[ani_meher]

Originally Posted by _raVan_

That too, such a carrot of being made a DIRECTOR to a small time developer like me!!!

You took it wrong. They are in process of making of a video documentary about 'Men who take everything literally'. They are looking for a director for that, and anyone falling pray to the above tactic is a natural contender for the post.

[paragsachania]

I along with my wife, daughter and sister-in-law drove to Rajkot after 2 days of driving from Bangalore last March. Upon reaching our final destination, everything inside the car was brought inside the house so that the car could get a nice wash the next day. The same day we reached co-incidentally was also my Mother-In-law’s birthday and it was only a few minutes since we had cut the cake and relishing it. Then comes my eldest sister-in-law from the kitchen holding a tray with glasses and something looking near similar to water and froth on top and cubes of Ice.

March wasn’t really pleasant in Rajkot and with so much driving in a day, I was quite thirsty for anything cold that I grab the glass and take a sip while the next one goes into the hand of my sister-in-law who had accompanied us from Bangalore.

One sip down but I couldn’t guess what it was but it tasted weird. The very next moment, I see my sister-in-law taking a sip and then spitting it all out and exclaiming what it was!!!

To confirm, like a moron, I take another sip only to realize it tasted something similar to soap water.

Then the other relative who took all the pain to get that drink for all in a tray tells us that she just opened that 2 liter bottle of Seven-Up which was taken out from our car. She also admitted of not having heard any fizz upon opening and thought the journey would’ve made the ‘beverage’ flat and simply poured it into glasses to serve it all “with Ice”.

Only then I had to spill the beans that the bottle contained Shampoo-water concentrate meant for glass wiping fluid for the car which was a part of my “to carry” list for our long trip.

The next few minutes was a laugh riot and people even making fun of me that I took the second sip for reconfirmation despite my sister-in-law spitting it all out upon her first one.

[chetan_l]

This happened in real life to a colleague of mine. It was the mid 90s and we were in Chennai. My colleague wanted to buy a no-hassles bike and after much debate, he opted for the Suzuki Samurai (remember the "No problem!" ads? - you won't get this joke if you haven't see those TV ads in the 90s; you can google it up)

A few months later, in the hot summer of Chennai, he was riding his bike up the 'Gemini' flyover when his bike stalled. No amount of kicking or self-repairs worked. He had no option but to push his bike to the nearest service shop. Having climbed half-way up the fly-over, he decided to push his bike all the way up and take it towards the other side of the flyover.

By the time he pushed it up to the middle of the flyover - at its highest point - he had broken out into deep sweat and was panting. Just then, coincidentally, he saw another biker on the opposite side of the road, pushing his bike up the hill too.

And yes, you guessed it - it was a Suzuki Samurai too!
In an instant, their eyes met, they grinned at each other and spontaneously let out "No Problem!"

[chetan_l]

I am really liking this thread

One more incident comes to mind. This was during my engineering student days in Tumkur, KA. Three of us were doing a combined-study at a friends' hostel room during the exams. His room-mate was notorious for being a laggard at studies - he was a hard worked but the subjects just did not get into his head.

All of us were deep in our studies deep into the night, when this room-mate, who was studying from his text book, stepped out for a bio break. He placed a marker in the the text book before he left. Just for fun, one of my friends shifted the marker about 30 pages ahead in the text book.

Imagine our plight when this gentleman returns from his bio-break and nonchalantly continues reading from where the marker was placed!! It took us great self-restraint but after about 10 whole minutes, all of us burst out in laughter, much to the bewilderment of this room-mate, who just couldn't understand what we were laughing at!

[whitesquall]

Originally Posted by chetan_l

I am really liking this thread

One more incident comes to mind. This was during my engineering student days in Tumkur, KA. Three of us were doing a combined-study at a friends' hostel room during the exams. His room-mate was notorious for being a laggard at studies - he was a hard worked but the subjects just did not get into his head.

All of us were deep in our studies deep into the night, when this room-mate, who was studying from his text book, stepped out for a bio break. He placed a marker in the the text book before he left. Just for fun, one of my friends shifted the marker about 30 pages ahead in the text book.

Imagine our plight when this gentleman returns from his bio-break and nonchalantly continues reading from where the marker was placed!! It took us great self-restraint but after about 10 whole minutes, all of us burst out in laughter, much to the bewilderment of this room-mate, who just couldn't understand what we were laughing at!

Thanks for bringing back the memories. I had a similar friend who never was able to get past the index page of a text book for 3 years!!

[fine69]

Background: My dad is quite forgetful when it comes to cellphones and has lost quite a few phones in the last 2-3 years only.

So I come home one day and my mom tells me that my dad has damaged his HTC touchscreen phone when he went to his official trip as he ventured into the sea water with the phone still in his short's pocket. (Forgetful indeed!)

She continues to tell me that HTC people have quoted somewhere around 12k to repair the phone. I ask what he's going to do while it gets repaired. My mom tells me that for the time being he's bought a cheap Samsung Guru monoblock phone, he bought it while coming back from office yesterday.

I go to my dad and he tells me how he never realized that the phone was still in his pocket. I casually ask him to show his temporary arrangement and a few minutes later....

...."Mom, dad's lost the samsung phone too!!!"

He searched his office, his car and everywhere else, the phone was definitely lost, and that too within 24 hours of its purchase.

[fine69]

Background: My mom isn't fluent in English, understands it a little and can only speak 1-2 words clubbed together at most.

Last year my younger brother's football trials were scheduled somewhere near London so my parents decided that they'd also make use of this opportunity to visit London while he would be off to a hostel in the training campus.

After a couple of days when the trials were over my brother joined them for the remaining part of the vacation. What my mom had learned during this while was that if somebody approached her and started talking in english she would simply say, "No English!" as she didn't understand the language.

So one morning when my dad and brother are busy figuring out what to eat at a food joint my mom decides to go the washroom meanwhile. She starts to move away from where my dad/brother were and walks to a waitress (figuring out by the common dress the staff wears).

My brother, realizing that mom's walking away, decides to follow her instead of hollering across the room as it was a quite place and overhears this:

Mom to the Waitress: Washroom?
Waitress: We have one but its closed for maintena.....
Mom (smiling and cutting her short): No english! Washroom? (now using a hand gestures as if asking for directions)
...few seconds pass by...
Brother (looking at the question mark on the waitress's face and my mom still smiling) to the waitress: Sorry, she doesn't understand english!

My brother explains it to my mom that the washroom was under maintenance and as they start walking back he could hear the waitress's voice fading into something like, "But if she didn't knew english why would she come to me in the first place?"

Once back at the table he asked her why would she approach the waitress when she knew that all she'd get to hear was something in english. To which my mom said that she thought the waitress would simply point her in the direction where the washroom was, she herself didn't expect the waitress to start talking back!

[noopster]

^^ That's actually pretty smart when you think about it! Your immediate instinct would be to point in the direction of the washroom. Too bad it was under maintenance that day!

[Scorcher]

Was driving down from Cochin to Trivandrum late last night and last I had some food was before 12 in the noon. Almost all good restaurants were closed and decided to settle for a roadside fast food just before Kazhakootam.

Wasn't quite pleased with the setup, but my tummy dragged me in.

Waiter came to take the order, I opted for Rotis and Beef Pepper Fry cos I personally being a restaurateur, reckoned that Beef Fry and Curry would be pre-prepared and stored away for god knows how long, and the Pepper Fry is normally made on order in restaurants.

As it was quite an open setup, I was glancing at the waiter to make sure that he was handling my food hygienically.

What came next was never expected, the chap took a plate of Beef Fry from a casserole, took a pepper-shaker and sprinkled on some pepper on it, Vola! it's now Beef "Pepper" Fry!

The best bit,
Beef Fry - 45/-
Beef Pepper Fry - 65/-!!!

[fine69]

Originally Posted by noopster

^^ That's actually pretty smart when you think about it! Your immediate instinct would be to point in the direction of the washroom. Too bad it was under maintenance that day!

My mother's luck didn't favour her too much during that trip. Here's another one.

There's a place in london where you must pay in order to sit on the benches that are placed there, near a river I think. The charge is on an hourly basis.

So my mom and dad reach there and figuring that there's nothing special about sitting on a bench they don't buy any ticket. My dad decides that he wants to go further ahead but mom says that she'd rather stay back and wait for him there only.

As my dad starts walking away she keeps the bag that she was carrying on the bench behind her as there was noone else in sight, thinking that if she sees anyone coming she'd simply pick it up. In order to see my dad as farther as she could she takes a few steps away from the bench also.

After a few minutes my dad is nowhere to be seen so she turns back only to see that now a young kid ~12 years is sitting besides the bag. The kid as described by my mom wasn't in a good mood and was kind of frowning.

She walks towards the bench to pick up the bag but as she nears it the kid picks the bag up and puts it to the other side of the bench and says something to my mom with the word "Ticket" in it.

My mom, unable to comprehend a single word that came out of the boy's mouth, goes over to the other side and this kid now puts the bad on the other side.

Mom: Bag!
Kid: something something Ticket something
Mom: Bag.......mera hai!
Kid: something something Ticket something (looking furious now)

With the word ticket repeated in every sentence, she realizes that the kid must be asking for the bench ticket, which she didn't have. Mom decides to wait it out with the kid while my dad returns. A few minutes later as she sees my dad she rushes towards him and narrates her ordeal with the kid about not handing over their bag.

My dad walks up to the kid and asks him why he wasn't handing over their bag to her. To which the kid says that she wasn't able to produce a ticket and kept on saying "bag, bag, bag" and he simply didn't trust her if the bag was really hers or not and was waiting for the owner to come back for the bag.

My dad tells him that he didn't have the ticket either but he could prove it to him that the bag was his by telling him what was inside the bag. The kid agrees and after enough investigation by the 12 year old the bag was handed over to them and they finally took off from that place.

[chetan_l]

One more from me...
This was in my previous company. Our Marketing Head was a Tamilian settled in KA, who knew absolutely no Hindi. He is a very good natured chap who had a great circle of office friends, cutting across regions. At times, he would feel left out in casual conversations when the language would turn into Hindi.

Not to be outdone, the next time he saw a few of us chatting away in Hindi at the cafeteria, he confidently strode up to us and exclaimed: "doston, upar kya hai?"....

It took us a few minutes to understand what he meant and then we all had a great laugh! (You'll have to do a literal translation into English )

[anekho]

This Saturday Gothenburg was hit by a flash snow storm. Started out very mildly but by noon it intensified quite significantly. Nearly no groceries at home and I decided I'd drive down to the store before the storm worsened even more.

The snow storm's intensity had taken the city authorities by surprise, and none of the roads had been plowed. Neither had they sprinkled the stones that they usually do.

The drive from home to the store is a 3 km, winding, downhill drive on fairly central city streets. As soon as I hit the road the traction lights started flashing. I had to do about 20 km/h the whole way. Saw two buses slowly sliding down hills

Reached the store (which was packed) bought the supplies and began my journey back home. Which was a uphill (did I mention these hills were of epic proportions?) task. Literally.

I began tackling the first hill which was modest (compared to the other two I'd have to cross) in gradient. Managed to climb the hill with the traction light flashing furiously. It felt like the car floated uphill. Also, at one point on this hill there was a pedestrian crossing for which I had to stop, losing all momentum. Starting again was tough (nearly no traction), but I managed.

The second hill had a car which was stuck. The car had stopped at a signal and simply couldn't move again. It's wheels were spinning away, but it simply couldn't move at all. Like everyone else on the road I simply drove around the car. It didn't occur to me at all (silly as it may sound) at that point of time that the person might need help getting his car back into motion. It was cold. I had several assignments to complete. My thoughts were elsewhere. I simply followed the flow of cars that passed this struggling car.

The third hill (which incidentally was the steepest) had a signal. Which was red. I came to a standstill. As the lights switched over to green, I was going nowhere. My car had ZERO traction this time. Infact, the traction system (which was only flashing lights at me till now) started beeping!!

I was now the guy stuck on the hill. The traffic flowed around me, not bothered. The car wouldn't move an inch. Five minutes into this tire-squealing torture, I was fed up. I could smell burnt rubber. I tried rocking the car into motion (reverse a little and then accelerate forward) but nope, I was going nowhere. I was irritated.

That's when four people who were walking down the hill saw me struggling. They came up to my window smiling, gesturing that they'd give me a push. In a moment, the four of them together pushed the car into motion and I was on my way!

Needless to say I felt like an idiot. I should've helped that other guy. Later that evening in my over enthusiasm to help struggling motorists I saw a car moving VERY slowly uphill. Walked up next to his window and asked if he needed a push. He looked shocked! Said he was just looking for a parking slot!

[selfdrive]

On the first day of my then new project in Paris, I went to the canteen for lunch with (edit: my newfound French) colleagues. As soon as the local serving lady saw me, she started serving me assorted steamed veggies. And pointed at the sauce section asking me what I wanted.
I told her in basic broken French to give me the grilled lamb skewers instead. For a few seconds, she was shellshocked. Standing there with her mouth wide open. In mock shock of course! She goes on joking about the few other Indians coming to the canteen who spoke no French and how she could not understand their English due to their accents. And the fact that though she could speak basic English she knew the veggie names only in French. So apparently they resorted to pointing at the veggies they wanted.

No problems she said, in fact she was happy to serve the veggies to all the Indians as they didnt waste any food!
This meat eating Indian usually got the better portions during the course of the next few months. Along with a French word of the day and pronunciation corrections

[motorpsycho]

I had been to Central Mall at Amanora during the recent sale looking for a pair of sandals. I zeroed in on a pair, unfortunately my size was out of stock. So I gave my number to a salesman "Salman" there a young kid. Told him sternly don't loose my number and call me when it's back in stock. And I left the place. This was more than a week ago.

Today I get a call on my cell,
Guy on cell: Hey do you know Salman.
Me: Yes, from central ?(thinking my sandals had arrived)
Guy: Yes, I am a conductor on the sangli bus and I found your number.
Me: Okay(wondering what trouble I managed to get my self into this time)
Guy: I found his wallet on the bus and there was only your number in it so I called.
Me: Oh But I don't have his number, he said he didn't have a cell. But let me call central and try to get in touch with him.

I did not have the Amanora central number, but called the Bundh garden one and got it.

I explained to the guy at central. who 1st understood Salman had my wallet next I had Salman's wallet. I again explained to him and then he got it.

Got a call from Salman a little while ago to say thanks, his wallet on the way to Sangli.

MP

[normally_crazy]

Was replying to text message, finished the message and picked up a lot of office files and other stuff to be dumped at another place. Didnt have space to catch the phone in my hand so I picked it up between 2 fingers (the phone screen wasnt locked), opened the door and came out, decided to adjust the phone in my fingers for better grip and I see that my screen is upside down !!

I was shocked - didnt know what had been pressed to on the screen to rotate it 180 degrees - rushed to the other place, dumped the files and looked at my phone - I realised I was holding it upside down !