On Indian roads you don't drive on left, you drive on whatever is "left" - unknown
:Frustrati
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… BEING STABBED?
This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Ooh good I’ve got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you.
In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.
I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God
Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
On the Porsche Cayenne:
“Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.”
0-60 takes 5 and a half seconds...and about 17 gallons of fuel...
Something closer to home :
Whenever I'm suffering from Insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off.
The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite. :Shockked:
Pointing at the handle starter on an electric start equipped Rolls Royce a cheeky customer asked the salesman if Rolls Royce was not too sure of the reliability of its electric starter that it felt the need to equip the car with a handle.
To which the witty salesman replied " Sire the chances of using that handle are as remote as you ever needing to use the nipples on your chest !! "
While going through some other sites on the Internet, i came across some very awesome quotes/sayings/one liners related to cars. So compiling it in one thread and sharing it on Team-BHP.
Sources:
1.
Performance Forums
2.
Good Reads
3.
Ride Lust
Mods: If similar thread exists, please merge/delete. I could'nt find it while searching.
"You can't make a race car out of a pig. But you can make a VERY fast pig".
A bad day at the race track beats a good day at the office anytime.
Racing is the constant search for the weakest link. –Duane Bailey
If everything seems to be in control, you're not going fast enough. - Mario Andretti
You show me a racer that says that he's never forgotten to tighten his lug nuts, and I'll show you a liar.
No matter how fast you think your race car is, if you look at it long enough ... a fly will come and land on it.
Guys, you can date whomever you want, but marry a girl who can back up a trailer. - Michael Martin
Murphy
Speed costs money. How fast do you want to go?
It is more fun to drive a slow car fast than to drive a fast car slow. - Abner Perney
If lightning strikes while you're in the car it's your fault. – Doc Bundy
Duct tape is The Force: It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Better to be a racer for a moment then a spectator for a lifetime.
Hands OFF the steering wheel when a meeting with the tire wall is imminent.
It's not how FAST you drive - it’s how you drive FAST.
To win is to drive as slowly as possible without relinquishing the lead.
The ideal race car will expire 100 yards past the finish line. - Stirling Moss
The racing driver needs to be fed a diet of other racing drivers. - Carroll Smith
I know what's wrong, and if I could find it, I'd fix it.
You can't make a race horse out of a pig. But if you work hard enough at it you can make a mighty fast pig. - Bob Akin
If a part can be installed incorrectly, it will be. - Murphy's Law
Murphy was an optimist. - Cohen's Corollary
We all have one thing in common: the relentless pursuit of grip.
To finish first you must first finish.
Racing ... it's life. Everything that comes before or after is just waiting. -Michael Delaney (Steve McQueen in "LeMans")
Friends don't let friends apex early.
Oversteer scares passengers, understeer scares drivers.
If I had all the money I'd spent on cars ... I'd spend it all on cars. - Scott Fisher
Straights are for fast cars. Turns are for fast drivers.
Racing is the process of turning money into noise.
Racing costs today exactly the same as it did twenty years ago ... it takes every penny you have.
"Gotta work on the nut behind the wheel before you start fixing bolts on the car".
"Racing makes Heroin addiction look like a vague wish for something salty." -- Peter Egan
Colin Chapman: Simplify, then add lightness
Roger Penske: the harder you work, the luckier you become
Jackie Stewart: It is not always possible to be the best, but it is always possible to improve your own performance
When you think you know it all, it's a sure sign you don't
The best way to make a small fortune in racing is to start with a large one and work down from there
On racers that favored implementation of restrictor plates:
"If they don't want to go that fast, all they have to do is lift...and somebody better tie a kerosene soaked wrag around their legs to keep the ants from eating their candy a$$!"
As an instructor getting into a car for the first session with a student:
"don't try and impres me, you won't." "don't try and scare me, I already am."
"Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers." -Colin McRae
"It's not a throttle-it's a detonator." -Jeremy Clarkson
"Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines." -Enzo Ferrari
"Racing is the best way to convert money into noise" - unknown
"To finish first, you must first finish" – unknown
Oversteer is hitting the wall with the back of the car,
understeer is hitting the wall with the front...
Newman's first law: It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down. -Paul Newman
If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. -Ross Bentley
Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall.
Torque is how far you take the wall with you.
"Cheap, fast and reliable. Pick two."
"Racing ... because golf, football, and baseball only require one ball." – Anonymous
Racing costs today exactly the same as it did twenty years ago.. it takes every penny you have.
- Unknown
I was doing fine until about mid-corner when I ran out of talent
- Unknown
Juan Manuel Fangio:
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
Mario Andretti
“If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.”
"If you don't come walking back to the pits every once in a while holding a steering wheel in your hands, you're not trying hard enough"
"It is amazing how may drivers, even at the Formula One Level, think that the brakes are for slowing the car down."
I KNOW I'm the slowest part on the car.
"Never run out of real estate, ideas and traction at the same time." - seen on a Track Daze T-shirt
"Oh yes. It's not when you brake but when you take them off that counts. Most people don't understand that." - Jackie Stewart
"Cornering perfectly is like bringing a woman to climax.” - Jackie Stewart
"He who turns least wins." Ross Bentley
Poverty is owning a racecar. (bumper sticker)
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well-preserved piece...but to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, and defiantly shouting "wow, what a ride." (On the back of a race car trailer somewhere).
"Here, hold my beer" - anybody before doing something arguably awesome
Wide open until you see God, then brake – unknown
Speed costs, how fast do you want to go?
Friend of mine used to say: "Hang on, saw this in a cartoon, I think I can pull it off."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
“Always focus on the front windshield and not the review mirror.” ― Colin Powell
“It was like being in a car with the gas pedal slammed down to the floor and nothing to do but hold on and pretend to have some semblance of control. But control was something I'd lost a long time ago.”
“People can have the Model T in any color – so long as it’s black.” ― Henry Ford
“The engine of my car is so powerful I could wash dishes under the hood. But that’d be pretty absurd, since I keep the dishwasher in the trunk.
”
Jeremy Clarkson’s Most Awesome Quotes Ever
1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”
2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”
3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”
4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”
5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”
6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”
7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”
8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”
9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”
10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”
11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”
12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”
13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”
14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”
15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”
16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”
17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”
18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”
19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”
20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”
21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”
22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”
23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”
24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”
25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”
Loved the thread - Its always a surprise how a hidden thread comes to life one day and is absolutely smashing - Thank you very much for sharing. Just made my evening.
here are few from my collection. may be few are repeated.
The true Blue SBK is one, which oblige with wheel in air for unskilled input- Vinay K
A Perfect bike should be like murmuring girlfriend, giving feedback without trouble – Vinay K
All that matter in life is- Tune Up, Torque, Traction, Tarmac…. – Vinay K
I use riding gears to ensure that I keep riding till I die.- Vinay K
Your riding skills do not improve till you ride through toughest nature.- Vinay K
I hate people who ride fast. So I overtake them
Most of the bike related problems are due to Nut, connecting handlebar to saddle
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul
Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling and lived
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go
If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least five cars ahead.
A true biking friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2 am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
There's something ugly about a NEW bike on a trailer.
Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.
Bikes parked out front means good food inside.
Only a Biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.
'Oh ****!' is usually the moment when your plan parts ways with reality
Got a $5 head? Get a $5 helmet.
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a Ride! ~Hunter S. Thompson
Never trade the thrills of living for the security of existence.
If you think you don't need a helmet, you probably don't.
Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.
NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench.
Routine maintenance should never be neglected
It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rear view mirror.
Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.
Pie and coffee are as important as petrol.
Sometimes it takes a whole tankful of fuel before you can think straight.
Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.
Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
Never mistake horsepower for staying power.
A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.
Never do less than forty miles before breakfast.
If you don't ride in the rain, you don't ride.
A bike on the road is worth two in the shed.
A good mechanic will let you watch without charging you for it.
Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
Whatever it is, it's better in the wind.
Two-lane blacktop isn't a highway, it's an attitude.
When you look down the road, it seems to never end, but you better believe it does.
A motorcycle can't sing on the streets of a city.
Keep your bike in good repair: Motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking.
People are like Motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently.
If the bike isn't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine.
Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.
Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.
Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.
When you're riding lead don't spit.
If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind follow her.
If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
Don't lead the pack if you don't know where you're going.
Sleep with one arm through the spokes and keep your pants on.
Practice wrenching on your own bike.
Beware the rider who says the bike never breaks down.
Don't argue with an 18wheeler.
Never be ashamed to unlearn an old habit.
Maintenance is as much art as it is science.
A good long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith, and use up a lot of fuel.
If you can't get it going with bungee cords and electrician's tape it's serious.
If you ride like there's no tomorrow there won't be.
Gray-haired riders don't get that way from pure luck.
There are drunk riders. There are old riders. There are NO old, drunk riders.
Thin leather looks good in the bar, but it won't save your butt from "road rash" if you go down.
Always replace the cheapest parts first.
You can forget what you do for a living when your knees are in the breeze.
No matter what marque you ride, it's all the same wind.
Patience is the ability to keep your motor idling.
People are more violently opposed to fur, than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
Middle age starts when you have been warned to slow down, not by a motorcycle cop, but by your doctor.
What do you call a rider who doesn't wear a helmet? An organ donor. ~David Perry
Life is too short for traffic. ~Dan Bellack
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead. ~Mac McCleary
Remember folks, street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph. ~Jim Samuels
Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy.
Accidents hurt - safety doesn't.
If you want to complain about the pace being set by the road captain, you better be prepared to lead the group yourself.
It takes both pistons and cylinders to make a bike run. One is not more important than the other.
If the countryside seems boring, stop, get off your bike, and go sit in the ditch long enough to appreciate what was here before the asphalt came.
You don’t stop riding because you’re getting old, but you get old when you stop riding.
Remember the time when sex was safe and motorcycles where dangerous.
It’s not what you ride, it’s your attitude that it counts.
God didn't create metal so that man could make paper clips! ~Harley Davidson Ad.
It’s a world with 20,000 television channels...get as far away from it as you can. ~Honda Ad.
Careless torque costs lives.
Ride, eat, sleep...repeat.
Highways….. yet I got to learn a lot from them…. Vinay K
Every time you crank, It teaches you something…. Vinay K.
Unmeasurable things are to be felt. Motorcycle riding is one of them…. Vinay K.
You don't really don't understand cars and don't want the trouble of choosing one, you are mortally afraid of being laughed at your choice but consider yourself hip and trendy, you choose Swift. You are all these but too old to be hip and trendy, you choose the Ritz.
You want others to think that you are sophisticated, suave and knows all, but in reality have no clue as to what is going around, so you buy an i20.
You consider yourself knowledgeable, pragmatic and doesn't care about what others think, you get yourself a Ford Figo.
You are the person who understands cars and enjoy them like fine wine, you drive a Punto.
Roy Johnson
Drive down the Manali-Leh and Leh-Srinagar highways.. BRO gives you the best one liners. Funny and straight to the point.