The philosophy of life

turbospooler · 29th November 2018, 00:30

Shifting between gears 1 & 2 of our hectic, start and stop life, let us park the mind in a peaceful place and let the world go by for an instant. That is when one observes and introspects one's life and where it is heading.

These "epiphanies" of life have fuelled many minds to stop what they are doing and pursue their passion. A very common sight today is people getting frustrated with their job and finding a way out - some people do MBA, some MS, some IAS and some even go and start their own venture etc.

For me, I wanted to share something with this beloved community by penning this thread.

Equation of Happiness:
Sorry for the long opening monologue but without further ado, let me present the Equation of Happiness. I came across this in an article and have forgot the reference so do note this is not my original work (entirely).
So here goes:

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

Simple. The end.

Or is it? Can Happiness be really summed up in a simple equation like this? What is the way forward with this equation? How do we apply it in real life?

My interpretation of this came from adding one more observation I have for human life.

Everyone is selfish. Everyone. (Do note, it is my experience)

So how do the two things tie together?

One can set expectations from anyone, anything and the reality of the situation will determine the happiness. For example: if I had set expectations for myself to be promoted and reality was that I was not, I will be unhappy. If I "expect" that my child achieve more in life and the reality maybe that he/she wants a laid back life, I will be unhappy because of my expectations.

Now, everyone can be subjected to this philosophy and if we think that everyone wants to be happy, their expectations from each other will be high. Whereas, in reality, to maximize one's happiness, everyone will try to get what they want not thinking of the other person's expectations.
This is where I infer that everyone is selfish.

Everyone wants to maximize their own happiness by making the reality better than their expectations without thinking of the expectations which the other person will have.

Which is why we see horrible bosses, good bosses, good family relations, bad family relations and so on.

My expectation from posting this is to get more insights about your philosophy of life. If the reality turns out to be good and fun read, I will be happy about it!

Disclaimer: I have typed on mobile so kindly excuse any spelling error or incomplete and incoherent sentences.

Jeroen · 29th November 2018, 10:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbospooler

Everyone wants to maximize their own happiness by making the reality better than their expectations without thinking of the expectations which the other person will have.
.

I must be very lucky to know lots of people who are very considerate towards others. You also seem to be correlating happiness to achievement or lack of it. (not meeting your expectations)

For me those are usually two very different things. Although it certainly helps in life to have realistic expectations on yourself.

I have been on a business trip for almost a week. Tonight at midnight I will board a plane and fly home. Tomorrow evening I will be back at home with my wife and my cat. We will light a fire, the cat will sit in my lap purring, we will have something to drink and catch up on the last week. These are happy moments.

This weekend the weather looks great. I will go on nice long ride on my bicycle through a beautiful part of rural the Netherlands. I will stop somewhere along a dike, overlooking a river, have a coffee and just do nothing except sit there and enjoying the scenery, being outside, having the time and ability to do so. Perfect happiness.

I have no particular desire for what our kids have to achieve. As parent we did our best to give them a set of what we believe are fair and decent value, a moral compass. We allowed them, encouraged and supported them to get the training/schooling which was appropriate for them, their abilities and their interest. Which wasn't necessary the best or most elaborate University. All three are adults, two with partners. They lead very different lives, have very different interests and very different careers. All we care about is whether they are content and happy with the life they lead.

We don't have expectations on what they study/career they pursue/partner they choose.

Life throws all sorts of things, good, bad, nice, terrible stuff at you. You need to deal with it all. These days there is a whole "happiness Industry" it seems. Happiness work shops, happiness website, happiness apps, happiness gurus, happiness books, happiness magazines. Apparently your life isn't worth living, unless you are constantly happy or at minimum, constantly trying to be happy.

Achievements might give you a buzz of happiness, same as buying a new car, or a new nice shirt. But it tends to be very short. Most people when describing "happiness" will refer to moments of tranquility, quietness, being content, in the company of people they love.

I think you will be sadly disappointed. There is nothing wrong with aspirations, ambitions and the will to achieve those. Having a sense of achievement is great, be it that promotion, or your child taking a first step. But it is not the same as happiness. I think when you start connecting happiness with achievements you are going to be sadly disappointed as you will never be done.

All the best and lots of wisdom in your quest for happiness.

Jeroen

Nav-i-gator · 29th November 2018, 10:41

We shouldn't complicate such a simple thing as happiness. Just think about what makes you happy- going to hills, relaxing at a beach, hiking, cycling, spending a lazy afternoon with your spouse, playing with your child, reading a book, painting...whatever it is.

Now, think of what stops you or create hurdles in achieving happiness - office work? Money? will-power? extended family or society?

Often I find either Time or Money (mostly both) are the main reasons that keep me from being happy all the time. But then, you can't be happy all the time - that way you would not know what happiness is. Happiness exists because there is a lack of it most of the times. It's OK. It's OK as long as we keep working for doing things, as often as possible, that keeps us happy. Road trips every month, a vacation every year, leaving office early to spend more time with your children, going out for a dinner or ordering food so that you and your spouse can spend more time together.

One thing that can never give you a lasting happiness is - professional achievement. As soon as you achieve something, you see a new milestone ahead to cross. It is a relentless and endless run. As one saint said "you are the poorest person in the world if all you have is money".

Happiness lies in simple things.

locusjag · 29th November 2018, 11:06

It is interesting that everyone is in search of happiness in life. We speak of philosophies that explain life and in the same breath we speak of happiness. So even if the endgame is not happiness, happiness is surely somewhere near the center of our lives.

But here's the thing - search for happiness and you'll only find suffering. As Prince Siddhartha discovered ages ago, people with nothing suffer and even the rich suffer. Everyone suffers. But when you search for happiness, you will suffer even more simply because your expectations are belied in the end.

Happiness cannot be had when you look for it. Look for pain in the present and you might happen to experience happiness for a fleeting moment or two.

If you don't believe me, why do sybarites suffer? Couch potatos are examples of those who are in constant search of happiness. They plonk themselves onto their couch, eat their favorite foods and watch their favorite shows on TV. They find happiness in the moment, but unhappiness in the long run. Drug addicts are prime examples too, of sybarites. Ever in search of an induced bliss, they find nothing but suffering. How about P*rn addicts? The list goes on. I am convinced that you shouldn't strive to find happiness. You should strive to do what's needed to be done, however unpleasant they are and with equanimity, let the results come about if and when they may (as lord Krishna said).

abhijeet080808 · 29th November 2018, 13:18

I will leave this here.

The condensed extract -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANNiuBPzDRQ

The complete video -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKkUtrL6B18

turbospooler · 29th November 2018, 15:48

Guess the interpretation part was not understood by many.
I am not trying to sell achievements as expectations. Neither am I in line for promotion

. And I don't have a child as well.

The thing I wanted to say is that the equation can be used in a way to BE happy rather than find happiness.
You can be Happy if you set low expectations from everyone and everything and if the reality turns out to be good, you will be Happy.
Also, if your expectations (from life, someone or something) are rational and you are unhappy, try working hard to change your reality.

What all of you have mentioned as moments of happiness are expectations.
For example:
@Jeroen: You "expect" to be home tomorrow. If by any reason, you have to stay at your current location and not be at home, will there be a mismatch of your expectation and reality? Reality being, you cannot meet your family.

Same thing for @Nav-i-gator: You "expect" Road trips every month, a vacation every year, leaving office early to spend more time with your children, going out for a dinner or ordering food so that you and your spouse can spend more time together. But if your expectation is not met, will you be happy?

Mind you, all expectations are rational and if realized, everyone will have their happy moments.
But the case is, it is not always the case. So one needs to minimize expectations from life and the reality becomes better.
@locusjag: Prince Siddhartha renounced the worldly matters and one can interpret as stopping to expect anything from anyone.
And as you have rightly quoted Krishna, one needs to keep on doing his or her work without expecting things. Results will automatically come to you.

BlackPearl · 29th November 2018, 16:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbospooler

Mind you, all expectations are rational and if realized, everyone will have their happy moments.
But the case is, it is not always the case. So one needs to minimize expectations from life and the reality becomes better.

That is why I am happy most of the times as I have very little expectation from others and I expect the others to have the same from me! But I have very high expectations from my vehicles

Chetan_Rao · 29th November 2018, 16:43

Mine can be condensed in a simple question that I ask myself and expect to answer honestly in every situation: "What's more important"?

The questions applies to every relationship and situation: people, finances, career, wants, needs, loves, likes, dislikes, disputes, you name it.

I don't always make choices that lead to consequences I want or expect, but one learns a lesson either way. Make different choices, or accept different consequences.

Works a treat, and simple enough that it never leads to a stalemate.

Jeroen · 29th November 2018, 19:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbospooler

Guess the interpretation part was not understood by many.

.

If many do not understand you, it might be time to reflect upon oneself.

And, no I still don't get your mathematical approach to happiness. But if it works for you, I am very happy about for you!

Be happy!

Jeroen

turbospooler · 29th November 2018, 19:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeroen

If many do not understand you, it might be time to reflect upon oneself.

And, no I still don't get your mathematical approach to happiness. But if it works for you, I am very happy about for you!

Be happy!

Jeroen

Guess I cannot "expect" all to understand

.

Kosfactor · 29th November 2018, 20:25

I tried your opening post in the Watson tone analyzer and it came out with the following.

Joy: Joy or happiness has shades of enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure. There is a sense of well-being, inner peace, love, safety and contentment.

Analytical: A person's reasoning and analytical attitude about things.

Tentative: A person's degree of inhibition

We talk about happiness a lot in here, remember - Happiness is probably a set of emotions, you can be happy with everything in the world at your feet or not much at all.

Chetan_Rao · 29th November 2018, 20:43

The people I envy most right now are the urchins I saw stomping in a muddy puddle with gay abandon outside my building and giggling their heads off, while I was hurrying to catch my cab earlier today, fighting an urge to take the day off and join the revelry.

Momentary, fleeting, unconditional happiness. The best kind there is.

Thermodynamics · 29th November 2018, 21:14

So many luxury car owners own it for status than for performance, they take rear seat and open laptop. I feel pity for them, for the actual one enjoying is the driver.

On the other hand, our passionate Bhpians may just have an Alto, a CT-100, a bicycle, even nothing, yet they travel to Leh, to Sikkim, to what not.

It doesn’t matter what you are destined with, what matters is how you deal with it. So my equation is simple, Happiness = Being Content.

Jeroen · 29th November 2018, 22:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbospooler

Guess I cannot "expect" all to understand

.

Clint Eastwood said it: man gotta know his limitation!

Jeroen

deep_bang · 29th November 2018, 23:04

I think a lot of people confuse happiness and peace. In my opinion they are two different things.

Happiness cannot exist without sadness. The fact that one is happy is only because one knows sadness. So, it's relative and if one is happy, it's only because he knows sadness and vice versa.

However, peace is different. It's about being content with what one has. It all about living with no expectations... So it seems like the OP is talking about peace and not about happiness.

Thoughts?

29th November 2018, 00:30	#1
turbospooler BHPian Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Pune Posts: 387 Thanked: 1,002 Times	The philosophy of life Shifting between gears 1 & 2 of our hectic, start and stop life, let us park the mind in a peaceful place and let the world go by for an instant. That is when one observes and introspects one's life and where it is heading. These "epiphanies" of life have fuelled many minds to stop what they are doing and pursue their passion. A very common sight today is people getting frustrated with their job and finding a way out - some people do MBA, some MS, some IAS and some even go and start their own venture etc. For me, I wanted to share something with this beloved community by penning this thread. Equation of Happiness: Sorry for the long opening monologue but without further ado, let me present the Equation of Happiness. I came across this in an article and have forgot the reference so do note this is not my original work (entirely). So here goes: Happiness = Reality - Expectations Simple. The end. Or is it? Can Happiness be really summed up in a simple equation like this? What is the way forward with this equation? How do we apply it in real life? My interpretation of this came from adding one more observation I have for human life. Everyone is selfish. Everyone. (Do note, it is my experience) So how do the two things tie together? One can set expectations from anyone, anything and the reality of the situation will determine the happiness. For example: if I had set expectations for myself to be promoted and reality was that I was not, I will be unhappy. If I "expect" that my child achieve more in life and the reality maybe that he/she wants a laid back life, I will be unhappy because of my expectations. Now, everyone can be subjected to this philosophy and if we think that everyone wants to be happy, their expectations from each other will be high. Whereas, in reality, to maximize one's happiness, everyone will try to get what they want not thinking of the other person's expectations. This is where I infer that everyone is selfish. Everyone wants to maximize their own happiness by making the reality better than their expectations without thinking of the expectations which the other person will have. Which is why we see horrible bosses, good bosses, good family relations, bad family relations and so on. My expectation from posting this is to get more insights about your philosophy of life. If the reality turns out to be good and fun read, I will be happy about it! Disclaimer: I have typed on mobile so kindly excuse any spelling error or incomplete and incoherent sentences. Last edited by navin : 29th November 2018 at 16:26. Reason: typos
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 10:41	#3
Nav-i-gator BHPian Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: Gurgaon/Saigon Posts: 755 Thanked: 2,451 Times	re: The philosophy of life We shouldn't complicate such a simple thing as happiness. Just think about what makes you happy- going to hills, relaxing at a beach, hiking, cycling, spending a lazy afternoon with your spouse, playing with your child, reading a book, painting...whatever it is. Now, think of what stops you or create hurdles in achieving happiness - office work? Money? will-power? extended family or society? Often I find either Time or Money (mostly both) are the main reasons that keep me from being happy all the time. But then, you can't be happy all the time - that way you would not know what happiness is. Happiness exists because there is a lack of it most of the times. It's OK. It's OK as long as we keep working for doing things, as often as possible, that keeps us happy. Road trips every month, a vacation every year, leaving office early to spend more time with your children, going out for a dinner or ordering food so that you and your spouse can spend more time together. One thing that can never give you a lasting happiness is - professional achievement. As soon as you achieve something, you see a new milestone ahead to cross. It is a relentless and endless run. As one saint said "you are the poorest person in the world if all you have is money". Happiness lies in simple things. Last edited by Nav-i-gator : 29th November 2018 at 10:42.
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 11:06	#4
locusjag Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: Chennai Posts: 1,824 Thanked: 8,478 Times	re: The philosophy of life It is interesting that everyone is in search of happiness in life. We speak of philosophies that explain life and in the same breath we speak of happiness. So even if the endgame is not happiness, happiness is surely somewhere near the center of our lives. But here's the thing - search for happiness and you'll only find suffering. As Prince Siddhartha discovered ages ago, people with nothing suffer and even the rich suffer. Everyone suffers. But when you search for happiness, you will suffer even more simply because your expectations are belied in the end. Happiness cannot be had when you look for it. Look for pain in the present and you might happen to experience happiness for a fleeting moment or two. If you don't believe me, why do sybarites suffer? Couch potatos are examples of those who are in constant search of happiness. They plonk themselves onto their couch, eat their favorite foods and watch their favorite shows on TV. They find happiness in the moment, but unhappiness in the long run. Drug addicts are prime examples too, of sybarites. Ever in search of an induced bliss, they find nothing but suffering. How about P*rn addicts? The list goes on. I am convinced that you shouldn't strive to find happiness. You should strive to do what's needed to be done, however unpleasant they are and with equanimity, let the results come about if and when they may (as lord Krishna said).
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 15:48	#6
turbospooler BHPian Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Pune Posts: 387 Thanked: 1,002 Times	re: The philosophy of life Guess the interpretation part was not understood by many. I am not trying to sell achievements as expectations. Neither am I in line for promotion . And I don't have a child as well. The thing I wanted to say is that the equation can be used in a way to BE happy rather than find happiness. You can be Happy if you set low expectations from everyone and everything and if the reality turns out to be good, you will be Happy. Also, if your expectations (from life, someone or something) are rational and you are unhappy, try working hard to change your reality. What all of you have mentioned as moments of happiness are expectations. For example: @Jeroen: You "expect" to be home tomorrow. If by any reason, you have to stay at your current location and not be at home, will there be a mismatch of your expectation and reality? Reality being, you cannot meet your family. Same thing for @Nav-i-gator: You "expect" Road trips every month, a vacation every year, leaving office early to spend more time with your children, going out for a dinner or ordering food so that you and your spouse can spend more time together. But if your expectation is not met, will you be happy? Mind you, all expectations are rational and if realized, everyone will have their happy moments. But the case is, it is not always the case. So one needs to minimize expectations from life and the reality becomes better. @locusjag: Prince Siddhartha renounced the worldly matters and one can interpret as stopping to expect anything from anyone. And as you have rightly quoted Krishna, one needs to keep on doing his or her work without expecting things. Results will automatically come to you.
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 16:43	#8
Chetan_Rao Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 5,900 Thanked: 24,086 Times	re: The philosophy of life Mine can be condensed in a simple question that I ask myself and expect to answer honestly in every situation: "What's more important"? The questions applies to every relationship and situation: people, finances, career, wants, needs, loves, likes, dislikes, disputes, you name it. I don't always make choices that lead to consequences I want or expect, but one learns a lesson either way. Make different choices, or accept different consequences. Works a treat, and simple enough that it never leads to a stalemate.
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 20:25	#11
Kosfactor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: COK\BLR\MYS Posts: 3,603 Thanked: 10,195 Times	re: The philosophy of life I tried your opening post in the Watson tone analyzer and it came out with the following. Joy: Joy or happiness has shades of enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure. There is a sense of well-being, inner peace, love, safety and contentment. Analytical: A person's reasoning and analytical attitude about things. Tentative: A person's degree of inhibition We talk about happiness a lot in here, remember - Happiness is probably a set of emotions, you can be happy with everything in the world at your feet or not much at all.
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 20:43	#12
Chetan_Rao Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Bangalore Posts: 5,900 Thanked: 24,086 Times	re: The philosophy of life The people I envy most right now are the urchins I saw stomping in a muddy puddle with gay abandon outside my building and giggling their heads off, while I was hurrying to catch my cab earlier today, fighting an urge to take the day off and join the revelry. Momentary, fleeting, unconditional happiness. The best kind there is.
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 21:14	#13
Thermodynamics BHPian Join Date: Aug 2017 Location: Bengaluru Posts: 832 Thanked: 4,131 Times	re: The philosophy of life So many luxury car owners own it for status than for performance, they take rear seat and open laptop. I feel pity for them, for the actual one enjoying is the driver. On the other hand, our passionate Bhpians may just have an Alto, a CT-100, a bicycle, even nothing, yet they travel to Leh, to Sikkim, to what not. It doesn’t matter what you are destined with, what matters is how you deal with it. So my equation is simple, Happiness = Being Content. Last edited by Thermodynamics : 29th November 2018 at 21:43.
	() Thanks

29th November 2018, 23:04	#15
deep_bang BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Bangalore / Boise Posts: 888 Thanked: 1,272 Times	re: The philosophy of life I think a lot of people confuse happiness and peace. In my opinion they are two different things. Happiness cannot exist without sadness. The fact that one is happy is only because one knows sadness. So, it's relative and if one is happy, it's only because he knows sadness and vice versa. However, peace is different. It's about being content with what one has. It all about living with no expectations... So it seems like the OP is talking about peace and not about happiness. Thoughts?
	() Thanks