[ramzsys]

A translation work which appeared in a Tamil daily some time ago… A German architect, Kon Jukens(spelling inaccurate) gives his advice for driving in India: I stayed in India for a fortnight and visited many places, which rendered different experiences. Do follow the following tips for driving in India. The following tips are applicable to all states except Bihar. In Bihar, danger is not only inside the vehicle, but also outside the vehicle. The rules of Indian roads are laid fine, except that the implementation by police and coordination by the people looks pitiable.

1) Driving down the road, will you drive on the left or right lane? Left you may say. It’s wrong!! Depending on the situation you may drive on both the lanes…
2) Not adjusting yourself and following the rules strictly might lead you into death. If luck prevails, you may be left with an injury.
3) None drive their vehicles. Seated in their driver seats, they never care about their destination and drive as their way. If the vehicle in the front adjusts to his style, then not a problem. Else his fate. If you play by the rules, then they will “finish your story”. In their language, they will tip you off.
4) Drivers, particularly lorry drivers, never sit in their seats. So whenever a lorry comes, pull over to the corner. Also at a pedestrian crossing, don’t stop. If you stop, then it’s over. When vehicle moves, people will run like musical chairs and you drive on. Beyond this if you don’t understand and say that a fool is crossing and you stop the car, you will be fooled.
5) For a pedestrian, police advices that “try to cross the road. Else wait for all vehicles to move.”
6) Whenever some ministers passes, they will stop the traffic. You also have to wait. You can’t ask why.
7) While crossing the road, if a pedestrian is hit (not your fault), even if the person is dead, you may not stop. What for me should be the mentality? If you stop, then you have to take responsibility and be the witness and your statement should be the same as what the police told. Else you may lose your life for being a witness.
8) Why is a horn for? To warn a misbehaving vehicle. It is in other countries. In India, whenever you are happy, in booze, occasionally you must beep. That too in different tunes…if possible to the loudest others can hear.
9) Usually you may not beep for a human; you can beep for animals…usually cattle.
10) Whenever you have to read, don’t read at home. You can read at your drive. If a CM passes, they will stop the traffic for an hour; there you can read. A lap-top is also recommended for official work.
11) If rain comes, all sewage will flow on roads. Until then, not for hours, but for days you can stay in your car. People have patience and tolerance in Gandhi’s country.
12) Driving at night requires special wits. Drive like a ghost. If you reduce speed, you may somersault at the fields. Have you watched Russian Rowlett dance? In the same way you have to dance and drive.
13) The rear and front vehicle need not signal using lights. If you see a single light at a height of six feet from the ground, and if you mistake it for a super-bike, then your mourning poem is ready. It is actually a lorry. They will use it either on the right or left and by the time you are getting confused, condolences for you.
14) Light is dim, or vehicle zigzagging, or unusually slow or fast indicated driver is sleeping. Or a few pegs inside.
15) If upcoming lorry is flashing, you should not reciprocate. If you flash otherwise, he will not give way. Road sides have pits or furrows. You may risk a fracture.
16) Killing license in India is for the truck driver; pay the fine and get ready for the next.
17) Generally lorry is driven by the cleaner; the problem is they teach only how to hold the steering alone (for the cleaner).
18) A window out of the hand should not be mistaken a signal; it may be for anything.

Not from mod - please format your posts next time to make it easier to read