[jkdas]

jaguar .

[nishant_kingpin]

A BIHARI WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS

Wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his
Colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy
event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the
wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"

The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken
care, then the name would be "DWIVEDI";

If it is the third neighbour then it would
be "TRIVEDI",

If it is the fourth neighbour then it
would be "CHATURVEDI";

If its the fifth neighbour then it would
be "PANDEY"...

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...

But what if she refuses to divulge the
name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...

If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"

But who knows whether the child resulted
from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...

Finally, if the child happened because
of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...

And if the whole country had made efforts
for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY."

[tsreekaranrao]

Insurance claims - yeah right!


The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
I was on my way to the doctor's with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.
I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

[tsreekaranrao]

[tsreekaranrao]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, " So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

[tsreekaranrao]

A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
"Yes, madam, you were speeding."
"Really?"
"May I see your licence please?"
"I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"Don't have one?"
"Nope. Lost it after drunk driving four times."
"I see...May I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"Nope. Can't do that either."
"Why not?"
"Well ... I stole this car."
"Stole it?"
"Yes, after I killed and dismembered the owner."
"You what?"
"Lost my temper. It was messy. His body is in a pile of plastic bags in the boot if you want to see."
The policeman looks at the woman for a second, then backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes there are more police cars circling them. A police sergeant approaches the car, gripping his half drawn gun. He clears his throat, then calls to her, "Madam, please step out of and away from your vehicle please."
She does so. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
"Yes. Could you open the boot of your car please?"
She does, and they both look down into a dusty, empty space.
"Is this your car, madam?"
"Yes. Here are the registration papers."
The Sergeant scans through them, and sees that they are in order. "My officer claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The woman rummages through her bag, then hands her licence to the puzzled Sergeant.
"Ma'am, my officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and dismembered the owner."
"I'll bet the lying b*st**d told you I was speeding, too!!"

[tsreekaranrao]

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

[sanket12]

Two families moved from Afghanistan to America. When they arrived, the two
Fathers made a bet -- in a year's time whichever family had become more
Americanized would win.

A year later they met. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I
had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud,
how
about you?"

The second man replied, "Shut up, towel head."

[revtech]

this is some crazy stuff check it out


What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"



Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok don't kill me "Pizza Hutna math"




ok whats the opp of venky's..


think
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
venlocks...




Rev

[revtech]

A father picks up his son after school and asks him how his day has been.
"Great dad, today they give me my part at the school play", says the boy.
"Really? and what do you play?" asks the father.
"I play a man who has been married for twenty years".
"That's nice son", says the father, "you do it well and maybe one day the'll give you a speaking role".


Rev

[MalluDude]

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentiality" and "Reality"?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"...

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?

Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

[v.tec]

A skoda joke my dad told me..when skoda was one of the worst car brands in the market
"sab kuch bajta hai ..siwai(other than) horn ke"

[vinod]

nice joke with the names.....

[BUSA]

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had
his
head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in
physics
were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had
done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent
that
he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors
can't
be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet
passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he
is
cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?

He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet
towards
the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both
the
gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the
middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver
but
no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your
remotest
imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,
Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches
the
bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken
and
decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one
last
time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of
physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in
the
world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the
villain
is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth
can't
jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our
heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain
because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is
virtually
impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one
gun
in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the
wall,
he
uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in
air.
The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide...

[karthik247]