[suhaas307]

The other day, I walked into Garuda Mall and was in a bit of a hurry. My movie was about to start and my friends were waiting for me outside INOX. So I briskly made my way to the nearest elevator. The moment the elevator-door opened, I walked in and there was this guy standing there, I didn't look at him twice, and said, "top floor please!". The guy looked at me, all puzzled, and walked out of the elevator. I was with a friend at that time, and we were in splits the moment the elevator door closed!



And it doesn't end there. After the movie, I went downstairs to Marks & Spencers to do a little window shopping, and I found something I quite liked. But it wasn't in my size, so I walked to this guy and asked, "Could I have have this in my size?" he turned around, and it was the same guy! He looked at me with a 'WTH' expression! I took to my heels and headed straight for the parking-lot!

[Red Liner]

Well here's mine.

A friend and I decided to pick up a car together. We decided on a way to share the car through the week. A palio S10. We found a seller. The car had only run 2,000 kms. Unbelievable deal and we were desperate to close it.

Now, I had to buy the car in my mom's name for some damn tax reason. We rather not inform the seller that we were buying the car together since its a hassle. So My friend was the buyer and I was his friend and we would work together to bargain the price down.

Well, the deal was done and the seller decided to fill up the name of the "buyer" in the sale note. Remember, the car is being bought in my Mom's name, but the guy buying it is my friend. This is what happened.

Seller: Hey, what name should I write on the sale note? Should I write your name?

Friend: No, no, it should be my mom's name (thinking quickly and happy he didn't screw up).

Seller: Okay, tell me her name.

Friend: *blank stare*. He didn't know my mom's name!

Friend to me: Dude, tell me my mom's name...

Me: Aunty's name is ........

Friend to seller: Her name is .......

Seller: Ah, okay okay.

FF!@#@G!

[architect]

Originally Posted by IronH4WK

- how could my bike and my helmet be gone together? was someone playing a prank on me?

i put my hand in and felt something familiar. my car keys.

I have a similar problem.

I take my bike to the gym unless I am going there straight from office (in which case I have the car). The parking attendant at my gym asks for my bike's regn. number every time for the parking slip. I invariably end up giving him my car number.

On the other hand, in the first few weeks of car ownership, I would regularly give my bike no. to the parking attendant.

Originally Posted by DKG

My sis looks at me puzzled and asks knowing I goofed "Deep who was that?"
I confidently replied "My childhood classmate Manjula"
She retorted "NO ! that was her younger sister Madhavi, and I was wondering why you were getting so pally with her as you never in as much wish the younger one in school"

Even I have done the classic error of mixing up fairly similar looking sisters at a wedding reception.

I was seeing this girl after many years (hence I attributed the slight change in looks to the passing years) so went and said "Hi Divya!". She looked at me and said "Oh you must be from **** (my college)." and went away. "Damned rude" I thought as she walked off.

One years later, the friend whose wedding reception happenned to be the scene of this incident told me that Divya was in the US at the time of the wedding, so it must have been her younger sister. I didn't even know this lady had a younger sister, how was I supposed to account for one?

[SPIKE ARRESTOR]

Last week in Kerala, I met few of my friends when the following conversation happened. My friends have this habit of playing pranks with wrong number calls / pesky calls, this time it was a pesky call.

Caller- Sir, is this Mr. xxxx?
Friend- No
Caller- Can I know who is speaking?
Friend- My name is XXXX.
Caller- Ok. I think I dialed a wrong number, isn't this 9890xxxxxx? (some number)

My friend understood the situation and replied

Friend- This is Nine eight nine zero triple 3 triple 2 middle 5.
Caller- Ok thanks, I think I missed the 5.

We burst out laughing.

Spike

[Samurai]

The year was 1990, I was visiting a former landlord in Jayanagar 6th block. My family used to live in their rental house in the early 80s. As the talk turned to gossip, my host's son tells me this:

He: So, our Kumble is in India team now. What a chance for him!
Me: Yeah, but why is he our Kumble? You mean as in he belongs to Bangalore?
He: No... you mean you don't know?
Me: Know what?
He: You remember that kid across the next house, one we used to make fun of since he was always in cricket uniform.
Me: <with a sinking feeling> yeah...
He: That's him!
Me: Oh damn....

[Urban_Nomad]

Almost daily, I go for a jog / walk in my apartment complex. Today during one "lap", I was busy fiddling with my MP3 player trying to find a song I liked. Just then, my left hand hit the ORVM of a parked car with a loud THWACK.

I immediately turned around and went ........ SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY, only to realize that the brand new Verna would not respond to my heartfelt apology.

I looked around and thankfully, no witnesses. I had to cut short my running session because running and laughing at the same time gave me stomach cramps.

[Samurai]

This is a real conversation that happened with me.

Wife: I bought a gift for my friend.
Me: What is it?
Wife: A clutch.
Me: Damn, why not a gearbox?
Wife: &^$%&$

PS: For the uninitiated, clutch is a women's handbag without handles.

[comfortablynumb]

Originally Posted by Samurai

This is a real conversation that happened with me.

Wife: I bought a gift for my friend.
Me: What is it?
Wife: A clutch.
Me: Damn, why not a gearbox?
Wife: &^$%&$

PS: For the uninitiated, clutch is a women's handbag without handles.

ROFL! Now I have coffee all over my keyboard!

Reminds me of something similar that happened with me last weekend. The missus had gone out for some office event, wearing a bright yellow dress. The following conversation ensued after she returned:

Wife: How do I look in this new dress?
Me: Like a sunflower [had to duck the clutch that she threw at me!]
Wife: Then, should I have worn black leggings [?] with the yellow top?
Me: No! Then you would have looked like a taxi.

The cold war is still going on....

Cheers,
Vikram

[hrman]

Originally Posted by Samurai

This is a real conversation that happened with me.

Wife: I bought a gift for my friend.
Me: What is it?
Wife: A clutch.
Me: Damn, why not a gearbox?
Wife: &^$%&$

PS: For the uninitiated, clutch is a women's handbag without handles.

Priceless look on your wifey face Im sure. I'm pretty capable of these kind of jokes, so my wifey kinda expects it by now!!

[JVH]

Originally Posted by Samurai

This is a real conversation that happened with me.

Wife: I bought a gift for my friend.
Me: What is it?
Wife: A clutch.
Me: Damn, why not a gearbox?
Wife: &^$%&$

PS: For the uninitiated, clutch is a women's handbag without handles.

Was this during your Jeep build? If yes, no wonder it came to you automatically.

[sajo]

Originally Posted by Samurai

PS: For the uninitiated, clutch is a women's handbag without handles.

Okay, that was for me then. I had no idea what was funny in this until Samurai san edited this post.

[Samurai]

Yesterday night a 6ft python was caught in our office parking lot. Next we were discussing where to release it. One of the youths who caught it, had this to say:

He: We can drop this in endpoint, we can go there in your car.
Me: How are we going to keep it in the car.
He: Two of us will hold it.
Me: In your bare hands?
He: Yes, we will hold tight.
Me: what is the guaranty it won't slip away from your hand when I am driving?
He: We will give guarantee.
Me: What? Oh man...

[suhaas307]

Something really awkward happened to me this afternoon.

I had a semester exam this afternoon at 2 pm. My college is in Jayanagar, and I have to drive about 10 km to get there. A lot of things were running through my mind and I wasn't in the mood. I was a bit sleepy, cranky and generally irritable. So I walk out of my house, carrying my books and a water bottle, and get into the car that was parked just as minute away.

So I do my pre-flight checks, and start the car. As I set off, I looked into my rear-view mirror, and just when I took my eyes off the road for that second, I felt something slam into my windshield. I honked wildly out of sheer fright and even stalled the car.

I look ahead, and I see bird-droppings (covering nearly 1/4 of the windshield) that would give most calfs a complex!

*blush* I looked around to see if anyone saw that, proceeded to use the wash-wipe, and drove away!

[motortechie]

Originally Posted by Samurai

Yesterday night a 6ft python was caught in our office parking lot. Next we were discussing where to release it. One of the youths who caught it, had this to say:

He: We can drop this in endpoint, we can go there in your car.
Me: How are we going to keep it in the car.
He: Two of us will hold it.
Me: In your bare hands?
He: Yes, we will hold tight.
Me: what is the guaranty it won't slip away from your hand when I am driving?
He: We will give guaranty.
Me: What? Oh man...

@samurai :This python was caught in your manipal office i presume (since it is mentioned endpoint). Out of curiosity what did you do with the python caught ? Did you release it at endpoint? I would pity the couples who stroll out at endpoint lest they find a python there

[TSEA]

Originally Posted by comfortablynumb

...

Wife: Then, should I have worn black leggings [?] with the yellow top?
Me: No! Then you would have looked like a taxi.

..Vikram

That is just awesome . However I dare not say that to my wife, even in my dreams. Just too risky!