22nd November 2022, 17:01 | #31 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread |
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22nd November 2022, 18:22 | #32 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread
Just to clarify.... I still run the company, and we are doing fine. The friendship didn't make it, is what I meant, sadly. |
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22nd November 2022, 19:39 | #33 |
Distinguished - BHPian | Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Some great advice in here , but I do notice that most of the advice is related to work and career. The most insidiuous form a mid-life crisis takes, in my opinion, is on the personal front. In your 20's you are either gloriously single or happily coupled, and your 30s usually goes in a haze of making babies and buying houses and cars...but by the time you are 40 you suddenly experience a series of drastic changes: - Your body changes, in practically every way. The hair falls out, your hormones go crazy, wrinkles and love handles start appearing, exercise and diet get more and more difficult to maintain. - You start feeling less attractive to your partner. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, other times one partner feels it more acutely. - The tendency to stray becomes very real. Perhaps you project your own insecurities on your partner, perhaps there is a genuine loss of connection. Marriages may become more and more sexless, sometimes loveless. Perhaps ironically, the opportunities to be unfaithful increase rather than decrease. - Your grand dreams of making CEO by 35 are a distant memory now but even the fantasy of early retirement and travelling the world etc. seem far fetched. You are truly caught in the rat race of existence: bigger house, nicer car, more exclusive vacations, children's higher studies...it seems overwhelming. Your self-esteem could take a hit. You could find yourself indulging in addictive or depressive behaviour. - Things you once enjoyed become stale or boring. You don't read as much as you used to, nor listen to the music you once loved. Your friends and family grow more distant and self absorbed. Older parents demand more care and you start losing them. Children grow up, stop depending on you and eventually move away. So what then? Do we just roll over and give up... or soldier on in quiet desperation? I think neither! It is a monumental relief when you discover that you are not the only person in the world going through all this. Talk to someone: your partner, a close friend, even someone you may have reconnected with from your old days. Conversations about life changes are difficult no doubt but essential. The feeling of being alone gnaws at the very core of your essence- anything that can relieve that loneliness has got to be good! Accept that money is necessary, so plan your financials well. You need a paid-for roof over your head, everything else is gravy. You need reliable wheels to get from Point A to Point B, not a late-model German. Your kids need a sound education but IB schools and a medical degree from abroad are not mandatory: if you can afford those by all means go for it! You DO need a solid medical plan though. And meaningful and relaxing leisure time although business class travel and 5* vacations are purely optional! Live a good lifestyle but leave enough aside for your old age and contingencies. Get rid of excess baggage. Declutter your house every year. Hang out with people who make you better and ditch the ones you have outgrown. Believe me, it's a damn relief! The great thing about being in your 40s is that you owe zero eff's to the world. Stop focusing on keeping up appearances and follow your heart. There are so many things wrong with our world but if we can find one small corner of it to take up as a project and leave in a better shape than we found it, then our life gets more meaning. This will also relieve you of the burden of conforming, and put you in touch with like-minded people. Decide what is important to you as a person and focus on that. At the end of the day, contentment may well be an elusive goal but if you're reasonably happy most of the time, that's something. Last edited by noopster : 22nd November 2022 at 19:41. Reason: Typo |
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22nd November 2022, 20:56 | #34 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread
It’s usually indicated as management advice - never start a business or partnership with friends or close family relatives as it would spoil the relationship. A common assumption is that the relationship would facilitate the smooth functioning of the business. However the converse is usually true and sometimes the individuals end up becoming bad enemies. The reasons are many and would be OT for this thread. Its unfortunate that you had to learn this the hard way. |
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22nd November 2022, 21:50 | #35 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Thank you everyone for your comments/suggestions/experiences and whatnot. Yes, like many of you say, this "Mid-Life Crisis" is a term negatively unique to only the English language, and of course, this is a new-gen term. And there are reasons for it 1. English is the only universal language (in the past, present, and at least for another few half-centuries) 2. Most (or) all of the world's economics and ideas were run by English-speaking countries (especially US and UK) for the last few 100's years. Probably it will change in the next few decades. 3. Is this the only jargon that we obtained in the last 20-30 years? Not really. A lot more terms like "well-settled", "work-life balance", "personal/private time (or) space", "smart working", "slogging", "time management", etc, etc. are in the kitty. I am sure, "THIS SHALL PASS". Humans (especially males) are social animals. Whether he is an extrovert/introvert, he is always, anytime dependent on someone somewhere. Well, regarding retirement expenses or life after retirement, I think there is no limit to how much money is needed. So this crisis is not just about money (money is just a small part). It's about life itself. If I have to be more specific, it is probably more about myself. |
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22nd November 2022, 22:52 | #36 | |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Quote:
Well, am sharing some wisdom that I acquired over years, and some golden rules of thumb which are generic, and applicable to most of us (if not all!). Would be sticking to finance (and related) aspects only. Terms in "double quotes" usually mean you can "google" on them to learn more.
Hope this compilation helps! Will add more if/as I remember. Best wishes to all. Last edited by jaysheth : 22nd November 2022 at 23:02. | |
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23rd November 2022, 00:28 | #37 | |||
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
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23rd November 2022, 07:58 | #38 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Perhaps using the phrase "mid-life crisis" is simplistic in describing our responses to a modern urban environment that has increasingly disassociated us from close connections with people, with work, with the day-to-day living. Think gated communities of 1000s in a city of 1000s such and division of labour in delivering a large tech project, and contrast them to a village of 1000s and tanning the leather and making a bag by hand (I have deliberately used extreme examples; most of our choices would put us somewhere on a spectrum). I have felt it. After the standard gathering of degrees, I had joined the corporate world fed on a narrative that largely felt true and exhilirating in the initial years, when the teams were smaller and each of us were doing things end-to-end in start-up-py phases of operations. I still look back with pride at what I accomplished then. Discontent arose in my early 30s in reaction to the company, and my role in it, becoming larger and everything started feeling distant and yet claustrophobic. After a year of boosting my bank balance, I quit. (I have been against property purchase because I don't like loans (didn't want to be tied to corporate work - the only way I knew how to earn) and property investments rely on effort - I have neither knowledge nor interest - and luck.) My initial plan to study law was abandoned within a month. Chance meetings led me into volunteering and eventually a partnership with two people (one a close friend) to work with social entrepreneurs, mostly at the grassroots level (widely-coveted WB projects, to me, were lesser pay for work similar to the corporate sector). It was fascinating to see the India I had not noticed on maps. And the Sakha Cabs (cabs for women by women) that you see standing out at the arrival in T3 at Delhi? I had a large contribution to its first rudimentary legal and commercial plan that got it strings-free, leg-up funding more than a decade back. After three years, the partnership broke up (luckily, the friendship didn't) and another chance meeting saw me co-founding a contemporary art gallery (art as a hobby doesn't have a patch on something like that). The money by then was beginning to run out and I took up a part-time contract work with my former company that allowed me to come in to office only for meetings; my business partner picked up a similar arrangement. Neither of us were rich housewives; I wasn't even married. We had a fabulous three years with an art community that accepted outsiders like us because of what we made our tiny space stand for. We shut down for reasons other than financial (we were breaking even by the third year) and all of our hearts broke. I dawdled time and dwindled my resources for a few months thinking of the next thing. One day, my boss from the part-time gig asked me what I was doing with my days. Unconvinced with my response I was busy, I found myself back as an employee full-time. Many colleagues were the same in the company I fondly call the mothership, even after seven years. They cackled when I said, "Well, the money ran out. And I will leave after taking my second gratuity." Again, the first three years were great fun. And I quit after the promised gratuity and a replenished bank account. This time, data science as a potential career was abandoned a month after leaving. And now, I just want to learn to write. And spend time with friends and family, whose schedules I am happy to adjust to. Perhaps I have been lucky. Perhaps I made choices suited to my personality. And my friends have done it too (some have a traditional family set-up - spouse, children). Perhaps all there is to do is to take a chance on things and do what sounds like fun and learning and more fun. There will be some grief along the way, but then, what path doesn't. There is nothing wrong with doing what the majority around you do, but if you feel it is not enough, nothing should stop an exploration beyond boundaries defined by others. Last edited by Sonali Singh : 23rd November 2022 at 08:13. Reason: Updated a word choice |
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23rd November 2022, 08:44 | #39 | |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Quote:
While the waiting period for covering pre-existing diseases is generally waived by the company to which you port, your NCB benefits accrued in the previous plan are not considered and are lost on porting. This is a significant loss, as the NCB could have accrued upto 100% of the sum assured in some plans. Do study the detailed T&C'S before finalising on porting. The agents selling porting try to mislead you by disguising the facts selectively or offering options which distract from the issue of loss of NCB. | |
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23rd November 2022, 09:08 | #40 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread I guess every sensitive and thoughtful person has to deal with the question of "what am I doing with my life?" Lot of posts here seem to be about "finances and career" but I don't think you will get rid of the crisis once you meet your finance/career goals. When it comes to "what am I doing with my life?", you can check in anytime you like but you can never leave. The hierarchy of needs is always there - till you become Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse :-) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow...archy_of_needs |
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23rd November 2022, 09:10 | #41 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread I'm 35 and I have been stuck in a midlife crisis for a couple of years now. I'm in a PSU and earn considerably. But my career is going nowhere and the work is monotonous. With 2 kids at home (one of them is my wife BTW), I'm engaged full time. Absolutely no time for any kind of Hobbies. No F1, No EPL, No MotoGP, No Tennis, No Novels. Only thing keeping me going is the expectation of getting a respite after a few years when I can get my kid hooked to her mother to keep her off me. Sorry for the rant. Anybody here gone through similar scenerio? How did you handle this? |
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23rd November 2022, 11:32 | #42 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Listen to the science behind mid life crisis Listen to it multiple times, it will help. I am 46 now and I did have crisis, and it did look like mid-life. Here are few things that helped me: 1. Running - it helped me get in good health. A lot of mid life crisis comes from how (un)healthy you feel (IMHO). 2. Reading - read what you like. I stuck to biographies of sports personalities. 3. Respect your income source - I started to put lot of thought into my work and it has helped me realize that I love 9-5 work. There is lot of negativism about 9-5 job, but believe me there are bunch of people who are awesome at it and I believe that I am one of those guys who is made to do 9-5 work. I switch off from work at 4.30PM and then start only next day morning. I hardly touch my work over weekend. 4. Have a small project - have something that you plan about and discuss (with family or friends) every now and then. E.g. weekend bike ride, road trip, family holiday, organizing community activity, etc. Reduce debt and reduce clutter, it will reduce stress and that will free up your mid for some activities that you can look forward to. Focusing on health is key - physical and mental. |
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24th November 2022, 11:14 | #43 | |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Quote:
Duniya jisse kahte hain, jaadu ka khilauna hai Mil jaaye to mitti hai, kho jaaye to sona hai ... Do not lose them, nurture them. Give and spread happiness and you will get happiness. Wait for happiness to *occur to you*, and it will never happen. Sincere apologies if this hurts you in any which way whatsoever. I would not like to be even the last person on the planet to add to your sorrows. Am penning this down since you chose to ask on this forum. Best wishes to your family and to you! Last edited by jaysheth : 24th November 2022 at 11:18. Reason: Corrected grammar | |
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24th November 2022, 11:32 | #44 |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread
Thank You for the genuine concern. Came across the thread and felt the need to vent my frustration. Otherwise Life's good and I'm grateful for it. Seriously, thanks for the empathetic response. |
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24th November 2022, 13:46 | #45 | |
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| Re: The Midlife Crisis Thread Quote:
On a more serious note, you didn't land up in the PSU job by accident did you? What made you take it up? What has changed? There is something monotonous about everyone's work. No one is conquering castles all the time. These days companies position their jobs as offering a chance to 'make a difference' in 'high impact projects'. In 20 years of my career, I have not heard these phrases as much as I have heard them in the last 2-3 years. It is a very clever phrase that is at once an attempt to tug at your heart strings (fair enough) and also to make you feel that your current job is utterly useless (not always fair). It is clever marketing, among other things. But I acknowledge that a PSU is not necessarily the best place to showcase enterprise. I have a relative in HAL who although a bright chap always feels a bit gloomy whenever I meet him. During initial days of his career, I advised him to try for a job in some private company like Honeywell, Airbus, Collins etc, but he never got down to even trying. You can't win a lottery if you don't even buy a ticket. On the subject of time, remember that it never ever falls into your lap. You have to carve it out. Tell your family that you intend to carve out your 'me time', and in return you will allow them their 'me time' as well. I know that this might seem like something of a cultural oddity in our country and might be met with passive aggressive behaviour from them, but it will surely work out. Just don't disappear for hours or days at a stretch, and don't do anything shocking. The trick is to bring it on gently. | |
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