Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..

Up to 60.

"I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.

"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.

"The airbag."

Moral of the Story: Women are clever. Don't mess with
them

:)

hahhaah guys this one really cracked me up !!!i just couldnt beleive this

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them

"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the
Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is
designed to karry 5 persons."

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car
and you are thereforea breaking the law."

The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your

zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more
intelligence!"

"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come.

He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

rl:

this one is one of the MALE blonde jokes ......

Three business men were sittting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first one says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we dont even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car and she doesnt even know how to drive!"

The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when i think about it," he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her and she doesnt even have a penis"

lol:

was reading this one out to my yonger brother he didnt understand it at first but then he got the pic !!

An airplane was going down & everybody knew they would
crash in the Ocean below.

The rich lady takes off all of her clothes and puts on
every Diamond she has on her body! The passengers all
look at her and say what are you doing? She Says "When
we are in the ocean my diamonds will sparkle and will
be the first one they find!"

Then another woman takes off all her clothes and
covers herself With $100 | dollar bills! The
passengers all look at her, and she says, "When we are
in the ocean the $100 dollar bills will be floating
all around me and they will find me first!!!!!

THEN a black lady tears off part of her clothes and just
gets butt naked!!!!!! All the passengers look at her
and ask, "What are you doing?" The Black lady says...
"GIRL you know they always look for the black box
first!!!!!!!!!!!

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand; a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked "Mrs. Jones do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said; "If either of you *******s asks her if she knows
me, I'll throw your sorry butts in jail for contempt."

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she hadto walk home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any I'll effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other "$#%^&" and ripped three more,
which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

rl: rl:

Ganguly .... Ganguly ... & more Ganguly
Q : Which was the hottest place in B'lore Chinnaswami
Stadium for the past few days?
A: The seat Ganguly was sitting in while in the
Pavillion.

1) What is common to a 100 mtrs race and Ganguly's
innings?
Ans: They both last for the same time

2) How can u say "Get Out" to Ganguly politely?
Ans: Ask him to go to bat

3) If Rahul is "The Wall", what is Ganguly?
Ans: The hole in the wall

4) How can Ganguly save time everyday?
Ans: By not bothering to pad up

5) Who is the only cricketer who does not bat, bowl or
field and yet plays international cricket?
Ans: no comments.......

6) Why has Saurav Ganguly been recommended as the
fielding coach for India after retirement?
Ans: No one else can provide catches as easily as
Ganguly

Q: Any Guesses which is Ganguly's favorite movie?
A:Gone in 60 seconds.

Height of Optimism : Ganguly applying Sun screen cream
on his face when he goes out to bat.