[mayankk]

Just made someone's office hours miserable for as long as he recalls this.
here goes.

I had a think tank discussion with a couple of VPs.
Went in with one, and the other walked in a few minutes later.
Introductions all around, the arrivee(?) was starting to put his hand out for a shake, and i discreetly distanced my self, and waved a hello.
why?
because this guy's and my own timings at the washroom for minors have coincided quite a few times, and he is the kind who uses his hair as a clean-up procedure, not water/soap.
you know these guys.
they do everything, tuck in shirts, fix their hair, whistle, but DO NOT wash!

so, sat, had the discussion, and left.
Now the other guy, he comes up and asks why did you not shake his hand?
(Apparently, i am not as discreet as i thought )
Told him.


"Oh man!!why did you tell me that? We share a cabin!!!"

Im vodafone, happy to help!!!

[selfdrive]

Originally Posted by mayankk

you know these guys.
they do everything, tuck in shirts, fix their hair, whistle, but DO NOT wash!

I had a similar issue with one of my managers, just that instead of the minor work, he used to dig his nose when in his cabin.
Fortunately at the time, swine flu was around so I used that as an excuse to plainly refuse to shake hands with anyone. I hope not to be back on one of his meetings as I dont have that excuse anymore.

[DKG]

In college, when free, most of us would sit on a platform ("chabutra") near the cafe and basically chit chat and chill. One day a pretty girl all dressed to kill was walking past us and surely everyone was eyeing her. We had a joker amongst us who called out:

Madame kya zabardast joote pehene
She cockily replies "Utaroon kya?"
Spot came the answer "Aap ke pant bhi bahut achhi hai"
Red in face she made a hasty exit from the scene as the entire crowd burst laughing

on another occasion

I was at a lunch and standing near the doorway of the host's house chatting with cousins and friends when someone walked in. We greeted him and went back to chatting.

A little while later the same person appeared from within the house having changed his attire and absent mindedly I greeted him again. Hell bent on embarassing me my sister says aloud : "Deep you just wished him"

Embarrased I wiggled out saying "Haan lekin woh ab naha ke aaye"

Everyone burst out laughing and I honestly didn't know where to look

on yet another occasion

I was at a wedding reception and as I walked in blinded by the usual lights they set up glaring into your face I thought I saw my classmate and enthusiastically met her and chatted with her for a good while and walked on.

My sis looks at me puzzled and asks knowing I goofed "Deep who was that?"
I confidently replied "My childhood classmate Manjula"
She retorted "NO ! that was her younger sister Madhavi, and I was wondering why you were getting so pally with her as you never in as much wish the younger one in school"

We still have a laugh when we think about those blunders !

[Swanand Inamdar]

Here's one on me.

This was the time, when I'd got my 1st iPhone. You all know the feeling. Touch and slide and all that jazz, right?

So, here's me on a particular day, sitting with my laptop, reading some gibbersh. I needed to scroll down, so my hand goes right on the screen and in the usual touch manner, I slide my finger to pull the page down. My friend sees that and bursts out laughing. I still didnt have a clue, only when he told me, did I join in the laughter.

Oh BTW, my laptop doesnt have the touchscreen feature. Just in case someone pointed that out!

[anilisanil]

Note: A true incident dramatized for better reading experience. Posted long ago in my blog! Sorry for a rather long one :P


Yours truly has become a bit health conscious and all of late; often he opts for healthy food like salads with sprouts, fruits etc. So when I had to have a lunch at a food court, I’d almost mechanically search for a Salad bar and ignite the living day lights of the menu by staring at it intensely in a bid to choose my salad.

On one such lunch outing at a food court; after spending a considerable time in the queue thinking about a poem to write on salads (which I thankfully scrapped) I got my turn to proudly present my “make your own salad” coupon to the Salad engineer; then started the struggle.

Choice is a luxury, and for indecisive souls like me it would rather be an unattainable one. No seriously!

When I was standing at the majestic all-glass counter and looking at the incredible display of countless sprouts and even more varieties of cut fruits, all I could think is that I made a wrong choice to choose my own salad.

But, I did not want to reveal my indecisive nature. I started giving specific instructions to the salad engineer with me myself not knowing what I was up to.

No channa please. I said with stern eyes

Sir we don’t have channa! The salad engineer replied with an apologetic smile.

Add some more green-gram. I said and then shouted No! Don’t add that! When the salad engineer started putting some other pulse than what I wanted. I tried to look as stern as possible in a desperate bid to make sure that I knew what exactly I am up to.

Sir, but, this is green-gram!

I wanted you to add that then! I pointed my finger like a child choosing ice cream flavors by virtue of their color than anything else.

Sir, but, this is black-gram! With an emphatic smile good enough to crucify me!

Yeah!

Yeah! (I don’t remember anytime before when I wanted to disappear from the place so badly)

I went on to give more instructions taking enough care that they were well within my knowledge. The salad engineer followed them meticulously. I‘d already started feeling the value for money. Never before did any one follow my instructions with so much of docility.

So at the end of it all with much ruckus I had my salad ready. I was so impressed with it that I hardly hesitated to judge it as the most beautiful salad ever. And I was ready to show off my colorful salad to all the I-eat-thali-no-matter-where-I-go clad people.


I headed towards my place with the bowl of exotic colorful salad. There was a joyous spring in me and I almost started flowing across the floor only to be stopped by a shockingly beautiful young lady. I never knew she would be my Murphy, the spoilsport for me that afternoon.

All she had to ask me was. Yeh bhel kitne ka hain?

Bhel? I scowled, frowned and grunted simultaneously thinking that would change the young lady’s nomenclature for salad. I mean why she couldn’t say salad? It sounds so romantic and sexy. I thought to myself!

Yeh! She pointed her petite angelic fingers towards my salad and continued as if I couldn’t comprehend her Bhel kitne ka hain?

Even an unsuspecting onlooker would have vividly heard the sounds of shattering glass. It was my heart. I mean, I stood in the line for more than 10 minutes and was so impressed with the salads there that I almost wrote a poem on them and meticulously negotiated with the salad engineer to design, build and operate the world’s most beautiful, state of the art salad and this lady comes and shatters it all in a matter of seconds?

This is salad! I resisted in a stern voice refusing to budge in and hoping to all the gods I knew that she calls it salad.

Ha! Wohi, bhel! Kitne ka hain? She frowned this time as if I am wasting her time and that the name doesn’t make any difference in cosmic sense. She seemed like one of those big thinking people who hardly care about inconsequential things.

50 bucks! I relented.

Oh! She rolled her eyes as if it was too much. She left leaving a trail of perfumed air. I looked at my salad again, it looked paler. It was as if someone just stole everything exotic about it. I drooped my shoulders instantly and felt like dropping the bowl then and there. She made me feel that the fifty I’d invested was some five hundred or something like that.

And for the rest of the afternoon only one word echoed my empty brain “ye bhel kitne ka hain”

[Spitfire]

So I have been cycling to work these days.

I got into the lift and there is this girl from office in it.

She looks at me and says, "Hey know what? I should cycle to work too. Maybe I can get some extra weight off too."

And me, it was like an instant reaction. I looked at her from toe to head and said "You look just perfect to me".

She went totally red and had a broad smile plastered on here face till we reached our floor.

PS: I am happily married otherwise

[noopster]

^^ That was awesome. These days I wish all my female friends happy birthday (most of them in their mid 30s) and then after a beat say, "What- 28 today?" Has a similar effect to what you mentioned

@anilisanil- You know what wuld have COMPLETELYruined your day, right? "Yeh bhel kitnay ka hai, bhayya?"

[MileCruncher]

I know my post doesn't add any value but just can't control myself :P

Originally Posted by Spitfire

So I have been cycling to work these days.

I got into the lift and there is this girl from office in it.

She looks at me and says, "Hey know what? I should cycle to work too. Maybe I can get some extra weight off too."

And me, it was like an instant reaction. I looked at her from toe to head and said "You look just perfect to me".

She went totally red and had a broad smile plastered on here face till we reached our floor.

Hmmm. May be I should take some cues from here

Originally Posted by Spitfire

PS: I am happily married otherwise

Isn't that an oxymoron

[Spitfire]

Originally Posted by noopster

Has a similar effect to what you mentioned

That's a good one too. Should remember this one

Originally Posted by MileCruncher

Hmmm. May be I should take some cues from here

Yeah go get that cycle. LOL!!

Isn't that an oxymoron

Why do you think I added it.

PS: My wife does not get on Team-BHP

[MileCruncher]

Originally Posted by Spitfire

Yeah go get that cycle. LOL!!

Good point. Please suggest http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...e-best-me.html

[sachinj12]

This had to happen soon. I am only surprised that it took so long!

My dad and me, we use the same model of cell phone. In a hurry , he picked mine and started off to office only to return a good one later to pick his phone .

[Scorcher]

Sometime in June this year,

Was on the annual tour with friends and it was Coorg this time.

On the final day of the 6-day tour, we decided to wrap up things with something adventurous and narrowed down to a rafting trip to the Dubare Elephant Camp situated on the banks of the river Cauvery.

We set off from the banks in three rafts and the first raft made a quick round of the river and headed back to the banks, the remaining two rafts in which I too was present decided to stay back in the river for a while and have some fun of our own, the sudden idea was to have a splash in the river cos majority of us knew to swim well.

As this wasn't preplanned, I had worn my spectacles too. Slowly everyone started diving into the water and I asked two of the girls in my raft to keep my specs for me as they weren't planning to get off, they were reluctant to keep it as the raft was quite unsteady cos of us diving out and they didn't want me to blame them if they lost it incase they lose it or drop it in the water.

Infuriated by the response, I too dived into the river with my specs on and in the rush, I forgot to hold down my specs and in the first splash itself, the specs were lost.

This was more than enough to fan my rage and I was on the verge of exploding at them even though it was my mistake.

After a while in the water, the guards signaled us to get back in the respective rafts as we had to get back to the elephant camp before closing time, while getting back in the raft, the girl *with a puppy face* looked at me as if to cool me off, but I wasn't at all ready to give in, only to be laughing my guts off at her next line,

"Vishnu, I am really sorry you lost your mirror!"
(Spectacles and mirror, both are called Kannadi in Malayalam, she simply translated it into English)

[GTO]

Received as an email forward, and is just wonderfully suited to the spirit of this thread. Original source

A small fading sign saying “Cellphoon reapars” barely visible through the street vendors crowding the Juhu Market (Mumbai)

On my way to buy a new Blackberry, my innate sense of adventure made me stop my car and investigate. A shop not more than 6 feet by 6 feet. Grimy and un-cleaned.

“Can you fix a Blackberry?”

“Of course, show me.”

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen”. Bullshit. He was no more than 10.

Not handing my precious Blackberry to a 10 year old in unwashed and torn T shirt and pajamas!

At least if I buy a new one, they would extract the data for me. Something I have been meaning to do for a year now.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, the roller track ball does not respond. It’s kind of stuck and I cannot operate it”
He grabs it from my hand and looks at it

“You should wash your hands. Many customers have same problem. Roller ball gets greasy and dirty, then no working”.

Look who was telling me to wash my hands. He probably has not bathed for 10 days, I leaned out to snatch my useless Blackberry back…

“You come back in one hour and I fix it”.

I am not leaving all my precious data in this unwashed kid’s hands for an hour. No way.
“Who will fix it?”
“Big brother”.
“How big is ‘big brother?’?”
“Big …. Umm ....thirty”.

Then suddenly big brother walks in. 30??? He is no more than 19.
“What problem?”

He says grabbing the phone from my greasy hand into his greasier hand. Obviously not trained in etiquette by an up market retail store manager.
“Normal Blackberry problem. I replace with original part now. You must wash your hand before you use this”.
What is this about me washing my hands suddenly?

19 year old big brother rummages through a dubious drawer full of junk and fishes out a spare roller ball packed in cheap cellophane wrapper. Original part? I doubt it. But by now I am in the lap of the real India and there is no escape as he fishes out a couple of screwdrivers and sets about opening my Blackberry.

“How long will this take?”
”Six minutes”.

This I have to see. After spending the whole morning trying to find a Blackberry service center and getting vague answers about sending the phone in for an assessment that might take a week, I settle down next to his grubby cramped work space. At least I am going to be able to watch all my stored data vanish into virtual space. People crowd around to see what’s happening. I am not breathing easy anyway. I tell myself this is an adventure and literally have to stop myself grabbing my precious Blackberry back and making a quick escape.

But in exactly six minutes this kid handed my Blackberry back. He had changed the part and cleaned and serviced the whole phone. Taken it apart, and put it together.
As I turned the phone on there was a horrific 2 minutes where the phone would not come on. I looked at him with such hostility that he stepped back.

“You have more than thousand phone numbers?”
“Yes”.
“Backed up?”
“No”
“Must back up. I do it for you. Never open phone before backing up”.
“You tell me that now?”

But then the phone came on and my data was still there. Everyone watching laughed and clapped. This was becoming a show. A six minute show. I asked him how much.
“500 rupees”.

He ventured uncertainly. People around watched in glee expecting a negotiation.
That’s $10 dollars as against the Rs 30,000 ($600) I was about to spend on a new Blackberry or a couple of weeks without my phone. I looked suitably shocked at his ‘high price’ but calmly paid him. Much to the disappointment of the expectant crowd

“Do you have an i-Phone? Even the new ‘4D one”?
“No, why”?

“I break the code for you and load any ‘app’ or film (movies) you want. I give you 10 film on your memory stick on this one, and change every week for small fee”.
I went home having discovered the true entrepreneurship that lies at what we call the ‘bottom of the pyramid’. Some may call it piracy, which of course it is, but what can you say about two uneducated and untrained brothers aged 10 and 19 that set up a ‘hole in the wall’ shop and can fix any technology that the greatest technologists in the world can throw at them. I smiled at the future of our country. If only we could learn to harness this potential.

“Please wash your hands before use” were his last words to me. Now I am feeling seriously unclean.

God works in mysterious ways to feed the illiterate, in the streets of India. Imagine, what if these poor kids had some education....I feel nothing but great admiration for these kids, as they could easily choose demeaning jobs to survive!

[aadithsince1980]

About a month ago I sold my Esteem and bought A 2005 Lancer.
Me and my better half had just finished washing the car the next morning. I opened the bonnet, got back into the car and started it. The I got out of the car with the engine running (I wanted to check a sound thet was coming from the timing belt the previous evening) and shut the door behind me.
To my horror, the doors got locked with the key inside! (My Esteem had centeral locking but it didnt work ).
I started to panic and shut the bonnet like a fool (I could have atleast disconnected the battery terminal).
Now with the doors and bonnnet shut there was no way to turn off the engine.
I immediately took my bike and wen't to the nearest mechanic to get him to unlock the door. Unfortunately the so called 'lock specialist' had gone out and would be back only after half an hour!
I quickly told the guy my address and went back home to see if i could do something myself in the meantime.
I tried the old school 'remove the beading and push a ruler thru style' but in vain
The car had been running for 45 min now and god knows how much petrol up in smoke! And finally the 'lock specialist arrived', who sadly was not much of a specialist afterall!
Ok let's cut it short, finally we managed to remove the rear quarter glass and unlock the doors. What a relief!
Now here comes the best part, after the ordeal we got back into the house and my wife proclaims "HEY, DIDN''T THAT GUY(Who we bought the car from) GIVE US A SPARE KEY".
That was it, i didn't know wether to laugh or cry. He had indeed given us a spare key that i had safely kept away in an envelope with the other car documents. And the envelope was right on the front room table.
THAT'S LIFE!!!

[n_aditya]

Originally Posted by aadithsince1980

I got out of the car with the engine running and shut the door behind me. To my horror, the doors got locked with the key inside! Now with the doors and bonnnet shut there was no way to turn off the engine. The car had been running for 45 min now and god knows how much petrol up in smoke!

Next time all you have to do is block the exhaust pipe and after a few seconds the engine will shut off. You can then hunt for the spare key or a locksmith without worrying about petrol wastage.