Jeremy Clarkson against the whole world [compilation]

spadival · 13th May 2009, 14:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by pedrolourenco

When I was studying in UK I had an Audi 80. The local guys there (not fellow Indians) smashed the electric mirrors and scratched the car. On another occasion they deflated the tyres. This was not a good humoured joke. It happened to some of my friends too.

You are in the wrong thread mate. Please post your experience in the Vandalism thread.

14000rpm · 15th May 2009, 21:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Switch

I for one totally love this guy. He has the gift of GAB and his sarcasm is pretty fun to hear. As others pointed out he is an entertainer and his words should not be taken too seriously. I have also seen him ridicule British car makers by his subtle sarcasm. Infact during the filming of last Top Gear season where one episode was filmed in US he made fun of the US but he himself admitted that he loved all three cars.

some say that after making love , he bites the head of his partner...all we know is ,hes called the stig.......

the stig definitions by JC super funny.

karthik247 · 15th May 2009, 21:50

Some say...

He drinks a lot of petrol
He was born in space.
He never blinks.
He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.
He sleeps upside down like a bat.
His sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
His skin has the texture of dolphins.
If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts.
He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down (a reference to the The Matrix).
He is scared of bells.
He once punched a horse to the ground.
His politics are terrifying.
He lives in a tree.
He likes DragonBoarder.
He was raised by wolves.
He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden.
His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.
He has no understanding of clouds.
His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight.
He is confused by stairs.
He naturally faces magnetic north.
He is illegal in 17 U.S. states.
His heart ticks like a watch.
All his legs are hydraulic.
He can "accumbularate".
He appears on Japanese banknotes.
There's an airport in Russia named after him.
He is wanted by the CIA.
His breath smells of magnesium.
He can catch fish with his tongue.
His tears are adhesive.
If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days.
He is terrified of ducks.
His voice can only be heard by cats.
He has two sets of knees.
He can swim seven lengths underwater.
He has webbed buttocks.
He can melt concrete on contact.
He is more machine than man. (a reference to Darth Vader).
His heart is in upside down.
His teeth glow in the dark.
His favorite food is raw meat.
He has no age.
He urinates 98 RON petrol (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He can smell corners (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He blinks this way. (Clarkson closing his thumb and forefinger on both held-up hands -- a reference to Men in Black)
He has acid for blood. (a reference to the Alien).
Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
He has a bionic arm.
He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
He is stumped by clouds.
He has no fear.
His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be.
He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott (referring to Prescott's recent admission that he had had an affair with one of his secretaries).
He has a digital face.
If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. (a reference to the UK version of The Apprentice, featuring the aforementioned head honcho of Amstrad in the Donald Trump role)
He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track.
His genitals are on upside down.
If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds.
His ears have a paisley lining.
He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring

Top Gear Stig Introductions

f50xj13 · 25th May 2009, 21:36

Best thing i like about him is his witty remarks, and as for the comments made by him, who cares....they are far milder than compared to LS TV Live....watch it to see the true face of India..
So enjoy Jeremy's show, take the positives and laugh off his negatives....ciao

sajo · 24th August 2009, 22:25

Just when I thought that his rants were getting on a bit, he comes out and writes this :

Jeremy Clarkson Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 Spyder review | Driving - Times Online

Absolutely tugs at the strings of your heart...

Jayabusa · 5th September 2009, 11:51

Hahahahahaha!!! just saw the TopGear Maserati MC12 episode where JC, while driving it says "Racing cars which have been converted for road-use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels, which just end up with a sort of half hour close-up of some bloke's sweaty face...ughm ughm ughm ughm."
And the best part is he was actually moving back & forth in the seat like a porn-star!

Cyrus43 · 5th September 2009, 14:26

AHH!! Yes... That is one of the best bits of Top Gear EVER!! I remember the very first time I saw that!!

rajeev k · 5th September 2009, 14:59

Me too love this guy because his style of presentation is damn good. I remember, long back,on one of his episodes about India in Jeremy Clarkson's Motor World he discribes the various Indian styles of driving. Also along with Homazd Sorabjee as the copassenger in an old Mahindra Jeep he comments "the worst car he has driven in the entire world" refering to one full round of steering wheel play and the notchy gears.

Still one would love to watch his shows.

jasher26 · 10th September 2009, 18:40

dont know we have this link on team bhp

http://www.xomba.com/jermey_clarkson_quotes

the best quotes! its hilarious!

14000rpm · 11th September 2009, 17:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by jasher26

dont know we have this link on team bhp

Jermey Clarkson Quotes

the best quotes! its hilarious!

truth be told. Top gear, the TV show runs only coz of him. people watch that show only to watch him talk. sheer talent.

iceman7 · 11th September 2009, 18:01

I am a huge fan of JC. I am in awe at the way he writes reviews and his columns. He starts at one topic and effortlessly moves to another and another. Superb dark humor and undertones in his writing. I am a regular reader of his columns in the UK Times online.

Check out what he has to say about the EVO 8, 9 and 10 on the UK times online site.

P1tBull · 11th September 2009, 18:21

Its his satire that really does it for me.
The man is a master.

AltoHoncho · 11th September 2009, 19:31

I like it when it comes to Vauxhalls, Masers, BMWs, Gearboxes, remember him spelling the Koeniggsegg...., Cadillac, the only US sportscar Corv't etc etc. He's simply awesome and ofcourse the bully on "The Driving God" Mr Hammond.

14000rpm · 12th September 2009, 11:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by AltoHoncho

I like it when it comes to Vauxhalls, Masers, BMWs, Gearboxes, remember him spelling the Koeniggsegg...., Cadillac, the only US sportscar Corv't etc etc. He's simply awesome and ofcourse the bully on "The Driving God" Mr Hammond.

captain slow aka james may is pretty good speaker too but is always subdued by the other 2. nevertheless, its Clarksons show and he shows everybody who rules.

evo · 12th September 2009, 11:40

JC for all that he is, is brilliant, vitriolic but very very entertaining, I find all three of em to be quite brilliant actually.

15th May 2009, 21:50	#78
karthik247 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: BLR, HYD Posts: 2,710 Thanked: 30 Times	Stig Introduction Some say... He drinks a lot of petrol He was born in space. He never blinks. He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. He sleeps upside down like a bat. His sweat can be used to clean precious metals. His skin has the texture of dolphins. If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts. He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down (a reference to the The Matrix). He is scared of bells. He once punched a horse to the ground. His politics are terrifying. He lives in a tree. He likes DragonBoarder. He was raised by wolves. He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden. His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant. He has no understanding of clouds. His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight. He is confused by stairs. He naturally faces magnetic north. He is illegal in 17 U.S. states. His heart ticks like a watch. All his legs are hydraulic. He can "accumbularate". He appears on Japanese banknotes. There's an airport in Russia named after him. He is wanted by the CIA. His breath smells of magnesium. He can catch fish with his tongue. His tears are adhesive. If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days. He is terrified of ducks. His voice can only be heard by cats. He has two sets of knees. He can swim seven lengths underwater. He has webbed buttocks. He can melt concrete on contact. He is more machine than man. (a reference to Darth Vader). His heart is in upside down. His teeth glow in the dark. His favorite food is raw meat. He has no age. He urinates 98 RON petrol (On The Top Gear Website Profiles) He can smell corners (On The Top Gear Website Profiles) He blinks this way. (Clarkson closing his thumb and forefinger on both held-up hands -- a reference to Men in Black) He has acid for blood. (a reference to the Alien). Jimmy Carter wants him dead. He has a bionic arm. He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh. He is stumped by clouds. He has no fear. His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be. He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott (referring to Prescott's recent admission that he had had an affair with one of his secretaries). He has a digital face. If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. (a reference to the UK version of The Apprentice, featuring the aforementioned head honcho of Amstrad in the Donald Trump role) He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track. His genitals are on upside down. If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds. His ears have a paisley lining. He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show. The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring Top Gear Stig Introductions
	() Thanks

25th May 2009, 21:36	#79
f50xj13 BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: delhi Posts: 113 Thanked: Once	Best thing i like about him is his witty remarks, and as for the comments made by him, who cares....they are far milder than compared to LS TV Live....watch it to see the true face of India.. So enjoy Jeremy's show, take the positives and laugh off his negatives....ciao
	() Thanks

24th August 2009, 22:25	#80
sajo Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pune Posts: 2,625 Thanked: 1,153 Times	Just when I thought that his rants were getting on a bit, he comes out and writes this : Jeremy Clarkson Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 Spyder review \| Driving - Times Online Absolutely tugs at the strings of your heart...
	() Thanks

5th September 2009, 11:51	#81
Jayabusa Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Mumbai Posts: 2,448 Thanked: 69 Times	Hahahahahaha!!! just saw the TopGear Maserati MC12 episode where JC, while driving it says "Racing cars which have been converted for road-use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels, which just end up with a sort of half hour close-up of some bloke's sweaty face...ughm ughm ughm ughm." And the best part is he was actually moving back & forth in the seat like a porn-star!
	() Thanks

5th September 2009, 14:26	#82
Cyrus43 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: London Posts: 5,019 Thanked: 221 Times View My Garage	AHH!! Yes... That is one of the best bits of Top Gear EVER!! I remember the very first time I saw that!!
	() Thanks

5th September 2009, 14:59	#83
rajeev k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Emerging Metro Posts: 3,352 Thanked: 1,947 Times	Me too love this guy because his style of presentation is damn good. I remember, long back,on one of his episodes about India in Jeremy Clarkson's Motor World he discribes the various Indian styles of driving. Also along with Homazd Sorabjee as the copassenger in an old Mahindra Jeep he comments "the worst car he has driven in the entire world" refering to one full round of steering wheel play and the notchy gears. Still one would love to watch his shows.
	() Thanks

10th September 2009, 18:40	#84
jasher26 BHPian Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Mumbai Posts: 201 Thanked: 4 Times	dont know we have this link on team bhp http://www.xomba.com/jermey_clarkson_quotes the best quotes! its hilarious!
	() Thanks

11th September 2009, 18:01	#86
iceman7 BHPian Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: BOM \| TLL Posts: 751 Thanked: 469 Times	I am a huge fan of JC. I am in awe at the way he writes reviews and his columns. He starts at one topic and effortlessly moves to another and another. Superb dark humor and undertones in his writing. I am a regular reader of his columns in the UK Times online. Check out what he has to say about the EVO 8, 9 and 10 on the UK times online site.
	() Thanks

11th September 2009, 18:21	#87
P1tBull BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 91 Thanked: 2 Times	Its his satire that really does it for me. The man is a master.
	() Thanks

11th September 2009, 19:31	#88
AltoHoncho BHPian Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 581 Thanked: 14 Times View My Garage	I like it when it comes to Vauxhalls, Masers, BMWs, Gearboxes, remember him spelling the Koeniggsegg...., Cadillac, the only US sportscar Corv't etc etc. He's simply awesome and ofcourse the bully on "The Driving God" Mr Hammond.
	() Thanks

12th September 2009, 11:40	#90
evo BHPian Join Date: May 2004 Location: Kolkata/Shillong Posts: 780 Thanked: 158 Times View My Garage	JC for all that he is, is brilliant, vitriolic but very very entertaining, I find all three of em to be quite brilliant actually.
	() Thanks