The Official Joke thread

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 30th June 2011, 13:49

^^^

Reminds me of a housemaid at grandpa's - she was very disgusted with one of her own relatives one day, that she started abusing in midst of her chores. Granny asked her what is wrong, and she burst out the longish tale; and ended it up with "you know what to do with people like that?? Chew sh!t and spit at them!!!!"

nfsfreak · 1st July 2011, 10:19

Albert and Simmy are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to
celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our
engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency
landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be
able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be
rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the
island. An hour later Albert turns to his wife and asks, "Simmy, did we
pay our Rs.5,000 Airtel cheque yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Albert, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Simmy, did we
pay our ICICI card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Simmy. Did you remember to send cheques for the SBI,
SCB and Citibank Card this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Albie," begged Simmy. "I didn't send that one,
either."

Albert grabs her and gives her a big kiss. Simmy
pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?"
Albert answers, "They'll find us!"

Reisender · 1st July 2011, 11:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by nfsfreak

Albert and Simmy are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to
celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our
engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency
landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be
able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be
rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our
lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the
island. An hour later Albert turns to his wife and asks, "Simmy, did we
pay our Rs.5,000 Airtel cheque yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Albert, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Simmy, did we
pay our ICICI card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Simmy. Did you remember to send cheques for the SBI,
SCB and Citibank Card this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Albie," begged Simmy. "I didn't send that one,
either."

Albert grabs her and gives her a big kiss. Simmy
pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?"
Albert answers, "They'll find us!"

Awesome... I hope it works that way. These folks will find you where ever you are...aren't they?

nfsfreak · 1st July 2011, 11:27

Ofcourse they will. That's exactly why they are successful so far

sbkumar · 1st July 2011, 11:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by nfsfreak

Ofcourse they will. That's exactly why they are successful so far

While we are on this topic, recently my friend got a notice from HDFC Credit Cards for a settlement amount of Rs 75K. Of course there is a mistake on his part that he missed paying some balance before shifting out of town ( around 5/6 yrs back). He couldn't even recollect the amount and his max card limit at that time was around 10K anyways. The interesting part is that flat he vacated was occupied by a family friend of his and they say they have not received any statements so far. They really track you down !!

dhanushs · 9th July 2011, 14:15

A Tribute to potholes of India.

neoranjit · 9th July 2011, 15:38

^^ Even here Kashmir is not a part of India LOL

BaCkSeAtDrIVeR · 12th July 2011, 00:43

Got this one just now on email.

It is self explanatory, though the text is in Malayalam. It is about the treasure trove @ Padmanaswamy Temple, if you really dont get it.

libranof1987 · 12th July 2011, 11:56

Here's one.

"Women's tears are like male sperms..

Only one in a million are for a right cause."

Disclaimer : I got it as a forward!

bantejas · 12th July 2011, 12:25

Got as a fwd:

"Dear Harry Potter,
If it took me 8 damn movies to defeat one lame bald villain, I'd give people their money back!
Yours' truly,
Rajnikant"

Added_flavor · 13th July 2011, 20:17

This is one of the best pj's I've received lately. Don't know if it's posted already.

Pj on wheels!!!!!

5 Auto Rickshaws
+ 5 Auto Rickshaws
= ???
'Volkswagen'!!!
....(Das Auto)

No offense VW owners!

SirAlec · 13th July 2011, 23:03

Saudis in Audis.

YouTube - ‫

Very funny video by arab american rapper Remy.

aalokg · 13th July 2011, 23:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by SirAlec

Saudis in Audis.

YouTube - ‫

Very funny video by arab american rapper Remy.

Thanks for sharing SirAlec! It was fun watching it again after a long time.

Here is another one by GoRemy, and I like this one better:

YouTube - ‪GoRemy's Channel‬&rlm;

Aalok

dhanushs · 14th July 2011, 00:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by SirAlec

Very funny video by arab american rapper Remy

Seen it many times, but each time, including now, it manages to glue me on the screen till the end.

bluevolt · 14th July 2011, 14:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndianNomad

Techy Tintumon
Teacher: Write a C program to prevent TITANIC from sinking..
Tintumon

eclare the variable TITANIC as float…!

Attachment 568948

This one is seriously awesome. I sincerely hope there is no such tintumon in real

30th June 2011, 13:49	#4891
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,522 Thanked: 752 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^^ Reminds me of a housemaid at grandpa's - she was very disgusted with one of her own relatives one day, that she started abusing in midst of her chores. Granny asked her what is wrong, and she burst out the longish tale; and ended it up with "you know what to do with people like that?? Chew sh!t and spit at them!!!!"

1st July 2011, 10:19	#4892
nfsfreak BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 330 Thanked: 139 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Albert and Simmy are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Albert turns to his wife and asks, "Simmy, did we pay our Rs.5,000 Airtel cheque yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Albert, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Simmy, did we pay our ICICI card yet?" "Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says. "One last thing, Simmy. Did you remember to send cheques for the SBI, SCB and Citibank Card this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Albie," begged Simmy. "I didn't send that one, either." Albert grabs her and gives her a big kiss. Simmy pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?" Albert answers, "They'll find us!"

1st July 2011, 11:27	#4894
nfsfreak BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 330 Thanked: 139 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Ofcourse they will. That's exactly why they are successful so far

9th July 2011, 14:15	#4896
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,280 Thanked: 10,171 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread A Tribute to potholes of India.

9th July 2011, 15:38	#4897
neoranjit BHPian Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chennai Posts: 588 Thanked: 195 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread ^^ Even here Kashmir is not a part of India LOL

12th July 2011, 00:43	#4898
BaCkSeAtDrIVeR BANNED Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Kochi Posts: 2,522 Thanked: 752 Times	The Dejected multi-billionaires Got this one just now on email. It is self explanatory, though the text is in Malayalam. It is about the treasure trove @ Padmanaswamy Temple, if you really dont get it.

12th July 2011, 11:56	#4899
libranof1987 Team-BHP Support Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: All over! Posts: 7,609 Thanked: 18,324 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Here's one. "Women's tears are like male sperms.. Only one in a million are for a right cause." Disclaimer : I got it as a forward! Last edited by libranof1987 : 12th July 2011 at 11:59.

12th July 2011, 12:25	#4900
bantejas BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 273 Thanked: 30 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Got as a fwd: "Dear Harry Potter, If it took me 8 damn movies to defeat one lame bald villain, I'd give people their money back! Yours' truly, Rajnikant"

13th July 2011, 20:17	#4901
Added_flavor BHPian Join Date: May 2011 Location: Bangalore Posts: 844 Thanked: 2,781 Times View My Garage	This is one of the best pj's I've received lately. Don't know if it's posted already. Pj on wheels!!!!! 5 Auto Rickshaws + 5 Auto Rickshaws = ??? 'Volkswagen'!!! ....(Das Auto) No offense VW owners!