Travails of the married guys!!

mobike008 · 12th May 2009, 16:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaggu

How many of you watch "According to Jim" on star world? I think all your doubts will be answered in that! Can we close this thread now, just kidding

Very Appropriate for this thread. Thats one of my favorite shows and Jim Belushi and Larry Joe are too good in that.

amitoj · 12th May 2009, 17:02

Have you guys seen "Coupling" on BBC Entertainment? Or The Mind of the Married Man, for that matter!

vivekiny2k · 12th May 2009, 22:58

actually, sexist or not, this thread paints a clear picture of the indian society.

Jenny, not trying to defend the thread or offend you, but the fact is you should be equally sad and shocked looking at the way our society works, not just this thread. Anybody who wants to change it, whether it's the man or the woman in the pair, faces exactly the same issues mentioned in this thread.

If you happen to step in a woman's meet (normally they don't happen online), you will again be shocked at how they treat others.

TheOne® · 13th May 2009, 02:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivekiny2k

actually, sexist or not, this thread paints a clear picture of the indian society.

Ja maybe. I actually said something similar to Sam earlier today but then again, I would not want to generalise it (yet). I am still in the getting-familiar-with-the-culture-phase lol. And while I can see some problems that were mentioned here that are clearly rooted in the Indian culture others are spread all over the world I guess.

Sidz · 13th May 2009, 08:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by esteem_lover

Coming back to the topic, I am married for 10 years now. I still have my space, I have my fun. The only thing that is new has been responsibilities. Not the kind that requires me to switch off fans/lights, but the kind that tells me that my life is no more mine alone. I am responsible for my family. My wife & kids look up to me & I have to make sure that I don't let them down. My kind of fun is a little different now, but it still is fun. Now if someone thinks that is a 'Travail', then he/she has got to grow up & get a real life, away from keyboards and TV. No offence meant to anyone.
cheers

My intention of using the word "travail" in this thread was to highlight that whether you accept it or not, life does change after getting married or probably even when you commit to a relationship.

You cannot be the same free spirit & live life on your own terms. For e.g. I make wiser choices nowadays to ensure that I get back home to my dear ones safely. I probably wasn't as responsible when I was single. I used to enjoy several treks a year in the mountains but now I have to cut them down since your spouse will be worried for your safety(carrying helmets, GPS and all the safety equipment available in this world as suggested by someone here cannot prevent the worry that the spouse/partner goes through). These are changes in your life which you have to deal with & cannot ignore or run away. Mind you, I am speaking from both the ends here. Life has equally changed for my wife looking after our kid now when she used to be a sports enthusiast all her college life.

I am not sure how many people can say that their life has carried on the same way even after being in a relationship, probably the degree of change may be less but I doubt if it can be 100% as it was before.

I am extremely happy with how life has turned out to me after marriage(been 3.5 years now). This thread was just to see how others deal with this change after commiting to a relationship.

Probably, I need to change to title of this thread to "Travails of the married folks" since the change is in equal measure for the ladies & the gents

travelwriter · 13th May 2009, 09:36

I read this thread completely for the first time today. Very amusing bordering on hilarious. I am convinced har ghar ki yahi kahani hai. (Every house has the same story). Dealing wiht all this is what makes my married life interesting. Otherwise, life gets pretty dull if the partner agrees to everything without questioning.

Just imagine having a smoke or a drink and trying to hide it from your partner...brush your teeth, watch tv sitting in the single seater couch and not on the sofa with the partner, when you talk look the other way...and all that.

It is fun sometimes, isn't it?

given2fly · 13th May 2009, 14:24

I enjoyed reading perspective of different minds on this thread. I'm not yet married or engaged and don't plan to be for some time, but relationships I had the privilege to witness or be in, showed me that it is all about respecting one's space. Both have to understand that while they exist together in a relationship, they have their own hobbies, friends and many different things to be busy with and as long as they are respected and valued, the wheel keeps rolling. If one of them cross the line of understanding and start getting possessive or demanding for unnecessary changes, there begins the friction and if you can't fix, it is best to leave such situations after due efforts than linger with an unhappy living. You can't demand to change the very person you liked and freeze them forever in that same mold, or bend them down to ones. The sooner this is understood, the quicker road to happiness begins.

deep_bang · 13th May 2009, 15:40

Life after marriage changes - certainly. My near-5 years of marriage has always made me feel that first 1 year of marriage is when you get to know the other person and the rest of it is the good times!!

Unlike what Sam mentioned, i do think "Marriage" (although only a piece of paper) is different from Courtship in India, when everything has to be done in a careful, calculative mode. Marriage is like getting a drivers licence - you could go right in front of a cop and dare him to catch you.

When i want to go out with friends, Wifey often encourages me to do that - usually she would try to plan something else for herself during that time - Because she knows that i like it.

Similarly, i let her do things that she "likes", and thats how it is. We give each other some space, but generally being involved together in everything else.

Also, i have travelled more after marriage than before - simply because we very well know our interests.

So, guys, enjoy life. Bachelor hood was great - marriage is also great - just have to learn to enjoy it.

loving_alaap · 16th May 2009, 15:45

Well for a guy living a real bachelor life, to tie down with some one "permanently" is a difficult task. (atleast for India) But the initial small small niggles with wify is the real joy of life.

amitoj · 16th May 2009, 17:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by loving_alaap

Well for a guy living a real bachelor life, to tie down with some one "permanently" is a difficult task. (atleast for India) But the initial small small niggles with wify is the real joy of life.

Does the definition of "a real bachelor life" include living with parents? I find it laughable when my bachelor friends want to hurry home on a booze night because their parents will be up waiting for them!! Arent they tied down there too?

garry.brant · 16th May 2009, 21:57

parents and wives are comletely different entities, You can lie to your parents and get away but with you GFs and Wives.

loving_alaap · 18th May 2009, 14:38

Well, living with parent & wify is a totally different thing.

U can hang out with friends up to late night & can stay away from home whole night, if you are living with parents.

Imaginewhat your wife wll do next morning, if you do the same thing??

the friends & that bachelor life is badly missed after marriage.

SO, yes, there are lots of pros & cons of marriage.

amitoj · 18th May 2009, 15:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by loving_alaap

Well, living with parent & wify is a totally different thing.

U can hang out with friends up to late night & can stay away from home whole night, if you are living with parents.

Imaginewhat your wife wll do next morning, if you do the same thing??

the friends & that bachelor life is badly missed after marriage.

Hmmm. Most of my bachelor friends start getting uneasy after 10PM and want to get back home to their worried parents.

Even my late night partying comes down to almost zero when my parents are here. Otherwise if its only my wife at home, then i can party with my friends as much as i like.

Sabareesh · 18th May 2009, 15:30

I don't think that there is a need to hide anything from your wife. Its all about trust and faith. In my relationship of 8 years (7 years before marriage and 1 year after marriage), I have never had any barriers on my freedom. My wife is not an auto buff, she hardly had any interests in cars. I used to talk to her about it and gradually her interests developed. She was the one who chose the JEEP and its paint scheme when I was hunting for a 4x4. Shouldn't I feel happy about it ??

I never had any interests in movies but it developed slowly and steadily as and when time progressed. Now, I am the one who books tickets for movies which she wants to see, we go out together and enjoy the evening. I have never faced any opposition from my wife be it parties, booze or smoke because she knows that I will not cross my limit. Whenever we go out together and I feel like drinking, she happily takes charge of driving back to home.

Ours is a love marriage. While I belong to a south indian brahmin family, she is a maharashtrian. We had to face hurdles initially to get approvals from our parents but finally the marriage was done with everyone's blessings.

When 2 fingers of a palm are not of the same length, how can 2 phases of life be same ?? Sure, marriage does bring in responsibilities but rather than cribbing about it, we should enjoy it. We stay in a joint family. Since mom finds it difficult, I help wife in her daily household chores like cooking, washing utensils, cleaning etc and I enjoy every bit of it. The entire family goes out for dinner and its fun.

I get regular dhamkies from my wife only when I forget my dad's medicines or last date of bill payments. Should I feel sad or angry or it ??? absolutely not !! the lady is concerned about OUR family. There is nothing wrong about sharing work and responsibilities with your partner, mutual respect and adjustment are a part of any relationship. I have a band and we JAM regularly, she understands my passion for music and always encourages me.

Who says that a married man cannot enjoy his life. I am enjoying every bit of it with my family.

given2fly · 19th May 2009, 11:50

Congratulation Sabareesh. While few manage to find such soulmate in today's times, you are indeed a lucky one to have unrestricted fun & yet a caring life-partners. Wish you & all such lucky men all the happiness in the world. :-)

12th May 2009, 17:02	#77
amitoj Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Windham, NH USA Posts: 3,405 Thanked: 3,505 Times View My Garage	Have you guys seen "Coupling" on BBC Entertainment? Or The Mind of the Married Man, for that matter!
	() Thanks

12th May 2009, 22:58	#78
vivekiny2k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai Posts: 1,264 Thanked: 212 Times View My Garage	actually, sexist or not, this thread paints a clear picture of the indian society. Jenny, not trying to defend the thread or offend you, but the fact is you should be equally sad and shocked looking at the way our society works, not just this thread. Anybody who wants to change it, whether it's the man or the woman in the pair, faces exactly the same issues mentioned in this thread. If you happen to step in a woman's meet (normally they don't happen online), you will again be shocked at how they treat others.
	() Thanks

13th May 2009, 09:36	#81
travelwriter BHPian Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 302 Thanked: 120 Times	Lol :) I read this thread completely for the first time today. Very amusing bordering on hilarious. I am convinced har ghar ki yahi kahani hai. (Every house has the same story). Dealing wiht all this is what makes my married life interesting. Otherwise, life gets pretty dull if the partner agrees to everything without questioning. Just imagine having a smoke or a drink and trying to hide it from your partner...brush your teeth, watch tv sitting in the single seater couch and not on the sofa with the partner, when you talk look the other way...and all that. It is fun sometimes, isn't it?
	() Thanks

13th May 2009, 14:24	#82
given2fly BHPian Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 214 Thanked: 0 Times	I enjoyed reading perspective of different minds on this thread. I'm not yet married or engaged and don't plan to be for some time, but relationships I had the privilege to witness or be in, showed me that it is all about respecting one's space. Both have to understand that while they exist together in a relationship, they have their own hobbies, friends and many different things to be busy with and as long as they are respected and valued, the wheel keeps rolling. If one of them cross the line of understanding and start getting possessive or demanding for unnecessary changes, there begins the friction and if you can't fix, it is best to leave such situations after due efforts than linger with an unhappy living. You can't demand to change the very person you liked and freeze them forever in that same mold, or bend them down to ones. The sooner this is understood, the quicker road to happiness begins.
	() Thanks

13th May 2009, 15:40	#83
deep_bang BHPian Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Bangalore / Boise Posts: 937 Thanked: 1,520 Times	Life after marriage changes - certainly. My near-5 years of marriage has always made me feel that first 1 year of marriage is when you get to know the other person and the rest of it is the good times!! Unlike what Sam mentioned, i do think "Marriage" (although only a piece of paper) is different from Courtship in India, when everything has to be done in a careful, calculative mode. Marriage is like getting a drivers licence - you could go right in front of a cop and dare him to catch you. When i want to go out with friends, Wifey often encourages me to do that - usually she would try to plan something else for herself during that time - Because she knows that i like it. Similarly, i let her do things that she "likes", and thats how it is. We give each other some space, but generally being involved together in everything else. Also, i have travelled more after marriage than before - simply because we very well know our interests. So, guys, enjoy life. Bachelor hood was great - marriage is also great - just have to learn to enjoy it.
	() Thanks

16th May 2009, 15:45	#84
loving_alaap BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ahmedabad Posts: 808 Thanked: 9 Times	Well for a guy living a real bachelor life, to tie down with some one "permanently" is a difficult task. (atleast for India) But the initial small small niggles with wify is the real joy of life.
	() Thanks

16th May 2009, 21:57	#86
garry.brant BHPian Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gurgaon, Haryana Posts: 290 Thanked: 24 Times View My Garage	parents and wives are comletely different entities, You can lie to your parents and get away but with you GFs and Wives.
	() Thanks

18th May 2009, 14:38	#87
loving_alaap BHPian Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ahmedabad Posts: 808 Thanked: 9 Times	Well, living with parent & wify is a totally different thing. U can hang out with friends up to late night & can stay away from home whole night, if you are living with parents. Imaginewhat your wife wll do next morning, if you do the same thing?? the friends & that bachelor life is badly missed after marriage. SO, yes, there are lots of pros & cons of marriage.
	() Thanks

18th May 2009, 15:30	#89
Sabareesh BHPian Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Ambarnath Posts: 338 Thanked: 88 Times View My Garage	I don't think that there is a need to hide anything from your wife. Its all about trust and faith. In my relationship of 8 years (7 years before marriage and 1 year after marriage), I have never had any barriers on my freedom. My wife is not an auto buff, she hardly had any interests in cars. I used to talk to her about it and gradually her interests developed. She was the one who chose the JEEP and its paint scheme when I was hunting for a 4x4. Shouldn't I feel happy about it ?? I never had any interests in movies but it developed slowly and steadily as and when time progressed. Now, I am the one who books tickets for movies which she wants to see, we go out together and enjoy the evening. I have never faced any opposition from my wife be it parties, booze or smoke because she knows that I will not cross my limit. Whenever we go out together and I feel like drinking, she happily takes charge of driving back to home. Ours is a love marriage. While I belong to a south indian brahmin family, she is a maharashtrian. We had to face hurdles initially to get approvals from our parents but finally the marriage was done with everyone's blessings. When 2 fingers of a palm are not of the same length, how can 2 phases of life be same ?? Sure, marriage does bring in responsibilities but rather than cribbing about it, we should enjoy it. We stay in a joint family. Since mom finds it difficult, I help wife in her daily household chores like cooking, washing utensils, cleaning etc and I enjoy every bit of it. The entire family goes out for dinner and its fun. I get regular dhamkies from my wife only when I forget my dad's medicines or last date of bill payments. Should I feel sad or angry or it ??? absolutely not !! the lady is concerned about OUR family. There is nothing wrong about sharing work and responsibilities with your partner, mutual respect and adjustment are a part of any relationship. I have a band and we JAM regularly, she understands my passion for music and always encourages me. Who says that a married man cannot enjoy his life. I am enjoying every bit of it with my family. Last edited by Sabareesh : 18th May 2009 at 15:31.
	() Thanks

19th May 2009, 11:50	#90
given2fly BHPian Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 214 Thanked: 0 Times	Congratulation Sabareesh. While few manage to find such soulmate in today's times, you are indeed a lucky one to have unrestricted fun & yet a caring life-partners. Wish you & all such lucky men all the happiness in the world. :-)
	() Thanks