The Official Joke thread

BenjiRoss · 22nd September 2018, 00:29

Looks like businesses are using high petrol prices to offer deals on their products. We got this ad pamphlet with our newspaper this morning. This is a fairly popular but newer bakery in town.

The Official Joke thread-img_20180921_205756155.jpg

I wonder how they give the petrol - in a bottle or a voucher or maybe they bake their cake with petrol!

ArizonaJim · 22nd September 2018, 22:36

Two ropes were crawling down the street on a hot day and noticed they were passing a bar.

One of them said, "Boy! I could go for a nice cold beer. Lets go in."

The bartender saw them crawl up onto the counter and frowned.
Pointing at a large sign on the wall he asked, "Can't you read? That sign says, "NO ROPES SERVED HERE."

Tossing them back out into the street the bartender went back to his duties.

One rope said, "I have an idea." and with that he crawled out into the street.
He was immediately run over by 4 trucks, 6 cars and 2 busses.

Badly tattered, he crawled back up on the sidewalk and proceeded to wrap and twist himself into a tangle. He then went back into the bar.

The bartender said, "Can't you read the sign? We don't serve ropes here" "Are you a rope?"

The rope answered, "NO. I'm a frayed knot."

GTO · 23rd September 2018, 11:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr.Boss

GTO does that here

I always wonder how on earth he finds time to correct all these typos

Sorry about the off-topic post, but I have serious OCD when it comes to Team-BHP's content

.

W.A.G.7 · 24th September 2018, 11:26

I saw this on the jio website yesterday. Maybe my definition of world is wrong!

saket77 · 25th September 2018, 20:02

Hmmmm...now we know...

hemanth.anand · 25th September 2018, 21:22

Got this on WhatsApp...

Job portal ad
Job Description: we are looking for exceptional candidates with brilliant track record...
Salary: as per industry standards

dailydriver · 26th September 2018, 10:15

Where else can you find this, if not on WhatsApp!

GTO · 27th September 2018, 15:44

What does Team-BHP call a dead pedestrian?

Dead Paidal (paidal in hindi means walking)

Source

saket77 · 27th September 2018, 15:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by GTO

What does Team-BHP call a dead pedestrian?

Dead Paidal (paidal in hindi means walking)

Oh...that we 'sorely miss' in our reviews

roby_dk · 27th September 2018, 16:43

Sleep with an open window tonight!

1400 mosquitoes like that. 420 mosquitoes commented on it. 210 mosquitoes shared this.

One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitoes will be attending the event.

dailydriver · 28th September 2018, 19:10

Haven't we all heard of a joke where, in reply to a teacher's question about a historical event, the student answers that he wouldn't know because he was not yet born? Found something similar on amazon.

The Official Joke thread-screenshot_20180928185924347_com.brave.browser1026x941.png

And the following picture sourced from WhatsApp is for dear moderator Rehaan's eyes only - mannequins that would help him decide the sizes and styles for next year's t-shirts and jackets

.

The Official Joke thread-img20180928wa0016.jpg

manaljain · 29th September 2018, 12:20

Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Color of hair?

Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my Jeep.

Sergeant:
What kind of Jeep was it?

Husband: (sobbing)
It's a 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps,Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer......
(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Jeep.

The Official Joke thread-fb_img_1538203740968.jpg

manaljain · 29th September 2018, 23:17

Don't get offended.
It's just for laugh.

The Official Joke thread-fb_img_1538243064577.jpg

adrian · 30th September 2018, 20:19

Photoshop trolls

https://thinkfree.in/2018/09/28/20-h...toshop-master/

SJM1214 · 4th October 2018, 12:37

"NO PARKING ZONE"
Penalty: Rs 250/-

(No one cared...)

(Someone removed NO and Changed the board to... )

PARKING ZONE--- Rs 250/-
(No one parked...)

Welcome to India!

22nd September 2018, 00:29	#10036
BenjiRoss Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Tamilnadu Posts: 1,066 Thanked: 1,330 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Looks like businesses are using high petrol prices to offer deals on their products. We got this ad pamphlet with our newspaper this morning. This is a fairly popular but newer bakery in town. I wonder how they give the petrol - in a bottle or a voucher or maybe they bake their cake with petrol!

22nd September 2018, 22:36	#10037
ArizonaJim Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Phoenix, Ariz. Posts: 1,200 Thanked: 2,837 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Two ropes were crawling down the street on a hot day and noticed they were passing a bar. One of them said, "Boy! I could go for a nice cold beer. Lets go in." The bartender saw them crawl up onto the counter and frowned. Pointing at a large sign on the wall he asked, "Can't you read? That sign says, "NO ROPES SERVED HERE." Tossing them back out into the street the bartender went back to his duties. One rope said, "I have an idea." and with that he crawled out into the street. He was immediately run over by 4 trucks, 6 cars and 2 busses. Badly tattered, he crawled back up on the sidewalk and proceeded to wrap and twist himself into a tangle. He then went back into the bar. The bartender said, "Can't you read the sign? We don't serve ropes here" "Are you a rope?" The rope answered, "NO. I'm a frayed knot."

24th September 2018, 11:26	#10039
W.A.G.7 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Pune Posts: 1,385 Thanked: 2,025 Times	I saw this on the jio website yesterday. Maybe my definition of world is wrong! Attached Thumbnails Last edited by W.A.G.7 : 24th September 2018 at 11:28.

25th September 2018, 20:02	#10040
saket77 Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Ranchi Posts: 4,390 Thanked: 11,977 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Hmmmm...now we know...

25th September 2018, 21:22	#10041
hemanth.anand Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Bengaluru Posts: 3,275 Thanked: 14,705 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Got this on WhatsApp... Job portal ad Job Description: we are looking for exceptional candidates with brilliant track record... Salary: as per industry standards

26th September 2018, 10:15	#10042
dailydriver Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2017 Location: Cynical City Posts: 1,217 Thanked: 6,432 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Where else can you find this, if not on WhatsApp! Attached Thumbnails

27th September 2018, 15:44	#10043
GTO Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bombay Posts: 70,501 Thanked: 300,611 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread What does Team-BHP call a dead pedestrian? Dead Paidal (paidal in hindi means walking) Source

27th September 2018, 16:43	#10045
roby_dk BHPian Join Date: Nov 2016 Location: New Delhi Posts: 753 Thanked: 2,155 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Sleep with an open window tonight! 1400 mosquitoes like that. 420 mosquitoes commented on it. 210 mosquitoes shared this. One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitoes will be attending the event.

28th September 2018, 19:10	#10046
dailydriver Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2017 Location: Cynical City Posts: 1,217 Thanked: 6,432 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Haven't we all heard of a joke where, in reply to a teacher's question about a historical event, the student answers that he wouldn't know because he was not yet born? Found something similar on amazon. And the following picture sourced from WhatsApp is for dear moderator Rehaan's eyes only - mannequins that would help him decide the sizes and styles for next year's t-shirts and jackets . Last edited by dailydriver : 28th September 2018 at 19:20.

29th September 2018, 12:20	#10047
manaljain BHPian Join Date: May 2017 Location: Indore Posts: 122 Thanked: 510 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. Sergeant: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember. Sergeant: What was she wearing? Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly. Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in? Husband: She went in my Jeep. Sergeant: What kind of Jeep was it? Husband: (sobbing) It's a 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps,Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer...... (At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.) Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Jeep.

29th September 2018, 23:17	#10048
manaljain BHPian Join Date: May 2017 Location: Indore Posts: 122 Thanked: 510 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Don't get offended. It's just for laugh.

30th September 2018, 20:19	#10049
adrian BHPian Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Trivandrum Posts: 932 Thanked: 1,215 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Photoshop trolls https://thinkfree.in/2018/09/28/20-h...toshop-master/

4th October 2018, 12:37	#10050
SJM1214 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Anand(GJ23) Posts: 1,572 Thanked: 5,951 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread "NO PARKING ZONE" Penalty: Rs 250/- (No one cared...) (Someone removed NO and Changed the board to... ) PARKING ZONE--- Rs 250/- (No one parked...) Welcome to India!