[kosjam]

I have a query on this. Wouldn't it be easier to control screen time and addiction rate to gadgets if instead of a tablet or a smartphone, the kids were given a desktop which kind of limits the ability of the kid to fool around on it? (playing games / watching youtube videos / etc)

[saikarthik]

I had (have) a similar problem with my 4 year old daughter. She likes parks and outdoor activities, but can't go out now to public places. Slowly the iPad addiction started. She used to be a very understanding kid when we say some reasons for other negative things, but not with the iPad and cartoons.

I tried to avoid it at all costs, but not all family members can be strict with the child. Then I noticed that some videos are not good for the child, they were changing her behavior. So, I turned her to my old time favorites first like Tom & Jerry (Classic), silly symphony, Chip and Dale, and other harmless episodes. These cartoons had great amount of things the kids have never seen like radio, landphone, old propeller planes and mechanical machines. She resisted first, but I kept enjoying while she watches and she tagged along.

In step 2, I got her activity packs like the Einstein box, Smart-o-kids (not sure of name). She liked the different activities but more keen on painting, sketching and coloring books. Now, when we say enough of cartoons, she at least has something to do and the transition was not so rough. Still there are some negative effects of even aforementioned "Tom & Jerry" (she likes to enact them and assumes all the physics defying stuff are possible). But we are progressing.

[deathwalkr]

My daughter who is in the 7th standard now has to sit for online class from 8AM to 12PM and sometimes would have additional sessions as well.

Then she would use the tab for YouTube and editing (Seems to be the fad here) and spend time with Kindle. She's a voracious reader and it's a struggle for me to keep finding books for her to read

She likes to paint as well. Outdoor activities not so much.

She's got Kaspersky kids on her desktop and tab and the tab has a 2hr limit on it. Watches netflix on the TV for a while and then it's study time.

Of the lot, i realized that the tab was the most addictive as far as she in concerned. So restricting that, gave her time for other activities.

OT: A highly reviewed and recommended book series (Amazon has it at 9-13) is all about gender fluid characters and bisexual lead characters. (Kids). Just wondering why someone would link bisexuality with kids...oh well.

[amitjha086]

My daughter is 5 years old. I've observed that the time spent by kids on mobile is directly proportional to the time spent by parents online. I've observed that on several occasion there are three of us in the room in three direction hooked to one's phone. I've not been completely successful in getting her off the phone/tablet, but I've gradually been able to decrease her screen time.
1. Using phone for limited time myself.
2. Take her for a walk in the evening and sometimes in the morning. Help her with cycling.
3. Get her involved in domestic chores. Like she stays with me while I iron my clothes and once in a while, I let her move the iron. Asking her to help me to load washing machine and to arrange the room.
4. I often take her to market to do groceries and shopping.
5. I occasionally take her to my workplace.
6. Kids enjoy talking to parents more than watching YouTube. Make time for them. This may result in loss of some money, but in the end, kids attached to parents than the phone is more fulfilling.

[ZenMaster]

When I was a child, My mom would have given me some "Cane massage"
whenever I crossed a line. These days its frowned upon. But I'll have to accept that sometime Pain is the best medicine.

This is not something affecting kids alone but adults too. The difference is that more often we recognize that we are addicted (whether we do something about it is a different case).

From my own exp. the reason we turn to smart devices and services like Netlfix, Youtube , games etc is because I don't have anything else to "actively pursue" like a hobby or chores around the house(since I am in a hostel).

These devices and services are designed specifically and scientifically to grab our attention and hit is frequently with dopamine. We are fighting with devices/services backed by powerful entities who are using all the methods in the book and even outside the book to get the key to our subconcious impulses. We are literally fighting with our own minds. They are like junk food. You know its bad but its quite difficult to get yourself off it.

The only way to get out of it is to give ourselves something more engaging/mindful/enjoyable in the real world or have a responsibility(like cleaning the house/doing chores/taking care of family other than your day job). I myself am planning to start a new hobby.

Kids need something else more engaging outside these devices to keep them away from it.
It could be art, learning a musical instrument, sports etc. Something that can tingle their brains in the right way and give them a motivation to become good at it.

[rrsteer]

Luckily, my daughter 8 years old, and into online classes like everyone since beginning of last year is not addicted to phones at all. I think a few things that helped were: 1) we got her to attend classes through a laptop 2) no one in our household is attached to his/her phones. No social media presence for me or my wife, hence we have little to do with our phones unless texting/calling someone 3) I have a dedicated work area where I have a laptop and she has a dedicated study area where she has her laptop. I treat my laptop as a work machine mostly and have a fixed routine to start, stop and clean it. She observed that since before her online classes start (liked spraying and cleaning the laptop) and unknowingly picked up the routine. I think even though she knows she can watch videos on the laptop, she generally looks at it as a means to do work/study.

[One]

Originally Posted by kosjam

I have a query on this. Wouldn't it be easier to control screen time and addiction rate to gadgets if instead of a tablet or a smartphone, the kids were given a desktop which kind of limits the ability of the kid to fool around on it? (playing games / watching Youtube videos / etc)

Based on what I have observed, it is easier to control. But it is not sufficient to control addiction (though mobile addition is higher as they can carry these even when they go out of the house and mingle with friends). With just desktop, gaming/ YouTube is still more addictive than going down and "making an effort" to play. This is especially true if the kiddo doesn't enjoy outdoors/ is not sporty/ is (occassionally) made fun of.

The least addictive that I have found is Cable Television (where the choices to see are only what is being broadcasted).

It is tough for the kids, considering that even as adults, most of us prefer screens over an activity/ hobby.

Have experimented (and still experimenting) a lot with my kids around alternates and setting short term goals for myself, whether I have succeeded will be something I know 20 years later

[lemedico]

I can immediately think of a lot of full-grown adults in my circle, who could do with such de-addiction tactics as well!

[srikanthp3]

I use Google Family Link for all my kid's devices. It used to be buggy but has improved quite a bit.

I give her 15 minutes a day (yes!), but extend it in 15 mt increments to about an hour. She knows she has to come to me for extension, so tries to "conserve" it.

It gives extensive control over what apps she can run, limits per app, and block stuff you think are unnecessary. You can also track usage by app.

This is of course only for the phone, laptop is school, and doesnt have many restrictions.

My wife thinks I overdo this - but I think its OK. All her friends also have that, seems like a popular tool also.

I also use NextDNS on the router - and configured her phone and laptop to use a custom setting that blocks all kinds of R-rated stuff, as well as most social networks, other than Whatsapp, which (sigh!) every kid (and school) uses by default.

A friend tried to replicate for his kid, but met such violent resistance than he gave up quickly. I think the "withdrawal" symptoms that the OP had seen, are not easy to handle for everyone.

[pandey.jai]

Originally Posted by srikanthp3

I give her 15 minutes a day (yes!), but extend it in 15 mt increments to about an hour. She knows she has to come to me for extension, so tries to "conserve" it.

Hi - as a young parent, I’m interested to know if you’ve researched enough about the potential long psychological effects of such measures.
Will such micromanagement not have any long lasting side effects on the mental health and behavioral patterns of the child?

[srikanthp3]

Originally Posted by pandey.jai

Hi - as a young parent, I’m interested to know if you’ve researched enough about the potential long psychological effects of such measures.
Will such micromanagement not have any long lasting side effects on the mental health and behavioral patterns of the child?

Yeah I have read the scant (unfortunately) research material on this, and what I realized is that not having restrictions is far worse than having them. Young kids are being exposed to crazy stuff, and when I look at what my DNS provider is blocking, some of it frankly shocking. Being always on the internet means that something is going to get through, from horrible Youtube videos, to "Adult" friend ads.

And of course bullying, shaming, porn, gambling, phishing, abuse material (not all of which can be easily blocked though). Its a wild wild world out there, and at the cost of acting like a net nanny, I am OK with restrictions. When my child grows up, there is all the time in the world for doing according to what he/she wants.

My personal opinion of course.

The upside to something like NextDNS, is that 3rd party ads dont come through (a clean browsing experience), trackers are blocked, and even my TP-Link router which wants to hit their chinese server every few SECONDS is blocked from doing so.

[gunin]

I got posted to a rural place (Pasighat, Arunachal Pradesh) a few months before COVID-19 wreaked havoc in our lives. While there are challenges specific to a rural area, one thing I am grateful for is the amount of free space and natural places that we have here. This is especially precious as most of my colleagues' kids in the city are at home most of the time which has led them to watching the screen for long periods of time.

I have found my son (now 4 years old) not caring for the mobile screen one bit when he gets to be in nature. He loves rivers and luckily, there are many rivers and streams within a drive of 10 minutes whichever direction we take.





With such places, I just let him be as wild as he wants to be

I also try to involve him in the little bike and car maintenance work I do at home. While some screen time is inevitable, I am happy that my son is not really too much into it



Mojo maintenance

[carthick1000]

My wife and me found this book very useful.

[pandey.jai]

Originally Posted by srikanthp3

My personal opinion of course.

The upside to something like NextDNS, is that 3rd party ads dont come through (a clean browsing experience), trackers are blocked, and even my TP-Link router which wants to hit their chinese server every few SECONDS is blocked from doing so.

Thanks for the detailed response. I looked up NextDNS and the free tier has only 300,000 requests per month. That sounds too little in a household of a lot of devices. Have you bought the premium plan?

Also, my initial question was not about blocking certain websites. My question was more about what you mentioned- about having your kid come to you every 15 minutes if their device usage times out. In my personal opinion, 15 mins is way too little and making the child request extension each time for another slot of 15 minutes seems excessive control (thus my use of the term micromanage in the previous post) and may lead to certain psychological effects which I’m not learned or experienced enough to communicate.


Edit :
As you said, your child is already trying to avoid coming to you for an extension by “conserving” the time slot. Could this build into or grow into something more with the child?

I do not want to come across as passing a judgement. I just want to understand if you are fully aware of and have ruled out any potential psychological impact.

[srikanthp3]

Originally Posted by pandey.jai

Thanks for the detailed response. I looked up NextDNS and the free tier has only 300,000 requests per month. That sounds too little in a household of a lot of devices. Have you bought the premium plan?

Also, my initial question was not about blocking certain websites. My question was more about what you mentioned- about having your kid come to you every 15 minutes if their device usage times out. In my personal opinion, 15 mins is way too little and making the child request extension each time for another slot of 15 minutes seems excessive control (thus my use of the term micromanage in the previous post) and may lead to certain psychological effects which I’m not learned or experienced enough to communicate.

Yes, I pay for their plan thats $2.14 a month, which I think is really worth it. 300k requests will go in a day, you're right.

Yes, it looks like excessive control, but my reasoning is that it will deter the child from more screen time. Also, is 15 mts too less or too much? Just a matter of perspective, maybe we are looking at it from our perspective and we are on the phones all the time, and is it even right for kids to be on it except maybe as a replacement for social contact (which is also unnatural).

Are kids without any screen time at all worse off than those with unlimited control (or are they much better off?)