Anger Management
* * *When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to*take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take*it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please*speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.*I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
*I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.I had
transposed*the last two digits of her phone number.*After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number*again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an*#######!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word '#######' next to it, and put*it in mydesk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or*had a reallybad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an*#######!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '#######' calling would have to stop. So, I*called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar
with*the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an #######!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking*spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I*had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been*waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window...so, I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first #######, (I had*his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW*#######, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, itis."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an #######."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my*speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two *******s to*call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as*it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called ####### #1.
"Hello."
"You're an #######!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me!," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"#######, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my*black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start*saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, #######."
Then I called ####### #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, #######," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ###," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, #######, here's your chance. I'm coming over right*now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw *two *******s beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad *cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
NOW, I feel better.......
Anger management at it's very best! |