[ninjatalli]

This is a topic close to my heart so hear me out. Ever did an unexpected good deed and feeling a bit of warmth and a bit of 'nice' feeling come all over you?

You aren't alone - this is an age old benefit that our elders understood and used it since ages. In a world filled with experiences of anger & rage (e.g. your most recent conversation with a 'dumb' call center associate, the 'dumb' biker who blocked your lane, and so on), it is actually quite refreshing and nice to do good to others.

There's a lot of research done on how kindness does a great deal of good to one-self, with the impact not only being superficial and temporary but with long term impact. And not everything has to be monetary. Sometime a small action at your end, or even just offering help or support can do wonders at both ends. Basically the fact that you considered them as someone you are ready to give help/support is the key trigger.

People who are kind and compassionate see clear benefits to their wellbeing and happiness. They may even live longer. Kindness can also help reduce stress and improve our emotional wellbeing

A 2010 Harvard Business School survey of happiness in 136 countries found that people who are altruistic—in this case, people who were generous financially, such as with charitable donations—were happiest overall.

Kindness has been shown to increase self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and improve mood. It can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a stress hormone, which directly impacts stress levels. People who give of themselves in a balanced way also tend to be healthier and live longer. Kindness can increase your sense of connectivity with others, which can directly impact loneliness, improve low mood and enhance relationships in general.
and
It also can be contagious.

This thread is to focus on the above line in bold. Talk about it. Share your experience. Feel proud (not too much) that you did something unexpectedly nice to some stranger(s) and in the knowledge that it will subconsciously trigger someone else reading your experience to do something similar at their end.

Start small or big, every bit helps. Just get the ball rolling and see where it gets you.

Sources: 1, 2, 3

[ninjatalli]

Let me start this with my experiences

Experience 1: Offering water to delivery guys, courier guys, workmen(carpenter, plumber, etc.), postman, etc.

This is a 'habit' that I have grown up seeing day-in day out since a kid. We offered water to anybody (even nosy sales guys) that landed up at my parents place. Now, I hardly see that happening, even though the # of guys who land up at the door have trebled, but I hardly see anyone doing this (atleast in my circles). I myself started doing this recently only

The response is amazing - only 1 out of 5 guys take up the offer, but most of them are thankful you offered. Give them cold water from the fridge, and their eyes light up.


Experience 2: This might be not acceptable to all, so disclaimers apply. Giving lifts to folks on the road, when I'm on a bike/scooter. Again a habit that I'm used to since school/college days; back then it was extremely common to take and give lifts. Nowadays the fear of getting robbed etc. has reduced this to a bare minimum.

The feedback is nice - especially to someone who's been trying for a while with no response from fellow bikers on the road. Also I only do it when I have a spare helmet and the person is wearing a mask (have refused someone who didn't have a mask). No negative incidents happened till date.


Experience 3: Have short conversations (or just a greeting) to people who are working in your surroundings (e.g. maid, driver, ola/uber driver, watchman, etc.). It's crazy how these guys are completely 'invisible'. No idea what goes through their minds in that situation, but personally I would hate to be in their shoes, day-in day-out.

Most of the time, I generally get a grunt or a nod of the head. But once in a while, it's like the flood gates are opened. Sometimes you get to hear about their troubles that you weren't aware off (e.g. my maid in Bombay was having trouble shifting her kids to a better school. We eventually helped in filling up the english forms to do that).

Especially auto/cab drivers, they really enjoy the conversations and appreciate you being ready to converse. Sometimes you get a lot of gossip too (e.g. long back, my cab driver in Ladakh had a lot of gossip on Dia Mirza, Ajay Devgan and other actors who were doing scenes in that part of the world and how they were as individuals away from the camera).

These were the top of the mind. None of them dealt with monetary aspects. But all left me with a 'good' feeling every single time and sometimes even more.

[warrioraks]

Originally Posted by ninjatalli

Start small or big, every bit helps. Just get the ball rolling and see where it gets you.

Good idea for a thread ninjatalli.

I also follow the practice of offering water to delivery/courier guys around summer time in Delhi. Usually people decline but the facial reaction from them makes it clear that they appreciate the gesture.

Being an introvert, I am unable to strike conversions very easily with new people. But one thing I always do is - talk to service providers in a very very respectful way. Whether it be a driver, a waiter, an air hostess or a manager at a 5 star hotel. This has resulted so many times in kind gestures from the other side which were not expected. Whenever such things happen, I make it a practice to ask people how do they want me to pass feedback to their employer/boss (wherever applicable). This has made the other side very happy in general and being extra nice in return. Have countless such incidents to share and will write about them in the course of this thread.

I strongly believe that act of giving is the biggest joy to experience in this world, and kindness starts with an act of giving away something - be it time, money, empathy or a just a part of our ego

[Engine_Roars]

I am what I am because some good folks helped me pay my school fee/tuition fee once. Some relatives let me stay at their home when I was trying to find my footings in Mumbai. One of my cousins paid my gym fees because he knew how much I liked going to gyms and he also knew I did not have enough. All of this happened more than a decade ago but I keep reminding myself and I will never forget this. This keeps me going.

I have slept hungry at times and I know how does it feel and when I see someone struggling for food or other basic necessities, I can relate to it. I do my best to pay it forward with only one condition that the individual should be hardworking and should not be begging because it is easier. I do not want to get into details but it feels nice to know that you were a reason for some stranger's smile. It is infectious, the kind of warmth you feel knowing that you made this world a better place for someone even if it was for a couple of minutes.

[null]

Thank you for this thread esp when the times are tending towards a "I, Me, Myself" mode with no care or empathy for others around us.

A simple thing which I can certainly do on the road is, to stop and allow that person to cross the street, esp those elderly or ones with kids or kids who are usually struggling to cross because of the continuous traffic flow.
I like that surprise and confusion on their face when I do that. I usually indicate to them that they can cross and they happily walk by.

And yes, I too do that small talk with people (driver, security, food serving guy at cafeteria etc) whom many would not bother to talk to. They dont expect anything from us. That delight they get when they feel someone recognises them is a nice feeling.

Thanks for reminding that I should do more, esp since it does not cost anything, of being "nice" to others all the time.

[Sudarshan42]

I'll admit that I really need to work more on this by consciously being kinder to people who come fleetingly in our lives, I tend to get wrapped up in stuff so much that I ignore the world around me. Started by giving 2 bananas to a tired-looking elderly courier guy, thanks for starting this thread

[shancz]

Good topic

Ditto on offering water and the response.

These days we have those small packets of Lassi which I like, I offer them and those have never been turned down.

This caught on when I was in the UAE and when getting food delivered I used to offer one of the fresh juice bottles I used to keep for breakfast. Those were never turned down too.

PS : Thanks for the tip on cold water, we usually don't drink it but will keep a bottle in for cases when I am out of lassi

[@og_adi]

I am reminded of a particular incident in the recent months which still leads me to feel I did the right thing. I sincerely hope my friend whom I'm talking about doesn't read this as the things I'm going to talk about are actually things to be done in the background and not worth beating a drum, but nevertheless, here it goes-

To give a little context, I'm a 17 year old studying in grade 12. Like many others, constant lockdowns took a toll on my school life and I lost my 11th and 12th grade to it. I joined this new school in my 11th grade and hence, I never really spent time there and almost all interactions were through screens. Lucky enough, I made friends in this place real quick and the discussions seemed like the ones between really close people though we hadn't seen each other's faces. One such person is the friend I'll be referring to from now.
So this friend's father gets seriously ill and had to go through few organ transplants to get going. It was a tough phase for the family as they were mentally, physically and financially exhausted after months of treatment and finally when it came down to transplant, it became extremely difficult.
Around the same time, an aimless me wondered what next to gift himself since he got good birthday gifts in the form of money. A part of me always wanted to get a camera. A good one. We have a compact camera which is about 10+ years old now and while it did do the job, a better one was always in the wishlist. I finally had the money to get myself a Bridge Camera and my excitement knew no bounds. The only obstacle I could see ahead was convincing my dad, but it was easy since relatives asked me to pick whatever I wanted .
I waited till the weekend to go ahead and make this pitch (Dad doesn't entertain such things on his working days) prior to which I received this message about the fundraiser. I was always kept in loop by this friend about his father's condition prior to this fundraising period and hence always felt a part of what he was going through. My dad saw the same and decided to match whatever I was willing to contribute (Essentially 2x my contribution as the total). Let me be honest here, there was this internal conflict for a brief period whether I should go overboard and contribute a major part of my pocket money since this was a person I hadn't met much in life or help this person who trusted you by conveying all the things he and his family were going through.
At this point, a quick introspection about this made me seem selfish and I decided to go ahead, forfeit my plans of getting that dream camera and help this man. Sure, it wasn't like the family depended on what I contributed coz mine ended up to be ~0.4% of the total contribution but hey, every drop makes an ocean and I did my part. I have a long life ahead to get to know this person but this is the moment I had under my control to do something good. At the end, this contribution made me fall short of getting the camera and my dad wasn't willing to help coz he wanted me to understand the consequences of choices and what sacrificing for a good thing meant. Though I still feel guilty typing all this as things like these should be kept a secret, deep inside I'm content. Probably more than I would have ever been even after I got that camera. I'm elated to say that the man is now working from home and life has since become normal for my friend. Now as to when I'll get the camera, let's see, it can wait.

[Samba]

I believe in charity begins at home.

I was working with an MNC in Bangalore a decade back. My parents were at Kolkata. After few years, I realized it's best to be with my own family/parents. I quit the job, came back to Kolkata and started my own small business.

By working with the MNC for this whole decade would have made me richer, but the decision I took made us happier!

Another story I want to share about our neighbor.

When I was 8-9 years old, since then they used to love me a lot. I used to play with my uncle and aunt and spent a lot of time with them during my childhood. They didn't had any son or daughter and used to treat me like their own son. I was lucky enough to get such an unconditional love. Since childhood I was very fond of them.

Time passed, my frequency of visiting them reduced. They used to be very happy whenever I visited their place. Whenever I met my uncle outside, he used to invite me to his place. I was the one who delayed the visits.
Few days back suddenly due to a massive heart attack my uncle expired. This was shocking for me. I was at the cremation for the whole night.

Till now it's haunting me that, when he was alive, I could have frequently visited their place, gave them some more time. But now it's too late.

My purpose of sharing this is to say- Please give time to your near and dear ones before it's too late. Else one has nothing to do apart from repenting.

[Lalvaz]

Great idea for a thread, and judging by the sort of comments being posted, looks like its touched the hearts of many. Keep it up. Such positive thoughts and ideas can really help brighten up so many people's lives. God bless.

[ron178]

This is really something I've been meaning to work on. I never like to come off as rude, but I've always had trouble identifying the extra effort I have to make to be nice. Like the water thing mentioned above, I wouldn't have trouble doing it at all but until it was pointed out it never even struck me it would be rude not to do it. This thread is a very good idea.

[Malyaj]

Good thread. Being nice is not just important, it is a sort of duty. Being nice should be our default behaviour and not an exception on an 'I am feeling blessed' kind of a day. Most privileged people (and all of us are part of this group) don't realise how blessed we are. There is no reason to not be nice.

In the last 5 years I have consciously made an effort to be nice. This was partly out of facing a major financial setback (a property purchase turning a lemon and a string of failed business stints) and realising how everything around you can collapse so suddenly. You then realise that human interactions, family, relationships and health are the most important things in life. You can't take any of these for granted and have a duty to play your part to earn it. In the end people want to engage with you not because you are rich or good looking or famous (though those will get you different kind of friends too), but because you are a good person.

I also believe that kindness to random strangers is good for overall societal health. It is not a magic stick, but more like every drop makes an ocean. We are a 'short on fuse' kind of people in public and every act of kindness does its bit

[srvm]

Originally Posted by @og_adi

I am reminded of a particular incident in the recent months which still leads me to feel I did the right thing. I sincerely hope my friend whom I'm talking about doesn't read this as the things I'm going to talk about are actually things to be done in the background and not worth beating a drum, but nevertheless, here it goes-
.......

Good to know about your decision. And happy to know that your friend's father is doing well now. There is always another time to get that camera, maybe a better one.
And by the way, hats off to your father. He looks to be a super guy with right parenting approach

[charanreddy]

This is a topic close to me as well. I am constantly occupied with a bunch of things in my own life like my work, family, future planning etc that I don’t have enough time to give back on a regular basis.

A couple of things I do.

1. On Birthdays and other special days, I make sure to donate to a charity or a cause. It has mostly been to Akshaya Patra for the last few times as I had personally visited and seen them as a part of my office CSR activity. Always makes my day more than any spending on self.

2. Be empathetic to people around me. I have been in a couple of situations in my 15 year career where I was directly supervising people who were in deep family trouble. There was one person whose mother had expired recently due to long term illness, who this person was very close to. As a result this persons work performance started suffering very badly and his confidence took a major beating. There was a lot of pressure on me to let this person go, but I had decided to invest and see this through. Multiple conversations on life , tough circumstances and what it takes to get back up. Glad to say the person recovered completely and with in 12 months was back to performing really well, took some reputed certification courses over and above the regular job and is now doing extremely well. These type of incidents give me a lot of satisfaction and confidence over my work accomplishments.

[Atom]

A very nice thread... In my opinion, Being nice is not something that we additionally need to inculcate in our life but one of the core principles that we need to live by. Having experienced a fortunate life where I have been the recipient of several kind gestures from people when I was down and out made me realise that being good may not get you fame or monetary benefits etc. but we tend to be happy and content ourselves since we feel good about our actions. It also makes the people around look at you with respect and admiration although many might not show it.

Treating drivers, maids, waiters, security guards etc. nicely is nothing special coz they are humans just like we are, earning their "hotte paadu" (living expenses in kannada). The added benefit is we get treated in a much better way than we expect them to treat us just out of sheer reciprocation for our actions.

Respect is a two way street and Being nice is a body part. Give respect and you earn back with dividend, Be nice and its not just you but the whole world around you that will feel good too.

Disclaimer: There might be times when being nice and respectful might not have got a positive response but Hey!! when people who want to find something wrong in everything don't give up, why should we?