[BHPjunkie]

I can relate to your post. I started my career in consultancy in 2012 at the age of 24, got married at 25 and led a super unhealthy and stressed life for 6 years. For the first couple of years I ate healthy and worked out 1-1.5 hours a day which included cardio and weight training. As time progressed responsibility increased and work was extremely demanding for which my exercise schedule got erratic and eventually I stopped working out. I use to travel 4-6 months at a stretch working long hours outstation. There was a phase in 2017 where I would reach office at 9AM and leave at 10-11PM for 3 months straight. During consulting days I was a heavy smoker consuming about 8-10 cigs a day and due to the erratic schedule I would not look at what I ate and would binge on fast food. During the last 3 years of consulting life I put on 25 kgs.

That's when I called it quits and decided I needed more time for myself and joined the industry. One of the requirement whilst joining was a complete medical test and that's when I realized I had a fatty liver. My general energy levels were low and I could not run for more than 500 meters at one go. Since joining the industry I am more at peace, stress levels have gone down and I can find time for myself. I haven't still managed to put in the exercise schedule like before as I recently became a parent and general energy levels are still low. However I plan to kickstart it this year and plan to loose the extra weight.

[vivekkp]

Hi Flanker99,

A big salute for sharing this personal incidence out in the public domain. Very few have courage to do so. This thread is a real eye opener for not only those in the service industry but in general is applicable to all work domains.

I can relate to most of the incidents you faced. A demoralizing boss, demanding client and disrespectful colleagues (some of them). This stressful life also started impacting my personal life. In general I was noticing that the quality of my life was decreasing. I still remember an incident when one evening my son was asking me to play with him in the park and I could not because I had a so called "important meeting" to attend. I could clearly recollect the tears from his eyes and this was the real eye opener for me. What's the use of working when you cannot spend time with your own kids. They grow up real fast and as they grow they tend to go farther and farther away from you.

I then took the decision that I need a change in my job. I started looking out and found a much better job that what i was doing. The expression on the face of my boss was priceless when i told him i would not be working for him any more.

You have started with your medication and recovery and I would say it is the right step, but you have to attack the root cause, which in your case is the toxic work culture you have to put up with. There are tons of companies out there who would value you as a person and your skills more than your current organization is doing.

[VijayAnand1]

Thank you for taking the time to jot this down. No amount of cheesy fancy movie lines and song lines can reciprocate the intensity of your conundrum. Please do take care of yourself. Depression doesn't discriminate, it is settled inside the best of us out there, when and how it exhibits itself is a mystery, but as you've mentioned, there's always a chain of events that builds up to the misery. Here's to hoping you recover sooner, healthier and to a happier life. Don't give up on your morning walks, and exercise in any shape or form definitely helps release the feel good hormones which helps positively impact your overall well being.

God bless you!

Cheers!
VJ

[AirbusCapt]

Let's be practical. We all know that companies use employees like cannon fodder. Especially the IT and IT enabled industries. The whole machine wants to squeeze and extract the maximum amount of juice from an employee and spit the empty shell out, calling it "performance issues". How come only employees aged 40 to 50 face performance issues? May be because their salary costs are much higher when compared to fresh resources. Since one can't fire a costly employee, the HR bots put in some kind of pseudo performance plans to thin the herd.

One should never be so bullied by these companies as to destroy one's mental peace, mental balance or to slip into suicidal thoughts. It's a job. Your family, your life is far more important than some client's Excel sheets.

[TusharP]

There are rare times in life when we get opportunity to take a hard look at who we are and where we have reached.

I can't help but notice several beliefs about self in your post that seem innocuous at first sight but could be contributing to your stress levels. Stress is most often rooted in childhood traumas.

Now:
You have seen the edge - and this is an opportunity for your to take long walk back to yourself, to who you are.

I would recommend consulting a therapist - who can work with you closely and help unfold your narratives.

Good luck.

[Pyrotek]

I applaud you for being vulnerable enough to share this experience with all of us. Call out your boss and on-site sales lead for their unreasonable actions in your next conversation. Some other well wishers have already said this--please take plenty of personal time during the day. You should consider putting time blocks on your calendar when you absolutely won't entertain calls or meetings. Your boss and on-site team will resent this but will eventually accept it. Once you are able to reclaim some semblance of control on your calendar, some of the other things will fall in place. Please try to build a corpus/contingency fund of 6 months to give yourself an option to take LOP on medical grounds. If acute, divest some assets immediately for the same. If you cannot use assets now, when will you? During this time, apply for other jobs. You will likely have a more positive frame of mind. Socialize, mingle, consider going to meetups. You will likely Crack the opportunity at a new place soon. Consider adding on new skills if learning is a hobby or something you enjoy. Do you have something which fuels your creative expression - sketching, podcasts, vlogs? Consider getting together with like minded friends to do something of that sort together. The episode uou went through is really scary and serves as a warning to all of us. I wish you nothing but the best and am sending healing vibes your way! Please take care. 🙏

[navrddy]

For corporate world, all employees are just headcounts.Differentiation is only the paycheck and perceived titles, as somebody else pointed it out, no empathy for any employee. Nobody is bothered anybody except self. Unfortunately, over period of time, most of employees take in this behavior and this becomes part of life. Finally one day if one of employee dies, employer at max is entrusted to pay as per necessary obligation and probably HR will send some mail to "very good person, etc.....all useless phrases. Equally employees should also understand working for 10+ hrs, is nonsense,especially as though they are motivated by "Bass" and believe they are changing the world.
Working for minimum possible hours stipulated by company with concentration and close the day and move on for other personal activities.
Life is not worth slogging to "Change the world scenario", be modest in everything in life. World will not change or universe will not notice at expense of personal well being. Remember life is short for making mess by self. Time once gone cannot return. Money can be earned though in future.

[mark4nano]

Wishing you a speedy recovery and hope you resume back to normal life. Your post was a sure eye opener on what is in hold for the people who are workaholics. I had been in such a trap until a year ago. I am in my early 30's and yet was diagnosed with Hypertension and High Cholesterol only due to intense work pressure which had taken a huge toll on my health. Work from home environment made it even worse. Finally decided to move out of the Organisation. Thankfully I am a lot more relaxed at my new work place with God's grace which has certainly helped me regain on my health gradually.

[Samurai]

I am curious...

Let's say you are slogging 16 hours a day for 50L/pa salary. And you want to change that, obviously. Would you be willing to tell your employer that you are open to working only 8 hours/day (no weekends) for 25-30L/pa ? And absolutely no option of exceeding 40 hours.

Let's not worry about the reaction of the employer. I just want to know how many will consider that.

[rijo_tj]

My sympathies to the OP and pray that you recover fully well from this health ordeal.

But I am going to put a somewhat different spin to what others have been posting.

IMHO from reading the post multiple times, it seems the OP is somewhat prone to inviting unnecessary stress on himself. The main reason being his sentence that he thought of ending his life over some slacking juniors and a bad client review. To me that sound like the thoughts of a person who gets easily upset and invites unnecessary negative energy to himself. The second reason him stating that he got afraid of the US sales member supposedly biting his head off. Also missed lunch breaks and other factors that is pointed out indicates (alreast to me ) that the OP needs to seriously find ways to calm down at certain times. This might require talking to a counsellor on how better to handle such situations.

I am not telling that the company work culture is not be absolved of blame. No companies paying the big bucks will make employee concern their top priority. That is a given. But to me it seems that the root cause is OP himself !!

[AutoDowntowner]

Thank you very much @Flanker99 for sharing this experience.
I am really touched by reading your sad experience which you are turning into a good now. I am very happy that you are OK now.
I can relate this incidence to me as I have gone thru depressing moments for couple of times.
The lockdown did change everyone’s life drastically, including me. I am a person who can’t sit at a place for a long time. Also I can not sit inside home for a day.
So for me the lockdown 1.0 was terrible. I enjoyed 1st three-four days of lockdown, but after that it was horrifying. I read the book written by V.D. Sawarkar on his experience of rigorous imprisonment at Andman, helped me lot to stay calm at home.

The media running the news of virus were more depressing. My company’s global conference calls were telling us the real horrifying conditions across the globe.
During this period I was happy by looking the stock market crash as it was a very good time for me to invest & make good money. Stock market is my passion.
But suddenly one day I received a casual message from company’s director asking how are you & all. In that thread of chat, he said “keep cash reserve ready for at least 8-10 months”.
It was the most panic moment for me as it was indirectly indicating about job loss. I was not able to tell this to my family. I suddenly lost interest from everything. I lost my hopes to invest money in stock market as that chat was too scary.
I was not able to eat food properly, I lost my sleep. I was working from home & I started working more & more to keep myself engaged. I started working till midnight to keep my clients sitting in the west happy.
Due to stress I gained lot of weight in lockdown 1.0. I was feeling too much lazy.

Outing, trekking, playing sports are the best medicines for me which was totally closed. I requested few of my nearby friends if we can play Cricket. We found a secret playground very near to the home. It was like an untouched place. Started with 3 friends, we became a group of 25 players gathering to play cricket every morning. It was a very adventurous experience since it was not allowed. We all started feeling much better because of cricket. I started loosing my weight again. I again cut 3-4 kg within 2 months just because of cricket.

Lockdown 1.0 ended. In the month of Sept – Oct 2020 my family including me were found covid positive. I was stressed again. A week later pneumonia was detected & I started feeling extremely tired. My close friend who is an MD doctor asked me to take complete rest, stop the office work. He helped me a lot. The govt doctors visiting us at home were forcing us to get admitted to hospital, was a more scry experience as we did not want to get hospitalize. Somehow we got cured at home only & on the next day of end of quarantine we went to a lonely hill. We all simply lied down there watching towards the sky for an hour. I remember the Kia Sonet was launched that time & we went straight to the Kia showroom. I started feeling good after seeing the businesses were coming back to normal.
The 1st thing I did on that day was to cut down the TV connection to avoid watching news channel. We even stopped reading newspapers. After 2 weeks we started feeling happy. My daughter, my wife were also supportive in this act. I did not have wifi connection at home, so it was limited connectivity to mobile phone entertainment also. We started spending more time with each other.
The pneumonia effect was still there inside me. I wasn’t able to run, my heartbeats were feeling faster & abnormal. So I stopped playing cricket. This continued till the Lockdown 2.0 (Mar-Apr 2021). And my health was not good. My face started looking aged. I was afraid as I didn’t want to get ill again.
I started morning walks nearby home. After few days we restarted playing cricket & I was not able to play well. Due to strict restrictions, our access to playground was suddenly stopped one day. I was too upset.
I called one of my friend staying at 5km distance and he said we still play other games on a private playground, you can join us. I immediately reached there.
I started waking up early (5.30-6am), meet friends & to play. Slowly our group grew up there & we started doing street workouts. Fortunately our street workout were not closed by authorities.
We naturally got the fresh air, morning sun light which are the two best & free medicines. We all started feeling much better, lighter.
We were never a runner but we tried & we could do 50 minutes non stop slow run in the very first try. We also started swimming in the river where nobody was coming there to swim. First time in my life I completed half marathon run. I learnt to handle the breathing & heartbeats well.

Trust me guys, the corona & lockdowns literally changed our lives. When I lost few of my relatives in the Lockdown 2.0. , I was enjoying the life like never before because I cut myself from all negativity & all corona related news. I used to visit my friends who were corona positive which helped them to survive. I used to tell them only one thing- "Let us meet on playground on the 15th day".
During Lockdown 2.0 I served many corona patients by delivering them good Satvik food made by an NGO. I used to see them, talk them every day personally as the fear of the virus had vanished from my brain, my mind completely.

I am now seen as a Fitness Icon in my circle. But I know I am not really very fit till now. I have not spent a single day without visiting a playground or meeting my friends since Apr 2021.
Many friends now take my advice on fitness issues & feel very happy to help them. I encourage everyone to come out, play, workout & cut all the negativity.

Stay happy, stay fit. Enjoy.

Sorry for a very long reply.

[fazayal]

Originally Posted by Flanker99

Hello to all,

This post will be about my suspected TIA (transient ischemic attack) episode that I suffered over the weekend and from whose after effects I am yet to recover fully.

Hi Flanker, your post reminded me of my TIA which I suffered around three years back. It is a very scary feeling. I was around 35 years old that time. I'm slightly overweight but active.

One issue with me is that whenever I get fever, it's very high. It can reach upto 104 C. I was suffering such a fever and resting at home. I got up in the morning around 9 AM but was feeling very tired due to heavy fever weighing me down. I dozed off again.

After a few minutes I woke up and I realized that there is no sensation in my left hand. My first reaction was that I would have slept on my hand and hence feeling that way due to blood flow loss but then I realized that I was sleeping straight throughout. I got up and when I held my left hand with my right hand I realized that there was absolutely no life in my left hand. There was no one else in the house other than my mom as my spouse had gone to work. I shouted my mom to come to my room. I tried to get off the bed and walk. My left leg was also lifeless and i could not walk properly and had to drag my left leg. Then I realized that I was not able to talk properly as left side of my face was getting paralyzed. I panicked. My mom panicked. Luckily my neighbor was there at home. He held me and took me in his car to local doctor. Luckily, by the time we reached the doctor's clinic, all the sensations were back. The only unease was due to weakness induced by fever.

The doctor checked my vitals and kept me under observation for an hour. He discharged me after that but told me to consult with a neurologist immediately.

The very next day my fever was nearly gone and I consulted a neurologist in a reputed hospital. He asked me to get admitted immediately so that further tests could be done on me.

My MRI, ECG and various blood tests were done. Getting MRI done is a horror experience. I'm claustrophobic, and was finding difficult to stay still in MRI machine. I was getting a feeling that someone is burying me alive!

Every report thankfully came normal. Just an observation that I have a slight bulge near my spine and it could have caused the blockage thereby rendering one side paralyzed for sometime. Doctor cheered me up by saying that if he would have seen my MRI without any incident like this, he would have said I am totally normal as bulge is minimal. But, since everything else is perfectly normal, that would have been the only cause for TIA.

I have been living a totally normal life after that incident. However, I still fear that it might come back.

Those few minutes when I had lost sensation on one side of my body, were probably the worst period in my life. I thought that I would remain like that for my remaining life. My maternal aunt (maasi) had suffered a paralytic attack when she was around 35. I saw her suffer so much. She passed away before she touched 50. I had seen her suffer so much, I was thinking my life could be the same during that period.

I was lucky that my neighbor was at home that day and the paralysis was only temporary. It could have been much worse!

[Ragavsr]

Originally Posted by Samurai

Let's not worry about the reaction of the employer. I just want to know how many will consider that.

Interesting question. I , as a person, would consider such an offer if I have enough savings, assets and money is no longer a priority.

Lots of doctors ( I am one ) do that. They quit their day full time job once their evening practice / clinic picks up and restrict day work just to surgeries or emergency cases. A few cut down on evening practice and concentrate only on their full time work if they feel things have gotten too hectic.

A lot of lawyers I know do the same. Being self employed / professional gives you that flexibility.

[Neversaygbye]

Thank you Flanker99 for sharing your story and I am also really glad that you are better now.

I think your story is a wake up call for many of us. I was pulling 14 hour work days daily with calls sometimes from 1 am to 2 am at night and also over the weekends ever since the pandemic started. It was a punishing schedule with zero gains and I finally voted with my feet last September. I have joined a much smaller organization but am much happier now. I at least have time for a life outside work now, which was not the case earlier.

Originally Posted by Flanker99

If even after serving this company for 9+ years I still need to prove my worth then maybe I am in the wrong place. Who likes being taken for granted anyways.

To clarify, I don't mean to become a slacker. Far from it; I am willing to work even harder and even longer hours if I can derive happiness and a sense of satisfaction / achievement at the end of my working day / week. That's not the case currently. This job has become more of a means to achieving material goals, some of which such as roti, kapda and makaan are essential; and then some more.

You are still young compared to me so hopefully it will be easier for you to get another job and then vote with your feet than it was for me. For me also, my job is now just a means to an end - it wasn't like that before the pandemic, but now I know better.

I remember my boss in my last organization telling me that it was a dog eat dog world. It doesn't have to be like that, does it? I can choose to be non-competitive and less ambitious. I can choose to have a better work life balance and spend my time with people that matter doing the things I love.

At the same time, it is also true that opportunities dry up after a certain age and with so many liabilities that most of us have, it can lead to life-threatening levels of stress. I am now trying to find additional sources of income so that I can leave the rat race for good. I don't want to be slave to a job anymore. Let me see how it goes.

Btw, for almost two years, I sacrificed a major part of my life to my work in my last organization. Did that make me irreplaceable? Not at all! After all, they went and hired three people to replace me after I quit.

[Sumer]

Sorry for not reading all replies and writing one myself. Doctor instincts kicking in. Get an MR Angiography of your Brain and Carotids, Carotid Doppler, 2D ECHO, Homocysteine levels, Lipid Profile, BP monitoring, Blood sugar and HbA1c, ECG and routine blood investigations done if you haven't already. Stress will sadly increase with time for most of us. We have to check our response to it. A healthy diet, adequate exercise, sleep and maintenance of a healthy weight while staying away from bad habits is what we can do. Still, there are factors like genetics in all this about which we can't do anything. Stay healthy my friend. To your company, you are another employee but to your family, you are indispensible. Feel free to PM me for any lifestyle/weight/disease related query