[speedzak]

I don't know if this has been posted earlier. Different from the mallu version;

KeralaFornia

, I have found some more versions online!
Guys, Practice on your guitars and post it up on youtube!

Hotel California (Desi)

On a dark crowded highway
brylcreem in my hair
warm smell of parathas
rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
my eyes grew dim and my head grew light
I had to stop for the night

There they stood in the doorway
they were desis you could tell
I got out fearfully
saying this will surely be hell

All around us were buildings
Sun, SGI and Dell
I slowly unloaded my things
In the shadows of Intel

And still those parking lots were
full of Hondas
waiting up in the middle of the night
to be driven home by programmers

Welcome to the town of Sunnyvale
such a desi place, such a crazy place
we're livin' it up in the town of Sunnyvale
such a nice surprise, so many people with no lives

My heartstrings were twisted
I wanted to feel at home
where thousands of desis existed
and no white man dared roam

Sambar stains on the ceilings
mango lassis on ice
sit and watch the paint peeling
or make daal and boil rice

But my mind revolted
at the very thought
I grabbed my bag and bolted
I'd escape no matter what

And still those voices are calling
from far away
wake you up in the middle of the night
I can hear them say

Welcome to the town of Sunnyvale
such a desi place, such a crazy place
we're livin' it up in the town of Sunnyvale
such a nice surprise, so many people with no lives

I wake up in a cold sweat
thank god it was a dream
there is no need to fret
I still live in the east
Oh, I still live in the east

Hotel California (Karnatic version)

On a dark city one-way
‘Nariyal Tel’ in my hair
The smell of ‘Batata Vada’
was rising up through the air

up ahead in the distance
I saw a green tube lite
My tongue grew heavy and my stomach grew thin
I had to stop for a bite

There he stood in the door way
repairing the calling bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be hell ….. Oh ! It is hell

Then he lit up a petromax
and cursed the electricity board away
There were some sardars down the corridor
Thought I heard them say

Welcome to hotel kalasipalya
such a lousy place

many a bug at the hotel kalasipalya
whats the spiral burning device
oh! Its just Tortoise

The finger in his nose definitely twisted
as three sneezes it sends
He makes a lot of weird noise
when the finger bends

About the ‘kusthi’ in the courtyard
Sticky ‘Sardar’ sweat
The man pleaded for mercy
while theire wives whipped them with a belt

I called upon the deaf captain
please tell me the time
He promptly ran into the kitchen
and brought me ‘vangi bhat’, soda and lime

And still those voices were crying, far away
wake you up in the middle of the night
just to hear them pray
Save us from hotel kalasipalya
Thats a mice … No surprise
if the rodents at a dogs size

The blind man was feeling
yesterdays sambhar on rice
we are all pensioners here
said an old man in silk smitha disguise

and in the dining chamber
we gathered for the feast
we stab it with our steely knives
but just can’t cut the meat

The last thing I remember
I was lying on the floor
The half eaten tapeworm in my snack
made my tummy sore

Relax! said the moustached watchman
mouth to mouth respiration you shall receive
they made me lie on my back
while my soul packed up to leave ……


Hotel California (Punjaabi version)

On the dark GT highway, Pagdi patka in my hair
Warmsmell of some dhabas, Rising up in the air

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a ttharra joint
My head grew heavyand my sight grew dim, I must have drunk over a pint

There he stood in the drive way, I heard his truck helper yell
And I was thinking to myself, This had tobe Devinder Singh Behl

Then he belched, and scratched his head, And he was on the highway
And the other drivers leaning from their truck, car doors,

I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia,
Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi place)
Vaddi changi place

Massage, manicure, pedicure at Karnal-a-fonia,
Any kind of ear (any kind of ear) You can clean it here

His car’s grill was definitely twisted, He’s got a Maruti-Benz
He’s got a lot of petty petty MLAs, Whom he calls friends

Dancing bhangra in the courtyard, See surdie sweat
Some dancer is this Devinder, Armpits stinking wet

So I told the bell captain, I’ve made a reservation online
And he said, oye khoteyya our internet hasn’t worked at all Since Y2K - 1999,

And still those drivers were calling from the driveway
Woke me in the middle of the night I know I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia,
Itthey karlo rest
(itthey karlo rest)
Itthey karlo rest
Aish karo at the hotel Karnal-a-fonia,
Kudi umr bais
(kudi umr bais)
Will serve you nice,

Daler on the ceiling, And on the walls in every guise
And waitresses dressed like actresses, From flicks of Subhash Ghai’s

And in the downstairs canteen, I sat down for my meal
Butter chicken, and sarson da saag,

Had a shock when they showed me the bill
Looking for help I saw Devinder, Dancing wildly on the floor

I had to find my hostess back, Oh where is this Gurpreet Kaur?
Relax said Milkha Singh, Play golf with my son Jeev Tu
ban gaya Punjab da puttar, Now you cant ever leaveeeeeeeeee

So here I am, Wasting life at the Hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi place)
Vaddi changi place

Converted to member of Hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Whoever arrives (whoever arrives) Stays till he dies

*!* END *!*

Guys! Laaff! Laaff! Please!

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

about malayalis

You forgot the international word!!! MALLU!
Next time, we won't accept these kinda mistakes!

[vkochar]

Brilliant Speedzak - Great Find !!!

[tsk1979]

This is a 15+ year old joke and was quite popular when I was in school(class 5th or sixth I think)


Once a Christian, a Sikh, A muslim and a hindu were flying in a private chartered plane.
After some time the plane starts making weird noises, and soon the pilot is standing near the door wearing a parachute
"This is the only parachute fellows, good luck, plane is about to crash", says the pilot and jumps.

The passengers are very very scared until they decide they will ask their respective gods to save them and jump.
First is the Christian.
Hey says "Oh Jesus save me" and jumps, falls on a Haystack and survives.
Next is the Sikh who says "Waheguru save me" falls in a swamp and survives.
Next is the turn of the Muslim who prays to Allah and jumps, and falls in bushes and survives.
Last on the plane is the hindu and he says
"Ram Lakshman Sita save me" and jumps.
He falls on hard concrete and dies.
As he goes to meet his maker he asks
"Why didn't you save me, everybody else called one god, I called 3 I should have been saved"
The maker tells him, "its not my fault child, first you said Ram, and I turned into Ram and came to save you, then you said Lakhsman I turned into lakshman and came to save you, then you said Sita, and I was tying my sari and you jumped before that only, thats why I couldn't save you"

[ajmat]

Originally Posted by Eddy

Ironically, posted by ajmat

But why was the Blore joke removed ?

Ironically, I am a mallu, I offended myself

[Revvhead]

Originally Posted by Sam Kapasi

I am going to report you to GOD. No no wait, I've heard he has a sense of humour too.

What to do? What to do.

Obviously...... God has a sense of humour,
thats the only way i can explain away some of the people i come across

[condor]

"Cash, check or charge?" the salesperson asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet he noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" he asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

[speedmiester]

A guy was having his dinner in a restaruant and couldn't help overhearing the conversation of two elderly couple celebrating their 25th anniversary.
It went like this "John, do you remember the first time we met at this place"
"Yes"
"When we finished dinner, we had sex when we are across the fence, do u want to do it agin tonight"
"yes".

This guy got curious and goes over towatch them have wild sex and fall to the ground from exhaustion. He goes up to the guy and says "I overheard your conversation, I cannot believe that you guys have so much energy after all these years"
To which the husband replies "I do not know about that, but 25 years ago this f***ing fence was not electrified".

[speedzak]

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

[DriverR]

Judge: The last time I saw you, I told you that I didn't want to see you here again.
Accused: That is what I tried to tell these policemen, your Honour, but they would not believe me.


----------------------------------------

The employee stormed angrily into the cashier's office. "What's the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and it's a dollar short!"

The cashier examined the envelope, then checked his records. "Last week we paid you a dollar more. You didn't complain then, did you?"

"Look" said the employee, "An occasional mistake I can overlook - but two in a row is too much!"


-------------------------------------------

Santa: There are lot of girls who don't want to get married.
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I've asked them.

[amitoj]

This is from the Tariff page of a Resort's website :

Source : Jaladhama


1. Rs. 2,500/ person / day (on multi-sharing basis) American Plan:

Children below 5 years complimentary

Children between 5 to 12 yrs Only : Rs 1500/- per day

American Plan:





2. Rs 3,350/- per person for Two days and one night. (on multi-sharing basis)

Children below 5 years complimentary, between 5 to 12 yrs. only : Rs 2010/- for Two days and one night.

American Plan:





3. Rs 5,850/- per person for Three days and Two night. (on multi-sharing basis)

Children below 5 years complimentary, between 5 to 12 yrs. only : Rs 3510/- for Three days and Two night.

American Plan:

[vkochar]

Daroo Zameen Par ( Liquor Anthem )

Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin
Bar main daily jaata Hoon Main Maa
Yun To Main ,Dikhlata Nahin
Daru pikar roz main aata hun Main Maa
Tujhe Sab Hain Pata, Hain Na Maa
Tujhe Sab Hain Pata,,Meri Maa

Theke Mein Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe
Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Maa
Puaa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujkko Tu
Ghar bhi bhul jaoun main Maa
Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa
Kya Itna Bura Meri Maa

Jab Bhi Kabhi Papa Mujhe
2 peg whiskey dete the main Jhool jaata tha Maa
Meri Nazar Dhoondhe theke
Sochu Yahi Tu mujhko nazar na aa jaye Maa
Daru main itna pita nahi
Par Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa
Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin
Lekin main ludak jaata Hoon Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Naa Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Meri Maa

[DriverR]

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"

[Rotorhead]

hey speedzak, really liked the desi version of hotel california..

[wischvuanaudh]

Milking the cow!

Once there was this great milking contest in which a sardar, tamilian and a mallu was participating in.
First the sardar came out.. The host enquired him the quantity he milked?
Sardar said- "oye.. Poore 25 litre, puthar!"
then came out the tamilian..And the presenter asked the same question.
Tamilian replied-"supera 35 litres kedachaachu(got)"
upon asking to the finally out mallu..He replied.."olly 2 litres" The presenter got confused and asked him why only 2 litres?
Mallu replied.." everybody was given a cow to milk.. And am given a bull!!! This is the best i can!!""

[VJ_MAVRICK]

Hi Buddies! I got this mail forward and thought of sharing it with you and definitely it made me laugh and i think even you would.
************************************************** ***********************

When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day, try this: -

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins, take the literature out of the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a
statement that reads: - 'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.'

Now , close your eyes and repeat out loud five times; "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson ."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE REAR THAN YOURS