[saket77]

So, won't you share the sequel of your experience with office transportation (II)?

[drmohitg]

Dude you are hilariously hilarious. One of the funniest threads I have ever come across on the forum and I would say the only other threads I enjoyed reading so much were from the Yeti.

Loved the part in the hospital for obvious reasons .

Please continue this thread.

[selfdrive]

Originally Posted by saket77

So, won't you share the sequel of your experience with office transportation (II)?

I will, eventually! as expected the transport part did not go far. but the post hospitalisation did go on for quite a bit.

it is one year to the day of the not-so-big crash. I did consider breaking a coconut or maybe performing a satanic sacrifice at that spot as I came in to work. I need an animal to sacrifice, but my boss is on holiday this week

Originally Posted by drmohitg

Dude you are hilariously hilarious. One of the funniest threads I have ever come across on the forum and I would say the only other threads I enjoyed reading so much were from the Yeti.

Loved the part in the hospital for obvious reasons.

Please continue this thread.

thanks for your kind words. I will try to resume where I left off.
I hope this week is the week to channelise the flow of whatever creative juices exist!

Sorry for the really late response to your posts. I was focussing on the rehab more as you will find out in later posts here

[saket77]

Originally Posted by selfdrive

I need an animal to sacrifice, but my boss is on holiday this week

Man, you have got some serious writing style...coupled with fantastic thoughts!

[selfdrive]

This newest driver guy did not know a single route and had to be guided turn by turn. I was not able to decide if this was good or bad.
Good because I could choose a route that I preferred. Bad because he darted into turns immediately without checking if anyone was in the next lane. So I worked overtime as a driving school instructor and navigator, almost like one of those truck cleaners who sit waving one hand out of the left door.

With a couple of really rash turns, I learnt to inform him of turns at least 50 metres in advance. We made our way through the multiple milk/ newspaper delivery vehicles, school buses, sleepy dogs and anyone else who chose to groggily sleep walk across the roads.

As we approached a cross road the biker in front of us slowed down. It could have been a stray dog, a pothole or just another vehicle. Our ‘phata poster nikla ho’ driver smashed into the bike. He did not even attempt to brake. The biker balanced himself somehow and I popped the door open to offer help, and possible condolences to the bike.

Surprisingly the bike was in good shape, but the Indica bumper protector came off. The driver nonchalantly tossed it into his boot and returned to his finger waving session with the biker. I went back to my seat (Turkish towel seat cover) and my ipod (no cover). After a few minutes of utter tripe, our driver returned with a smug expression which meant he got away without paying.

I dared to ask him why he didn’t brake. He just shrugged and retorted that he expected the biker to move away because he flashed the high beam.

At 8am on a city road, our hero flashed the high beam and expected the biker to notice it and react accordingly. This guy was surely one of Frankensteins creations. I started wondering if I would have been granted a few million dollars if I had wished for that instead of expecting such a cab and driver

[selfdrive]

I hobbled on crutches towards the office elevator. A kind hand kept the elevator door open for me. After entering, I turned to thank the owner of the kind hand but it turned out to be our department head. My already muddled head could not process this extra information. I tried to turn my gaze away, but it was too late

Him: So how will you manage?
Me: It is ok. Till I use the crutches, I will use office transport
Him: No, I mean with your travel
Me: Yes. Office transport (Did I not just say that? My thought bubble)
Him: I am talking about your visit to Germany
Me: What visit?
Him: Oh
Me: Uh oh

While being interviewed here, I had clarified there would be no onsite requirements. I had just returned from a couple of longish stints and was not interested in the least. But as always and everywhere there was some fine print after an asterisk. And now this druid was hell bent on sending me off to a far away land as if he had brewed some magic potion.

So, now instead of hobbling in Pune, I was expected to hobble in a German city for a couple of weeks. In a suit and most possibly carrying a laptop
It could be as bad as tugging a menhir around, just that I did not have the luxury of falling into that pot of magic potion when, well you know the rest!

Somebody was definitely enjoying this, and I do not think it was me.

[ghodlur]

Originally Posted by selfdrive

This guy was surely one of Frankensteins creations. I started wondering if I would have been granted a few million dollars if I had wished for that instead of expecting such a cab and driver

Selfdrive,

That driver wasnt alone, infact there is a whole lot bigger tribe out there where this guy belongs to and they do all these stupid things on the roads. Their tribe is increasing every day and adding even the qualified people.

Keep the good words coming, will be interesting to know whether you made it to Germany or not.

[selfdrive]

Originally Posted by ghodlur

Their tribe is increasing every day and adding even the qualified people.

Keep the good words coming, will be interesting to know whether you made it to Germany or not.

By qualified, I think you intend to say literate? They dont seem qualified to drive in any sense of the word

Yes, I did make it there and as I am still posting I did make it back as well
More later

[Divya Sharan]

Originally Posted by selfdrive

Yes, I did make it there and as I am still posting I did make it back as well

SD sir, long time no post! Please continue.

[drmohitg]

Its really not fair to keep us all holding for so long. Your thread is really a pleasure to read and although you must be keeping busy but please take out sometime to update the thread atleast once a month. Eagerly waiting to read about the trip to germany.

[selfdrive]

Originally Posted by Divya Sharan

SD sir, long time no post! Please continue.

Originally Posted by drmohitg

Its really not fair to keep us all holding for so long. Your thread is really a pleasure to read and although you must be keeping busy but please take out sometime to update the thread atleast once a month. Eagerly waiting to read about the trip to germany.

Apologies gents! (assumed from your handles, but feel free to correct me!)

I keep saying that a home loan and the need to labour for it makes the best forget about other things. And I am nowhere near the best in any case. Thanks for the reminder. I will write and update further
I hope to be more regular this time

[selfdrive]

I received the flight itinerary which I promptly rejected twice. There was no way in high hell that I would be ready for changing flights anywhere in the Middle East. Nothing racist here; just that I don’t like those airports even on two working legs. Now with 4 legs, there was no way I was going to consider a trek halfway through the terminal.

After multiple rejections my employers finally found the cheapest possible option that had a similar cost impact to those offered by the Middle Eastern oligarch/ kingdom/ emirate supported airlines. This IT sector has really scraped the bottom of the barrel. From the glory days of travelling business class, we are now down to searching for the cheapest possible economy class tickets. Maybe within a few years they will send us by ship or container cargo as stowaways

I already started dreading the travel fortnight. But the best I could do was to prepare.

On previous occasions, I had seen bored people in wheelchairs awaiting their turn to be wheeled toward the next stage of waiting. When the itinerary was finally fixed, I called the airline and asked for their policy on wheelchair assistance and crutches. The lady was quite helpful as they usually are when one talks with them and not to them. I was all set for my first ‘assisted’ flight abroad.

The plan was to check in the entire luggage and carry as less as possible. Laziness is not something I need lessons on; I have never carried cabin baggage. The only excess baggage I have is on my person. And no snide comment about extra tyres or ‘love handles’ please. I am talking about the work laptop bag.

Working backwards while organizing the assistance, I found that the worst section for this travel was the part in India. Is that a surprise?

[selfdrive]

Now that we determined that flights from Pune were more expensive, I was asked to take a (shared) taxi to Mumbai and the flight from there to Germany (stopover within Germany). I deliberately withhold the destination names. Not for any reason but simply because I choose to. This is what deliberate is supposed to be right?

With my previous experience of grabbing the front seat in office transport, it was a breeze for me to grab the front seat of the Innova that ferried me to the airport. It was my first trip on the so called (Laughing Out Loud) E-way in 3 years. I haven’t been there later either, except of course the return trip.

To be honest it is like a real life version of an early computer game called Road Rash. A small difference is that the impact could be disastrous and long term. I told the driver that if he drives rash, I would pull the handbrake and further costs will be borne by him. He thought it was a joke till I kept my hand on the handbrake lever and dared him.

Well, I wouldn’t pull it anyway. But it is funny that sometimes your bluff is not called. At least I got a peaceful drive to the airport. The driver was even kind enough to wait till I pulled out my suitcase and loaded it on the trolley while balancing myself on my crutches.

I found that it was easier for me to pile the crutches on the trolley and use it for balancing myself than lugging around the crutches. With this I managed to zoom to the check in counter where they finally understood that I had asked for wheelchair assistance. A bored man wheeled the chair to me. He asked me to sit and then piled the laptop bag and both crutches in my lap.

Him: Kya hua sir, accident? Kitna time lagega? (what happened sir, how long for recovery?)
Me: Haan, yeh fenkney se pehle 3 mahina tha. Ab pata nahin. (Yes. Recovery time was 3 months till you threw this stuff on me. Now I don’t know)
Him: Sorry sir, pata nahi tha (I didn’t know)
Me: Abey, toh crutches aur wheelchair kya pet dard ke liye mangaya hoga? (Do you think I called for assistance for stomach pain?)
Him: sorry sir. Ab dekho main aapko kaise fast pahunchata hoon. (just see how fast I help you reach)
Me: Tu rehn dey. Mere flight mein 3 ghantey hain. (Don’t stress. I have 3 hours for the flight)

[drmohitg]

I can understand the time constraints. But reading one post at a time sort of takes away from the pleasure. So now going to wait for a few days and then atleast expect to read 4-5 posts at a go.

[selfdrive]

He zoomed me across the airport floor while I was focusing on hanging on to my crutches and laptop bag. It seemed like he was trying his darnedest best to hit people who were trying to get out of the way. After a few minutes of a rollercoaster ride we skipped across the entire immigration queue to land right in front.

I was the youngest person in the wheelchair section by half. I squirmed a little, almost apologetic to the hordes of people that I just bypassed. An octogenarian in the neighbouring wheelchair wondered aloud if I was faking it. One glare and a couple of crutch shakes later he was looking elsewhere.

Within the next couple of minutes our man Friday had waved my passport at the immigration officer and brought me to the security queue. He proceeded to disregard anyone trying to tell him anything and almost conducted my security check by himself. People around him seemed to be in awe of him as if he was the only person able to get everyone to board their flights.

Job done, he dumped me near the boarding gate and announced in active and passive voice (flashback 10th standard English) how well he helped me. In the normal world, this is usually followed by a thank you. Here it probably meant an expectation for a tip.
Though I am not quite a spendthrift, I do not grudge anybody their tips. But I tip only if I feel like giving any. If someone asks for a tip, I ensure that I don’t give any. It seemed to me as if all the extra effort (in talking) was all for getting the tip.

He grudgingly went his way while I was offered priority boarding. For me, this meant boarding the plane only in time for the last call. The European lady at the counter seemed to think she would decide the priority. We finally agreed that it is ok for me to board after everyone as long as I could use my crutches till the seat. I oulled my earphones from my pocket and kept myself busy half wondering/ rest imagining why people were so keen to get in to the airplane. It wouldn’t leave without you, you know?