[airguitar]

Every city has it's culture, primarily driven by the people who matter - mostly service providers that run the everyday things - market, shops, schools, hospitals, restaurants/caterers, religious places, transport providers - auto/bus/taxi. In my experience, how these folks interact and conduct themselves raises the levels of how good one feels about a city - for they touch more lives than an average java programmer like me.

My city had a very friendly culture - almost nobody ever spoke disrespectfully(barring the occasional old uncle that wanted to put an upstart to his place). However, over the recent many years, many "people in everyday business" seem to have developed this attitude where nothing matters - neither relationships nor money.

Some examples

• I had to severe contacts with a catering guy that referred to my order as "too small to be profitable". He had agreed to do it earlier, but on the day before the event, he pulled a fast one on me. He has been our regular for 10 years and we have given him some really big events. Yet, he chose to burn the bridge this time.
• You shop for 2 hours at a jeweler store, giving a 6-digit business to him, yet he throws an attitude at you for using his parking for an extra 30 minutes post that ( it went something like your bill was made 35 mins ago, yet you are here only now). This is a famous jewellery shop from "a southern state" now taking roots in KA. For the crores of business they do each day, they cannot create a larger parking space.
• A famous photography chain store in Bangalore refuses appointment for a photoshoot because we were late by 15 mins ( clearly someone with a larger ask walked in and that would be more profitable )
• Booking at a resort canceled as a "foreign (read more profitable)" gang had walked in. They rescinded a confirmed booking blaming the booking site.
• Homestays accommodating boozers at public places from Bangalore in the middle of wildlife sanctuaries - no respect for other customers ; no respect for the sanctity of the forest.
• Another caterer refuses to pick up their utensils saying they can only pick it up the next day ( they stay 5 mins from my place ). The same caterer reusing tablecloth, while falsely claiming that they were laundered. This, after having made no negotiation on the price and paying them as much as they asked.
• A photographer at an event lays down guidelines on how many extra minutes he can stay on. This again is a big-amount assignment, yet the person focuses on the laying down curt roles rather than focusing on getting the job done and helping his customers out.
• Another famous chain of restaurants, where the guy taking an order to chose to give a "piece of his mind" to the table next to mine.
• Valet parking guy challenges me when I ask him to handle the car properly
• Hospitals and malls charging you hefty parking bills despite running huge purchase bills ( can you not waive a Rs.40 parking fee when I have paid 25000 on scans and tests?)
• Loudest customer getting priority - at a hospital line recently one guy just came in to the head of the queue arguing about how slow the queue was and the doctor not being on time etc and casually slipped into the front part of the line when he was back at the line originally. Nobody in the queue even batted an eyelid ( they seem terrified of this rowdy-like demeanor ), but I had to push him out and he was indignant that he had to.
• Car B brushed against Car A at a cramped parking lot. Car A owners gets down and slaps car B driver - Car B has his entire family - kids and all - inside. Imagine what the kids would be going through.
• Sales person at car showroom doesn't turn up for 2 hours past the appointed time despite having a prior appointment with him.
• At a car service center, two security guys speaking how "this guy now can only park this car on our head as there is no space" - and I ensured they will casual-banter with a customer or in front of a customer for the rest of their lives.

Overall the patterns emerging:

1. People(customers) are not important - there are always others just behind you that will provide business to him.
2. Money is not important. Most people are flush with new-found money.
3. We will bend rules as per my convenience - there is no "ethics" that we follow.

I would like to call out this behaviour is more conspicuous inhabited by the neo-rich ( sorry for the stereotyping, but you cannot deny me my opinion )

Why blame only servicer providers, that's the same with most corporate setups too, people just want to get by without doing any work or keeping a solid work ethics. And why blame only providers, many customers are just rude yelling at the drop of a hat ( that was something that I never saw in Bangalore ). Maybe money corrupts those that cannot handle it. We collectively, as a customers and providers, and more importantly as humans, have a joint responsibility to the next generations - they will have no role models if this approach of no-ethics-no-respect-only-convenience continues.

Lastly, this is not peculiar to my city, I have experienced the same almost all other cities in India, perhaps a lot worse in some cities. So how does your city fare?

[Rajeevraj]

In my view, a lot of this is not really tied to the culture of the city. Our Tier 1, Tier 2 cities is now a heterogeneous hotchpotch of all kinds of people from across the country. Or course, this has always been the case, but now it is so more than ever. So much so that the while earlier people coming into a city would assimilate into its culture, now because of the sheer variety of people in a large city and the way cities have expanded, there is no longer a one culture for a city. In Bangalore, a Malleswaram is very different from a Marathahalli. Whitefield is jokingly called 'Republic of Whitefield' by others

On top of it, there is very little empathy. Mostly everyone is busy, stressed, irritated and constantly running about in a daily grind. Traffic, pollution, infra issues all make people constantly on the edge.

Finally, yes, customer is the king is a long gone myth. Especially in the segments mentioned. Hotels, Hospitals, car showrooms, catering etc.. There is enough people to provide business. So in reality customers are the beggars

[Kosfactor]

Relationships are important, money comes and goes.

I have the opposite experience mostly because we rely on known sources for most things we need , even if they aren't making sense money wise everytime.

Launguage is important, it's part of respecting the culture of a city's inhabitants - I learned Kannada and uses it as much as possible, also those who are Tamil prefers to speak in Tamil, Malayalam and Telugu - likewise.

We order food home often on WhatsApp/phone call instead of Swiggy/Zomato, it's a much better experience - as an example. Same goes for all other goods and services , it's good to know people.

[AltoLXI]

Originally Posted by airguitar

Why blame only servicer providers, that's the same with most corporate setups too, people just want to get by without doing any work or keeping a solid work ethics. And why blame only providers, many customers are just rude yelling at the drop of a hat ( that was something that I never saw in Bangalore ). Maybe money corrupts those that cannot handle it. We collectively, as a customers and providers, and more importantly as humans, have a joint responsibility to the next generations - they will have no role models if this approach of no-ethics-no-respect-only-convenience continues.

• What if I were to drop by the jeweler shop where you just made a 6 digit business and the owner allowed you to park extra 30 minutes and I had no place to park?
  
• What if I was waiting for the photoshoot and the previous customer was late by 15 minutes that will "eat" into my time?
  
• Similarly questions for other points you listed.

[rrsteer]

At this point in time the humans of my city - Jalandhar- particularly the ones in the age group of 15-40 have been enthralled by the apparent glamour and glitter, and perhaps the power and prestige of a culture that exists virtually in social media, TV or films. Folk are adorning the craziest of hairstyles in the weirdest of colors and their staple food consists of burger, pasta etc.

Its just amazing. The explosion in food service and the change I see in the eating habits of the residents of my city, is particularly interesting. This city which till very recently was famous for desi sweets, especially Laddoos of the Lovely brand, has been taken over by a tsunami of fancy named cafes, bakeries, fast food joints, street food stalls and food trucks.

[am1m]

Originally Posted by Rajeevraj

Our Tier 1, Tier 2 cities is now a heterogeneous hotchpotch of all kinds of people from across the country.

Agreed.

No city of a certain size can be categorized as having one 'culture' or one set of experiences that define it. It's just a shortcut to try and sum up what is a complex set of experiences and ecosystems that anyone trying to do it wouldn't have practically have been able to experience.

So it ends up like astrology - each city has enough going in any aspect, so you pick and choose to reassure yourself that what you have concluded is correct. Take my city, today if I feel that my city is intellectual - there are enough bookstores to justify that. If I want to think my city is the party capital, enough hot spots to justify that. I have a bad experience on the road with road rage, there is anecdotal evidence enough to back up the conclusion that my city has 'gone to the dogs'. (BTW, I remember experiencing some and observing enough incidents of road rage in Bangalore back in the 80s and 90s when my mom used to drive us around, so it's a big myth that the city was somehow 'more respectful' back then!)

I don't even experience the same city everyday as someone from a different socioeconomic segment (both 'above' and 'below' the one I belong to). IMHO, trying to "sum up a city" works only for tourism captions or for nostalgia.

[deathwalkr]

A few genuine concerns in your list of points but mostly feels a bit entitled in my opinion.

Can i ask why you had to mention a southern state in quotes?

A car park exists for the store's customers and once you have billed, your time is up. Like you said, the place has limited parking and the business needs to have the place ready for the next customer to park and buy for whatever figures.

Though the time was different, you were upset about a cancelled photo session because you were late, yet you complain about a sales man being late.

Regarding parking fees, there is a never ending case taken up by the corporation here and mostly private establishments are banned from collecting parking fees.

That said, we are a crowded lot here and manners have been forgotten by most and it's just my way all the time. Just random musings. But i have always felt that if you treat others courteously, they will treat you the same way more or less. Worst to bear the brunt would be the security guards.

[DCEite]

Well, we are living in an era of economic boom and unprecedented growth, specially post Covid.

What you experiencing is exactly how a society who is racing towards material aquisitions and greed for more money, would function. And when there is economic growth, the competition too increases. So as a producer, one doesn't have to rely on a limited source of consumers, but he has a choice. Look at the car market for instance. During a economic downturn, you would see car salesmen chasing you to make that purchase, bringing test drive vehicles at home and offering generous discounts on even the best sellers. But during a boom, what you see is opposite. Its just human tendency. No one is there to do a lifelong service to you or me. We have to fend and fight for ourselves in the world. You cannot live like a monk in a city full of wolves. You need to become a wolf yourself, but in a "detached" and "playful" way.


Personal suggestion: Don't let your ego hurt so easily. Practicing meditation techniques like mindfullness etc. helps to declutter the mind and be a "witness" to actions around you, rather than getting serious about everything and be bogged down. Life is a game, just play it, but don't get immersed in it, let it be an experience to be lived, rather than questions to be answered.




cheers!

[srini1785]

Originally Posted by airguitar

• I had to severe contacts..

We have a saying in our line of business.

"Just like the customers have a choice of vendors, the vendors also have a choice among customers".

There are always smaller better places where they still welcome you. Masala Dosa and Gold are the same everywhere. So Celebrate choices.

[Malyaj]

Lives are increasingly stressful and this will inevitably result in less than accommodating behaviour. We also need to understand that some of the behaviour that we see in the customer facing industry is a result of them being heavily penalised (monetarily or otherwise) on small mistakes.

If someone used their discretion to help out a customer and that resulted in a difficult situation for someone else, or their employer, they will be loathe to extend the same courtesy again. Their manager will emerge and show them the rule book. Many people have their hands tied in the name of 'process' - a word which every white collar worker so proudly uses.

In the hospitality industry workers are made to work 12-14 hours at a stretch. I am more than satisfied if they just do their job with basic courtesy and don't expect anything more.

My mantra in life increasingly is 'expect nothing' (from people who are not close family). On the other hand, I try to be reasonable as much as possible. This combination keeps my conscience clear. When I go out to eat alone, I try to look for a table meant for 2 and don't hog the bigger table. I understand. When I am paying parking charges I try to tender exact change if I have it, instead of giving a 2000 Rupee note so that I can 'get some change' and make the attendants work difficult.

Yes there are extremely unreasonable people around, especially from upper income segment of society and I find them intolerable. I just avoid them. The only time I couldn't was in a Hospital where a customer got into unexplainable rage at the pharmacy counter because she jumped the token and at the window realised that the staff was busy packing someone else's order and was not able to attend to her. She kept shouting at the poor man, only to later realise that it was not even her turn yet. When I pointed this out to her, she ignored me and kept on with her rant, changing her approach to a more generic "this hospital is always like this".

I try to be forgiving, in the hope that the good behaviour will come around and benefit me some day.

[Dieseltuned]

I think the word you are thinking of and we all as a country have lost is "EMPATHY".

Empathy towards fellow road users, Empathy towards our colleagues, etc.

I will qoute a very recent example from Mumbai, I city which was once known for all its traffic sense and what not.

I am out to pick my kid from school on a Friday afternoon, the area around the school is a bit crowded so I park a few hundred meters away. Mind you this is a reasonably rich part of the city with a high end residential complex and I have been staying in this area for past 39 years (actually my whole life).

So, I collect my kid from school and walk to my car, as we approach the car, 2 guys on a bike come in and park very close to my car in such a way that I will not be able to open the door. I am carrying my kids school bag, water bag and my own office laptop bag and have no place of handling all 3 together and open the car door. So, i politely ask the guy on the bike to move his bike a little , so that i could atleast open the door. Something triggers him and pat comes the reply "Tu family wala hain na, isliye de raha hu, nahito dekh leta tereko". I dont know what triggered him OR he saw that i was with a kid and hence vulnerable and was showing his power. Mind you all these happens in less than a minute. Some by standers watch and move on, I balance the 3 bags in one hand and somehow open the door to get in the car, reverse the car and get out of there.

That day i learnt the meaning of "staying away from toxic people" and "descalating the situation" though I do not know what triggered the guy to create the situation in the first place. I clinched my teeth and swallowed my pride and moved away all for the sake of my kid as I am a "Family Man".

Moral of the story is we as a country have lost the Morality and the empathy towards others, what we so proudly stamp to the world as "SANSKAR" but we do not practise this with our own fellow countrymen.

[airguitar]

Thanks for the different perspectives.

@AltoLXI you picked up the three "obvious" questions and dabbed the remaining with the same brush.

@Deathwalkr, somewhat agree with you, but it's not a feeling of entitlement - we personally have always treated people that provide services kindly. Paying a little more than what hawkers asked for, taking care of food/meals of people that came in for small repairs, tipping more than the normal on honest services ( even if it wasn't great), enquiring/taking interest in their families and helping out; being polite and respectful at restaurants, hospitals.. everywhere (whereas I routinely see people that snap - literally and figuratively - at waiters, household help etc). Somewhere we start expecting similar acts of kindness or "tolerance" if you will. In some of the examples I mentioned, the responses and they way the folks worded their rejection flew in the face of the relationships built over years. We have been "loyal" to providers through their thick and thin, even when we had a gazillion options, yet when they find a larger base, we become inconsequent. May be I need to get a bit more thick skin to not be affected by all this.

Why would someone reject an appointment for a photoshoot ( it was a maternity photo shoot ) based only on their "logical grounds" over their heart/common sense, we were sent back for being a few mins late after making a commute of 8-9kms.

A similar situation but not in the context of producer-consumers: I have stories of how my wife in much later stages of her pregnancy wasn't even offered a seat in crowded volvo buses ( this was much before the Ola-Uber age and it wasn't always easy getting a cab and it wasn't possible all the time for me to pick her up as we worked at different ends of the city). I have always, even as a young kid doing harrowing commutes of 30+ kms on BTS buses, always offered up my seat for the old and the needy.

Why would anyone in the future be nice when they are sure that they will never expect to get it back when they could do with some help? This is what leads to the "me first, me only" behaviour that we see all the time.

As someone pointed out, the behaviour in the "old city" and the rural areas is much better, kind and supportive. The behaviour in the "new city" areas is generally how a wannabe star would behave - no empathy and full of needless aggression and don't care attitude.

Anyway, just needed to get this out of my system to feel better. Thanks for the agreements and disagreements.

[vinu_h]

It all boils to respecting a fellow human being. Practise that and the world becomes a better place for you. When in doubt I use a leverage and that can go a long way in getting people to fulfill their commitments but there are situations where we are helpless and have to become a sponge.

Learn from your mistakes and don't let them happen to you again.

[fhdowntheline]

Money has lost its value. Everyone wants to feel entitled rather than empowered. Empowerment is a social attribute, entitlement is individual. Change in urban socio- economic demographics has created this weird culture or lack thereof. You may have money, but you need not have any class or grace. This is not how Pune was about 40 years ago. It was one of the most cultured, refined cities where a lot of citizens were aware, intelligent and well- read ( highlight "read"). There used to lectures, seminars, symposiums and whatnot , enough to keep the intellect stimulated in fields like Science, Arts, i.e. languages,theatre and Classical music. Now it is just a wannabe sprawling metro with shabby infrastructure that belies its wealthy status.

[WorkingGuru]

"World is bad, I'm nice in my opinion, and that is why everyone should be nice to me in the way I like, irrespective of how commercially unviable my proposals are to justify the (human) resource to fulfill the same.."

We're a developing nation that is fast pulling people out of BPL, and doing that requires cash flow, also money pays the bills of all utilities, not relationships. Things have gotten expensive.

You have earned from the same financial ecosystem, so there's no question of complaining.

Also, this "Olden days were golden days" is largely bunkum. People were poor and didn't have anything to gain because the country was undeveloped.