The Official Joke thread

1self · 8th November 2012, 07:47

THAT is some serious money down the drain!

brraj · 8th November 2012, 11:00

Facebook joke

The Official Joke thread-securedownload-10.jpg

sam_hyd · 13th November 2012, 09:19

If a man said he'll fix it, he will.
There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

2500cc · 13th November 2012, 11:51

Girls are so greedy that they expect everything from same man..
Men are so simple, they expect only one thing from every women..!!*

*=Conditions Apply

DevilsDoggie · 14th November 2012, 09:26

Not sure if this posted in this thread before. Just sharing some innocent jokes.

7 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Warwithwheels · 14th November 2012, 11:08

Now I know why my neighbor's rocket did not take off yday

The Official Joke thread-68058_456152487754959_1933029945_n.jpg

tushky · 14th November 2012, 20:16

really a true story

AlphaKilo · 14th November 2012, 20:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by tushky

really a true story

We are just more environment friendly and innovative!
Haven't you heard that Plastics are bad?

1self · 15th November 2012, 10:04

When dad's dress up their daughters for school!

Fillmore · 15th November 2012, 10:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaKilo

We are just more environment friendly and innovative!
Haven't you heard that Plastics are bad?

And don't miss the size of the "Pot Hole"

That is some pot ...

maddy42 · 18th November 2012, 00:11

Student of the year

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxTUqMPKssc

bblost · 19th November 2012, 15:34

So I picked up some lovely fish on a cold November evening. Came home and started cleaning it. My wife strolls into the kitchen. Watches me clean the fish and starts chatting

Somehow the discussion get to warm blooded animals and cold blooded animals. She asks me to name 3 cold blooded animals. I answer with absolute honesty, snakes, lizards and women.

In other news. Amrutanjan now comes in plastic bottles. But ice is still the best for swollen bumps on your head.

IronH4WK · 19th November 2012, 16:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by bblost

In other news. Amrutanjan now comes in plastic bottles. But ice is still the best for swollen bumps on your head.

edit window of 30mins is available only on Team-BHP. be careful next time

mayankk · 19th November 2012, 18:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by IronH4WK

edit window of 30mins is available only on Team-BHP. be careful next time

^^
We may have a winner as a late entry in the joke thread!!

Edit: appropriately enough,I had to use edit.

Samurai · 19th November 2012, 19:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by IronH4WK

edit window of 30mins is available only on Team-BHP. be careful next time

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

^^
We may have a winner as a late entry in the joke thread!!

Actually he can edit anytime, for he is a moderator.

8th November 2012, 07:47	#7501
1self BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Pune Posts: 629 Thanked: 330 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread THAT is some serious money down the drain! Attached Thumbnails

8th November 2012, 11:00	#7502
brraj BHPian Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 913 Thanked: 1,280 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Facebook joke

13th November 2012, 09:19	#7503
sam_hyd BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 29 Thanked: 0 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread If a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

13th November 2012, 11:51	#7504
2500cc BHPian Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 734 Thanked: 349 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Girls are so greedy that they expect everything from same man.. Men are so simple, they expect only one thing from every women..!!* *=Conditions Apply

14th November 2012, 09:26	#7505
DevilsDoggie BHPian Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Bombay/Bangkok Posts: 84 Thanked: 60 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Not sure if this posted in this thread before. Just sharing some innocent jokes. 7 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him". A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead." A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

14th November 2012, 11:08	#7506
Warwithwheels Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: India Posts: 1,348 Thanked: 1,739 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Now I know why my neighbor's rocket did not take off yday Last edited by Warwithwheels : 14th November 2012 at 11:10.

14th November 2012, 20:16	#7507
tushky Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 1,231 Thanked: 2,700 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread really a true story Attached Thumbnails

15th November 2012, 10:04	#7509
1self BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Pune Posts: 629 Thanked: 330 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread When dad's dress up their daughters for school! Attached Thumbnails

19th November 2012, 15:34	#7512
bblost Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 11,000 Thanked: 15,305 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread So I picked up some lovely fish on a cold November evening. Came home and started cleaning it. My wife strolls into the kitchen. Watches me clean the fish and starts chatting Somehow the discussion get to warm blooded animals and cold blooded animals. She asks me to name 3 cold blooded animals. I answer with absolute honesty, snakes, lizards and women. In other news. Amrutanjan now comes in plastic bottles. But ice is still the best for swollen bumps on your head. Last edited by bblost : 19th November 2012 at 15:35.