The Official Joke thread

prince_pervez · 13th June 2011, 16:59

Some random reader on an online news page dealing with Sri Sri ravi Shankar's entry into the Anti-corruption drama:

'Our politicians will teach Sri Sri 'The Art of Looting' w/o getting caught'.

Urban_Nomad · 13th June 2011, 17:29

SPOTTED:

Saw this character today at a traffic light.

5 ft tall, big paunch, enough oil in hair to cook for a baarat, Amitabh Bacchan style bell bot jeans, index finger more than half way in the nose and a body fit t shirt which said "dont u wish your boyfriend was HOTTT like ME"

Scorcher · 13th June 2011, 18:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhanushs

Ring any bells?

Haha, good one dhanush.

Reminds me of an old video, don't know whether this has been posted before

YouTube - ‪Late for work (If only Greece had astronauts)‬&rlm;

nick17s · 13th June 2011, 18:31

"hw much wud this cost for scorpio and logan ??" lolol..i mean i cant stop laughing after reading this...does HU price varies from car to car?

bluevolt · 13th June 2011, 23:23

Best resignation letter

"Dear Mr. Boss:
I'm thrilled to inform you that I'm resigning.
I have been waiting for what seems like forever to inform you that I’m resigning. I’ve hated worked for the company since the day I was hired. I don’t like the work, I don’t like my fellow employees, and I don’t like you.
I am tendering my resignation effective immediately and I’m heading for the open road. I bought a Harley and a leather jacket and my girlfriend is coming along. It was a little tough to find a jacket to fit her, but we managed.
I know you would like me to help you with a transition, but I won’t. Have fun figuring out the files on my computer. I can’t even figure them out most of the time.
Oh, speaking of computers, you’ll need to figure out the passwords to all our online resources. I forgot to keep a list of them, so have fun with that.
I’m sure you’d like to have a going away party for me. However, I’m not interested in the stale cookies and nasty punch that constitutes saying goodbye at this company.
Don’t worry about writing me a reference, even though I’m sure you’d be glad to recommend my work. I don’t need or want one. I don’t need references where I’m heading. So, consider our bridges burnt.
See ya,
Happy To Be Gone"

richie4u · 14th June 2011, 11:00

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
Shot after shot………

The Indian man said to the American, "We have a problem in India. We can’t marry the one whom we love. You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a helluva lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love ……I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems."

The Indian fainted........!!!

mayankk · 16th June 2011, 12:05

kinda reminds me of hedburg and his escalator joke!

bblost · 16th June 2011, 12:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by richie4u

The American said, "Talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love ……I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

This is the plot for the film: Apoorva Raagangal - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Prasanna (Kamal Haasan) is nursed back to health by a classical singer Bhairavi (Srividya) after a bloody street-side fight. The two are slowly drawn to each other and decide to marry in spite of their age gap, and a past relationship that Bhairavi is still inextricably tied to. In the meantime, Prasanna's father (Major Sundararajan) embarks on a relationship with the young girl Ranjini (Jayasudha). But we soon find out that Ranjini is actually Bhiaravi's daughter (Born to Rajinikanth and Srividya). Both relationships arrive at a dilemma with the revelation of an unexpected twist when Bhairavi's long-lost husband (Rajinikanth) comes into picture.

And the movie won the National Film Award in 1976.

travelwriter · 16th June 2011, 12:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by AvinashKeezh

Men are evolving...Real good one

I am, unfortunately still the RGB kind. With the exception of orange, all colours are classified into red, green and blue. Black and white continue to be shades.

srishiva · 16th June 2011, 13:02

Very nice and funny article
History of conflicts between two low-on-vitamins nuclear nations | Blog | DAWN.COM

basilmabraham · 16th June 2011, 16:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samurai

Number of lungis tell me it is somewhere in Kerala.

Spot on Samurai, this is in Trivandrum Kerala, on the way to Poovar. has seen this same pic on one of my friends FB page.

wycelfjean · 17th June 2011, 23:03

Got this in a mail

mayankk · 18th June 2011, 13:55

some anti-jokes....gifted by stumble upon.
ridiculous...and apologies.....

There was a man from Dundee.
who's limericks always ended on line three.
I don't know why.
-----------------------

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?

Repeated absences and stealing.
---------------------------------------

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink.

"Long day?" the bartender asks.

"No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.
---------------------------

W.A.G.7 · 21st June 2011, 22:29

I got this as forward through email today. I don't think, this has been posted before here.

Is this true?? Is there any Bhp'ian working with L&T infotech who can clarify?

2500cc · 22nd June 2011, 10:02

Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below "things to do while driving", as all driving should be taken seriously. The below "things to do while driving" are simply here for entertainment purposes.

Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

Two words: Chicken suit.

Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

Laugh a lot. A whole lot.

Stop at the green lights.

Go at the red ones.

Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

Eat food that requires silverware.

Pass cars, then drive very slowly.

Sing without having the radio on.

Honk frequently without motivation.

Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.

Ask people for Grey Poupon.

Let pedestrians know who's boss.

Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

Restart your car at every stop light.

Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.

Keep at least five cats in the car.

Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.

Stop and collect roadkill.

Throw Spam.

Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.

13th June 2011, 16:59	#4861
prince_pervez Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Redwood shores, CA, USA Posts: 4,210 Thanked: 51 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Some random reader on an online news page dealing with Sri Sri ravi Shankar's entry into the Anti-corruption drama: 'Our politicians will teach Sri Sri 'The Art of Looting' w/o getting caught'.

13th June 2011, 17:29	#4862
Urban_Nomad Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Delhi Posts: 1,631 Thanked: 2,388 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread SPOTTED: Saw this character today at a traffic light. 5 ft tall, big paunch, enough oil in hair to cook for a baarat, Amitabh Bacchan style bell bot jeans, index finger more than half way in the nose and a body fit t shirt which said "dont u wish your boyfriend was HOTTT like ME"

13th June 2011, 18:31	#4864
nick17s BHPian Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 536 Thanked: 103 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread "hw much wud this cost for scorpio and logan ??" lolol..i mean i cant stop laughing after reading this...does HU price varies from car to car?

13th June 2011, 23:23	#4865
bluevolt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: New Delhi Posts: 3,274 Thanked: 3,474 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Best resignation letter "Dear Mr. Boss: I'm thrilled to inform you that I'm resigning. I have been waiting for what seems like forever to inform you that I’m resigning. I’ve hated worked for the company since the day I was hired. I don’t like the work, I don’t like my fellow employees, and I don’t like you. I am tendering my resignation effective immediately and I’m heading for the open road. I bought a Harley and a leather jacket and my girlfriend is coming along. It was a little tough to find a jacket to fit her, but we managed. I know you would like me to help you with a transition, but I won’t. Have fun figuring out the files on my computer. I can’t even figure them out most of the time. Oh, speaking of computers, you’ll need to figure out the passwords to all our online resources. I forgot to keep a list of them, so have fun with that. I’m sure you’d like to have a going away party for me. However, I’m not interested in the stale cookies and nasty punch that constitutes saying goodbye at this company. Don’t worry about writing me a reference, even though I’m sure you’d be glad to recommend my work. I don’t need or want one. I don’t need references where I’m heading. So, consider our bridges burnt. See ya, Happy To Be Gone"

14th June 2011, 11:00	#4866
richie4u BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Goa Posts: 614 Thanked: 411 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems.. Shot after shot……… The Indian man said to the American, "We have a problem in India. We can’t marry the one whom we love. You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a helluva lot of family problems." The American said, "Talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love ……I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems." The Indian fainted........!!!

16th June 2011, 12:05	#4867
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,148 Thanked: 8,168 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread kinda reminds me of hedburg and his escalator joke! Attached Thumbnails

16th June 2011, 13:02	#4870
srishiva Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Bengaluru Posts: 4,375 Thanked: 2,256 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Very nice and funny article History of conflicts between two low-on-vitamins nuclear nations \| Blog \| DAWN.COM

17th June 2011, 23:03	#4872
wycelfjean BHPian Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: TVM/Richmond Posts: 57 Thanked: 14 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Got this in a mail Attached Thumbnails

18th June 2011, 13:55	#4873
mayankk Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: New Delhi Posts: 5,148 Thanked: 8,168 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread some anti-jokes....gifted by stumble upon. ridiculous...and apologies..... There was a man from Dundee. who's limericks always ended on line three. I don't know why. ----------------------- Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing. --------------------------------------- A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is. ---------------------------

21st June 2011, 22:29	#4874
W.A.G.7 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Pune Posts: 1,385 Thanked: 2,025 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread I got this as forward through email today. I don't think, this has been posted before here. Is this true?? Is there any Bhp'ian working with L&T infotech who can clarify?

22nd June 2011, 10:02	#4875
2500cc BHPian Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 734 Thanked: 349 Times	Things to do while driving.. Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below "things to do while driving", as all driving should be taken seriously. The below "things to do while driving" are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. Two words: Chicken suit. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone. Laugh a lot. A whole lot. Stop at the green lights. Go at the red ones. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance. Eat food that requires silverware. Pass cars, then drive very slowly. Sing without having the radio on. Honk frequently without motivation. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture. Ask people for Grey Poupon. Let pedestrians know who's boss. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look. Restart your car at every stop light. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars. Keep at least five cats in the car. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks. Stop and collect roadkill. Throw Spam. Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.