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-   -   Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/test-drives-initial-ownership-reports/204534-crossing-thin-redline-into-madness-meet-red-my-old-new-bmw-328i-5.html)

Thank you saar. Glad to have kept you hooked, it’s all one can strive for.

You’re not wrong. JLR’s after sales is something that can’t be ignored. I don’t think reliability would be a big issue with the Jag, but after sales seems like an after-thought for JLR.

My man! That’s just the way it should be, you’ve got your head screwed on right.

By the time you read this, I will most likely be busy lolling away somewhere in the bowels of an office corridor, dreaming the dream of a man looking to escape in plumes of tire smoke with a few close friends in tow. A hilariously large part of my days are spent "planning" my next trip, but the one thing I usually never do dither over is who keeps me company.

It's a particularly human thing to find kinship, those that resonate with us and who share our quirks and weirdness. Such is the way of the social animal, and it is why we hunt in packs wherever we may choose to go. This is what makes it imperative to choose your company carefully.

Lamberghini chalayi jaane o

This thread blew up a bit since I flagged it off, and one of the guys I chatted with was Lamborghini. Clearly, he is a man of fine taste and intellect, for he too owns a blue blooded 328i, as pictured above. It's got a few tasty mods on it too, in particular carbon fiber trim on the interior, with the style cranked up to 10 on the steering, which is wrapped in Alcantara. But the party piece is the M Adapative Suspension package. I'll spare you the details, but it involves a lot of tiny, invisible goblins being crammed into your car, all of whom work furiously in tandem to firm or soften up the suspension depending on your state of mind. Remarkable tech, really. I'm just keeping it real.

What is unreal is the difference it makes. The car is just fabulously unflappable, making spirited driving just that bit easier. It's a bit crashy, even over Worli Seaface's decent road surface, but outside of that it swats away everything the road throws at it with sure-footed aplomb. Which is just as well, since it costs a small fortune. Ah well, pipe dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree?

Sure will ping you few months down the line! :thumbs up

Congratulations, used 328i is one of the best cars you can buy as an enthusiast with the budget of an Octavia. The car looks simply superb! The F30 to me looks much better, for now in pictures than the G20. We will have to wait and see how the G20 looks in real life and how our eyes acclimatise with time. She's a keeper, that too at that price, (also thanks to road tax in MH), is incredibly good! Sellers in BLR have been asking for 25L+ for cars that have run more than yours, so definitely a killer deal!

Reliability of Jags is definitely an issue. I know a friend whose XF S's air con vents stopped flipping (they're closed and opened electronically). Sometimes the gear knob refused to turn up. He spent about a lakh just to rectify the silly electricals - I wouldn't want to own one after having seen all that.

Speaking of reliability, here is what I know - the B48 engine that replaced your N20 is supposed to be much more reliable, with N20 showing early failures of timing chain. In fact, BMW North America extended warranties on these parts in specific, owing to a lawsuit filed. Source: https://www.carcomplaints.com/news/2...g-chains.shtml

So, my humble suggestion would be to go easy on mods and do periodical maintenance, especially oil changes and check for drivetrain errors. Replacing the oil pump, guide and timing chain may cost a fraction of rebuild (I am spending on rebuild as we speak and it is no fun).

Like I said, she is a keeper and I am sure she will do thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of kilometres with you! The RWD + ~250 horses + BMW Dynamics = Love of your life!

Until you meet an M :D.

Thanks Raghu! I do agree with the sentiment about the F30 looking better, BMW seems to be straying ever further from the light with each iteration of their cars, and the G20 is no different. The interiors are something else though!

That's nuts, if Mumbai is expensive for cars, Bangalore is another level entirely.

It's stuff like this that worries me and turns many like me away from the brand, which is sad since Jaguar is making IMO the most fun cars when weighed against the German troika.

Yup, well aware of this. Mulling over how to nullify these issues, because the last thing I want is for it to crop up unexpectedly one day.

There's no way I'm missing out on any periodical maintenance, rest assured. The mod train will continue to roll one, albeit in as prudent a manner as it can. I did read on pre-emptively changing the oil pump, guide and timing chain, I'll check in on it with BMW when I take the car in for an oil change in a month or two.

As all the cool kids say, word. I look forward to racking up many, many happy kilometers with Red.

The most powerful letter in the dictionary! Yes, the dream is an M car. Let's see where fate takes me.

Hi Buddy,

was great meeting you the other day, and thank you for the kind words! Seeing your car has definitely given me some food for thought on what to get done next. For starters, the exhaust sounded wonderful!

By the way, once the new stiffer suspension is in - expect a similar ride quality as mine. You will probably have to be a little more careful on the bumps but that being said, it is fairly easy to live with and the upside in the cornering and stability is well worth it!

Regarding the timing chain - I believe BMW has an updated timing chain that is supposedly more reliable. Can look at getting that installed as well!

Hahaha, this is the best car review I have ever read in my life. The 328i has always been a favourite! I have been trying to find an owner who is willing to sell their car. A peppy engine with BMW functionality is a match made in heaven! Congrats on your purchase and if you happen to meet your physician, please use the stone of Agamotto to reverse BMW's decision to revive the 328i lol:

Good idea, kind sir! Will try going shaking my dogs. Might find the moolah for a GT3 :uncontrol

Thank you! This isn't even its final form mwuhahaha

I do feel I'm going to look back a bit wistfully on my current setup. It's got a nice balance between sportiness and comfort, but it still hasn't cut out that lateral movement to my liking, and for that reason alone I think the B6's will be totally worth it.

Aye, I'll pick the brain of my trusty advisor and those wiser than me, of which there are a great many people.

Well then, you haven't read many reviews! I jest. Thank you very muchly.

This baby barely sold, making the task of finding one all the more difficult. On the topic of khayali pulao, why not bide your time and wait for a 330i M-sport to pop up? That's one tasty dish too.

Solid idea, but Doc said we're in the endgame now, and there are fourteen million six hundred and five automotive possibilities ahead of us, and all of them are rife with electric cars. The eye of Ajinomoto is no good in this scenario.

How big is your dog, dude? I hate to break it to you, but you might have taken in a small bear of some kind.

Great tale. The thread is next level of entertaining carrying all points with it.

When did you take the shots cpics:? I see the roads bare which is very difficult in Mumbai!!

And how much did it cost you? Sorry if this question is troubling you.

The beast in RED looks damn hot just like all the heroines you mentioned ;)

Take a bow for your photography skill. :thumbs up

Superb & beautiful composition. Looks really really nice.

Which camera did you use for these photos?

Mucho gracias!

These shots were taken at about 5 in the morning and believe it or not, I only paid the price of feeding the photographer a proper Irani breakfast.

She’s indeed as hot as Mumbai on a summer’s day, which is to say it’s seriously hot.

Thank you sir! I pride myself on being a rubbish photographer though, so I can safely say that I didn’t click these pics. It’s why they’re exuding oomph.

I used a seriously great camera who goes by the name Assad Dadan. He’s a food photographer by profession, and all-round timepass artist otherwise. He is, as you can see, a bonafide genius.

The humour level on this post is too damn high!
Wonderful review and photographs, just like the car clap:

For the Goldfish, the short version

• I recently brought up 25000 kilometers on the odo (go me)
• This was completed on the way to Goa (yes, in the sweltering summer)
• This was done on Blistein B6’s (installed sometime in the last month or two)

B6? Me likey

• F for F30, F for Fun. Handling is much improved
• Smooth operator. Sorted, pliant ride at all speeds
• Ride is firm, but fair, like my 5th grade teacher

B6? Oh crikey

• Rear end still occasionally twerks. B for BMW, B for bobbiness

A study in scarlet

Most of my friends consider me to be a few fries short of a happy meal in the head when I start chattering about all the ideas swirling in my head for Red, and I can’t really fault them. I get this distant look in my eyes, and my voice goes all high pitched and squeaky, with a surprisingly nice burble on the overrun. Of course, it doesn’t help that they’re all imaginary. That is perhaps the weirdest part of all.

However, this lack of human companionship leaves me to find shreds of humanity in things generally inanimate. Enter Red. For most, a car is an object. But not you or me, dear reader. For us, it is an object...of desire. Infused with personality, alive with possibilities and awake at an instant with your slightest touch. Unless you have an analog key, in which case why are you even here, gareeb aadmi?

Anyhow, I digress. Like a pouty, petulant child being ignored, the car recently threatened to throw all its imaginary toys out of its non-existent pram and crap the fictional bed if I didn’t give it the attention it desired and craved so badly by way of throwing a battery error.


To some, this could be downright alarming and distressing, possibly necessitating a change of pants. But not I, for I am made of sterner stuff. I’ve seen Volkswagen’s throw engine light warnings, and frankly what can be scarier than that? Nothing frightens me anymore, I am dead on the inside.

While I genuinely found it tremendously endearing and amusing that the car threw what I saw as a minor hissy fit, I still double checked the severity of this error with those that knew better about these kind of things than me, since I planned to take her out for a long, long drive the next day (no, really, I was. God’s truth).

A few quick scans later, and given a clean bill of health, I was emboldened to hit the highways, and so I pointed the car to my true north: Goa, where the food is great and the liquor is cheap. Not that I drink, I can only have one expensive vice at a time, so I let Red do all the drinking for both of us.

Shock badi cheez hai

Ours is the age of speed, and like most guys out there, I too have quite a liking for fast cars and fast women, always have. And if you like your cars hot and fast, there really was only one everyday brand that could tickle your fancy. The purveyors of cool, the pashas of passion, the Bavarian Badshahs, BMW. But it seems to me like the lights are out at BMWs offices, for they have lost their way in a labyrinth-esque black forest. Some say it’s their just desserts for chasing numbers and joining an endless arms race, I say it’s a loss for guys like you and me that just like a cool car for all it stands for; liberation, elation, and a teeny weeny stab at perfection.

The 3 series has always been BMWs soul, and the battle to chase endless numbers has taken its toll. Right off the bat, the F30’s handling felt like a shock to the system because, while it is quite good on the whole, the recipe has been fundamentally changed, and it shows. The car has gone softer, larger, and a whole lot mushier as it goes mass market and I’m certain a ‘90s 3er would give the F30 a bloody kidney grille before peeling off in a blaze of smoke into the horizon.

Recently, while wondering what to name the car, I stumbled upon the perfect name; Bobby, for the wafty rear end and odd body roll Red throws my way. I particularly found the see-sawing motion of the car over the crests and waves of our brilliant highways to be unsettling.

The only thing I like spongy in my life is cake, and so I set about fixing Red as best I could. I tried out a set of pre-owned KW Street Comforts some months back (big mistake, they came with a squeak in the front left that sounded like I had a stowaway crew of rats on board), a set of no-name shocks I should never have agreed to slap on (even if it was unwittingly so), and then insisting on a set of B6’s that bizarrely weren’t my first choice. It’s things like this that prove I’m going a bit senile quite early.


So, you ask, how do I like them? In a word, very muchly. I’m surprised at how well they handle bad roads (for which the aforementioned softness no doubt gets a large part of the credit), with body roll negated greatly. It’s more the kind of Teutonic tautness this car should have had from the get-go, except for one tiny little fly in the ointment. When riding crests in the road, the rear still has a tendency to bob up and down like one of those children’s play horses you feed coins to. That vertical movement is fine, because it’s by design. It’s not so welcome in the F30, whose booty isn’t meant to twerk.

What next, then; A new set of springs? More cake? Maybe to the first question. Definitely to the second, unless it’s Red Velvet. Stay tuned to the next thrilling episode of “To all the mods I loved before”, where the twists and turns of my descent into madness will hopefully thrill you and not entirely kill me and my fledgling bank account.

Welcome to another eventful episode of Absolutely Nothing Happened, where we bring you up to date with the events of the past few months, when I crawled under a rock and posted nothing because Vodafone’s pug decided to go for a stroll, never to return. Let’s have a quick recap then.


The car has been performing flawlessly, in the city and on its outskirts. And now, with the weather gods raining down their bounty on us (and then some), it is hunting season, as they call it over in Bavaria. Adulting can be incredibly monotonous and grating, and delivering the right amount of concentrated stupid right to the heart is sometimes the only antidote to the daily humdrum. Der kaiser delivers this and more in spadefuls, livening up even the most staid of drives.

Braking bad...not

It is fair to say that over the years, BMW has become a bit softer, although word abounds of a return to form with the G20. But there is one area that has been steadfastly adult rated with no pixelation of private parts, even in BMW’s soft porn phase, it’s the braking department.

And that’s one of the important bits. As a wise English poet-philosopher once remarked, “Speed never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.” Having the right amount of stopping poweris important; not so much that you halt the rotation of a planet on its axis, but just enough to slow down time in a timely, sane, predictable manner.

So when the time came to change my brake pads some months back, I decided the world was my oyster. There was nothing wrong with the OEM pads per se, but the amount of brake dust they create would be enough to coat a small army in a blanket of dust a few times over.


People wiser than me, in the know with these things, guided me towards EBC yellow stuff brake pads. That other BMW owners gave it two thumbs up was of great solace, and so I dove right in. Some 7000 kilometers later, I’m glad I listened to those sage voices (not to be confused with the ones in my head). The EBCs have great stopping power, with the bite coming in a bit lower down the brake pedal compared to the OEM pads, but they’re every bit as confidence inspiring as the factory stuff; equally linear, and a lot less dusty too.

As I write this, the rear pads have just about 13000 klicks left in them, and you can bet your last rupee I’ll go yellow again. That’s about the biggest recommendation I can offer, really.

In other news

For months, I wondered what this Virat Kohli themed button does.


Perhaps if you press it hard enough, VK appears in the heads up display, like a modern day Princess Leia? But surely that’s not right; he’s an Audi guy, isn’t he?

It was only when I revisited Graaja’s 330i ownership thread that I discovered what this unfortunately named button does. And you can bet I marvelled at it (and my own stupidity) as I made it do its thing for all of a minute.


You might think I’m penning this for the laughs, and admittedly, I am. But that doesn’t make this story any less true. I’m sure you’re asking yourself right now, “Surely, he jests? This can’t be true?” The honest, short answer to that is yes, and yes. I really can be that stupid, and it really did take me this long to figure it out. I put the child in man-child.

How juvenile am I, you ask? I bought a smart TV recently, and it comes with something called a “magic remote”. I haven’t got a damn clue what’s magical about it, but I’ll tell you this. One of the options for its cursor is a bird.

A bird, you guys. How hilariously, monumentally pointless.

And you can bet I went into the settings, made it larger than life, and now send it flying across the screen at every opportunity I get. I haven’t gotten around to learning any of the other functions, because, let’s be honest, I bought the TV for the bird. It was a no-brainer, really. Much like yours truly.

Too much info, LG

What’s cookin’, good lookin’?

The mind is a curious thing. It wanders. It ponders. And it meanders a great deal more than one can possibly expect it to. After all, building castles in the sky can be a tremendously fun endeavour.

The thing is, even after the Bilstein’s, I have become accustomed to coming somewhat crashing down to earth when I take a crest at speed and come out the other side at something I imagine resembling warp speed.

But I had a religious experience last weekend. Automotive nirvana, if you will. I took a friend’s car for a spin, a car that was a twin of my own F30, but only in spirit. It rocked a set of Bilstein B12s, with Eibach lowering springs that added much-vaunted stance. Impulsive though I am, the stance life hasn’t chosen me, and I expected things to be much the same as my ride. A bit of wallow, nothing too much to write home about. Just grin and bear it.

It's almost like looking in a mirror

But there was no drama to be had. I waited, and waited, but I didn’t crash down as much as I was set back onto terra firma gently by a pair of invisible hands, like a loving mother setting me down for the night. It was unreal, almost unbelievable, and I wouldn’t have bought into it unless I experienced it myself.

The steering felt taut and perfectly weighted, an astonishing accomplishment for an electric unit. There was an immense amount of feel, both in my nether regions and out on the road. The good kind; seat-of-the-pants, yet utterly confidence inspiring without any doubts harboured. Any body roll that existed was long quashed underfoot as the ride flattened out.

I stepped out some 20 minutes later, a spring in my step, lowering springs on my mind. You better believe that the drive back home offered plenty of food for thought.

So, what’s next?

There’s plenty of thoughts knockin’ around in my noggin. First thing on my mind is swapping out the good old-fashioned Dino juice for the extra-hot sauce variety that burns a hole in your wallet. Add to that a couple of tasty performance mods and baby, you’ve got something great cooking.

Thing is, we all know how that goes. It’s a slippery slope from which there’s no coming back. One thing leads to another, and before you know it the mods just keep on coming. It’s a bit like shopping when you’re hungry; (pro tip: NEVER shop when you’re hungry; you always end up getting more than you need).

But then, there is a hole in the soul that needs to be filled, and pore over it I shall. There’s some exciting times in the offing, and I’ll hopefully have some updates for you hungry hippos very, very soon.

Until then, keep revving’. Unless you’re more economically minded, in which case you can safely ignore my idiotic advice. I’ll see you soon, Santa is coming (get your mind out of the gutter), and he bears gifts that will make me a very happy boy.

P.S: I know I have to share a video of the exhaust sound, and I'll get around to it after a mod or two

P.P.S: I love you. Like a friend.

A few pics for your viewing pleasure

Because a picture says a thousand words, and I'm a fan of long-form, rambling content.

This picture speaks to me, because it resembles a pooch answering nature's call

Baby got sprung

One of my biggest bugbears with the 328i is its sponginess, putting a real dampener on sexytimes behind the wheel. This became all the more apparent
when I drove a lowered 328i recently. The worm had fully wheedled its way into my brain; she had to get sprung. Or re-sprung, depending on how you see it.

Before the Eibachs...


After the Eibachs...


Y u do dis?

For the handling benefits, and because I am tired of Bob sitting in the rear of the car and going up and down as I drive over a crest. Sure the B6 quietened him down greatly, but he still pipes up every now and then.

Tell me more, tell me more...

Initial impressions after some 70 kilometers with it are positive. It's not lowered so much that I scrape over speed-breakers (I only hit one since I installed it yesterday, and that was a bit my fault).

It's a bit like Judge Dredd. Firm, but fair. Sporty, but comfortable. Waftiness in the rear is all but gone (Bob still pops his head up every now and then), and there's added meat to the steering in comfort and sport mode, which I'm relishing. It just feels a different animal, and I can't wait to take it for a proper spin to see how much of a difference has been made.

I'll keep all 5 of you readers posted about that. Until then, be excellent to each other.