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8th June 2019, 21:37 | #1 |
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| Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/stree...bangalore.html (Beware: New type of Scam/Con in Bangalore) The thread above made me think. Setting aside the con aspect, I was struck by the possibility of real problems on the part of the person asking for help. More to the point, I myself have been in those situations. Not once or twice. But, on many many occasions over a span of two years. Let me explain. It was in another life. But, one fine day I showed up in the US for a master’s degree. First things being first, housing was a top priority. So, I got together with some people and immediately signed a lease on an apartment. It's only after that that I learnt of my department being 22 miles away in the Uni's second campus in another city. That was far away, and the university didn't have shuttle services between campuses. Still, I shrugged away the problem. How hard could it be? I had just travelled 8000 miles away from family on a whim. I certainly wasn't going to let 22 miles disturb my thinking. I decided that when semester began, I would man up and find a way. Turns out that I did find a way. Many ways in fact. But, at the time, I had no way of knowing that it was going to be way harder than what I had imagined or that a big part of my education was going to be about finding solutions to real and immediate problems that I faced. So, when the day came, I ate a big lunch and started out along the busy state road lined with car dealerships and strip malls. I walked and walked and walked. Gradually my excitement diluted itself to mere enthusiasm. A little while later, that enthusiasm too gave way to a neutral 'lets-get-this-done' mindset. Another 20 to 30 minutes later, I was starting to think that maybe I should just turn back. But, somehow that didn't seem like a good choice at the time. What would be the point of turning back after having walked this far? So, plod on I did. My Bata sandals weren't built for this sort of stress and my feet were hurting. I was hungry and thirsty and would have traded my right arm for good plate of idly and filter coffee, or at least a vada pao and chai. But, that was all wishful thinking. The sourness and frustration set in ever so slowly. By the time, I reached my university building, I was well and truly livid with my life choices. Little did I realise at the time that a lot of how I felt was caused by real mismatches in terms of reference. Americans have a way of referring to a 6-lane road as a "street". Now, any image of a street in my mind was nothing more than 20 feet wide and encroached upon by a zillion vendors. So, it was hard for me to swallow that something that was almost 200 feet wide, without counting the sidewalks, was also a street. People kept telling me that my destination would show up if I just kept "going down the street". Their assumption was that I had gotten out of a car and walked into their store to ask for directions. They had no idea that I had just come in off "the street". I kept thinking that these Americans were nuts!! But, I was too polite on my first day to ask further questions. So, I kept walking. And walking. And walking. It took me a full 7 hours on day 1 of class to get to class. My classes began at 7 PM. I walked in at almost 8:45. But, once I got into class, all my bitterness faded away. My classmates' reactions ran the gamut; from downright amazement at my determination to incredulous laughter at my fresh-off-the-boat vibe. I was the point of discussion for the rest of the evening. I made friends immediately. It was not going to be so bad after all!! Now for the next days. Once I had found out where my classes were going to be, I thought about moving closer. But, I quickly put that out of my mind. For one thing, I was locked into a lease. Second, I didn't much want to move either. The town with the main campus near which I lived was pretty. I certainly didn't want to swap those lodgings for seedier options downtown closer to my actual classes. Also, I rather liked my flat mates and didn't feel like rolling the dice with new people at another apartment. So, I decided to stay put. The question then became how I was going to solve the transportation problem. I could of course buy a car. But, I was loath to buy anything through a debt instrument; certainly not on my stipend. Incidentally, this is a sensibility that I carry to this day. I also didn't have a lumpsum amount with me to put towards a dependable used car. To be clear, I could not have done with a $500 car. I needed transportation that would reliably take me 50 miles every day just for my classes. Grocery runs and other small trips would have added to that mileage requirement. Any car that would give me that kind of service would have cost me $4000 to $5000 at least. Money that I didn't have and didn't want to borrow. End result = I was left with a truly vexing chicken-egg situation. I needed a car to go to class --> money to buy a car --> a job to earn the money --> a degree to get a job!! Total existential gridlock. After dwelling on the problem for a long time, I decided to solve it incrementally. I broke down the problem into manageable parts and attacked each part with a multi-pronged approach. The return leg from class was solved easily. All my classmates were working professionals and some of them had to pass my town on their way home from class. So, when they could, they gladly dropped me home. I actually had multiple return rides lined up for each day. Indeed, I had back-ups to the back-up to the main ride. Sorted. The real problem then was getting to class. So, what were my solutions?
Every day was new. I would wake up not knowing how I was going to get to class. When I look back, I am amazed that I didn't miss a single day of graduate school. I made it every time. Powered only by my wits. The next decade in the US was no different. Every single day brought new and immediate problems for me to solve. Most were existential in nature. I am not even sure how I managed to keep my head up and get through it all. The only thing I am certain of is that it was ONLY the will of my parents' blessings what helped me navigate a literal quagmire of obstacles in my time there. Cheers Last edited by Aditya : 9th June 2019 at 20:26. Reason: As requested |
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8th June 2019, 22:24 | #2 |
BHPian Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Bangalore
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| re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Very common experience. Don't try this at home folks. I hear that the bikes are being ripped off their engines already at the metro stations. |
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9th June 2019, 04:31 | #3 | |
Distinguished - BHPian | re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Quote:
A key takeaway I want folks to realize that the world isn't as bad as it is being made to be. Yes, there are con-men and many just trying to take benefit of you at every turn, but there is good in the world. Trust is not that bad, if one is cautious enough. There is always merit in giving help on the road, and in return hoping for the same when you are at the other end. I have given and taken lifts to numerous folks on my bikes and my cars; and have faced nothing but positive experiences; even a disabled hitch-hicker in the US who turned out to be a homeless guy traveling from Seattle to Miami, with nothing in his pockets and surviving on the generosity of others. Gave him a lift for ~100 miles distance, and at the end poorer by $20 and richer with the knowledge of one of the best radio channels that played old-school rock the entire day Last edited by Aditya : 9th June 2019 at 20:25. Reason: Quoted text edited | |
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9th June 2019, 11:08 | #4 |
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| re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Frankly speaking, in the present world scenario, where the world is full of conman, I have left helping strangers except when someone's life is in real threat. I have stopped giving lifts to strangers completely be it if either sex. Being mugged at a secluded corner or getting falsely accused of outraging a female modesty are reasons sufficient enough to avoid strangers at all. The world may not be such a wicked place but you never know who is friend and who is foe. The world has been made a bad place by these conman and as the result, the person in real need is always being ignored by people. |
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11th June 2019, 10:30 | #5 | |
Senior - BHPian | Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Cross posting from another thread (Unusual / funny / heartwarming experiences on the road). Quote:
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13th June 2019, 10:03 | #6 |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? I think it's quite common in the Western countries to hitch hikes. Certainly not in our country where you can't tell a con man from a banker. Personally, I would hate to be in even a single situation where I've to depend on the charity of others, forget about living on their largesse for a long time. Hence would disagree with the OP's way. But each one to his own. |
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13th June 2019, 10:17 | #7 |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? So many con men esp in the Indian cities. Difficult to sift the good out of the evil. Therein lies the problem when you want to help strangers especially when you are alone. It can be a double edged sword. Note that such help would end up as a happy ending, kind act in small towns. I still remember reading about an instance in the news paper where a good Samaritan tried to help some youngsters at night who were seemingly down on the road having met with a bike accident in outer ring road, Bangalore. When he stopped they they came out of their pretension, stabbed him and stole his Scorpio leaving him to die. This is the reason why people are reluctant to help strangers. You have no cue of their ulterior motives. I have seen people being reluctant to help in case of highway accidents also. Probably, most teambhp-ians may stop if they spot another car with the same brand sticker in trouble. Any experiences to share? Last edited by B103 : 13th June 2019 at 10:19. |
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13th June 2019, 10:30 | #8 |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Three instances to quote, nothing concerning... 1. Virajpet to Mananthavady - Before the GMap were available offline & the mobile networks were not so stable, had to confirm with a stranger if the road leads to Manathavady. First thing to observe, he was extremely happy, came running towards us (friend & I were on two motorcycles). On nearing he saw the tailbag & asked if we could move it so that he can sit. When found it cannot, he hastily said yes & started walking away. All we asked was if this road leads to Mananthavady. He probably thought he could get dropped somewhere enroute 2. Kottathara to Masinagudi - We wanted to take offbeaten route via Mulli. So at Kotathara junction, we knew somewhere to take left; being unsure, asked a localite. He looked at us like stupid & asked why we're coming this route & asked us to go back & take Mannarkad route. So we told him, we don't mind the bad roads & insisted we take this route & asked him to confirm if the forthcoming left is right or not. After being adamant & spending over 5-10 minutes, all he said was yes the forthcoming right He's probably good or not, but he wanted us to obey his rule 3. Kumarapalayam to Bhavani - Hardly some 2-3 Km; didn't know which way to take. Stopped in front a tea shop, asked a guy who's wasting his time on 6 months old newspaper for direction. As he started his left-right directions, gradually some 7-8 "experts" around him have come & guess what now we've to listen to 7-8 different directions!! Everyone discards every other's suggestion & wants us to take theirs. Finally we took one of them which lead to narrow footpath on mud & eventually we used common sense to get on NH45 Learned good lessons, after that we avoid asking as much as possible unless its really really needed. Edit - A bulleteer friend of mine said the below on his experience in Bihar... Was a solo rider on RE; was riding through BR to somewhere. He got down from the bike, went near the tea stall & asked direction. Some stranger asked where he was heading, where he was coming & then all of a sudden he started pleading him to play card with him & that kind of became an annoying request despite saying my friend had a long way to go. Then he tricked like, one moment, I'll be back after removing helmet of that sort & flew away. Another incident - Was doing a solo West coast ride; so, somewhere in MH coastal, I think it was between Harihareshwar - Srivardhan or Srivardhan - Diveagar. Was asking for a direction of coastal route. Looks like this person didn't like me taking bad roads & was kind of threatening about the road condition saying, I might fall down, if bike is broken I might get stranded & was strongly insisting SH. At one point I thought he might snatch away my CBR. Worst part is I couldn't even say OK & leave as his instruction was to take a U turn & he had his hands on CBR's RVM. Not sure what excuse I had given, but he let me go. Let me go is the right word to use!! Last edited by aargee : 13th June 2019 at 10:40. |
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13th June 2019, 10:40 | #9 | |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Quote: PS: I cant stress enough how much you have brightened up my day. Last edited by Gannu_1 : 13th June 2019 at 10:43. Reason: Trimming quoted post. Please avoid quoting a long post as it inconveniences small screen users. Thanks. | |
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13th June 2019, 11:30 | #10 | |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Quote:
In our country I'm not very comfortable helping people out in this manner though. Scared of getting conned / mugged etc especially in Bombay. I do however give a lift to cops - after checking their ID cards. I frequently drive between Mumbai and Mahad. These cops are posted at places like Mangaon / Indapur / Mahad and live in villages near Pen / Vadkhal naka and usually ask for a lift if they see a car with just one person in it. | |
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13th June 2019, 11:47 | #11 | |
BHPian | Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Quote:
It was the year 1985, my parents had recently married and my father was posted in Bhopal. My grandfather had gone to visit them and his train got late. When he arrived at the Bhopal railway station, it was night time, there were no auto rickshaws or taxis to take him to my father's address. On the train journey, he had made aquaintance with a Sikh gentleman who also alighted there. This gentleman had his own car ready at the station to take him home, so he offered to take my grandfather to my father's address. When they reached the locality, it was late in the night, they didn't know the exact house that my parents occupied, so they started to ask around. Unfortunately, it was the time just after the Khalistan movement and Indira Gandhi's assassination, so people were still apprehensive and no one opened their doors or offered to talk to them. The gentleman finally took my grandfather to his house where they were having a wedding ceremony. Everyone in their house were very warm and cordial to my grandfather and in the morning he dropped my grandfather back in my father's locality and my grandfather was then able to find the house on his own. But this incident is almost more than 30 years old now. People those days were simpler and more trusting than today. The crime rate these days have killed that "good Samaritan" in most people. Maybe in countries where crimes are less and law and order better, people would still go out of their way to help others, but atleast in India its better not to trust strangers for your own safety. | |
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13th June 2019, 13:03 | #12 | |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Great experience! Quote:
Personally, I don't like bothering other's with my problems. But if it is a must, I will think of several options and ask for the easiest help from them. Also, I get suspicious if someone ask for too much help for the trouble they are in. But I don't mind helping if I think it is genuine. | |
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13th June 2019, 14:24 | #13 |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Well I do not have anything significant to share; yet I recollect one instance during 2004-05 where myself and wifey were spending quality time in Lonavala. Those were the days when GPS and maps on mobile devices were unheard of. We ventured into exploring the local attractions and got lost in the maze of unknown streets. Soon we spotted a young gentleman who was lazily eager to guide us. He started giving directions and it took us no time to figure out the mismatch between his words and hand gestures. It took us a bit effort to realize that he had huge problem in naming directions and as such he said ‘take right’ while he meant us to take ‘left’ and vice versa After some vain efforts to decipher his navigation tips correctly, we left the place thanking him only to continue our clueless exploration and we finally managed to reach our original place by using the methods of 'memory recall' and ‘permutation and combinations’. Last edited by King_pin09 : 13th June 2019 at 14:25. |
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13th June 2019, 16:19 | #14 |
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Thanks Mohan for sharing your wonderful experiences with strangers. My experience is that 9 out of 10 times, we aren't likely to have a bad experience with strangers while seeking or offering help. From an evolutionary standpoint, humans are social creatures. Unless we perceive a threat from our fellow species, we are more likely to help one another more often than not. Given that our immediate acts are partly shaped by recent events (recency bias) and sensationalism, we tend to oscillate one way (to help) or the other (to avoid) depending on our recent and past experiences and hearsay. Unfortunately, we are surrounded by an environment (read media/news etc) that overemphasizes negativity and sensationalism and almost ignores the positivism around. I am sure that those of you with some insights into the history of our planet and the existence of our species will understand how we are fortunate enough to live through one of the (relatively) peaceful and safest passages of time in recorded history. Go out and help whenever you can, we have come this far only by looking after one another! |
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13th June 2019, 17:13 | #15 | |||||||||||
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| Re: Asking strangers for help - what's your experience? Quote:
That said, I do hear about having to be more cautious in India. Quote:
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Quote I read it. It was good. You didn't edit it as well as others you've sent. You were one CRAZY foreigner!! What would you think if one of your kids did the same thing? While you had some genuine and unique interactions with people, from my American perspective, you should feel very lucky you are alive. It will be interesting to read the responses from others who might share the guileless mindset you once had. I'm pretty be sure you would be more risk averse now, but I might be wrong. Unquote Quote:
And about what you said regarding you hating being dependent on charity, I want to say that others including myself are no different. No one likes having their hand out. But, the key thing to realize is that most people who ask for help do so because they have very few other choices. At times, you can chalk up an unfortunate person's situation to self-inflicted conditions like laziness, or a lack of self-interest. But most times, people are simply stuck in a tough situation that is not of their making, and they do need a hand out to get out. I am just glad that people helped me. Today, I am quite cautious. But, I do help CAUTIOUSLY when I can. Quote:
Finally, be advised that seeing a Team BHP sticker on a car is not to be treated as a blanket endorsement of the driver's character. Team BHP stickers are simply products that are freely available in the open market. Quote:
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And theqca... I too frequently help out policemen. Especially in Mumbai's crazy traffic. I work in Andheri and apparently they have a police quarters there. On my way home, I have taken at least a couple of cops from there to other parts of Mumbai. Quote:
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I have actually written this entry as a blog outside of Team BHP; and one of my old classmates came across it and commented underneath the blog that it was an enriching experience for him too to share rides with me. Quote:
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