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Old 22nd November 2022, 17:01   #31
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by Malyaj View Post
Stay away from LinkedIn.
I don’t think there is a better statement than this. Everyone in LinkedIn has a new job everyday and puts more pressure knowingly or unknowingly. I have stopped visiting the site
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Old 22nd November 2022, 18:22   #32
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Many friends who become partners don't remain friends - the initial years of toil and hardship make huge demands and not all make it. I didn't.
Just to clarify.... I still run the company, and we are doing fine. The friendship didn't make it, is what I meant, sadly.
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Old 22nd November 2022, 19:39   #33
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

Some great advice in here , but I do notice that most of the advice is related to work and career.

The most insidiuous form a mid-life crisis takes, in my opinion, is on the personal front. In your 20's you are either gloriously single or happily coupled, and your 30s usually goes in a haze of making babies and buying houses and cars...but by the time you are 40 you suddenly experience a series of drastic changes:

- Your body changes, in practically every way. The hair falls out, your hormones go crazy, wrinkles and love handles start appearing, exercise and diet get more and more difficult to maintain.
- You start feeling less attractive to your partner. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, other times one partner feels it more acutely.
- The tendency to stray becomes very real. Perhaps you project your own insecurities on your partner, perhaps there is a genuine loss of connection. Marriages may become more and more sexless, sometimes loveless. Perhaps ironically, the opportunities to be unfaithful increase rather than decrease.
- Your grand dreams of making CEO by 35 are a distant memory now but even the fantasy of early retirement and travelling the world etc. seem far fetched. You are truly caught in the rat race of existence: bigger house, nicer car, more exclusive vacations, children's higher studies...it seems overwhelming. Your self-esteem could take a hit. You could find yourself indulging in addictive or depressive behaviour.
- Things you once enjoyed become stale or boring. You don't read as much as you used to, nor listen to the music you once loved. Your friends and family grow more distant and self absorbed. Older parents demand more care and you start losing them. Children grow up, stop depending on you and eventually move away.

So what then? Do we just roll over and give up... or soldier on in quiet desperation? I think neither!

It is a monumental relief when you discover that you are not the only person in the world going through all this. Talk to someone: your partner, a close friend, even someone you may have reconnected with from your old days. Conversations about life changes are difficult no doubt but essential. The feeling of being alone gnaws at the very core of your essence- anything that can relieve that loneliness has got to be good!

Accept that money is necessary, so plan your financials well. You need a paid-for roof over your head, everything else is gravy. You need reliable wheels to get from Point A to Point B, not a late-model German. Your kids need a sound education but IB schools and a medical degree from abroad are not mandatory: if you can afford those by all means go for it! You DO need a solid medical plan though. And meaningful and relaxing leisure time although business class travel and 5* vacations are purely optional! Live a good lifestyle but leave enough aside for your old age and contingencies.

Get rid of excess baggage. Declutter your house every year. Hang out with people who make you better and ditch the ones you have outgrown. Believe me, it's a damn relief! The great thing about being in your 40s is that you owe zero eff's to the world. Stop focusing on keeping up appearances and follow your heart. There are so many things wrong with our world but if we can find one small corner of it to take up as a project and leave in a better shape than we found it, then our life gets more meaning. This will also relieve you of the burden of conforming, and put you in touch with like-minded people.

Decide what is important to you as a person and focus on that. At the end of the day, contentment may well be an elusive goal but if you're reasonably happy most of the time, that's something.

Last edited by noopster : 22nd November 2022 at 19:41. Reason: Typo
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Old 22nd November 2022, 20:56   #34
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by surfatwork View Post
The friendship didn't make it, is what I meant, sadly.
It’s usually indicated as management advice - never start a business or partnership with friends or close family relatives as it would spoil the relationship. A common assumption is that the relationship would facilitate the smooth functioning of the business. However the converse is usually true and sometimes the individuals end up becoming bad enemies. The reasons are many and would be OT for this thread. Its unfortunate that you had to learn this the hard way.
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Old 22nd November 2022, 21:50   #35
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

Thank you everyone for your comments/suggestions/experiences and whatnot.

Yes, like many of you say, this "Mid-Life Crisis" is a term negatively unique to only the English language, and of course, this is a new-gen term.
And there are reasons for it
1. English is the only universal language (in the past, present, and at least for another few half-centuries)
2. Most (or) all of the world's economics and ideas were run by English-speaking countries (especially US and UK) for the last few 100's years. Probably it will change in the next few decades.
3. Is this the only jargon that we obtained in the last 20-30 years? Not really. A lot more terms like "well-settled", "work-life balance", "personal/private time (or) space", "smart working", "slogging", "time management", etc, etc. are in the kitty.

I am sure, "THIS SHALL PASS".
Humans (especially males) are social animals. Whether he is an extrovert/introvert, he is always, anytime dependent on someone somewhere.

Well, regarding retirement expenses or life after retirement, I think there is no limit to how much money is needed. So this crisis is not just about money (money is just a small part). It's about life itself. If I have to be more specific, it is probably more about myself.
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Old 22nd November 2022, 22:52   #36
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by Livnletcarsliv View Post
Well, for humans, this so-called "Mid-Life Crisis" is becoming a norm. Every one of us (with some exceptions) probably would have crossed (or) are currently in (or) are yet to encounter this life-changing phenomenon.

I am a sales professional (working for an IT corporate) in my late 30's. And yes, you guessed it right - I am already in this crisis.

Being in the corporate world, most of the time I am lost in thoughts thinking
  1. Needs and expenses until retirement
  2. Life after retirement.
  3. Needs and expenses after retirement
  4. Growth in career and make the most money from now until retirement
  5. Higher studies that elevate my profile and induce my fast growth (Probably MBA). Again is the money (10's of lakhs) worth the investment?
  6. The medical field is getting so advanced, that it keeps increasing not only our longevity but also making us more fit in old age. This means our needs and activities do slow down drastically after retirement from private employment.

What is your take on this crisis? What did you do to successfully overcome this crisis (if you have already crossed)? How did you avoid this crisis - if you did? What you could have done better/earlier to avoid this crisis? What is your plan to avoid this crisis (if you have any)? What is your advice to people who are about to enter and people like me who are struck? Is there any formula to overcome this? What are the action items that you recommend to overcome this crisis?
Great questions, and applicable to many of us, especially in today's world that we live in!

Well, am sharing some wisdom that I acquired over years, and some golden rules of thumb which are generic, and applicable to most of us (if not all!).

Would be sticking to finance (and related) aspects only. Terms in "double quotes" usually mean you can "google" on them to learn more.
  1. Try your best to live a debt-free life. If situation is otherwise, brutally check with yourself if taking that loan is your need or your want. For example, having to take a home loan is a very different situation/scenario than willingly taking a huge car loan for a very expensive car. The latter is usually a want which we need to tame or curb!

  2. All debts are bad. If you have debt, try getting rid of that ASAP. Start with clearing more expensive debts, gradually clearing all (Here is a typical order: Credit Card loans/dues (which are worse than a) > Personal Loan (which is worse than a) > Vehicle Loan (which is worse than a) > Home Loan). Income tax benefits etc. are more of an eyewash (reasons in next few bullet points)

  3. Try clearing all loans in the initial months or years, earlier the better. Again, many know this and many don't, that by paying off the EMIs in the initial years, we are only paying back the huge interest component and only a negligible principal repayable liability. In other words, we still have almost as much debt (principal repayable) even after paying off the regular EMIs. On the other hand, all pre-payments directly reduce the payable principal, helping reduce actual debt quite quickly, often drastically. See the next point.

  4. To all who have taken loans recently, try this great experiment: If your monthly EMI is X, additionally pre-pay say (X/2) amount (or more if you could) in the first month itself (or as early as you read this post ), and you would see that this simple step instantly cuts off "several months" of EMI payables, helping us become burden-free earlier by "several months". This would motivate us immensely to keep paying off all debt ASAP!

  5. "Pay yourself first". This term means, each time we get our salary/cashflow/payment from customers etc., invest a (set) percentage of it for yourself (more the percentage, the merrier). Treat it as any other payment - as if it is not yours. Spend only from what is left with you after paying yourself (viz. investing). Some of us start directly with spending, to later discover nothing is left!

  6. Google on "Power of Compounding". The earlier we could start investing (see "Pay Yourself First" above), and the longer we could stay invested, the more we would build. This is so difficult to practice/exercise if we have debt obligations. Refer, once again, to points 1 and 2 above.

  7. To young folks: Invest in long term instruments like PPF, Sukanya Samriddhi Scheme (for those who have young daughters), SCSS, RBI Sovereign Gold Bonds etc. (google on each to learn more). These will take away immediate liquidity from our hands, not only compelling us to not spend beyond a limit but also helping immensely with "Power of Compounding" (See the point above)

  8. Do not dip into your retirement kitty, howmuchever tempting that might sound. Again, being invested in long term instruments (point above) helps ensure this to a good extent, as we would not look at eating up these savings, being less-liquid.

  9. Do have (or try to acquire) enough liquid cash (e.g. Fixed Deposits). At least so as to cover 6 months of expense.

  10. Google on "Inflation: the silent killer". Invest in real assets (example precious metals) that the governments cannot print. Many central banks across the world have printed an overwhelming amount of currency notes in the post-COVID era. As a result, the value of the currency has been diluted. Let's understand it this way: After rampant printing + distribution of currency notes, everyone would have these currency notes, but required necessities (goods to buy like apples, wheat, rice, electricity, coal) are still limited. Therefore we need more currency to buy the same goods, reducing the purchasing power of the currency. This is what we call inflation. It is only going to shoot up in future. Having invested in real assets like Gold and Silver saves us from inflation impact during such times, as they would stand tall to match the inflated levels, though that might take a long time (difficult to predict, especially due to unethical and intentionally wrong market manipulations that even governments are indulging in or allowing). Fortunately however, there comes a point where unethical folks can no longer control them, and that is when gold glitters!

    Differentiate between "money versus currency". Money is a store of value (e.g. gold). Currency (printed currency notes) can be printed using printers, out of thin air, as per wishes (and whims) of governments across the globe, and often loses its value. Venezuela and Turkey are few recent examples!

  11. If you are the bread earner, buy a Term Life Insurance with the amount you think is huge today (For example, 10-20 times your annual take-home pay). Strictly avoid buying other forms of life insurance like Endowment plans and ULIPs. The agents will try very hard to convince you to buy these, as they earn a huge commission with other forms of life insurance plans. Steer clear and just say "NO, thanks!" to these so-called guaranteed-return or guaranteed money-back offers! In other words, do not mix insurance and investments. Invest in investment instruments, insure through insurance instruments.

  12. Make your WILL, regardless of your age. Especially if you are married! Get it at least duly notarized, if not registered. There are plenty of cases where a young person died and the spouse/family members had to run from piller to post because there was no will. If you have parents, strongly encourage them to get their will made and notarized/registered too.

  13. Take an adequate "family floater" health insurance plan from a reputed company (or an independent one if you are single). If you have (old) parents, it is often better to purchase a separate plan for them, and "family floater" for you and your immediate family (your spouse and children). This is because the premium for family floater is calculated based on the age of the oldest beneficiary, hence it is best to keep (old) parents out of this and cover them separately.

  14. More on health insurance: Pay special attention to "per day room rent limit" clause. Very few know this: Say if I take a plan with INR 3K per day room rent limit, and I get admitted to a hospital room with INR 5K daily charge (thinking not a big deal to pay INR 2K from my pocket). But that is not how it works! Say the total bill is INR 2 lakhs. Company would only reimburse 60% of that, that is INR 1.4 lakhs, and I have to pay the remaining 60K. That's because room rent limit was INR 3K, whereas I chose to pay INR 5K (which is 40% more). So the insurance company considers that I chose to pay 40% higher, and therefore settles only 60% of the total cost. In short, be aware of these clauses and select your room accordingly, or buy a policy with no room rent cap. Also, best to check with the hospitals around you, if they entertain cashless mediclaims from the insurer you are planning to zero on.

  15. More on health insurance: To all salaried folks, it is a trap to think that your employer covers you (and often your immediate family) and therefore you do not need anything other health cover! That approach has huge drawbacks. What if we lose our job? What if we are between jobs? There is no better way than to definitely buy your own health insurance (family floater, or individual if we are not married), which would be with us till we live.

  16. More on health insurance: Do research on "top-up" and "super top-up" health insurance plans. They offer a huge cushion at a very low premium. For instance, if we buy a base health insurance coverage of 35 lakhs, the premium would be very high. But if we buy a base health insurance of 10 lakhs, and an additional super top-up plan of (INR 25 lakhs, 10 lakh deductible combo), the premium for both these plans would be quite nominal for the same coverage. Super top-up plans are usually better than top-up plans. Please study them.

  17. More on health insurance: If you are unhappy with your current insurer due to any reasons, formally switch your plan to the new preferred insurer instead of dumping the current plan and buying afresh. That way you would keep all your accured benefits intact and pre-existing diseases shall also continue to get covered from day 1.

  18. Do not procrastinate!!! Too many of us are guilty of agreeing to this shared wisdom (or a subset of it). But we do not act on it. We should be quick to implement the points we find worthwhile, only then it would serve its intended purpose!

  19. Most important of all: Money is not the only thing. Would humbly request all of us to not invest in outright harmful industries like tobacco and other places/industries where there is violence involved, is not environment-friendly etc. If we are making money at the cost of others, or through any unethical means, we are sure lose the peace and calmness within, which is an incomparable loss compared to anything else. Check out this great poem.

Hope this compilation helps! Will add more if/as I remember. Best wishes to all.

Last edited by jaysheth : 22nd November 2022 at 23:02.
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Old 23rd November 2022, 00:28   #37
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by jaysheth View Post
Great questions, and applicable to many of us, especially in today's world that we live in!

Well, am sharing some wisdom that I acquired over years, and some golden rules of thumb which are generic, and applicable to most of us (if not all!).


...
[*]More on health insurance: To all salaried folks, it is a trap to think that your employer covers you (and often your immediate family) and therefore you do not need anything other health cover! That approach has huge drawbacks. What if we lose our job? What if we are between jobs? There is no better way than to definitely buy your own health insurance (family floater, or individual if we are not married), which would be with us till we live.
While untested, theoretically, now-a-days company insurance tie-ups are providing option of continuing on personal basis on exit from job. For folks who have not yet 'awakened' to have personal insurance cover, and the age bracket will now command significant annual premium, does such option seem rational rather than having a parallel personal cover.

Quote:
[*]More on health insurance: If you are unhappy with your current insurer due to any reasons, formally switch your plan to the new preferred insurer instead of dumping the current plan and buying afresh. That way you would keep all your accured benefits intact and pre-existing diseases shall also continue to get covered from day 1.
Thanks for sharing. This is nice to know. If driven by IRDA, this 'porting' option will keep insurance companies appropriately moderated.

Quote:
[*]Do not procrastinate!!! Too many of us are guilty of agreeing to this shared wisdom (or a subset of it). But we do not act on it. We should be quick to implement the points we find worthwhile, only then it would serve its intended purpose!

[*]Most important of all: Money is not the only thing. Would humbly request all of us to not invest in outright harmful industries like tobacco and other places/industries where there is violence involved, is not environment-friendly etc. If we are making money at the cost of others, or through any unethical means, we are sure lose the peace and calmness within, which is an incomparable loss compared to anything else. Check out this great poem.

Hope this compilation helps! Will add more if/as I remember. Best wishes to all.
Fantastic words of wisdom.
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Old 23rd November 2022, 07:58   #38
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

Perhaps using the phrase "mid-life crisis" is simplistic in describing our responses to a modern urban environment that has increasingly disassociated us from close connections with people, with work, with the day-to-day living. Think gated communities of 1000s in a city of 1000s such and division of labour in delivering a large tech project, and contrast them to a village of 1000s and tanning the leather and making a bag by hand (I have deliberately used extreme examples; most of our choices would put us somewhere on a spectrum).

I have felt it.

After the standard gathering of degrees, I had joined the corporate world fed on a narrative that largely felt true and exhilirating in the initial years, when the teams were smaller and each of us were doing things end-to-end in start-up-py phases of operations. I still look back with pride at what I accomplished then.

Discontent arose in my early 30s in reaction to the company, and my role in it, becoming larger and everything started feeling distant and yet claustrophobic. After a year of boosting my bank balance, I quit.

(I have been against property purchase because I don't like loans (didn't want to be tied to corporate work - the only way I knew how to earn) and property investments rely on effort - I have neither knowledge nor interest - and luck.)

My initial plan to study law was abandoned within a month. Chance meetings led me into volunteering and eventually a partnership with two people (one a close friend) to work with social entrepreneurs, mostly at the grassroots level (widely-coveted WB projects, to me, were lesser pay for work similar to the corporate sector). It was fascinating to see the India I had not noticed on maps. And the Sakha Cabs (cabs for women by women) that you see standing out at the arrival in T3 at Delhi? I had a large contribution to its first rudimentary legal and commercial plan that got it strings-free, leg-up funding more than a decade back.

After three years, the partnership broke up (luckily, the friendship didn't) and another chance meeting saw me co-founding a contemporary art gallery (art as a hobby doesn't have a patch on something like that). The money by then was beginning to run out and I took up a part-time contract work with my former company that allowed me to come in to office only for meetings; my business partner picked up a similar arrangement. Neither of us were rich housewives; I wasn't even married. We had a fabulous three years with an art community that accepted outsiders like us because of what we made our tiny space stand for. We shut down for reasons other than financial (we were breaking even by the third year) and all of our hearts broke.

I dawdled time and dwindled my resources for a few months thinking of the next thing. One day, my boss from the part-time gig asked me what I was doing with my days. Unconvinced with my response I was busy, I found myself back as an employee full-time. Many colleagues were the same in the company I fondly call the mothership, even after seven years. They cackled when I said, "Well, the money ran out. And I will leave after taking my second gratuity."

Again, the first three years were great fun. And I quit after the promised gratuity and a replenished bank account. This time, data science as a potential career was abandoned a month after leaving. And now, I just want to learn to write. And spend time with friends and family, whose schedules I am happy to adjust to.

Perhaps I have been lucky. Perhaps I made choices suited to my personality. And my friends have done it too (some have a traditional family set-up - spouse, children). Perhaps all there is to do is to take a chance on things and do what sounds like fun and learning and more fun. There will be some grief along the way, but then, what path doesn't.

There is nothing wrong with doing what the majority around you do, but if you feel it is not enough, nothing should stop an exploration beyond boundaries defined by others.

Last edited by Sonali Singh : 23rd November 2022 at 08:13. Reason: Updated a word choice
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Old 23rd November 2022, 08:44   #39
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by jaysheth View Post
[*]More on health insurance: If you are unhappy with your current insurer due to any reasons, formally switch your plan to the new preferred insurer instead of dumping the current plan and buying afresh. That way you would keep all your accured benefits intact and pre-existing diseases shall also continue to get covered from day 1.
This is only partly true in the case of porting of health insurance plans, as discovered in the fine print while attempting to port on couple of occasions.

While the waiting period for covering pre-existing diseases is generally waived by the company to which you port, your NCB benefits accrued in the previous plan are not considered and are lost on porting. This is a significant loss, as the NCB could have accrued upto 100% of the sum assured in some plans.

Do study the detailed T&C'S before finalising on porting. The agents selling porting try to mislead you by disguising the facts selectively or offering options which distract from the issue of loss of NCB.
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Old 23rd November 2022, 09:08   #40
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

I guess every sensitive and thoughtful person has to deal with the question of "what am I doing with my life?" Lot of posts here seem to be about "finances and career" but I don't think you will get rid of the crisis once you meet your finance/career goals. When it comes to "what am I doing with my life?", you can check in anytime you like but you can never leave. The hierarchy of needs is always there - till you become Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse :-)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow...archy_of_needs

The Midlife Crisis Thread-maslowhierarchy.png
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Old 23rd November 2022, 09:10   #41
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

I'm 35 and I have been stuck in a midlife crisis for a couple of years now. I'm in a PSU and earn considerably. But my career is going nowhere and the work is monotonous. With 2 kids at home (one of them is my wife BTW), I'm engaged full time. Absolutely no time for any kind of Hobbies. No F1, No EPL, No MotoGP, No Tennis, No Novels. Only thing keeping me going is the expectation of getting a respite after a few years when I can get my kid hooked to her mother to keep her off me. Sorry for the rant.
Anybody here gone through similar scenerio? How did you handle this?
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Old 23rd November 2022, 11:32   #42
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

Listen to the science behind mid life crisis
Listen to it multiple times, it will help.
I am 46 now and I did have crisis, and it did look like mid-life. Here are few things that helped me:
1. Running - it helped me get in good health. A lot of mid life crisis comes from how (un)healthy you feel (IMHO).
2. Reading - read what you like. I stuck to biographies of sports personalities.
3. Respect your income source - I started to put lot of thought into my work and it has helped me realize that I love 9-5 work. There is lot of negativism about 9-5 job, but believe me there are bunch of people who are awesome at it and I believe that I am one of those guys who is made to do 9-5 work. I switch off from work at 4.30PM and then start only next day morning. I hardly touch my work over weekend.
4. Have a small project - have something that you plan about and discuss (with family or friends) every now and then. E.g. weekend bike ride, road trip, family holiday, organizing community activity, etc.

Reduce debt and reduce clutter, it will reduce stress and that will free up your mid for some activities that you can look forward to.

Focusing on health is key - physical and mental.
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Old 24th November 2022, 11:14   #43
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by Gildarts View Post
I'm 35 and I have been stuck in a midlife crisis for a couple of years now. I'm in a PSU and earn considerably. But my career is going nowhere and the work is monotonous. With 2 kids at home (one of them is my wife BTW), I'm engaged full time. Absolutely no time for any kind of Hobbies. No F1, No EPL, No MotoGP, No Tennis, No Novels. Only thing keeping me going is the expectation of getting a respite after a few years when I can get my kid hooked to her mother to keep her off me. Sorry for the rant.
Anybody here gone through similar scenerio? How did you handle this?
In my humble opinion, my friend, you are shying away from your own responsibilities and your commitments as a family man. It will take you nowhere, and will do no good to your family either. Please value your spouse and your kid, and respect them. They deserve top priority in your life, as it was you who married your spouse, who left her whole settled and comfortable world to lead a life with you! Indulge in common hobbies or outing with them etc. which all would like and appreciate, and bring all of you closer. Your personal hobbies can certainly wait or you could pursue them part time. As your kid grows, instead of hooking your kid to her mom, look to grow *with* them. Think of those who are craving for life partner or craving for a kid. Reminds me of a Chitra Singh ghazal:

Duniya jisse kahte hain, jaadu ka khilauna hai
Mil jaaye to mitti hai, kho jaaye to sona hai ...

Do not lose them, nurture them. Give and spread happiness and you will get happiness. Wait for happiness to *occur to you*, and it will never happen.

Sincere apologies if this hurts you in any which way whatsoever. I would not like to be even the last person on the planet to add to your sorrows. Am penning this down since you chose to ask on this forum. Best wishes to your family and to you!

Last edited by jaysheth : 24th November 2022 at 11:18. Reason: Corrected grammar
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Old 24th November 2022, 11:32   #44
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by jaysheth View Post
Sincere apologies if this hurts you in any which way whatsoever. I would not like to be even the last person on the planet to add to your sorrows. Am penning this down since you chose to ask on this forum. Best wishes to your family and to you!
Thank You for the genuine concern. Came across the thread and felt the need to vent my frustration. Otherwise Life's good and I'm grateful for it. Seriously, thanks for the empathetic response.
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Old 24th November 2022, 13:46   #45
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Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread

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Originally Posted by Gildarts View Post
I'm 35 and I have been stuck in a midlife crisis for a couple of years now. I'm in a PSU and earn considerably. But my career is going nowhere and the work is monotonous. With 2 kids at home (one of them is my wife BTW), I'm engaged full time. Absolutely no time for any kind of Hobbies. No F1, No EPL, No MotoGP, No Tennis, No Novels. Only thing keeping me going is the expectation of getting a respite after a few years when I can get my kid hooked to her mother to keep her off me. Sorry for the rant.
Anybody here gone through similar scenerio? How did you handle this?
This sounds like a great situation to be in! A PSU job in the time of mass private sector layoffs, a considerable income, a wife who is like a kid (as opposed to one who behaves like a grandma ), being engaged full time when people are contemplating how not to waste their time. You are blessed my friend!

On a more serious note, you didn't land up in the PSU job by accident did you? What made you take it up? What has changed? There is something monotonous about everyone's work. No one is conquering castles all the time.

These days companies position their jobs as offering a chance to 'make a difference' in 'high impact projects'. In 20 years of my career, I have not heard these phrases as much as I have heard them in the last 2-3 years. It is a very clever phrase that is at once an attempt to tug at your heart strings (fair enough) and also to make you feel that your current job is utterly useless (not always fair). It is clever marketing, among other things.

But I acknowledge that a PSU is not necessarily the best place to showcase enterprise. I have a relative in HAL who although a bright chap always feels a bit gloomy whenever I meet him. During initial days of his career, I advised him to try for a job in some private company like Honeywell, Airbus, Collins etc, but he never got down to even trying. You can't win a lottery if you don't even buy a ticket.

On the subject of time, remember that it never ever falls into your lap. You have to carve it out. Tell your family that you intend to carve out your 'me time', and in return you will allow them their 'me time' as well. I know that this might seem like something of a cultural oddity in our country and might be met with passive aggressive behaviour from them, but it will surely work out. Just don't disappear for hours or days at a stretch, and don't do anything shocking. The trick is to bring it on gently.
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