Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

Driving Styles...
>
>One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
>
>- Sydney
>
>One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
>
>- Japan
>
>One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
>accelerator...
>
>- Boston
>
>Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
>
>- New York
>
>Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
>talk to someone in back seat
>
>- Italy
>
>One hand on horn,
>
>one hand holding the gear,
>
>one ear listening to loud music,
>
>one ear on cell phone,
>
>one foot on accelerator,
>
>one foot on clutch,
>
>nothing on break,
>
>eyes on females in the next car,
>
>- Welcome to INDIA

ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE

WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE

ANSWERS.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if

you'll

leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as

we're

finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is

why

we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already

sent

the

money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my

financial aid

institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my

friends, you

owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of

money.

4. Hi. Now YOU say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so

you

can talk

to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you

leave

a "sexy"

message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his

refrigerator. Please

speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with

one

of these

magnets.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of

receiving

messages.

My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their

carpets are

clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need

their

picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and

number

and they

will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic

thought-recording

device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and

your reason

for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't

like.

Leave me

a message, and if I don't call back, it's you!!!!

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right

now. Leave

a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning

our

weapons

right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably

aren't home

and it's safe to leave a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to

remain

silent.

Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the

phone right

now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes

doing it up

and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So

leave a

message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back

to

you

Laughter Via Gerala (Kerala)

Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala (Other plazes they do werk hard)

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and
re-tying the lungi.

Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?

To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.

Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?

To yearn meney.

What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?

Because he wanted to hear pope music.

What is Malayali management graduate called?

Yem Bee Yae.

Why did his wife divorce him?

Because he was louwing another woman.

Who found out that?

His aandy.

What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?

He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?

An Oto.

Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor end aectress?

Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.

Why Kerala is the heghly literate state in India?

Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapal from Kerala

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in
the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I
awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

Strange, isnt it?

GTO