[aargee]

@techcoze - I'm not qualified to post because I'm growing old...but not grown-up as I'm still a rebellious Parent of 2 teens So sorry I can't contribute anything postive for you here

Originally Posted by VKumar

So, my opinion is more biased towards being slightly strict, mainly when the child is between 14-17, once they have passed their intermediate, they are free any way.

I'm posting this just for you because I love the quote of Embracing Tough Love by Ray Dalio & your post reminded me that statement

[Shoury A Dasari]

Being one myself, I'd say I have some experience being a teenager in this world. Everything involves stress, deadlines and "goals" that you don't really have, but are rather imposed on you.

I feel blessed to say that my parents are absolutely amazing: liberal, in their own right. I feel even more blessed that I have not taken their trust and confidence in me for granted.

While it might seem hard to understand, a teenager only needs trust. I've seen many peers of mine go through horrible levels of stress and mania because their parents push their ideologies onto their children.

These are extremely crucial years, and we need to help teens understand this, but not at the cost of a parent's support: both physically and mentally. We children, just need to know that you, the parents, are there for us. With your help, love, support and presence, life is going to be a breeze.

Being strict isn't a crime and is in fact a good thing, however, I think that the only thing we need is to know that our parents are there for us. Being reasonable is far more beneficial than being strict.

Ok, enough of my gyaan, time to head to another section on Team-BHP!

Ciao,
Shoury Dasari

[Viper21]

Wonderful thread and i really appreciate the viewpoints. My kid is 9 and she is beginning to ask us about stuff if scenes come along.

I think there needs to be a balance here, While i agree that there need to be liberal and have parent-child open communication, they also need to be made aware that certain bad relationships can take them on a different path and its just not to do with physical relationships only.

One can only hope that the kids take advice for their own good and dont see it as intrusive or restrictive. That being said, I may have a totally different response when my kid turns 13 or 14 .

Again, great thread , good thoughts !!

[nehamit]

Originally Posted by techcoze

Yesterday met a close friend, and during discussion they opened up about mental stress of handling situation with school-going teenage kid who just now entered puberty age. My friend by nature is open minded, but since kid is still immature school going under 15 age, got extremely concerned when they got to know kid dating another school-mate. They have not been able to openly talk with the kid yet, and seek my opinion. My general advice to them has been to not be harsh with the kid at all, and have a gentle dialog by taking kid in trust.

Considering large pool of wise members of team-bhp, I thought of seeking fellow members advice. Many of us might have potentially gone through this phase, what's the wise approach to handle such situation?

It's nice to see such healthy dialogue on this forum about today's adolescents and their relationship with parents, society and their friends. I am one of the practicing adolescent health expert and we have a good number of adolescent health experts spread all over India. Please DM me your city of residence, I can connect you with one of my colleague nearby.
Amit Shah

[GutsyGibbon]

Originally Posted by The Rationalist

Really! Your friends are not open minded if they got concerned about a teenager falling in love!!! Rather than the kid, it is the parents who are immature.

An awesome post. We have a 20 year old and an 18 year old, I can relate to the anxiety felt by other parents. Firstly, we need to be clear about the term "dating" and Love. Dating between 2 kids who are not under stress/pressure from parents (to stay away, or to find a bf/gf) would be an information gathering exercise. Equipped with knowledge about consent, safe sex and such, even with the hormones pumping, they will be able to navigate it without big issues. The key here is to not add on to the stress they are already under. For kids with a ton of things that they want to do, its hard for them to get tied down by the time commitments needed to keep a serious relationship going. So, even with several dates, the chances of "Love", and serious relationships are hard. They do fizzle out, and parents need to be there to help them cope with it.

Its a new world out there, when the prettiest girl/boy in the world comes and asks a boy/girl out on a date, most teens would not stay clear of it. Help your child navigate this, by helping them pick a good day that does not conflict with things like exams, pick a dress, pick a safe spot, and deal with next steps/breakup. Ability to deal with breakup is more important than finding that first date. It is hard to watch your child be this sad, and there is little you can do to make this pain of breakup go away. Be there for them, make sure they know they are loved, and help them overcome/process the heartbreak. There will be a day when you will look back and laugh with them about this.

Its the same deal with things like alcohol (perhaps controversial western liberal thinking). If you have an open communication channel, you will know when they have decided to drink. After they have decided to drink, let them drink at home first, so that they know the limits of their body, and ways to deal with it. Save the heavy talk about addiction and cancer for another day. The talk about immediate safety is the important thing here. Hydration, alcohol poisoning, not driving under influence, etc. Most kids in hostel/dorm drink, thats what they do. We can live in denial, or deal with it. I dont sponsor/encourage drinking, but I dont fight/blackmail kids about it. Focus on bigger picture, and reality check is certainly needed. I went to Pub World when I was still in 12th grade. Thankfully cigarettes are no longer cool, and its one less battle to win.

Its also important for teens to have a code word that would extract them out of awkward situations. Example: if they went somewhere, and their friend got drunk, they should be able to call the parent and have them be extracted from there, without fearing a lecture/punishment. They know the mistake they made, recognize the good call they made afterwards.

[rajeevsulu]

This is the scenario every parent has to address at some point. Communication should be the key word here. When I was a teenager, my mother always kept communication as top priority. I was very rebellious, a smoker in 6 th standard, drinker by eight standard and all this while in boarding school in Coonoor. Issues with the opposite sex and the school management had to occur. My mother spoke to me as a friend, showed a lot of trust , and, I could handle every issue with ease. This was in 1985.Things are a lot more complicated now. Children are smarter, more exposed to cultural changes than we were, and are more confident!! The keywords Communication, Trust, Supporting Shoulders, remain the same. If the child knows that his/her parent is there to take care, most issues solve themselves. All they need is the knowledge that the parent is there to understand and intervene if required. All the best!!