Team-BHP - WSJ Article: The Problem With Delhi's Rich Kids

http://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/2...his-rich-kids/

interesting article,

some exercepts: "A woman I went to college with in New Delhi, now 29, lives in her family home on Prithviraj Road, one of the toniest parts of the capital. She has a shiny new convertible BMW 3 series, bought by her father. She doesn’t have a job.

She called me recently and we met for lunch. She looked dull and withdrawn. She told me she was extremely depressed and felt that her life wasn’t worth living. She isn’t the only Delhi rich kid to feel this way."

also: "Sanjay Chugh, a Delhi-based psychiatrist, says he treats three or four young, wealthy, unhappy patients a day. “Such children are often brought up being told that they have nothing to worry about and that money can take care of everything,” he said.

Often, newly wealthy parents don’t want their children to go through the hardships they experienced growing up, Mr. Chugh says. But they fail to teach them there is more to life than fancy drinks, new toys and branded clothes."

--after reading that article i thought to myself, why don't these young adults become involved in social projects. The rural and underprivledged areas of India are begging for investment and volunteer work. I remember during my internship time in MBBS, working in a village near Bangalore, the coordinator said the village just needs a 1000 Rs a month for medicines, and they werent even getting that much :(.

Interesting topic! If I can add here, its not just the parents to blame, but both. The attitude itself has changed off late with the teenagers. I think the current/new generation (not just the uber rich, even normal/above middle class like we call now) behave in a way which makes me look back at how life was for us. I feel dizzy when I see a 15 year old pull out few 1000s of rupees n buys a 6K or 8k worth shoe in a mall, while I stand there and think for few mins on whether I should buy it or not (since it is with my hard earnt money).

At least, in my case, my parents probably did not have soo much money to just give me when I ask for something without questions. Now, the kids get what they ask for (and even what they dont ask for as well). Giving kids money is not a solution. Parents should teach them the value of money which probably would invoke some amount of responsibility & humbleness which is I feel is missing nowadays.

The moment I read...

Quote:

Such children are often brought up being told that they have nothing to worry about and that money can take care of everything

I was reminded of a quote by John Lennon...

Quote:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

The problem lies not with children but with Parents these days; instead of leading by example, we say, "these rules are for you & not for me, because I've come past your age"

Its not only just bad parenting, its also bad schooling. What are we taught in school? Study hard, why? to get good marks, why? to get ahead of competition, why? to get in the best college, why? to land in the best job, why? to get the best pay package, why? to provide for your family and for them to be happy! This connection that we are taught from class 1st along with parental pressure for the same is one of the reasons we come to believe that money=happiness! And trust me it isn't just these rich jobless kids its also highly paid individuals who are not happy with their jobs and are equally frustrated. Happiness is not money. Sadly we learn it late. What matters most here is that now that we know it, what are we going to do about it?

Personally I have made it clear to myself as to what makes me happy. I'm working towards attaining that goal. It is going to be a hard journey especially when the whole gang of relatives and family has a very firm belief that I am happy in what I do and I SHOULD be happy in what I do currently. This is the problem. The pressure never goes.

Very Nice Topic. Well, this is a mass issue now where Rich kidos are heavily backed up by their affluent parents for all goods and bads.

Kids are like clay, whatever shape you give them, they will take up. If you keep them under an impression that they have a free run and do whatever they like jus coz there parents are some big shots, they will grow up with such a mindset.

It's all about whatever form of world the parents show to their kids. I had a friend during my college days, he was son of a big shot from UP. He took life so easy that he failed miserably every year. Drugs, parties and gals. That's all was his life. When we use to ask him about his future plans, he was least bothered to even think in that direction because he knew, whether he fails or passes he will have to join his father's business.

So, its all about mindset. Bring up your child responsibly and he/she will be a responsible adult. If it's other way, they will never be serious, responsible and careful and it will haunt their parents back once day for sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by null (Post 3213853)

Being an NRI, i was amazed as to how people in my college, my own classmates, juniors and seniors, would spend their money. I mean i was amazed; kids walking around with 30,000-40,000 RS mobile phones (that is like what, $600-700). I couldnt spend that much money on a phone. I would rather spend that kind of money on a hotel or a plane ticket to somewhere nice. Moreover, getting a mobile snatched or lost in India is so easy :(. My parents can give me everything, and they have; But i know my limits and i know how much to ask for. I honestly think that many people i knew in College, did not. Also, half the time, i was wondering where the heck all that money was coming from because i know Medical College isnt cheap, even in India.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shiv_1984 (Post 3214176)

That brings me to my other point; half the time, the parents are not in the right mindset, and that passes on to their children.

This really is shifting gears! Coming from a father to two kids, I can tell you there is always a thin line between your (blind) love for kids to avoid the hardships for them and real discipline or "Sanskar" that we received and probably they are missing.

Having faced the hardships in life all by yourself, your top most priority is to earn and get everything that you missed for yourself. There is no harm in ensuring the trouble does not reach to your kids the way you had for yourself. The situation is changing. But what we don't have is the real elderly/ adult guidance we once received when we were kids.

I think it comes from experience and a little bit maturity that "these" parents need to earn! The thought of - "my kids hating me" is in my opinion real reason for this. The untold guilt of not having resources when you were kid is overtaking for such new wealthy parents. And that may be the first reason why they provide everything to their kids. In the mad rat-race we are spending our youth and adulthood, we tend to forget how important it is to enjoy the life and teach values to our very own kids. You can make an eagle fly by helping him break the egg to come out. While its ok to help our kids and provide the facilities we did not get, one must ensure that it does not impact their ability to learn about outside world. IMHO, today's wealthy and so called rich parents are actually hyper-parents that exercise hyper-parenting!

There is absolutely no substitute to the hard work and experience you get through your own struggle. You may be paying price for buying things that you can afford and could not have for yourself as parents, you are actually not teaching them the values of the things they need, get and earn!

This is a topic very close to my heart.

I grew up in a middle-class family. We did not have a bike/car and travelling by public transport was the norm. We used to get possibly 2 new pairs of clothes every year. No maid at home. No hotelling, may be a batata-wada sambhar once a month. Definitely no lunch/dinner at a hotel. No visiting tourist places.

No, I am not complaning. In fact, my parents never compromised on the essentials - a clean neat place to stay, good healthy food, education from recognized respected schools/colleges. Although not spelled out in black and white, there was a clear understanding of what is a 'need' and what is a 'want'. There was no compromise on 'needs', but there was no money allocated to 'wants'. So I don't believe I had to bear 'hardship' during my childhood.

There was a modified bike ..made to look and sound like a sports bike belonging to a friend of a friend. When the bike was up for sell, I asked my father for ~20K. He turned me down. I was 18-19 years old then. I was sad. But in hindsinght, that's one of the best things that had happened. At that kind of impressionable age, its very easy to get into bad company when you get wrong toys.

So my childhood was decently confortable. The childhood for my kids is more comfortable. But we still maintain the "need" v/s "want". All needs are met, without any compromise. Kids are 6 and 8 years old. The 8 year old would love to have a iPod, a cell phone and may be a xBox; but we are not getting him any of that. He dreams of 'inheriting' the family cars. I tell him, these are 'my' cars and he needs to earn money and buy his own. I have no plans of leaving a large inheritance for my kids. I know its harsh, but I am really worried about spoiling my kids and they missing out on what's important in life.

Excellent topic:thumbs up

I've grown in what would be classified a middle-class family. Needs were always met, wants only if reasonable (and never, ever stretching the family's finances).

My parents insisted on giving me & my sister some financial education early on in life. I remember I used to go to the bank nearby with a withdrawal slip signed by my mother/father to draw cash, and the cashier would often refuse and ask me to fetch my mother. Ma explained the first few times, after which the bank folks became familiar with me. I was always proud on the way back, knowing my parents trusted me with their hard-earned money at such a young age.

The lesson continued into youth, and no outrageous demands were ever met. My father had a simple explanation. "I give you this just like that, you'll get bored in a few days and demand something else". However, he never said no just for the heck of it. We were made to earn our rewards, and my fondest memory of earning something is a red BSA Streetcat bicycle when I was in Std. 4. Dad bought me that when I topped my annual exams.

Dad is prudent man, and he has taught us the same. He's retired now with a comfortable life, and I always tell him to enjoy his golden years with Ma instead of worrying about leaving stuff behind for me & my sister. Both of us are well educated and well-settled, thanks to our upbringing.

I don't have kids right now but whenever we have them, the only thing me & the better half plan to leave behind for them is a good & wholesome education, and they can manage thereafter.

I'm still amazed when teenagers pull out thousands of rupees in stores these days as if it was loose change. I used to get 50 rupees a week in college, which I'd save up and buy books with:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chetan_Rao (Post 3214603)

Excellent topic:thumbs up

I've grown in what would be classified a middle-class family. Needs were always met, wants only if reasonable (and never, ever stretching the family's finances).

My parents insisted on giving me & my sister some financial education early on in life. ... I was always proud on the way back, knowing my parents trusted me with their hard-earned money at such a young age.

The lesson continued into youth, and no outrageous demands were ever met. My father had a simple explanation. "I give you this just like that, you'll get bored in a few days and demand something else". ...

Dad is prudent man, and he has taught us the same. He's retired now with a comfortable life, and I always tell him to enjoy his golden years with Ma instead of worrying about leaving stuff behind for me & my sister. Both of us are well educated and well-settled, thanks to our upbringing.

I don't have kids right now but whenever we have them, the only thing me & the better half plan to leave behind for them is a good & wholesome education, and they can manage thereafter.

I'm still amazed when teenagers pull out thousands of rupees in stores these days as if it was loose change. I used to get 50 rupees a week in college, which I'd save up and buy books with:D

Its amazing how similar your and my experiences (one post above) are!

I believe 'pursuit of happiness' and not 'pursuit of money' is something that needs to be instilled in kids from very early in life.