Sharing my humorous guide to traffic in India with a foreign friend

The friend is from the Netherlands and has planned to rent a car & drive around everywhere.

BHPian govindremesh recently shared this with other enthusiasts.

Disclaimer: This thread is for humour only. Driving advice presented here may be used at your own risk.

A quick start guide about road traffic in India

One of my colleagues from the Netherlands was visiting India for a month-long tour of our country. He made up his mind to rent a car and drive, to all the places, in Kerala. Having never driven in a country with a left-hand drive system and having heard about the traffic conditions in our country, he asked me for advice to stay safe on the road during his drive.

Based on my observations from driving in the Netherlands and India (mostly in KL, KA and MH), I presented him the following, which I thought of sharing for the benefit of this forum.

Towards the end of the third post of this thread, is a question any self-respecting BHP'ian needs to answer with your true conscience, so here we go

The types of road users present on Indian roads

We'll only discuss traffic with wheels and an engine, hence skipping pedestrians, bicycles, handcarts and anything similar.

Two-wheelers

Vehicles piloted by those who consider Issac Newton as their slow-learning intern. Physics & traffic rules for them are just books by J.K. Rowling and they consider their safety to be other's responsibility. Don't get me wrong as they are kind souls, who help advance humanity by reminding people of their law & duty towards society.

Wondering how?

They keep your brakes and reaction time in top shape. You'll frequently find them hiding in small by-lanes leading to a main road, ready to jump in front of you at the last moment, to check your brakes and your reaction time. If you pass, you'll be rewarded with an approving nod and at best, a sheepish smile. Beware if you fail as you'll be subjected to capital punishment by mob justice, some of whom are above the law.

Some of them are excellent therapists for free! If you're driving with either rage or ego; no matter how much you honk or try to squeeze through, they'll waltz in front of you in a zig-zag pattern at speeds not exceeding 30 km/h. You'll eventually get tired and give up, having left your ego and rage by just ambling behind them with your newfound sense of peace/humility.

Some of them are experts at fluid mechanics and they provide live demonstration of turbulent flow by standing in the middle of a busy single-carriageway and having vehicles flow around them.

Three Wheelers

A natural evolution of the two-wheeled folks, these people have Albert Einstein as their slow-learning intern. Since they disown his works about time and space. How else do you explain them squeezing through space that you thought didn't exist on the road? Look at how impatient they are with their turbocharged, direct injection, 200cc machines, thinking they'll probably arrive at their destination earlier than they departed their source.

A little-known secret- impressed by how they manage to take a (u) turns in the middle of a busy road while travelling at their top speed and still manage to be alive, the top management of BMW has hired them as consultants to hone the handling characteristics of their cars. As a token of thanks, the BMW management dedicated a car to these autorickshaw folks.

What else do you think inspired the design of the BMW i3?

Continue reading BHPian govindremesh's humourous advice for more insights and information.