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-   -   Hilarious parody: Bangalore ORR (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/street-experiences/177679-hilarious-parody-bangalore-orr.html)

Getting stuck on the ORR is an everyday affair. So while stuck in traffic, I came up with the below. Its a long post. Hope you guys can understand and relate to it.

Discussion between Senior Urban Planner and 2 new designers.
Senior Urban Planner = SUP
New Designers = ND1 and ND2

SUP- Good morning gentlemen. We have to construct a new pair of flyovers on the Ring road.
As always, our goal is to minimize public convenience. I need your inputs. Please pour your suggestions.

ND1- Sir, let us begin by selecting a site such that the exits of major technology parks fall in no man's land

SUP- Seems like a good idea, can you elaborate?

ND1- Sir, the design should be such that if a person needs to travel towards the north direction, he still has no option but to travel south in a narrow service lane for at least 1 km before he can take a u-turn and be back on his usual path. We congest the service lane to the maximum this way.

SUP- Brilliant. Go on.

ND2- How about continuing the strange flyover design which has exit on both sides?

SUP- You mean our trademark design where just as the flyover begins, we provide a service lane on either side. It effectively doubles the traffic and creates a bottle neck at both the beginning and end of a flyover?

ND2- Yes sir. The cars in the right most lane, usually the ones who want to continue straight cannot and are forced to change lanes. Its very effective in creating a jam.

SUP- Good thinking. We are progressing really well. What other suggestions can you give me?

ND1- How about decorating all the service lanes with potholes?

SUP- Don't be stupid. That is for granted. Give me something better.

ND1- Sir, we can block the right side service lane and open it for traffic coming from the opposite direction.

SUP- What do you mean?

ND1- This way, we have 2 lanes of traffic coming on the service lanes, who all want to merge with the traffic coming down from a flyover. It is a perfect bottleneck.

SUP- I am impressed.

ND2- Sir, we can have bus stops right at the beginning of the flyover. The buses will block up to 2 lanes of traffic as they usually stop in any lane.

SUP- Not only at the beginning, we also put bus stops just at the end of the flyover. No lane should be spared.

ND2- Also, we can make the lanes below the flyover, where people usually take U-turns signal free. First come First serve. Everyone will be stuck here for good.

SUP- I am really happy with this one. And I propose to allow 2 sided traffic in all the service lanes.

ND1- Wow Sir, now we know how you became Senior Urban planner. Your vision and foresight are legendary.

SUP- Don't patronize me. We have work to do. I am still not happy with the congestion, think some more.

ND1- We can ensure there is hardly any footpath for people to walk. This way, people and vehicles will all be competing for the same space of tarmac.

SUP- Another stupid idea. We already know there should be no footpaths. And even if there are, they should be dug up and made un-walk-able.

ND1- We should ensure there is no foot-over bridge for people to cross the roads. People crossing the roads will be done in groups which will bring entire traffic to a standstill.

SUP- Again, it is already our trademark. Seems like you are new to our city. We never make foot over bridges.

ND2- Sir, we can allow the electricity board to put a Transformer in the service lanes. This will narrow the lane down to a single lane point and become a bottleneck.

SUP- Marvelous. My eyes are filled with joy. Let us begin.

SUP- Below is what we have done:

This is hilarious and we all can related very well to it. Extremely nicely written. Loved it. clap:

This is hilarious and quite true. Very well written.

My 2 cents.

SUP - And once the construction is over we will give this fresh targets to BBMP, BWSB or any other agencies (expert in road digging) on who can dig the road fast and in worst way. :Frustrati

+1


You can also add this.

How about fixing a Traffic Signal half way through in the flyover? That will ensure vehicles are stopped and will make traffic jams within the flyover lol:

-Ravi

Very well written and I hope it unburdened your mind from the current traffic circus going on, even if briefly. I too have written a couple of skits about the traffic in general and of Silk Board Junction, basically this is what we have been reduced to - people who can only assume and wonder in exasperation as to what really would be going on in the (s)hallowed hallways of the great government.

The reality is that they neither have any sadistic intentions, and remotely no good intentions either. They come in, punch the clock for the 8 hour shift and go home. The so called "planners" if they do exist address strictly ONE problem when reported without looking at the collateral damage. The whole organisation operates like a mafia looking to gain profits on overall expenditures with every contract, margins where margins do not exist with the private contractors and bribes from us common public. Funny that they call themselves public servants and we call ourselves common public or aam aadmi.. with all that idiotic modesty its no wonder why we can never become an advanced nation. Its Darwinian Age all over again, we must have the strength to understand that. Morality is a mirage.. natural selection is reality.

Lets not look too deep into Point 6, lets take it for what it is. All over India there are certain groups who ride in atrociously modded bikes and egg each other on to do wheelies, stoppies, slides and what not. They are like simians and they become more aggressive and more insane when in groups and do more outrageous stunts trying to outdo the other. I've seen it personally in the Silk Board route, near U.B City and I've heard it happens in the extreme in the new airport road.

This is not to say that all groups are bad, some ride very responsibly with safety gear and obeying the rules so again I don't want my post to be poked for being generic or "classist" so to speak. But we all know that certain "gangs" are up to no good. To take them down such laws are unavoidable.

It is because what drive2eternity had highlighted earlier .
I was a part of that massive traffic backlog from Koramangla Water Tank at 8:15am.
Traffic crawled at crawling pace. Add the maverick bikers who like to go play chicken in the opposite lane and those desperate souls who try to take a quick u-turn and join the alternate route.Alas,they dont realize that all road leads to Ecospace!
And then there's the Bellandur Flyover. I was on the right lane on the flyover and my honest intention was to take a u-turn under the Intel flyover from the right service lane. However, the right service lane was backed up from below the Bellandur flyover, not one but TWO lanes! Giving up hopes of getting into the right lane ever, I had to move across to the extreme left to take the left service lane. Lots of unhappy folks, honking and expressing their displeasure.well, "I said, I am sorry!" Would it have been better if I had blocked up one lane of traffic on the flyover rather than use my indicator, request for a lane change and then move over to the other side, the way I did. But oh well, it's always "My dual tone Horns are louder than yours'.
The traffic snarl suddenly vanished after Ecospace! I am just learning the nuances of this road and evolving every day!

Hilarious and ironically, I think this is how its being designed I believe.

You wont believe Me and my colleagues had enacted on similar line when one of the long meetings was cancelled and we were to lazy to do anything else.

We our self acted as Junior Engineers, BDA Commissioner and Contractors, it was fun but reality is painful.

Regards

Initially, we all thought RMZ had goofed up big time with Ecospace. Huge office spaces with only 2 exits. Add to that their part-time one way solution to 'ease' traffic. Plus, has anyone noticed how one of the visitor paid car parking is outside Ecospace. Now if someone entered Ecospace and then did not find any parking, he will exit from Gate C (near the massive transformers). From there, how is he supposed to go to the parking? Well the answer is by driving the wrong way in the service lane or, being really brave to follow the rules, take the 2 must dreaded U-Turns mankind has ever seen.

But then RMZ thought if Ecospace was bad, we can make it worse. So, they came up with Ecoworld. [Who in their right minds approved such a plan, both from the builder and then Govt]. Single Lane, studded with huge office spaces on both sides. Has anyone noticed how bad the planning is near the 1st junction, in front of Honeywell office? I can easily count 3-4 lanes there! And lest we forget, the poor souls who bought multi-crore apartments and villas in Adarsh.
You are right explorer09, when all the office spaces are occupied, I can imagine traffic jams starting right from the basement car parking till...well eternity.

A small update to the ORR ecospace situation. These are just the routine ones.

Now try adding pedestrians trying to cross this part of ORR into this mix :)

You the man, drive2eternity! Thanks for sharing. Moving your post out to its own thread. I've already read it thrice and each had me rl: rl:.

I am not Kidding -- I have handled interview calls (cannot disclose company inside ecospace) - people have turned down offers because of the Eco-Mess-Space!

It is that bad, for those who dont know.

That's very smart of them :thumbs up

supper one drive2eternity!!! Have you been to KR Puram Hanging bridge side , that's much more complex than eco space. :Frustrati

Working for a company in GTP, I can understand all that you have written. All that could have gone wrong in planning has gone wrong here. ORR is a perfect example of how not to plan and build roads/flyovers.