[chandrda]

Happy to hear that you are doing fine.

I had dengue in 2017 and platelets fell below 8000. I had bleeding through nose and gums, was in ICU for 4 days and in hospital for 12 days.

Doctor gave me 20% chance of surviving

Through out those 4 days in ICU I was thinking -

Did the company collapse without me
Did the project stop without me
Did someone even notice that I wasn't there
How many of my colleagues came to visit me
What have I achieved so far prioritizing work over family
Its not my time to go, but I am utterly hopelessly helpless
Was all this dedication, stress, burnouts worth?
Have I given enough time to family and friends..etc.. etc..

These bitter truth started to dawn on me and I was clear what I will do next if I get out of this.

I have given up a lot in my career thereafter, but have achieved a lot on my personal front.

Also restored my 1999 Rx135, bought a duster, restoring a MM540 and have booked a Kia Sonet (leaning towards Carens now )

Not trying to preach anything, but work is work and it should never come between You, Yourself and Family

Regards

[Tapish]

Such an eye-opener thread. I think social media fuels a lot of constant comparisons with people. Just today, on Linkedin, I saw a long note by Peeyush Bansal of Lenskart on how he is constantly discontent and that has fueled his growth. I'm sure a lot of people who are in the same boat, but for whom the discontent is not working will now work double to even remove that trace of doubt from their minds. This culture of hustling and continuous reinvention takes a toll on many people.

The covid pandemic has also added to the stress with losses in family or close circles coupled with constant fear. For some reason, after the first lockdown, all organizations went into a 100% output mode which coupled with WFH has led to day-long calls and meetings and never-ending work.

I don't know how one can slow down in today's day and age, but that seems to be the only solution.

T

[earthian]

Originally Posted by Flanker99

This post will be about my suspected TIA (transient ischemic attack) episode that I suffered over the weekend and from whose after effects I am yet to recover fully.

First of all, thank you for sharing and very glad you did not suffer any permanent issues. I too had a stroke, albeit a hemorrhagic one during November 2020 and i have written about it in this forum ( as a concluding part to my trip report of Himachal Pradesh)

Yes, i had been also very lucky to get away with very minor issues though craniotomy and cranioplasty and a shunt operation along with 5 months without part of my skull was very traumatic. My son often reminded me that i had been given a rare second chance and i agree. Please concentrate on things that have lasting value to you and all the very best for the future.

[tharian]

One advice- move out from your organization and find a company where importance is given to employees and then, business.

I know the fear of not finding another job, a better salary, better work-life balance is what prevents most of us from moving out. But you are clearly not in a comfort zone to stick around.

I had to get laid off to believe in myself that I could get through another company after the organization I was working for 14 years, laid me off just because they had to trim the team.

All the best and take care. Believe in yourself.

[Shanky_1002]

Really short of words while reading your experience! Work towards enjoying the little moments in life with your family, over burning yourself at work providing for your family and kids future is not really good since you don't know how much more your body can endure. As mentioned in earlier posts take a sabbatical for time being while you recover and utilize the time to take small steps towards developing a healthy lifestyle be it through yoga, meditation, workout etc. Also look for another job meanwhile, by all means getting out of the current work stress will do your mental wellbeing wonders and thereby gradually your physical wellbeing as well. I'm not sure exactly what's your work profile like, however I'd be happy to refer you in my organization should you like, please PM me and I'll surely try to help the best I can. Stay strong brother!

[anoopGTkrish]

Sorry to hear about your experience buddy. I was in a similar situation back in 2019. Straight out of Business school in 2013, I joined a big4 consulting firm in the people strategy team. To say work was stressful would be an understatement. It was just pure, organized white collar slavery. I had was burnt out end of every day and heck I even had to work on weekends.

Cut to 2017, I got married to my girlfriend of 8 years who was used to my terrible work-life situation. But after marriage she did expect a bit more time but I simply couldn't manage. By 2019, we had an unplanned pregnancy, which shocked us initially but once we got past the initial shock, it was a happy phase while it lasted. Due to unknown reasons, we were told that the baby did not have a heart beat and had to terminate the pregnancy. This was a very difficult phase especially for my wife. I tried to take time off work to help her out but it was extremely difficult. This was strike 1 for me.

Second strike came when the doctors asked us to do a thorough health screen before planning the second baby. At 29 I was diagnosed as pre diabetic with high BP and high LDL.

Strike 3 came when, I was declined a much anticipated promotion because I hadn't spent enough time in my current level despite my performance more than enough justified a promotion.

Took the call, left the job and settled for a leadership position in a product firm. Life is much better and I have the power to actually influence policy decisions that ensures better work life balance for our Employees.

Remember, nothing is more important than your personal wellness.

[Pancham]

I have noticed its not always the work load that adds to the stress but the environment you are working in. Take these 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1: Tons of work but I work day in and day out, learn things, try and meet deadlines, show sincerity. BUT, my boss and team fail to show respect, acknowledgement or even a thank you for my efforts. What next? I feel worthless, helpless and I feel 'not wanted' in my own team/company. I have toiled for years but I just don't think they care about me. Result: Low self-esteem and confidence. This leads to a downward curve in the overall efficiency. Boss rebukes even more. Negativities compound.

Scenario 2: Tons of work but I work day in and day out, learn things, try and meet deadlines, show sincerity. My boss and team sees my hard work and sincerity and respects me for my work, acknowledges that I am doing all that I can. What next? I feel worthy and I realise that my team and company are thinking about me. My hard work is being respected. Result: I feel confident. The environment is better and I dont feel as much stressed out.

I have been in both the situations. Work load can be enjoyable at times when the environment is good. Your team's/boss' attitude matters a lot. Their actions can 'trigger' positivity or stress. There was a time when I used to get triggered when my boss did not acknowledge my emails - e.g., I did an analysis on XYZ and prepared a detailed report, put my heart and soul into into, submitted it on time and then what? nothing. No response from him for weeks. (this is prevalent even more in WFH scenario when you cant meet people in person). I used to get stressed and question my effort in such cases. Another example of poor work environment:

Back in 2015, I took a pre-planned holiday to Matheran. It was not even a proper holiday as it was a Friday-Sunday plan. My manager called me and asked me to fly back on Saturday and come to office on Sunday because there was a deliverable pending on Monday. I did. Because I was new (I was 25) and scared that it will affect my appraisal. I reached office on Sunday and stayed for around 5-6 hours. What did I do ? Nothing. He made me sit for around 4-5 hours and take some print outs and chit chatted. And this happened in one of the biggest consulting firms globally. I have numerous such examples.

All these experiences add up. Few lucky ones survive, few lucky ones have good bosses. But at the end, we have to figure out a way to get out.

[Raghu M]

Glad you are recovering and doing a little better. I would suggest (if that is possible at all), please leave the job and search for a new one. I think, if you share your situation with your boss, he would be empathetic, that should be your last try. If he/she doesn't understand your problem, then you should leave that workplace at once.

[anjan_c2007]

Felt utterly aggrieved to go through the sad saga you faced. My sympathies are with you along with the many teambhpians who have recorded and others who are able to navigate to and read the thread and are not members and hence unable to post.

Suffering a stroke at age 38 is like a car engine getting seized at 50 K kms. Our bodies should be like Toyota engines running trouble free for 600,000 or more kms.

Primarily, the employer and your nature of job could be the culpable factors. It's not late at all. You are qualified enough to get a job with a better employer. The employer's credentials need to be checked before choosing a job. If these credentials are not OK and if it's unavoidable, one could join as a stop gap arrangement and switch over to another soon. When I was doing an in service certificate course in a reputed management institute in 2011, the list of companies with the best employment practices were shared with us. Google India was on the top followed by many companies of the Tata group. Essar and Reliance were placed much, much below. These lists are dynamic and change every year.

Secondly, one should have a breathing time to allow oxygen into our daily schedules. By oxygen, I mean relaxation hours to exercise, indulge with family members, pursue our hobbies and so on.

It's very important that you undertake a lot of changes with your job and lifestyle to infuse your own recipe for a better health.

I remember lines of this very old pop hit "Una paloma blanca" (from Spanish meaning white dove) written by George Baker and composed and sung by his pop group the George Baker Selection that was released in 1975 and ruled our airwaves the world over :-

Once I had my share of losing
For they locked me on a chain
Yes they tried to break my power
Oh I still can feel the pain
Una paloma blanca
I'm just a bird in the sky
Una paloma blanca
Over the mountains I fly
No one can take my freedom away
Una paloma blanca
I'm just a bird in the sky
Una paloma blanca
Over the mountains I fly
No one can take my freedom away

Link to the song:-

https://youtu.be/gQK9k42ongU

[katoom]

I am so glad that you have managed to identify and save your body/mind well in time - best wishes for a speedy recovery to you!

Am 37, work in the IT from the last 14 years. My last stint was with a bank and I absolutely loved the work, was well appreciated, had a phenomenal growth with leading a team of almost 10-12 folks. But you know, along with the good things, it's only natural for the other side to grow in magnitude - the stress levels got so high that there were days when I used to feel dreadful to open Outlook when I start the day.

The problem with we folks who feel accountable, responsible and perfectionists is that we get impacted by events way more than they should.
I started realising that am not into any profession which makes a difference in/of life or death, so any real ISSUE isn't really that big an issue, it's all perception!
Moved to a new role/company, work as an individual contributor - it's much better now. I started running or walking atleast 3 kms a day, focus on myself because these years will govern my 40/50s etc.
Quit smoking recently, controlled the amount of alcohol that goes in and I can see the difference already. So glad that I realised that health is everything, not too late!
There's still stress and random emotional disturbances that all of us have in life but atleast my way of looking at them has changed for good.

Inspite of my ever evolving dreams, I have put a realistic cap on what are the things I really want in my life. Most other things will just remain as good-to-have.
So, my automobile choices (big time bike and car guy), home, brands of clothing/footwear etc. all have seen a massive paradigm shift since a few years. Doesn't mean I am a saint now but I will be okay with having few great things than just keep 'upgrading' or 'expanding'.

Take ample rest, detach a bit from work and just do what's sufficient, focus on your mind and body, define what your must-haves for life are - these would be my suggestions for you. Please don't mind the unsolicited advice!

[RonMasc'y]

Very glad to know you are recovering, friend. You probably realized this better due to your knowledge in medicine. I mean anyone at that levels of stress could have even ignored those arm and chest pain symptoms. Gosh, just shows what damage stress and anxiety can do to one's body. I would recommend you Yoga and meditation to negate the effects of stress. I understand it would require additional commitment but should be worthwhile. After all, health is wealth. Cheers buddy and thanks again for sharing your experience.

[sunilch]

Originally Posted by Flanker99

Hello to all,
This post will be about my suspected TIA (transient ischemic attack) episode that I suffered over the weekend and from whose after effects I am yet to recover fully.

I am 38 years old male, non smoker, non alcoholic, gaining weight but not yet overweight. The only ailment I suffer from is asthma. I did get infected by COVID-19 in December 2020, and possibly the Omicron in January 2022 (didn't bother to get tested).

Hello Flanker99. It takes courage to go through all this and then pen it down for others to read and understand your journey. So thanks for sharing it all here

I am myself your age - to the date. We share the birthdate as well it seems. Have two young kids and a housing loan. I had a C-spine fracture in 2019 and it was my family who helped me in recovering. I am still not 100% back to where I was before the incident but I am lucky to have passed the worst part of it.

From what I have understood from your posts, it all seems to be related to your professional journey (including the education part of it). Both have given you a lot of stress and have resulted into what you have gone through.

Since we are in same boat, I can't advice you much except to stay without liabilities ASAP and also start saying 'No' at times at work when it goes beyond your limits. It is easier said than done but if you do set some limits, life will be come easier than it is now.

Also, this is one phase that will pass and brighter days will come soon. You are already on the recovery path and so I guess you understand that already.

Lastly, I am in Thane and so if there is any help that you may need at any time, do ping me. I am sure we can share some tea/coffee and simply discuss the good things that life has to offer

[NotanF1driver]

Hello all,

This such an unfortunate incident, and the write up made me feel as if I am going through those tough times. I am in a similar industry, though we were least affected by Covid (in fact, grew a bit). I am no experienced as you all, but below are my points which I follow myself at work:

1. Empathy - In a corporate world, we all lack empathy. Unless we show empathy to others, we cant demand it from someone else. When talking to my team of juniors, I generally start on a lighter note - some current affairs, jokes etc. Five mins of the call is spent on such things, regardless of how busy the situation is. This will ease the team up as well as yourself.

Yesterday, I was having a catch up with the team where I asked my team if they had their lunch. This discussion was at 2.30 pm and I knew they had a client discussion at 3. One of them said no, so I closed her discussion first and asked her to take a break for lunch. It is such small things which will make a huge difference to the team.

2. Lead by example - regardless of how junior you are, at least in our industry, you are a leader to someone. Be the leader who you would love to work with. Be an example to others - small things like closing work on time, not working on weekends, not scheduling calls outside work hours will go a long way to improve a lot of lives.

I will avoid working on a weekend, and not ask any team member to do it either. If the situation is so demanding, I will ask to the junior members to decide on their work hours, and I will adjust my schedule accordingly.

3. Make a plan for yourself- I tend to plan everything. There can be show stoppers, but planning won’t hurt - for instance I have lunch time blocked in my calendar, I generally don’t plan any calls after 7 (there can be exceptions), out of office time is updated in my calendar etc. I try and do a 30 mins treadmill at 7pm. If something urgent needs to be attended to, I will stop my work at 7 and return by 7.45.

4. Leave your work at office (or desk, in a wfh scenario) - the last thing you want is to take your work related stress and throw it on your wife’s face. Your family has no reason to be involved in your work stress. If you vent your stress with your family, they will get their share of the frustration and will cause the whole situation to be dreadful. This is easier said than done. But practice makes you perfect.

Try not to think of work when you are away from your desk. If you really need to, fix up a time for yourself to check your emails/ work and adhere to that in your free time. I do this, and it works.

5. Promote a healthy culture - I am of the opinion of being open and honest to your team. I tend to tell the reason why I am out of office to my bosses as well as my team. One liners like “due to personal reason” is avoided. Once this is done, others will likely follow suit - the team will tell you why they have taken a day off, same from your boss. How this helps is that your colleagues (junior and seniors alike) will know when to bother you on your day of absence.

I am of the strong opinion that a company can’t survive for long unless there is a healthy work culture. You can’t break the employee’s back and be a market leader for long. Such a company will lose resources to a company with better work culture.

6. Finally - if you think that you are stressed four out of five days a week, speak to your boss and say that it is not working for you. You can either wait to see a positive change or look out for a better place.

I will close things with this line:
Work lets you earn, and is your livelihood. If the money you earned can’t make you happy, it is time for a change.

[PreludeSH]

Thanks for putting everything up here. We know the impact of stress but are really helpless most of the time. Life is not just about food and Home. There are hundreds of other things we work for. I would dare to say even family most of the time understands it only after something happens.

I hope you will change your job and make other necessary changes. What changes have the doctors mentioned that you need to make apart from the stress factor ?

Wishing you quick recovery and healthy future

[GKR9900]

Mate, I sincerely hope and pray that you recover physically and mentally as soon as possible and change your life for the better. Money matters, but not at the expense of our lives and loved ones.

Just sharing this quote that I stumbled upon the internet a few days back.

'You're not helpless.
If you can talk, walk, see, hear, smell, touch, read/write, you have everything it takes to turn things around.'