The Official Joke thread

general_neo · 12th May 2010, 16:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRIV3R

Don't know if this is posted already. No offense to IT engineers though! (I am one)

Lol!!! Actually with that joke you are offending the Beggars

iamback · 13th May 2010, 02:40

So here i go with my favorite one's

1) Que :What is the difference between women and magnets ?

Answer : Magnets also have positive sides !

2) Que : What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?

Answer : He is all right now

sree70 · 13th May 2010, 08:06

A junior manager, senior manager & the boss were walking together to the company canteen for the lunch. At the entrance they found a wonder lamp & secretly rubbed it aside.
A ghost appeared & said " usually i grant 3 wishes to a person & since you 3 are here together, i will grant one wish each".
Hurrily the junior shouted " I want to be the first one & want to be in Bahamas with a speed boat & without any worries". pufffffff gone to bahamas!
Next the eager senior manager shouted " I want to be in Florida surrounded by many girls & lots of food & booze". pufffffff gone to Florida!
Now the boss calmly asked " I want those 2 idiots to be in my office by the time i finish my lunch & presume my work".

Morals of the joke:
" Always allow the Boss to speak first"
" Boss is always Boss"

aargee · 13th May 2010, 14:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by MX6

Here's one from my side.

Made me smile

Here's one joke that I really LOL when I read it for the first time (and still)

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a Coke.". "No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it.

The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples ...this hatred...your spitting in my shoes and me pissing in your Coke?"

stefanm · 14th May 2010, 10:07

Note really a joke, but something serious which i do very regularly,

The Beer Prayer
Our lager
Which art in barrels
Hollowed be thy drink
I will be drunk
At home as in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen

Cheers,

Stefan

jaspal singh · 14th May 2010, 11:44

Read this one on facebook, Not sure whether its been posted before,

The shortest resignation letter:

"Respected Sir, I like Your Wife".

sammyboy · 14th May 2010, 15:45

OUR NEW SECRETARY'S RESUME
Deer Sir,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.
I'm lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a
job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Employer's reply......

Dear Peggy,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.....
Welcome onboard!!

hyd_traveller · 17th May 2010, 15:16

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway... "Ahh, that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!

RajaTaurus · 17th May 2010, 16:49

^^ Poor blonde! After such a long swim what a day she has had - to see a gay-golfer.!

hyd_traveller · 17th May 2010, 18:57

Police Notice:
Name: 1.jpg
Views: 2138
Size: 60.5 KB

Foodies Enjoy:

Delhi Auto with Good Sense of Humour:

I want to be like this person, seeking sponsors:

Hmmm, Karnataka Cab:

Ranjan Sharma · 17th May 2010, 23:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by hyd_traveller

Hmmm, Karnataka Cab:
Attachment 349969

ha ha.... mahaboob..! That completely changed the meaning

Found this on Facebook.

World cup 2011

RajaTaurus · 18th May 2010, 09:33

^^ Absolutely Hilarious!

And cruel fact for Cricket in India.?

WDM007 · 20th May 2010, 17:12

GOLU (doctor se): Doctor aap Parchi Me Aisa Kya Likh Kar Dete Ho,
Jo Sirf Medical Store Wale Ki Hi Samajh Me aata hai ?

Doctor: Maine Loot Liya Hai, Tu Bhi Loot Le

inreverse · 20th May 2010, 22:01

Enlarge the photo if not clear

I soberly LOL'ed when I got this via e-mail...

Cheers!

bnzjon · 21st May 2010, 01:08

Rules To Live By......

14th May 2010, 10:07	#4115
stefanm BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Goa Posts: 212 Thanked: 2 Times	Note really a joke Note really a joke, but something serious which i do very regularly, The Beer Prayer Our lager Which art in barrels Hollowed be thy drink I will be drunk At home as in the tavern Give us this day our foamy head And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer. The bitter and the lager, Forever and ever, Barmen Cheers, Stefan Last edited by stefanm : 14th May 2010 at 10:15.

14th May 2010, 15:45	#4117
sammyboy Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Ggn/Dehradun Posts: 1,842 Thanked: 521 Times View My Garage	Secretary's resume OUR NEW SECRETARY'S RESUME Deer Sir, I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting. I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well. I'm lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited. I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr. Sinseerly, Peggy May Starlings PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb. * * * * * * * * Employer's reply...... Dear Peggy, It's OK honey, we've got spell check..... Welcome onboard!! Attached Thumbnails Last edited by sammyboy : 14th May 2010 at 15:46.

17th May 2010, 18:57	#4120
hyd_traveller BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: "Luck-City", TS Posts: 748 Thanked: 398 Times	Police Notice: Foodies Enjoy: Delhi Auto with Good Sense of Humour: I want to be like this person, seeking sponsors: Hmmm, Karnataka Cab:

21st May 2010, 01:08	#4125
bnzjon BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Dubai Posts: 836 Thanked: 127 Times View My Garage	Rules to live by .... Rules To Live By......

13th May 2010, 02:40	#4112
iamback BHPian Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Punekar Posts: 125 Thanked: 9 Times	So here i go with my favorite one's 1) Que :What is the difference between women and magnets ? Answer : Magnets also have positive sides ! 2) Que : What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body? Answer : He is all right now

13th May 2010, 08:06	#4113
sree70 BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: bengaluru Posts: 176 Thanked: 15 Times	A junior manager, senior manager & the boss were walking together to the company canteen for the lunch. At the entrance they found a wonder lamp & secretly rubbed it aside. A ghost appeared & said " usually i grant 3 wishes to a person & since you 3 are here together, i will grant one wish each". Hurrily the junior shouted " I want to be the first one & want to be in Bahamas with a speed boat & without any worries". pufffffff gone to bahamas! Next the eager senior manager shouted " I want to be in Florida surrounded by many girls & lots of food & booze". pufffffff gone to Florida! Now the boss calmly asked " I want those 2 idiots to be in my office by the time i finish my lunch & presume my work". Morals of the joke: " Always allow the Boss to speak first" " Boss is always Boss"

14th May 2010, 11:44	#4116
jaspal singh BHPian Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: N Delhi Posts: 93 Thanked: 86 Times View My Garage	Read this one on facebook, Not sure whether its been posted before, The shortest resignation letter: "Respected Sir, I like Your Wife".

17th May 2010, 15:16	#4118
hyd_traveller BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: "Luck-City", TS Posts: 748 Thanked: 398 Times	One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?" "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway... "Ahh, that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!" "And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly fantastic!!!" At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!

17th May 2010, 16:49	#4119
RajaTaurus Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Tenkasi, TN Posts: 1,119 Thanked: 473 Times View My Garage	^^ Poor blonde! After such a long swim what a day she has had - to see a gay-golfer.!

18th May 2010, 09:33	#4122
RajaTaurus Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Tenkasi, TN Posts: 1,119 Thanked: 473 Times View My Garage	^^ Absolutely Hilarious! And cruel fact for Cricket in India.?

20th May 2010, 17:12	#4123
WDM007 BHPian Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Beaverton, USA Posts: 236 Thanked: 15 Times View My Garage	GOLU (doctor se): Doctor aap Parchi Me Aisa Kya Likh Kar Dete Ho, Jo Sirf Medical Store Wale Ki Hi Samajh Me aata hai ? Doctor: Maine Loot Liya Hai, Tu Bhi Loot Le

20th May 2010, 22:01	#4124
inreverse BHPian Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: MH-12.com Posts: 139 Thanked: 11 Times	Enlarge the photo if not clear I soberly LOL'ed when I got this via e-mail... Cheers!