The Official Joke thread

bivin · 20th January 2010, 20:05

heres another one i spotted on youtube..

YouTube - veno\m/....crazy rolling stoppie on my frndz balls.....

cheers!!

safari_lover · 20th January 2010, 23:28

Damn!!
That guy has some Ba**s to be lying on the road like that! And the rider is more concerned about the video than the poor chap on the road.

ajmat · 20th January 2010, 23:35

Lucas Jokes

Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans considered Lucas an ally.

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

"And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no way'."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness".

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.

They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn make it leak oil.

Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators

Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.

Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.

jealousdiamond · 21st January 2010, 10:44

The truth

aparth · 21st January 2010, 11:51

What is the height of bad luck ? ? ?

Having sex in your dreams and getting AIDS in real life !

Ranjan Sharma · 21st January 2010, 14:47

Found this pic Funny

For those who don't know, This is photo shoot for MTV-VJ Hunt, The mad guy in green is VJ Jose, the other lady is Vj Anushkha, rest I dont know.

jasonbourne · 23rd January 2010, 19:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by jealousdiamond

The truth

Attachment 270330 Attachment 270331

The Second one is an absolute Blast!! It reminds of another Joke : http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...html#post63075

SirAlec · 23rd January 2010, 23:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ranjan Sharma

Found this pic Funny

For those who don't know, This is photo shoot for MTV-VJ Hunt, The mad guy in green is VJ Jose, the other lady is Vj Anushkha, rest I dont know.

i somewhat find newer VJs very untalented with some exceptions.

Gone are the glory days when VJs like Ruby bhatia, kamal siddhu, trey etc who were worshiped by kids.

ajmat · 24th January 2010, 15:23

Who reads What..........In India

- The Times of India is read by people who think they run the country.

- The Economic Times is read by people who think they own the country.

- The Hindu is read by people who are not sure whose country it is.

- The Indian Express is read by people who shouldn't run the country.

- The Statesman is read by people who think they ought to run the country.

- The Asian Age is read by people who think someone else should run the country.

- The Hindustan Times is read by people who think Delhi is a country.

- The Telegraph is read by people who think Bengal is the best country.

- The Deccan Herald is read by people who think Bangalore will become a Country .

- The Malayala Manorama is read by people who think Kerala is their country and God's !

- The Mid-Day is read by people who can't think in this country.

- The Pioneer is read by people who think the Brits ran this country better.

- The Tribune is read by people who're more bothered about the country-side.

- The Dainik Bhaskar is read by people in the country-side..

- The Bombay Samachar is read by people who'd rather be in some other country.

- The Saamna is read by semi-literates who think, tujhi aiee chi......,everyone should go off from 'their' country.

- The Deshabhimani is read by people who think China is their country.

- The Femina is read by the fat wives of the rich in this country.

- The Stardust is read by people who care a **** who runs the country as long as she has big cleavage

- *The DNA is not read, but used to pack footwear by people going out of this country.*

binz · 27th January 2010, 15:09

taken from here

BenjiRoss · 30th January 2010, 20:00

Saw this pic on the web:
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Mission_Safari · 30th January 2010, 20:38

DAD: what kinda girl do i look for you son?
SON: she should be like a moon dad.
DAD: moon?
SON: ya, she should come in the night and leave in the morning...

gotzuk · 31st January 2010, 15:22

How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Sing Along At The Movies.

9. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

10. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ' I Won! I Won!'

11. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling.... 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

12. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE CHE, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

clevermax · 31st January 2010, 15:36

Ok again my own creation so its a PJ

Qn. If BMW is classified as grade 2, then which one is grade 1?

(your chance to answer)

sachinj12 · 31st January 2010, 16:19

@ Gotzuk.

No 12 was killer

BTW, shouldn't we leave the adult stuff out? Kids browse through tbhp. Hope they don't stumble upon these.

20th January 2010, 23:35	#3948
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 14,858 Thanked: 27,923 Times View My Garage	Lucas Jokes Lucas Jokes Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans considered Lucas an ally. The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark." "And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no way'." Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness". Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper. Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE. The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products. "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..." If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either. Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank. It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance. Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!" Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck. Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer. Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too. Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit. Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant." Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency. Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices. In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn make it leak oil. Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark. Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.

21st January 2010, 14:47	#3951
Ranjan Sharma BANNED Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Benga'loo'ru Posts: 290 Thanked: 2 Times View My Garage	Found this pic Funny For those who don't know, This is photo shoot for MTV-VJ Hunt, The mad guy in green is VJ Jose, the other lady is Vj Anushkha, rest I dont know. Attached Thumbnails

27th January 2010, 15:09	#3955
binz Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,306 Thanked: 431 Times View My Garage	taken from here Attached Thumbnails

31st January 2010, 15:36	#3959
clevermax Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Tvm/Amsterdam Posts: 2,086 Thanked: 2,634 Times View My Garage	Ok again my own creation so its a PJ Qn. If BMW is classified as grade 2, then which one is grade 1? (your chance to answer) Last edited by clevermax : 31st January 2010 at 15:41.

20th January 2010, 23:28	#3947
safari_lover Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bengaluru / Bagdal Posts: 1,135 Thanked: 685 Times	Damn!! That guy has some Ba**s to be lying on the road like that! And the rider is more concerned about the video than the poor chap on the road.

21st January 2010, 10:44	#3949
jealousdiamond BHPian Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pune Posts: 268 Thanked: 107 Times	The truth

21st January 2010, 11:51	#3950
aparth Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: New Delhi Posts: 1,341 Thanked: 1,708 Times View My Garage	What is the height of bad luck ? ? ? Having sex in your dreams and getting AIDS in real life !

24th January 2010, 15:23	#3954
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 14,858 Thanked: 27,923 Times View My Garage	Who reads What..........In India - The Times of India is read by people who think they run the country. - The Economic Times is read by people who think they own the country. - The Hindu is read by people who are not sure whose country it is. - The Indian Express is read by people who shouldn't run the country. - The Statesman is read by people who think they ought to run the country. - The Asian Age is read by people who think someone else should run the country. - The Hindustan Times is read by people who think Delhi is a country. - The Telegraph is read by people who think Bengal is the best country. - The Deccan Herald is read by people who think Bangalore will become a Country . - The Malayala Manorama is read by people who think Kerala is their country and God's ! - The Mid-Day is read by people who can't think in this country. - The Pioneer is read by people who think the Brits ran this country better. - The Tribune is read by people who're more bothered about the country-side. - The Dainik Bhaskar is read by people in the country-side.. - The Bombay Samachar is read by people who'd rather be in some other country. - The Saamna is read by semi-literates who think, tujhi aiee chi......,everyone should go off from 'their' country. - The Deshabhimani is read by people who think China is their country. - The Femina is read by the fat wives of the rich in this country. - The Stardust is read by people who care a **** who runs the country as long as she has big cleavage - The DNA is not read, but used to pack footwear by people going out of this country.

30th January 2010, 20:00	#3956
BenjiRoss Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Tamilnadu Posts: 1,066 Thanked: 1,330 Times	Saw this pic on the web: LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

30th January 2010, 20:38	#3957
Mission_Safari BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chennai Posts: 449 Thanked: 6 Times	DAD: what kinda girl do i look for you son? SON: she should be like a moon dad. DAD: moon? SON: ya, she should come in the night and leave in the morning...

31st January 2010, 15:22	#3958
gotzuk BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Delhi / Shimla Posts: 495 Thanked: 114 Times View My Garage	How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana. 6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8. Sing Along At The Movies. 9. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 10. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ' I Won! I Won!' 11. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling.... 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 12. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE CHE, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

31st January 2010, 16:19	#3960
sachinj12 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,187 Thanked: 168 Times	@ Gotzuk. No 12 was killer BTW, shouldn't we leave the adult stuff out? Kids browse through tbhp. Hope they don't stumble upon these.

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