not ready to accept the damage was caused by her.

So, you are saying that I should have created a bigger scene.
There were witnesses and they were called as well. But her point was not that she did not bang her car into mine. She accpeted that she banged.

Her point was as follows -
When we got out of the car to check the damage, the bumpers were touching. But there was some gap between the nose of her car and my hatch door. What had happened was the nose had hit my car causing dent and then recoiled (bumper being elastic?). Her confidence was to be seen to have believed.

What would I have done staying there for any longer?

Did you happen to notice if any CCTV was covering the entry/exit? Basically something showing your car as 'not damaged' prior to the hit.

But I agree, that's a googly she threw. You should have at least clicked a pic at the site, incl. her car/reg. number.

[adimicra]

Originally Posted by Dry Ice

Did you happen to notice if any CCTV was covering the entry/exit? Basically something showing your car as 'not damaged' prior to the hit.

But I agree, that's a googly she threw. You should have at least clicked a pic at the site, incl. her car/reg. number.

No, the CCTV thing did not struck me.
Well, can you tell me what's the benefit in clicking a pic?

[Dry Ice]

Originally Posted by adimicra

No, the CCTV thing did not struck me.
Well, can you tell me what's the benefit in clicking a pic?

You can file a complaint with that and if required even claim the damage from her insurance. But its a very long drawn process and even your car would need to be left at the station.