[rascalangel]

Is there a option of selecting a child from a particular age group? I mean say 0 to 1 year or 5 year and above? Or the proposals are random?

[The Rationalist]

That’s a great thing to do tejas08. Congrats to both of you. I also want to adopt a kid, hope my daughter will be appreciative of that later. And about sharing photos on public forums, I would be hesitant. To me even a child has a right to privacy. So I haven’t put up my daughters photos anywhere online. Wishes for your angel.

[tejas08]

Originally Posted by The Rationalist

That’s a great thing to do tejas08. Congrats to both of you. I also want to adopt a kid, hope my daughter will be appreciative of that later. And about sharing photos on public forums, I would be hesitant. To me even a child has a right to privacy. So I haven’t put up my daughters photos anywhere online. Wishes for your angel.

Thanks for your wishes! I do hope you go ahead with the decision of adoption. Let me know if I can be of any help anytime during the process.

Originally Posted by rascalangel

Is there a option of selecting a child from a particular age group? I mean say 0 to 1 year or 5 year and above? Or the proposals are random?

Age Groups are made for Adoption Process as 0-2 years, 2-4 years, 4-8 years or 8 Years & above.

There are restrictions on the age of the Prospective Adoptive Parents too. Sum of the ages of PAP should be less than 90 to adopt a child in the 0-2 Years category. Similar Age criteria for others too.

Originally Posted by ALTIMAed

On the same subject, is it right for the adoptive parents inform the child that he / she has been adopted. Is there a correct age as to when to tell the child or should this never be disclosed.

A couple of decades ago, it would have been easier to keep this a secret from your child. In today's world, it is not.

During our Adoption counselling by the Specialized Adoption Agency, they made it clear that do not hide this from the child as if the child comes to know at a later date on his / her own, things can be catastrophic. We were told to start telling them stories about adoption etc. right from an early age and give them signs that the child is special for the parents for the same reason as they are not the real parents. Difficult to convey through typing of what exactly I would want to say. But I guess, this should give you an idea.

[rascalangel]

Thanks for clarifying that. Also forgot to wish you. Happy parenthood!! It’s wonderful. I’ve got a kid who’ll complete a year soon. We Are thinking of adopting for second one.

[Thad E Ginathom]

Originally Posted by ALTIMAed

On the same subject, is it right for the adoptive parents inform the child that he / she has been adopted. Is there a correct age as to when to tell the child or should this never be disclosed.

Originally Posted by tejas08

... ... ... During our Adoption counselling by the Specialized Adoption Agency, they made it clear that do not hide this from the child as if the child comes to know at a later date on his / her own, things can be catastrophic. We were told to start telling them stories about adoption etc. right from an early age and give them signs that the child is special for the parents for the same reason as they are not the real parents. Difficult to convey through typing of what exactly I would want to say. But I guess, this should give you an idea.

Adopted child here! Every child needs two things: to be physically brought into the world, and to be nurtured and cared for until they grow up. It does not have to be done by the same people.

Of course, I am very much in favour of adoption. My adopted parents gave me life just as much as the mother that brought me into the world. As I was adopted as an small infant, I have no memory of any other mother or father apart from the ones that adopted me.

I don't know how it is here, but in my mother country, it would be hard to never find out. I went for a birth-certificate copy, could not find my name under my birth date, and then realised there was an adoption register. I cannot say for sure how my parents handled this situation before my concious memory, but I can say that I always knew. The earliest thing that I recall is that I used to enjoy the story of how my parents wanted a little boy with blue eyes to name... well, not actually Thad . Somehow, that is how they dealt with it, and did so with wisdom.

Don't think there won't be hard times. Many a born child has tantrums, tells the parents, "I'm not your child, can't be!" That's life: we hurt our parents we hurt our teachers, and, as the songs says, something like, we hurt the ones we love.

Here's another snippet, though. Born-child tantrum: "You never wanted me, I must have been a mistake." I remember my mother telling me, "If there is one thing an adopted child can never doubt is that they were very much planned, very much wanted."

So that is a little of my story from being on the receiving end. Told with a tear in my eye.

Congratulations, Tejas, on the new angel in your life (but don't expect her to always be angelic ). You have done a great thing. And you and Mrs Tejas will be her mum and dad as much as any.

[tejas08]

Originally Posted by rascalangel

Thanks for clarifying that. Also forgot to wish you. Happy parenthood!! It’s wonderful. I’ve got a kid who’ll complete a year soon. We Are thinking of adopting for second one.

Thanks a lot!

Originally Posted by Thad E Ginathom

Adopted child here! Every child needs two things: to be physically brought into the world, and to be nurtured and cared for until they grow up. It does not have to be done by the same people.

Of course, I am very much in favour of adoption. My adopted parents gave me life just as much as the mother that brought me into the world. As I was adopted as an small infant, I have no memory of any other mother or father apart from the ones that adopted me.

I don't know how it is here, but in my mother country, it would be hard to never find out. I went for a birth-certificate copy, could not find my name under my birth date, and then realised there was an adoption register. I cannot say for sure how my parents handled this situation before my concious memory, but I can say that I always knew. The earliest thing that I recall is that I used to enjoy the story of how my parents wanted a little boy with blue eyes to name... well, not actually Thad . Somehow, that is how they dealt with it, and did so with wisdom.

Don't think there won't be hard times. Many a born child has tantrums, tells the parents, "I'm not your child, can't be!" That's life: we hurt our parents we hurt our teachers, and, as the songs says, something like, we hurt the ones we love.

Here's another snippet, though. Born-child tantrum: "You never wanted me, I must have been a mistake." I remember my mother telling me, "If there is one thing an adopted child can never doubt is that they were very much planned, very much wanted."

So that is a little of my story from being on the receiving end. Told with a tear in my eye.

Congratulations, Tejas, on the new angel in your life (but don't expect her to always be angelic ). You have done a great thing. And you and Mrs Tejas will be her mum and dad as much as any.

That is very deep man! I am moved.

Well here, we will get a birth certificate with our names as her parents. We can get the birth certificate issued once the adoption decree is with us. However, as I said earlier, we do not plan to hide anything from the child. Let's see how life goes.

[V.Narayan]

Originally Posted by tejas08

I am delighted to share my experience on this topic because me & my wife recently concluded the adoption process of a cute little angel.

Congratulations. What a wonderful thing to do. My best wishes to all three of you. Your time starts now buddy....

Originally Posted by Thad E Ginathom

My adopted parents gave me life just as much as the mother that brought me into the world. As I was adopted as an small infant, I have no memory of any other mother or father apart from the ones that adopted me.

Dear Thad, thank you for sharing this very personal story.

A cousin of mine and his wife could not conceive a child they wanted very much. So they adopted a boy. So far so good. Lad grows to age of 4. And then viola my cousin's wife conceives and another boy came along. Both my nephews are full grown men now. Nature has strange ways.

[Thad E Ginathom]

Originally Posted by tejas08

That is very deep man! I am moved.

Originally Posted by V.Narayan

Dear Thad, thank you for sharing this very personal story.

All credit to my adopting parents.

A cousin of mine and his wife could not conceive a child they wanted very much. So they adopted a boy. So far so good. Lad grows to age of 4. And then viola my cousin's wife conceives and another boy came along. Both my nephews are full grown men now. Nature has strange ways.

Yes, nature does odd things like that. A colleague of mine went through a heap of fertility stuff, gave it all up. and quite a while later had two children.

[joe_antony]

Awesome, Congrats Tejas. The process looks terrifying though. I had always wanted to do this, I have a belief that its my purpose of life, but I have an issue : my wife is not for it, she is afraid if she would be able to treat him / her equal to our own kids. I am trying my best to convince her, but don't want to force her. I am waiting patiently that she will change one day.

[arvind71181]

Originally Posted by tejas08

Thanks a lot!



That is very deep man! I am moved.

Well here, we will get a birth certificate with our names as her parents. We can get the birth certificate issued once the adoption decree is with us. However, as I said earlier, we do not plan to hide anything from the child. Let's see how life goes.

Congrats Tejas. Happy Happy parenting.

Even though this is shifting gears, this thread deserves the thanks button for all the posts

[Rakkum13]

Originally Posted by tejas08

Something struck me that there must be a thread related to Adoption on Team-BHP as BHPians have almost discussed all the possible topics on the forums.

Well done and congrats Tejas and better half. Thanks to people like you, children who otherwise would have to spend their lives devoid of parental love, are now blessed.

[Ruchitya]

Came to the thread thinking you bought a pre-owned vehicle! Not disappointed though. Wish you all the very best.

[cityslicker86]

Originally Posted by tejas08

Something struck me that there must be a thread related to Adoption on Team-BHP as BHPians have almost discussed all the possible topics on the forums.

I am delighted to share my experience on this topic because me & my wife recently concluded the adoption process of a cute little angel.

Congratulations to you and your wife! May God bless you all with joy and prosperity!

Also, thanks for highlighting the updates in the process. Very useful info. My wife and I have deliberated (albeit lightly) adopting a child. Your post will help people like us. On a lighter note, if the wait is reduced from 1.5-2 years to 9 months, then the waiting period will be on par with waiting period for child birth and there will be no complaints

I can only imagine your joy of becoming parents. Cherish the special moment in your life and keep guiding other prospective adoptive parents. Best Wishes!

[Enobarbus]

Hearty congratulations Tejas. God bless your little angel

Originally Posted by V.Narayan

. So they adopted a boy. So far so good. Lad grows to age of 4. And then viola my cousin's wife conceives and another boy came along. Both my nephews are full grown men now. Nature has strange ways.

Yes indeed, nature has strange ways and sometimes, some people get the raw end.
One of my friends was born to poor parents and was adopted by very rich childless relatives as an infant. He was never told that he was an adopted child. When he was between 6 and 8 years old, his adopted parents had two natural born children! They disclosed the fact that he was an adopted child when he was 8 and within 6 months after that, they returned him to his natural parents . (They didn't do any legal paper work or any such thing at the time of adoption).

Our friend had a very tough time adjusting to poverty.
To his credit, he rose from the adversity to become extremely successful in life. I am proud to say he is my friend.

[ALTIMAed]

Originally Posted by Thad E Ginathom

Adopted child here! Every child needs two things: to be physically brought into the world, and to be nurtured and cared for until they grow up. It does not have to be done by the same people.

Of course, I am very much in favour of adoption. My adopted parents gave me life just as much as the mother that brought me into the world. As I was adopted as an small infant, I have no memory of any other mother or father apart from the ones that adopted me.

Here's another snippet, though. Born-child tantrum: "You never wanted me, I must have been a mistake." I remember my mother telling me, "If there is one thing an adopted child can never doubt is that they were very much planned, very much wanted."

So that is a little of my story from being on the receiving end. Told with a tear in my eye.

You made me tear too! In India, I feel this is a very sensitive topic as society looks down upon a woman (unfortunately not the man) in case she is not able to conceive.

Adoptive parents would like to keep the fact under wraps for as long as possible.